More Religious Nuts

[Boggo]

The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the next mass he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly." The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...

Next time sip, rather than gulp.

There are 10 Commandments, not 12.

There are 12 Disciples, not 10.

David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the **** out of him.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."

Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.

We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."

We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."

The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"

And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."

 

[trainspotter]

Help me out here Sunder. I have a vague recollection when Noah fell asleep on the foredeck of the Ark and he was nuding it up. His sons threw a blanket over him to keep him warm. When he woke up he called on God to punish someone or other for throwing a blanket on him? Does this sound right?

 

[Sunder]

I've read most of it. Good story. And 6 versions of the Koran. Another good story.

It takes most Christians a year to two years to go through the entire bible. Most people can't read a short novel a week, and yet there are non-Christians who have no motivation to read the bible, claiming they've read all 66 books...

Amusing...

Also find it amusing all the criticisms about Christianity, actually focuses on the old testament judgement and lamentations time. Some morbid obsession with when God's people were being slaughtered and enslaved...

No criticisms of Jesus' love thy neighbour preaching. I wonder why.

 

[Sunder]

Help me out here Sunder. I have a vague recollection when Noah fell asleep on the foredeck of the Ark and he was nuding it up. His sons threw a blanket over him to keep him warm. When he woke up he called on God to punish someone or other for throwing a blanket on him? Does this sound right?

You do seem to have a good, if somewhat corrupted memory of the bible.

You're refering to Genesis 9

And Noah began to be a farmer, and he planted a vineyard. Then he drank of the wine and was drunk, and became uncovered in his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside.

But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness.
So Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done to him. Then he said:
“ Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren.”

And he said:
“ Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.

So basically, it was Noah who did something embarassing. One son thought it was funny, and humiliated poor old dad, the other two did the right thing. Noah cursed his bad son, and blessed his good sons.

I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?

This is the problem I am having. People seem to have a very corrupted memory/view of the bible, and use that to criticise Christians.

 

[wayneL]

It takes most Christians a year to two years to go through the entire bible. Most people can't read a short novel a week, and yet there are non-Christians who have no motivation to read the bible, claiming they've read all 66 books...

Amusing...

Also find it amusing all the criticisms about Christianity, actually focuses on the old testament judgement and lamentations time. Some morbid obsession with when God's people were being slaughtered and enslaved...

No criticisms of Jesus' love thy neighbour preaching. I wonder why.

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/

 

[trainspotter]

I guess people are more interested in the BAD things that God did to his people. Plagues, pestilence, flood the earth, turning people to salt, you know, all the juicy bits. He did this because they were sinners. If this God is so powerful, rather than wiping everybody out and getting them to start again, (Genesis 10 - Shem, Ham, and Japheth and wives repopulated the world), why not just make then NOT SIN? Therefore he would not have to have blood on his hands because he was "displeased" with how things had turned out.

 

[Buckeroo]

You know, if the economy plunges to new depths or heaven help us, a war begins, I wonder how many will turn to the faith?

As history shows, as people become richer (or the political correct term - people of economic stature), religion becomes less important to the stage where it is castigated.

But come a little hardship & how things turn - are we hypocrites?, of course we are!

Cheers

 

[Timmy]

But come a little hardship & how things turn - are we hypocrites?, of course we are!

Not me. Speak for yourself.

 

[trainspotter]

Like my post claimed Sunder. I was working from memory and asked for your help on this one. Did not criticise one bit. My memory has faded since I was last reading the Bible. I have had several sleeps since then.

I did not say there was a problem did I? I asked for your HELP.

It appears that you have "cognitively" deciphered the Bible to your slant. Someone else reading it could interpret another way. It is FULL of ambiguity.

If the problem that you are having with people criticising the Faith or the Bible why don't you go out and try and convert people to your way of thinking. No wait ... that is what you are doing here !!

 

[Sunder]

But come a little hardship & how things turn - are we hypocrites?, of course we are!

As they say "There are no atheists in the trenches"

 

[Sunder]

Like my post claimed Sunder. I was working from memory and asked for your help on this one. Did not criticise one bit. My memory has faded since I was last reading the Bible. I have had several sleeps since then.

I did not say there was a problem did I? I asked for your HELP.

Hmm, you're quite critical of religion, and you have memories of it that are inaccurate in a critical way... Draw your own conclusion.

 

[bunyip]

I think you should look at the new testament. The Christian bit.

Knobby my friend, I've probably spent more time looking at the bible than most people have. I was raised in a Christian family, I attended church and Sunday school 52 weeks a year from when I was born, I went to Bible study classes after I left school.

 

[trainspotter]

So by reading my "inaccurate" post you have concluded that it was critical to religion because I asked for your help? GOSH .. can't wait for the next instalment. Read back on my posts. Not critical of religion. More critical of the PEOPLE who use religion to perform acts of atrocities against humanity. LIKE BLOW PEOPLE UP.

You waded into this by saying something about "absolute reference points", Pure Evil being a religious terminology etc etc ad infinitum. Questioning right from wrong was another.

Me, myelf and I live by one motto. Treat people as you would want to be treated yourself. If you throw a stone, I will throw one back. Mirror image kinda stuff. The psychologist mate I have calls it the "Chameleon Effect". You work it out.

 

[Sunder]

So by reading my "inaccurate" post you have concluded that it was critical to religion because I asked for your help?

No. I concluded that from a series of posts.

 

[trainspotter]

LMAO .. getting much work done today Sunder?

 

[Buckeroo]

Me, myelf and I live by one motto. Treat people as you would want to be treated yourself. If you throw a stone, I will throw one back. Mirror image kinda stuff. The psychologist mate I have calls it the "Chameleon Effect". You work it out.

May have dug yourself a hole here buddy - basically your saying an eye for an eye?

There are some problems with this if you applied this to the law. Take an accident, I get crippled in a car crash because someone was negligent, then the punishment is, they get crippled the same way.

Not sure I personally would want this to happen and I reckon our social system could not afford both of us being crippled.

Cheers

 

[trainspotter]

Sorry Buckeroo, that is not what I meant .. It should have said "If you throw a stone into my pond, I will throw one back". It has to do with psychology and not car accidents and being crippled. Human interaction. You start shouting, I will shout, you hurl insults, I will respond in kind. You scratch your head and I will do the same. Mirror image. Chameleon yourself into the person you are up against. Also a great sales technique. If you talk slow, I will talk slow, if you want to use big words then I will open the dictionary.

No eye for eye sh!te. Get my drift?

 

[Buckeroo]

Sorry Buckeroo, that is not what I meant .. It should have said "If you throw a stone into my pond, I will throw one back". It has to do with psychology and not car accidents and being crippled. Human interaction. You start shouting, I will shout, you hurl insults, I will respond in kind. You scratch your head and I will do the same. Mirror image. Chameleon yourself into the person you are up against. Also a great sales technique. If you talk slow, I will talk slow, if you want to use big words then I will open the dictionary.

No eye for eye sh!te. Get my drift?

OK, fair enough - I'll just have to make sure you don't sell me anything, I don't think I would get the best deal knowing what I know now.

Cheers

 

[trainspotter]

LOLOLOL ... No worries Buckeroo, I will try and not sell you anything and basically let you buy it from me insted. OK?

 

[Sean K]

It takes most Christians a year to two years to go through the entire bible. Most people can't read a short novel a week, and yet there are non-Christians who have no motivation to read the bible, claiming they've read all 66 books...

Amusing...

Also find it amusing all the criticisms about Christianity, actually focuses on the old testament judgement and lamentations time. Some morbid obsession with when God's people were being slaughtered and enslaved...

No criticisms of Jesus' love thy neighbour preaching. I wonder why.

It's been my hobby for the good part of 20 years Sunder. Yes, it is amusing.