Prenuptial agreements

[insider]

Would you get a Prenuptial agreement? Easy question right! Wrong!!!

This question has sooo many ethical considerations behind it that I'm sure most will have fun discussing it... oh and there's a poll

So if you had a million bucks and your fiance had nothing would you want a prenuptial agreement?

 

[hangseng]

If you need this you have chosen a partner on the wrong premise.

I am not a female, I am reasonably well off and I would never consider this as a control measure in a relationship. All a part of the reason the treasure, which is marriage and family, has broken down over time and along with it basic social values such as respect for each other and especially our elders.

 

[insider]

The one thing I love about the question is that I expect to see a lot of double standards... I personally don't consider myself to be carrying baggage at all in fact I have never introduced a girl that I considered worthy to my parents... ( my approval is not easily earned )... I also don't mention ex's names to anyone and I don't call them a girlfriend until after 3-6 months of dating. Experience shows me that there are people with hidden agendas and with the rate of divorce in our days I think it would be a good idea to get one... IMHO...

Thoughts?

 

[insider]

If you need this you have chosen a partner on the wrong premise.

I am not a female, I am reasonably well off and I would never consider this as a control measure in a relationship. All a part of the reason the treasure, which is marriage and family, has broken down over time and along with it basic social values such as respect for each other and especially our elders.

But surely you would feel cheated if a person you had handed your heart on a silver platter to had taken 50% of what you earned after many years of hard work in what seems to them a couple years work maybe... Should prenuptial agreements be Compulsory to avoid such political differences between couples... personally I think that those that would oppose something like this would those that expect to gain financially in a marriage and use such a thing for manipulative behavior...

thoughts?

 

[Mousie]

Should prenuptial agreements be Compulsory to avoid such political differences between couples...

I just heard a cheer from all lawyers when this happens...

personally I think that those that would oppose something like this would those that expect to gain financially in a marriage and use such a thing for manipulative behavior...

Although IMHO you're just stirring things up here insider, it'll not be fair to tar everyone with the brush. Both my and my mrs' parents are married for over 25 years now and both have only one main breadwinner for the family. As couples the occassional disagreements will definitely occur from time to time and will get out of hand only if the couples themselves allow this to happen. I found this to be true in my case as well.

IMO people need to learn more about how to resolve arguments satisfactorily especially with someone considered to be family instead of giving away otherwise-could-be-better-spent wealth on things such as prenuptials. When you learn how to handle arguments you learn more about the other person and yourself, and also how to appreciate each other more. Too much ego kills the big picture.

 

[insider]

I just heard a cheer from all lawyers when this happens...



Although IMHO you're just stirring things up here insider, it'll not be fair to tar everyone with the brush. Both my and my mrs' parents are married for over 25 years now and both have only one main breadwinner for the family. As couples the occassional disagreements will definitely occur from time to time and will get out of hand only if the couples themselves allow this to happen. I found this to be true in my case as well.

IMO people need to learn more about how to resolve arguments satisfactorily especially with someone considered to be family instead of giving away otherwise-could-be-better-spent wealth on things such as prenuptials. When you learn how to handle arguments you learn more about the other person and yourself, and also how to appreciate each other more. Too much ego kills the big picture.

A fair point... but it's not about me... It's such a touchy subject

 

[doctorj]

Lets not be too harsh on insider here. Everyone's opinions are going to be different and largely a product of his/her own unique experiences to date. I think they're a valid tool in certain situations where there is a material disparity between the wealth of the parties entering in a relationship.

Does that make me cold? I don't think so. I just think that relationships are hard enough without money getting in the way and something like a prenuptial can go a ways to take it out of the equation.

 

[Mousie]

Lets not be too harsh on insider here. Everyone's opinions are going to be different and largely a product of his/her own unique experiences to date. I think they're a valid tool in certain situations where there is a material disparity between the wealth of the parties entering in a relationship.

Does that make me cold? I don't think so. I just think that relationships are hard enough without money getting in the way and something like a prenuptial can go a ways to take it out of the equation.

Hey doctorj,

I wasn't being harsh on anyone at all. When I said he might be "just stirring things up" I meant 'provoking discussion' by making slightly inflammatory statements just to get thoughts flowing which is perfectly acceptable to me as long as things don't get personal, which is never the case with insider here on this thread. If I sounded harsh to you, insider, I am sorry.

Apart from that I wholly respect your views doctorj; to each their own is what I say. I just need to clear things up as things written on a forum can easily be misinterpreted. A case of "Lost in Translation" perhaps...

 

[somesortoftrader]

I just heard a cheer from all lawyers when this happens...

I'm not sure about this... I think prenuptial agreements..or prenuptial asset statements may go some way to cutting out leach-like lawyers down the track.

I believe that prenuptial asset statements should be looked into to be made compulsory... there is guy I know of that has been nick-named 'Quarter'... been divorced twice..ie half of a half
I'm sure he would have like one!!

 

[ghotib]

Would you get a Prenuptial agreement? Easy question right! Wrong!!!

This question has sooo many ethical considerations behind it that I'm sure most will have fun discussing it... oh and there's a poll

So if you had a million bucks and your fiance had nothing would you want a prenuptial agreement?

We have one. Between ourselves we call it the Disaster Plan. To us it just seemed like common sense to think about the worst that could happen and how to cope with it, though I must admit there was also a bit of superstitious "If we do this we'll never need it".

I think if I were doing it again I might want to include something about reviewing the Disaster Plan in the same way as we should review wills - every 5 or 10 years or when circumstances change... or whatever. Maybe not... everything changes as the relationship develops anyway.

Don't assume the wealthier party is the only one with a lot to lose if a relationship goes bad. My husband had more bucks than I did - though the difference was a lot less than a million - but the Disaster Plan was originally more my idea than his. It was a trust thing, as well as a financial planning thing: I wanted a way for my good faith to be seen, as well as to be.

Interesting stuff. There are so many different ways for marriages to work... or not.

Ghoti

PS Just realised this is my 500th post. How profound

 

[Julia]

I'm completely in favour of prenuptial agreements.

The idealistic notion of all that's required for everything to be hunky dory is for the people concerned to talk to each other is very nice in an ideal world.
But stuff happens that you could never have possibly imagined which can make the marriage completely untenable. And in that case, both partners should be able to leave without the squabbling over who gets what.

When you're all in love and simple biology is rendering pragmatic thought unlikely, you will so easily say to yourselves "it will always be like this" and be filled with love and complete trust. Well, fine, I hope so. But get that pre-nup just in case.

 

[Quixis]

If you need this you have chosen a partner on the wrong premise.

Complete crap. Neither you nor I can forecast a partner's mental state or emotional state in the future.

The best thing I can advise you is if you are marrying for "Love", then you think the world and you relationship will remain warm and fuzzy for ever.

You need to understand a woman's psychology my friend. Then you'll understand what you're getting into and why. Remember a man allows himself to be "caught".

 

[BIG BWACULL]

Yes pre nup, and if she was a good wife before the irreconcilable differences i'd give her a few bucks but if she was a root rat bitch face that just gave me hell she wouldnt get ****e :

 

[Dukey]

Complete crap. Neither you nor I can forecast a partner's mental state or emotional state in the future.

The best thing I can advise you is if you are marrying for "Love", then you think the world and you relationship will remain warm and fuzzy for ever.

You need to understand a woman's psychology my friend. Then you'll understand what you're getting into and why. Remember a man allows himself to be "caught".

Care to elaborate as to just what IS a good reason to get married according to Quixis?
or tell us some more about a womans 'marriage' psychology? - just so we all know...??

 

[YOUNG_TRADER]

To quote a respected theorist on this topic


"Now I ain't say she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke $##@&"

"If you ain't no punk, holla we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup......... yeah!"

"its something that you need to have cause when she leave your ass she gonnal leave with half!"

(Kanye West

Seriously though,

Am 23yrs old, have been with my partner for nearly 5 yrs now, probably have close to $1m net now, but when she met me I was not, so she's been with me while I accumulated my wealth. I think this is very different to people who meet someone and they already have wealth,

I know she loves me for me and not my money now because she loved me when I had nothing or very little.


Nevertheless, seeing how when my parents got divorced after 15years of marraige my mum cleaned out my dad, I'm gonna have to say
"holla we want pre nup"

 

[Smurf1976]

There's plenty of examples of "attractive" men who have nothing going for them apart from money, power/influence, fame etc. That speaks volumes about what some women want from a marriage (note that I said "some" and not "all" or "most").

 

[prawn_86]

Am 23yrs old, have been with my partner for nearly 5 yrs now, probably have close to $1m net now, but when she met me I was not, so she's been with me while I accumulated my wealth. I think this is very different to people who meet someone and they already have wealth,

I know she loves me for me and not my money now because she loved me when I had nothing or very little.

Nevertheless, seeing how when my parents got divorced after 15years of marraige my mum cleaned out my dad, I'm gonna have to say
"holla we want pre nup"

I am also in a very similar situation, and my parents also did the same thing. i would want a pre-nup but the problem with it would be how do you justify what is a fair amount as you have both been together since you had nothing. I think if anything, it could at least help reduce court times, if anything bad were to happen.

 

[doctorj]

Even in a situation where you've built a significant amount of wealth while in a relationship, but before getting married it's worth considering a prenuptial.

It allows both parties to address the situation realistically and fairly rather than trying to address it when emotions are high after a break up. I like the 'disaster plan' concept.

People commonly prepare for the possibility of their own untimely death with life insurance, why not prepare for the possibility of an untimely end to a relationship?

 

[nomore4s]

I know she loves me for me and not my money now because she loved me when I had nothing or very little.

There is also the other side of the coin with this. She might still be with you only because of your net worth (not that I'm suggesting this in your case YT, just raising this for arguements sake).

Having been through a fairly nasty break up, I would recommend a pre-nup as it can get quite messy and nasty when it all goes sour, no matter what both parties intentions are/were before getting together and while together. The problem with break ups is they get quite emotional, and once people start getting emotion rational thought seems to get left behind (just like trading).

 

[insider]

There is also the other side of the coin with this. She might still be with you only because of your net worth (not that I'm suggesting this in your case YT, just raising this for arguements sake).

Having been through a fairly nasty break up, I would recommend a pre-nup as it can get quite messy and nasty when it all goes sour, no matter what both parties intentions are/were before getting together and while together. The problem with break ups is they get quite emotional, and once people start getting emotion rational thought seems to get left behind (just like trading).

I'm not taking a swipe at ya personally no more 4's... But trust me I was very nieve until an ex of mine slapped me in the face (not literally) with news about her boyfriend... And another ex of mine although she never told me herself but a year after we finished up news came about through just meeting pure strangers that she wrote off a previous boyfriends car whilst he was in the passenger seat crashing it into a house into a house, they agreed to swap seats because she was unlicensed, he took all the blame and was in hospital for a week. She, perfectly fine, broke up with him whilst in the hospital and left him with a house to repair, no car and chronic back problems... This ex of hers works just a few doors from me and I ocassionally catch him nursing his back... If you had meet her yourself you'd think she was as sweet as pie. In fact she studies psycology... Imagine... A facade like that... Such a noble thing to help others... yeah right...

Trust me you only truly know somebody for real by the things they do when they think you're not watching... Now who has the time and resources to do that?

It has been a very invaluable lesson...

Again it's just interesting conversation...