ASF joke thread

[basilio]

 

[basilio]

Funny ? Yes but also a very good simple magic trick.

 

[qldfrog]

what does ASF knows about be?
is that just because I tend to read @Knobby22 posts?

 

[Knobby22]

Obviously I get them even more.
Yes, I will have to buy some pairs.

 

[basilio]

If you need a laugh this will get you going..

 

[dutchie]

Rioters Patiently Wait For All The Votes To Be Counted
November 4th, 2020

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U.S.—Rioters across the nation are patiently waiting for all the votes to be counted, sources in Democrat-controlled cities confirmed Wednesday.

Rioters stood around in gas masks wielding baseball bats, bricks, and unlit Molotov cocktails, just kinda standing there kicking rocks. Some made a game out of it and played brick catch, though they tended not to be able to throw them very far. Others just browsed their iPhones, checking for updates to see if they had the green light to "burn the city down."
"We're just waiting to see if our guy lost before it's go time," said Christopher Jenkell of Portland. "I hate all this waiting around. I much prefer the 2016 election, when Trump was quickly declared the winner and we knew right away it would be endless protests for the next four years."
"In a way," he added, "I really hope Trump wins. I just don't know what I would do with myself for the next four years if he were to suddenly be out of my life."




There are 5 comments on this article.

 

[bellenuit]

 

[bellenuit]

 

[dutchie]

And he has even given Trump a well deserved job........


Here Is A Top-Secret List Of Biden's Anticipated Cabinet Picks
November 8th, 2020

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Biden insiders have contacted the Babylon Bee to reveal some of his top cabinet picks. Wow! They must really like us. Take a look at the list below for a revealing look at the next administration.

AOC - Secretary of Math
Jeb Bush - Secretary of Energy
Hunter Biden - Secretary of Treasury
Pete Buttigieg - Secretary of Gay Stuff
Nikole Hannah-Jones - Secretary of Education
Ibram X. Kendi - Secretary of Re-Segregation
Rachael Maddow - Secretary of Defense
CNN President Jeff Zucker - Secretary of Ending The Pandemic
Keith Olbermann - Secretary of Mental Health
Chinese President Xi Jinping - U.S. Trade Representative
Jane Fonda - Secretary of Veterans Affairs
Petro Poroshenko - Secretary of... not sure yet but we'll get him in somewhere
Don Lemon - Director of National Intelligence
Any female of color - Secretary of Diversity
Bernie Sanders - Secretary of Labor
Carole Baskin - Secretary of Health and Human Services
Elizabeth Warren - Director of Bureau of Indian Affairs, duh
Gavin Newsom - Secretary of Transportation
Trump - Secretary of Nicknaming Stuff
Bob Brown - Secretary of White House Handicap Accessibility
Dale Smith - Secretary of White House Maintenance and Telling the President Whatever Those Flyover State People Are Up To
Amber Carter, R.N. - Secretary of Reminding Biden What His Name Is
Chef Gordon Ramsay - Secretary of Crushing Up Meds Into Biden's Applesauce
This list, according to experts, is entirely plausible. We hope you've enjoyed this super exclusive peek into Joe Biden's administration!

 

[Bill M]

Very funny, turn on the sound.

 

[Craton]

Great find Bill M.
Very, very clever. Amazing how real fakes can be, lol...

 

[basilio]

Missed this a couple of weeks ago but too funny to pass up.

 

[dutchie]

Trump Signs Executive Order To Double Debt Of Journalism Students
November 17th, 2020

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WASHINGTON D.C.—There have been suggestions that Joe Biden may use an executive order to cancel student debt, but President Donald Trump has announced he’s going a different direction: He is signing an executive order to double the debt of all journalism students.

 

[dutchie]

 

[jbocker]

People who believe in telekinesis raise my hand.

 

[basilio]

Palaeolithic Dad refuses to discover fire, insisting family put on extra animal hides first

 

[Dona Ferentes]

I used to think orthotics weren't for me, but now I stand corrected.

 

[dutchie]

 

[dutchie]

The Don is such a funny man.


Brilliant Trump Annexes Greenland, Grants It 271 Electoral Votes
December 9th, 2020

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a brilliant move to swing the election his way again, Trump announced he has annexed Greenland and has granted it 271 electoral votes-- more than enough to deliver him the victory in the 2020 election.

"Greenland... beautiful Greenland... they would be nothing without the United States. So I annexed them," said Trump to OAN reporters. "I can do that. If Sleepy Joe and the corrupt Democrats can steal an election, I can annex a country! I win!"

 

[dutchie]

This is the winning JOKE OF THE YEAR FOR 2020