ASF joke thread

[x2rider]

Just one more please

We always hear “the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up; you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Nomadic tribes did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping
Cheers martin

 

[dutchie]

Classic stuff

 

[sam76]

Just one more please

We always hear “the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up; you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Nomadic tribes did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping
Cheers martin

This should be a part of every man's wedding vows..

 

[sam76]

along the same lines...

If the World was fair to Guys...​

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the **** and a 'cheers
for the sex' would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only
occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite 'Friday Night Football' would be 'Friday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of 'beer-belly,' you'd get 'beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-**** answer you responded
with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop: 'Do you know how
fast you were going?' You: 'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all
over the place.' Cop: 'Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Stubbies shorts would never go out of style again.

11. Every man would get four, real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per
year.

12. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

13. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball
goes out of play.

14. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
response to 'I love you.'

15. The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

16. 'Sorry, but I got wasted last night,' would be an acceptable excuse
for absence and/or poor time keeping.

17. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public
ugliness ordinance.

18. Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.

19. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

20. 'Fancy a shag' would be the only chat up line in existence and it
would work every time.

21. Everyone would drive at least 110kph and anyone driving under that
would be fined.

22. Lunch break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in
strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

23. Saying 'Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister' to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, 'What a great idea!'

24. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

25. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and any disagreements would
be settled by a fight to the death.

26. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to
the opposite sex.

27. Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two
Swedish milk maids.

28. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get
to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone

29. "Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman's question of "Does
my bum look big in this?"

 

[x2rider]

I hate to say it , but I am single at the moment and I don't know why :horse:
Cheers martin

 

[Julia]

Well, guys, as a woman I could pretend outrage and rant feminist stuff all over the page.

Instead, I'll say a big thanks for a good laugh and the grudging acknowledgment that you've all just done a pretty accurate job of describing our many foibles.

Ah, but would yah hate to be without us then?

Cheers
Julia

 

[RichKid]

I hate to say it , but I am single at the moment and I don't know why :horse:
Cheers martin

Cheer up mate, help is at hand, ASF is a one stop shop providing all your trading and relationship solutions, under Joe's inspired leadership we have created a proprietary advice service with priceless tips dished out freely by our resident experts, you'll be Bachelor of the Year in no time... (NB as this is a free service we cannot make any guarantees) https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2031

 

[x2rider]

Thanks for the help Richkid


O and by the way applications are now being taken and all offers considered for the position of live-in Girlfriend . All stock portfolios are to be presented at time of application and will be all considered for there diversification and weigthing


But here is something that might balance the tables a bit. Could be worth a small position, WO , Womanium

TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS

Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/ - 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neuralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to
produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell
Cheers Martin

 

[StockyBailx]

I see there really is a Joke thread?

Why are laywers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has got one then the otherside must have one. Once launched they can't be recalled. When they land they screw up everything forever.

:jump::jump: Stocky.....

 

[emma]

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are excited about their decision
to get married.... They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and
on the way they pass a Chemist.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety..... the works!"

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for
Parkinson's Disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask, is there
something I can help you with?"

Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to nominate your store as
our Bridal Gift Registry."

 

[Julia]

Buzzing knickers make shopper faint!

A woman collapsed in a supermarket when her vibrating panties made her faint with pleasure.
The kinky 33 year old housewife was wearing a pair of battery operated Passion Pants bought from a sex shop, while she did her shopping, according to the British tabloid, The Sun.
But she got so stimulated by the 6cm vibrating bullet in the panties that she lost consciousness. She fell and hit her head in the crowded supermarket in Swansea, Wales. Her black imitation leather knickers were still buzzing when paramedics arrived.
They took them off her before an ambulance transported her to hospital. The woman, whose identity has been kept private, sufferd no long lasting ill effects.
As she left hospital, her Passion Pants were given back to her in a plastic bag by a paramedic.
A spokesman for the supermarket chain told The Sun...."We like to think that shopping with us is exciting enough already"!

Apparently this actually happened.

Julia

 

[Happy]

If this is no ‘Bull’, this is best proof that size doesn’t matter.

 

[emma]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, by stopping, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof””and the horn--screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

 

[Plan B]

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers,
"You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store To get me a
carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco And some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .........So does she.

--------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, The husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

--------------------------------------------------------------
WORDS -

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

--------------------------------------------------------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
" No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so
he'll be looking for me now.!!!!!!!!


-------------------------------------------------------------

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him At 5:00 AM for an
early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where
he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

--------------------------------------------------------

The Ostrich


A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,
"What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be £9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket
and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A
hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact amount.
For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the
week.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and
salad," says the man.
"Yep! Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on
the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money
from your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and found
an old lamp.
When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple
of million pounds or something,
but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and replies,



*


*


*


"My second wish was for a tall bird with a big xxxx and long legs who agrees
with everything I say."

 

[professor_frink]

Bedroom Golfing etiquette


1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

 

[pacer]

How about this one
.....

Nuenco is a well managed company and Anthony Cain is a saint...........

 

[noirua]

I noticed the following sign at a local bar, " Do not drop cigarette ends on the floor, as they burn the hands and knees of customers as they leave."

 

[nelly]

A nurse was on duty in the emergency room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read "Keep off the grass"
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Three woman are having lunch discussing their husbands. The first says her husband is cheating on her because she found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and that they weren't hers.
The second says that her husband is cheating on her because she found a packet of condoms in his wallet, so she poked them full of holes with a sewing needle.
The third woman fainted.

Did you hear about the bloke who walks into a psychiatrists office wearing only cling film pants?
The psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his Mum on top of his Dad bouncing up and down.
The Mum see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son see's his Mum and asks "What were you and Daddy doing?"
The Mum says "Well you know your Dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time." says the boy
"Why is that?" asks the Mum, puzzled
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties the woman to the bed and starts kissing her on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there the husband tells the wife. "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants to go all the way, don't resisit, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him staisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too........"

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten men and one woman. They decided that one person should get off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving into men.
All the men started clapping...............

If you want a commited man......look in a mental institute.

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. Ispend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I watch T.V. I think about women. When I shower I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think about women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

A recently divorced man went to a party and found himself smack in front of his ex-wife's new husband.
Having had more than a few drinks, he condescendingly asks, "So? How do you like second hand merchandise?"
The other man smiled. "Not bad at all. Everything after the first couple of inches is brand new!"

Cheers

 

[nelly]

To my Dear Wife..
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, at your age,with a 54 yr old body can no longer supply, I am happy with you and value you as a good wife.
Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 yr old secretatry at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight.

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.

My Dear Husband
I received your fax and thank you for being honest. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 yrs old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you are reading this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 yrs old.
As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference, 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 into 18, therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow!!!
Love
Your Wife

Two blondes walk into a building...........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message.....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside!"
"Hows that?"
"Don't you start!"

Cheers :bier:

 

[dutchie]

Friday joke of the day.

To help kick start your weekend.




Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"