Knobby22
Mmmmmm 2nd breakfast
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This should be satirical.
Political Satire
- Thread starter basilio
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- political satire satire
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Honest Government Ads are produced by a shoe string made at home producer with some feisty female talent who don't mind telling all and sundry how much ratxuckery the Scumo government routinely run as their operating system.
On their 5 year anniversary, supported solely by hundreds of individual Patreons,the women presenters have made their own shop and tell. Great insight into reality programming.
I think they are a small business well worth supporting with a few bucks a month.
On their 5 year anniversary, supported solely by hundreds of individual Patreons,the women presenters have made their own shop and tell. Great insight into reality programming.
I think they are a small business well worth supporting with a few bucks a month.
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New Covid Payment To Provide $500 For Those Working 20 Hours A Week, Or $22 Million For Those Who Own A Chain Of Furniture, Bedding And Electrical Stores
A new ‘temporary COVID disaster payment’ announced by the Morrison Government today will provide $500 a week for those who ordinarily work more than 20 hours a week, $325 a week for those who ordinarily work less than 20 hours a week, or $22 million for those who don’t do any work at all but who own a large chain of discount department stores.
Announcing the new measures, the Prime Minister Scott Morrison clarified that the payment will only apply to people with less than $10,000 or more $1.5 billion in liquid assets.
“Those who have independent means of supporting themselves for a week would agree that reaching out for Commonwealth taxpayer-funded assistance is not something they would consider reasonable. Unless of course they have the means of supporting themselves for a thousand years, in which case taxpayer-funded assistance is totally reasonable,” he said.
Mr Morrison said a lot of people were doing it tough. “I know one guy who is offering 40 months interest free on a new television. That’s a long time not to receive any interest”.
We think this new initiative is the fairest way to ensure people affected by lockdown can get back on their feet again or buy another waterfront holiday home,” Mr Morrison said.
Tip us a few bucks. And follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
www.theshovel.com.au
A new ‘temporary COVID disaster payment’ announced by the Morrison Government today will provide $500 a week for those who ordinarily work more than 20 hours a week, $325 a week for those who ordinarily work less than 20 hours a week, or $22 million for those who don’t do any work at all but who own a large chain of discount department stores.
Announcing the new measures, the Prime Minister Scott Morrison clarified that the payment will only apply to people with less than $10,000 or more $1.5 billion in liquid assets.
“Those who have independent means of supporting themselves for a week would agree that reaching out for Commonwealth taxpayer-funded assistance is not something they would consider reasonable. Unless of course they have the means of supporting themselves for a thousand years, in which case taxpayer-funded assistance is totally reasonable,” he said.
Mr Morrison said a lot of people were doing it tough. “I know one guy who is offering 40 months interest free on a new television. That’s a long time not to receive any interest”.
We think this new initiative is the fairest way to ensure people affected by lockdown can get back on their feet again or buy another waterfront holiday home,” Mr Morrison said.
Tip us a few bucks. And follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
New Covid Payment To Provide $500 For Those Working 20 Hours A Week, Or $22 Million For Those Who Own A Chain Of Furniture, Bedding And Electrical Stores
"It will only apply to people with less than $10,000 or more $1.5 billion in liquid assets"
www.theshovel.com.au
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When Political Satire becomes political comment.
Now that we know the government spends its time trawling through The Shovel’s tweets, we’ve started posting data that it might find useful …
Hello government ministers!
Please find below our tweets, packed with useful analysis and information. We hope this service is of assistance.
Now that we know the government spends its time trawling through The Shovel’s tweets, we’ve started posting data that it might find useful …
Hello government ministers!
Please find below our tweets, packed with useful analysis and information. We hope this service is of assistance.
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Christian Porter Ordered To Pay $550,000 To Jo Dyer, In Humiliating Backdown By Jo Dyer
Former Attorney General and supposed legal expert Christian Porter has been ordered by the Federal Court to pay theatre and film producer Jo Dyer more than half a million dollars, in what he described as a humiliating backdown by Ms Dyer.
Ms Dyer won Federal Court proceedings to stop lawyer Sue Chrysanthou acting for Mr Porter in his defamation proceedings against the ABC.
A smiling Mr Porter said he felt vindicated by the decision. “It’s pretty clear who the winner is out of all of this,” he told journalists outside the court. “And that’s the guy standing in front of you with a half-million bill to pay off.
“I know whose shoes I’d rather be in right now, and it certainly isn’t those of the person who’s about to have all of their legal costs paid by me”.
Mr Porter said this proved he had come out of the case untarnished. “The judge couldn’t be any clearer. I am to pay $550,000 in costs, Ms Dyer is to receive $550,000 in costs. How absolutely embarrassing for her”.
www.theshovel.com.au
Former Attorney General and supposed legal expert Christian Porter has been ordered by the Federal Court to pay theatre and film producer Jo Dyer more than half a million dollars, in what he described as a humiliating backdown by Ms Dyer.
Ms Dyer won Federal Court proceedings to stop lawyer Sue Chrysanthou acting for Mr Porter in his defamation proceedings against the ABC.
A smiling Mr Porter said he felt vindicated by the decision. “It’s pretty clear who the winner is out of all of this,” he told journalists outside the court. “And that’s the guy standing in front of you with a half-million bill to pay off.
“I know whose shoes I’d rather be in right now, and it certainly isn’t those of the person who’s about to have all of their legal costs paid by me”.
Mr Porter said this proved he had come out of the case untarnished. “The judge couldn’t be any clearer. I am to pay $550,000 in costs, Ms Dyer is to receive $550,000 in costs. How absolutely embarrassing for her”.
Christian Porter ordered to pay $550,000 to Jo Dyer, in humiliating backdown by Jo Dyer — The Shovel
“I know whose shoes I’d rather be in right now, and it certainly isn’t those of the person who’s about to have all of their legal costs paid by me”.
www.theshovel.com.au
IFocus
You are arguing with a Galah
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Christian Porter Ordered To Pay $550,000 To Jo Dyer, In Humiliating Backdown By Jo Dyer
View attachment 127643
Former Attorney General and supposed legal expert Christian Porter has been ordered by the Federal Court to pay theatre and film producer Jo Dyer more than half a million dollars, in what he described as a humiliating backdown by Ms Dyer.
Ms Dyer won Federal Court proceedings to stop lawyer Sue Chrysanthou acting for Mr Porter in his defamation proceedings against the ABC.
A smiling Mr Porter said he felt vindicated by the decision. “It’s pretty clear who the winner is out of all of this,” he told journalists outside the court. “And that’s the guy standing in front of you with a half-million bill to pay off.
“I know whose shoes I’d rather be in right now, and it certainly isn’t those of the person who’s about to have all of their legal costs paid by me”.
Mr Porter said this proved he had come out of the case untarnished. “The judge couldn’t be any clearer. I am to pay $550,000 in costs, Ms Dyer is to receive $550,000 in costs. How absolutely embarrassing for her”.
Christian Porter ordered to pay $550,000 to Jo Dyer, in humiliating backdown by Jo Dyer — The Shovel
“I know whose shoes I’d rather be in right now, and it certainly isn’t those of the person who’s about to have all of their legal costs paid by me”.
That whole thing is a train wreak no doubt will be glossed over by the usual suspects.
Knobby22
Mmmmmm 2nd breakfast
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Matt Canavan First Person Over 5 To Throw Temper Tantrum About The Wiggles
Nationals Senator Matt Canavan was found kicking and screaming on a supermarket floor today after his mummy told him the Wiggles had decided to add more cultural diversity to their line-up. It is the first time someone older than a toddler has lost their **** over the children’s group.
Canavan was visibly distraught, confused about why a band that has been teaching inclusiveness and friendship since 1991 would practice inclusiveness and friendship.
In a press conference today the Senator said he used to be a fan of The Wiggles, especially the song Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga Big Red Car because the Chugga Chugga “implied the car used a steam boiler powered by Australian coal”.
But the press conference took a turn when Canavan suddenly shat his nappy and threw his dummy across the room as tears washed clean streaks down his coal-smudged face.
He began to yell, “But now they’re all woke and lefty, I hate them! I hate them! What’s next, are they going to let a woman drive the big red car?”
It appears that Canavan’s Wiggles culture war goes back further than this latest slight. In 2017 he attempted to grant permits to drill Dorothy the Dinosaur for fossil fuels. The permits were denied on the grounds Dorothy had not died and gone through the million-year breakdown required to convert her into crude oil. Canavan reportedly responded by complaining Dorothy was an “inner-city latte-sipping, eliteasaurus who doesn’t care about Australian jobs”.
Following Canavan’s latest meltdown, Barnaby Joyce has unexpectedly found himself as the most adult person in the Nationals Party and later this week will literally put the matter to rest by letting Canavan have a botty and a nap after a big day.
www.theshovel.com.au
Nationals Senator Matt Canavan was found kicking and screaming on a supermarket floor today after his mummy told him the Wiggles had decided to add more cultural diversity to their line-up. It is the first time someone older than a toddler has lost their **** over the children’s group.
Canavan was visibly distraught, confused about why a band that has been teaching inclusiveness and friendship since 1991 would practice inclusiveness and friendship.
In a press conference today the Senator said he used to be a fan of The Wiggles, especially the song Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga Big Red Car because the Chugga Chugga “implied the car used a steam boiler powered by Australian coal”.
But the press conference took a turn when Canavan suddenly shat his nappy and threw his dummy across the room as tears washed clean streaks down his coal-smudged face.
He began to yell, “But now they’re all woke and lefty, I hate them! I hate them! What’s next, are they going to let a woman drive the big red car?”
It appears that Canavan’s Wiggles culture war goes back further than this latest slight. In 2017 he attempted to grant permits to drill Dorothy the Dinosaur for fossil fuels. The permits were denied on the grounds Dorothy had not died and gone through the million-year breakdown required to convert her into crude oil. Canavan reportedly responded by complaining Dorothy was an “inner-city latte-sipping, eliteasaurus who doesn’t care about Australian jobs”.
Following Canavan’s latest meltdown, Barnaby Joyce has unexpectedly found himself as the most adult person in the Nationals Party and later this week will literally put the matter to rest by letting Canavan have a botty and a nap after a big day.
Matt Canavan First Person Over 5 To Throw Temper Tantrum About The Wiggles — The Shovel
"I hate them! I hate them! Make them stop mummy!"
www.theshovel.com.au
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And lets not forget the most important issue around the administration of our immigration laws.
Exactly what is in it for the Minister and his friends ?
Australia Offers Immediate Asylum To All Au Pairs Trapped In Afghanistan
Saying it was a humanitarian crisis that demanded the nation’s urgent attention, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed Australia will do whatever it can to rescue and relocate any full-time nannies currently working in Kabul.
“When you look at those pictures coming out of Kabul, your mind goes straight to ‘are there any carers who could provide quality in-home services to my friends’ kids?’,” Mr Dutton said.
“The desperation I’m seeing on faces is real. Do you know how hard it is to get a decent full-time au pair these days?”
The offer means that Australia may need to increase its refugee intake by as much as four or five. “That’s the kind of nation we are though.
We do what we have to do to help,” Dutton said.
To facilitate the airlift, Australia will send five RAAF cargo planes to enable enough space for each of the five au pairs.
www.theshovel.com.au
Exactly what is in it for the Minister and his friends ?
Australia Offers Immediate Asylum To All Au Pairs Trapped In Afghanistan
Saying it was a humanitarian crisis that demanded the nation’s urgent attention, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed Australia will do whatever it can to rescue and relocate any full-time nannies currently working in Kabul.
“When you look at those pictures coming out of Kabul, your mind goes straight to ‘are there any carers who could provide quality in-home services to my friends’ kids?’,” Mr Dutton said.
“The desperation I’m seeing on faces is real. Do you know how hard it is to get a decent full-time au pair these days?”
The offer means that Australia may need to increase its refugee intake by as much as four or five. “That’s the kind of nation we are though.
We do what we have to do to help,” Dutton said.
To facilitate the airlift, Australia will send five RAAF cargo planes to enable enough space for each of the five au pairs.
Australia Offers Immediate Asylum To All Au Pairs Trapped In Afghanistan
"It's desperate. Do you know how hard it is to get a full-time nanny these days?”"
www.theshovel.com.au
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Inspired By Gerry Harvey, Woman Pays Back 27% Of Her Centrelink Overpayment
A Sydney woman has returned $41.18 of a $150 Centrelink overpayment, in a gesture of goodwill she says was motivated by billionaire Gerry Harvey.
The Harvey Norman founder announced today that his company would pay back $6 million of the $22 million Jobkeeper payments it received, inspiring Grace McManus to make a 27% repayment of her own.
“I was just so taken aback by Gerry Harvey’s generosity, I wanted to match that gesture,” the unemployed mother of two said. “Seeing him dig into his own pocket like that to pay back a small proportion of the taxpayer money that was never meant for him, it made me want to do the right thing too”.
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg was glowing in his praise for the Sydney woman, saying she should receive an award for returning a quarter of the funds not intended for her. “I’d just like to personally thank Ms McManus for this gesture. Of course we don’t expect people to give back Centrelink overpayments – that’s up to them. But this shows great leadership. Good on her,” he said.
Many news websites around the country confirmed they were planning to run front-page stories about the woman’s generosity.
www.theshovel.com.au
A Sydney woman has returned $41.18 of a $150 Centrelink overpayment, in a gesture of goodwill she says was motivated by billionaire Gerry Harvey.
The Harvey Norman founder announced today that his company would pay back $6 million of the $22 million Jobkeeper payments it received, inspiring Grace McManus to make a 27% repayment of her own.
“I was just so taken aback by Gerry Harvey’s generosity, I wanted to match that gesture,” the unemployed mother of two said. “Seeing him dig into his own pocket like that to pay back a small proportion of the taxpayer money that was never meant for him, it made me want to do the right thing too”.
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg was glowing in his praise for the Sydney woman, saying she should receive an award for returning a quarter of the funds not intended for her. “I’d just like to personally thank Ms McManus for this gesture. Of course we don’t expect people to give back Centrelink overpayments – that’s up to them. But this shows great leadership. Good on her,” he said.
Many news websites around the country confirmed they were planning to run front-page stories about the woman’s generosity.
Inspired By Gerry Harvey, Woman Pays Back 27% Of Her Centrelink Overpayment — The Shovel
“I was so taken aback by Gerry Harvey’s generosity. I wanted to match that gesture"
www.theshovel.com.au
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Peter Dutton Relieved Melbourne Streets Finally Free From African Gangs
Defence Minister Peter Dutton says it’s good to have a break from African gangs roaming the streets of Melbourne, terrorising residents.
In a radio interview this morning, Mr Dutton said he remembers a time when people in Melbourne had been afraid to leave their homes. “It was terrifying. Men roaming the streets, damaging property, shutting down traffic, smashing in windows. Entire streets of Melbourne under siege. Luckily that’s all stopped,” he said.
Asked about his opinion on the actual riots taking place in Melbourne right now, Mr Dutton said they were ‘different’. “They’ve just got a different feel to them, haven’t they? Can’t place why”.
Victorian Opposition Leader Matthew Guy said he was also pleased the African gangs had disappeared, although warned Victorians that they may re-appear before next year’s state election.
www.theshovel.com.au
Defence Minister Peter Dutton says it’s good to have a break from African gangs roaming the streets of Melbourne, terrorising residents.
In a radio interview this morning, Mr Dutton said he remembers a time when people in Melbourne had been afraid to leave their homes. “It was terrifying. Men roaming the streets, damaging property, shutting down traffic, smashing in windows. Entire streets of Melbourne under siege. Luckily that’s all stopped,” he said.
Asked about his opinion on the actual riots taking place in Melbourne right now, Mr Dutton said they were ‘different’. “They’ve just got a different feel to them, haven’t they? Can’t place why”.
Victorian Opposition Leader Matthew Guy said he was also pleased the African gangs had disappeared, although warned Victorians that they may re-appear before next year’s state election.
Peter Dutton Relieved Melbourne Streets Finally Free From African Gangs — The Shovel
Matthew Guy warned African gangs may return before the next election
www.theshovel.com.au
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Confirmation Bias Goggles (1970)
Confirmation Bias Goggles were the first wearable technology to be wired directly into the brain. In addition to the pinhead-sized speaker which perpetually broadcast the statement 'Of course you're right!' into the auditory cortex, the goggles' sensors could also switch off those parts of the brain that deal with troublesome emotions and feelings such as empathy, decency and healthy scepticism.
By tapping into the wearer's biases, the goggles literally deleted undesirable objects from the wearer's field of vision. Sights that were too dominant to be erased completely were visually falsified to validate the wearer's preconceptions.
By 1971, the state had adapted the goggles for use in schools. Children were told precisely what to think and what their personal opinions as adults would be. Unsurprisingly, everybody who tried the goggles, without exception, thought that they were a great idea.
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Wilcannia residents wondering which NSW cabinet member they need to xxxk to get funding for their community
Following allegations that former premier Gladys Berejiklian set aside millions of dollars for a project in her secret partner’s electorate while she was Treasurer, many in Wilcannia are wondering which cabinet members they have to screw in order to get adequate funding for their community.
“That’s the official application process isn’t it? I mean, I don’t usually go for chinless, white toffs, but I’m willing to take one for the team if it means we can finally get funding for vital projects,” said Wilcannia resident Annie James. “Except I won’t go near Paul Toole, you have to draw a line somewhere.”
Although some are concerned that a secret affair with a member of Parliament could lead to another ICAC investigation, locals have been quick to point out that government inquiries in remote and Indigenous communities never lead to any concrete action.
“The idea that sleeping with a cabinet member would secure funding is laughable. All budget decisions are made based on firm economic reasoning. It’s just that housing and water treatment isn’t as essential as a gun club,” treasurer Matthew Kean said, adding “particularly if that gun club is going to be used by white, National party voters.”
While no one at the Premier’s office would comment on rumours of an affair to secure funding, many sources within the government say they do intend to xxxk remote communities.
www.theshovel.com.au
Following allegations that former premier Gladys Berejiklian set aside millions of dollars for a project in her secret partner’s electorate while she was Treasurer, many in Wilcannia are wondering which cabinet members they have to screw in order to get adequate funding for their community.
“That’s the official application process isn’t it? I mean, I don’t usually go for chinless, white toffs, but I’m willing to take one for the team if it means we can finally get funding for vital projects,” said Wilcannia resident Annie James. “Except I won’t go near Paul Toole, you have to draw a line somewhere.”
Although some are concerned that a secret affair with a member of Parliament could lead to another ICAC investigation, locals have been quick to point out that government inquiries in remote and Indigenous communities never lead to any concrete action.
“The idea that sleeping with a cabinet member would secure funding is laughable. All budget decisions are made based on firm economic reasoning. It’s just that housing and water treatment isn’t as essential as a gun club,” treasurer Matthew Kean said, adding “particularly if that gun club is going to be used by white, National party voters.”
While no one at the Premier’s office would comment on rumours of an affair to secure funding, many sources within the government say they do intend to xxxk remote communities.
Wilcannia residents wondering which NSW cabinet member they need to fuck to get funding for their community
"That's the official application process isn't it?"
www.theshovel.com.au
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In late breaking news there was a astonishing announcement from the PM's office.
Scott Morrison claims he was never Scott Morrison
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has made another astonishing backflip, claiming he never actually was Scott Morrison, nor ever claimed to be. It comes a day after the PM said he never mocked electric vehicles even though 2019 footage exists of him doing so.
When questioned as to what spurred the change of heart on himself he said, “This is no change of heart, I’ve never been Scott Morrison. Not once. It’s simply not true.
www.theshovel.com.au
Scott Morrison claims he was never Scott Morrison
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has made another astonishing backflip, claiming he never actually was Scott Morrison, nor ever claimed to be. It comes a day after the PM said he never mocked electric vehicles even though 2019 footage exists of him doing so.
When questioned as to what spurred the change of heart on himself he said, “This is no change of heart, I’ve never been Scott Morrison. Not once. It’s simply not true.
Scott Morrison claims he was never Scott Morrison — The Shovel
"I’ve never said I was Scott Morrison. Not once"
www.theshovel.com.au
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Pauline Hanson condemns use of term ‘Black Friday’, saying ‘all Fridays matter’
One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has moved a motion in the Senate declaring that ‘All Fridays Matter’, following an emotional speech in which she claimed the term Black Friday is racist against white people.
“Once again we see white people being marginalised in this country,” Ms Hanson said. “I refuse to allow this blatant discrimination to continue. Today I demand that the government says, on record, that all Fridays matter”.
The Queensland Senator said the country was in danger of being swamped by Black Friday sales.
“Like so many Australians, my inbox has been inundated with ‘Black Friday this’, ‘Black Friday that’. Granted there have been some wonderful bargains. But as yet not a single mention of White Friday. So typical of this country’s disrespect for white people”.
Ms Hanson later moved a second motion to wish all Australians a white Christmas.
www.theshovel.com.au
One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has moved a motion in the Senate declaring that ‘All Fridays Matter’, following an emotional speech in which she claimed the term Black Friday is racist against white people.
“Once again we see white people being marginalised in this country,” Ms Hanson said. “I refuse to allow this blatant discrimination to continue. Today I demand that the government says, on record, that all Fridays matter”.
The Queensland Senator said the country was in danger of being swamped by Black Friday sales.
“Like so many Australians, my inbox has been inundated with ‘Black Friday this’, ‘Black Friday that’. Granted there have been some wonderful bargains. But as yet not a single mention of White Friday. So typical of this country’s disrespect for white people”.
Ms Hanson later moved a second motion to wish all Australians a white Christmas.
Pauline Hanson condemns use of term ‘Black Friday’, saying ‘all Fridays matter’
"We're in danger of being swamped by Black Friday sales"
www.theshovel.com.au
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5 jabs in, vaccination passports, still no freedom, lock downs 18 months in! all from a man eating a bat!
and one who questions this is an extreme right winger!
just how limited are you lefties?
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