Clean jokes

[basilio]

A joke ?

Orcas are attacking boats – the marine revolution has begun | First Dog on the Moon

Is this collective action or a PR disaster?

www.theguardian.com

 

[Dona Ferentes]

I was a passenger on one of those old 4-engine propeller aeroplanes. Noisy, slow, but a workhorse. After a while, we hear an engine whine, look out the window and see a propeller feathering. Pilot comes on the PA and comments that we may have seen it, but don't be concerned, it's a perfectly airworthy plane. However, with only three engines, it may take longer to arrive at the destination.

Further on, another clunk, and another propeller stops. Again, the pilot is quickly there to reassure us. Be calm, we're fine, but expect even more time in the air.

This continues for a while, when the third engine just fails and by then everyone is getting alarmed, and finding the journey's length to be tiresome. But the pilot comes on the PA to placate everyone. These old planes, solid but slow; rest assured we can continue on just one engine. So well designed they are, he calmly stated. But of course, with only one engine, it's going to take even longer.

And the flight dragged on, a seeming interminable length of time until they were to arrive at the airport. The hours pass by, slowly. Everyone was getting tired.

Suddenly a loud bang, and the fourth engine suddenly fails. "Oh no!" said the blonde sitting across the aisle. "We're going to be up here for ever."

 

[SirRumpole]

I was a passenger on one of those old 4-engine propeller aeroplanes. Noisy, slow, but a workhorse. After a while, we hear an engine whine, look out the window and see a propeller feathering. Pilot comes on the PA and comments that we may have seen it, but don't be concerned, it's a perfectly airworthy plane. However, with only three engines, it may take longer to arrive at the destination.

Further on, another clunk, and another propeller stops. Again, the pilot is quickly there to reassure us. Be calm, we're fine, but expect even more time in the air.

This continues for a while, when the third engine just fails and by then everyone is getting alarmed, and finding the journey's length to be tiresome. But the pilot comes on the PA to placate everyone. These old planes, solid but slow; rest assured we can continue on just one engine. So well designed they are, he calmly stated. But of course, with only one engine, it's going to take even longer.

And the flight dragged on, a seeming interminable length of time until they were to arrive at the airport. The hours pass by, slowly. Everyone was getting tired.

Suddenly a loud bang, and the fourth engine suddenly fails. "Oh no!" said the blonde sitting across the aisle. "We're going to be up here for ever."

An oldie but a goodie.

 

[Dona Ferentes]

 

[Dona Ferentes]

and more cleaner jokes ...

 

[Dona Ferentes]

 

[Dona Ferentes]

 

[DrBourse]

A wife's eulogy at her husband's funeral:

"Norman needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was. They urgently needed to know, to save Norman's life. Tragically, I had never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye. I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was.

Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!" That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."

 

[SirRumpole]

View attachment 164423

Very Gary Larsonist, pity he retired.

 

[Dona Ferentes]

 

[basilio]

Excellent comments from people on a topic of cleaning belly buttons.

ThereisnoOwl
16 hours ago

74
But here’s a cautionary tale, if you’re thinking of cleaning your own navel.

An acquaintance of mine, Bram, had become worried about the state of his after reading of these stones. One afternoon as he was sitting on his sofa absent-mindedly excavating his belly button with a dainty cake fork (and his wife Sandra's make-up mirror, as his stomach was generously proportioned), he accidentally undid himself.

The result was brief but spectacular. He shot vertically into the air and whizzed twice round the ceiling before exiting horizontally through the kitchen door and floating gently to rest, utterly deflated, draped picturesquely over the Sheila Maid in a configuration vaguely reminiscent of the works of Salvador Dali.

The outcome could have been tragic but for Sandra’s quick thinking. There was enough left of Bram for her to quickly lift him down with the aid of pulleys and a stepladder, fold him up neatly and rush him in a briefcase and a taxi to A&E, where – diagnosed with unravelled navel syndrome – he was resealed, reflated with a tyre pump and revived; to finally return home physically unharmed but mentally scarred.

So please do be careful.

• 
  
  tob_ri
  

ThereisnoOwl
15 hours ago

21
It is not big, nor is it clever, to reinflate a similarly inflicted partner from a bottle of helium gas.

ThereisnoOwl

ThereisnoOwl
15 hours ago

62
Just as a footnote, by the way, I say "mentally scarred" because to this day Bram can't avoid feelings of guilt, unable to escape the belief that through gross carelessness he'd not only unforgivably let Sandra down, but also totally let himself down.

cheesesofNazareth1

ThereisnoOwl
15 hours ago

6
Normally, people are let down by the NHS, not reinflated.

How clean is your belly button? Dirty ones are at risk of navel stones – and could even need surgery

Compacted dirt, dead skin and other debris can form ‘umboliths’ in rare cases, causing irritation and infection

www.theguardian.com

 

[Dona Ferentes]

..
.

 

[SirRumpole]

..
.
View attachment 168642

Groan.

 

[basilio]

Doing it visually.

 

[basilio]

And then 5 years later.

 

[sptrawler]

Interesting the guy has to follow his wife around with AI, to get his wife to laugh, hmmmm.
I wonder if she was loading up the car to leave him, seems like an annoying sort of dude, with nothing better to do than walk around with his phone on speaker.

 

[Knobby22]

Too true, though my body shape is better.

 

[sptrawler]

More Dad jokes:

 

[sptrawler]

 

[Dona Ferentes]

this style of caption jokes seem to be gaining ground
.