Using your Ignore List

[Julia]

I totally concur with skc.

This Forum would be a poorer place without Julia's passionate participation. I have enjoyed many discussions with her, both on and off the Forum; doesn't mean we've always been on the same wavelength, and at times I had to cop some harsh words of her disapproval. But I'm used to disapproval and get over it without letting it sour a generally friendly relationship, let alone my personal disposition.

When I made my earlier post in CanOz's defense, I had hoped Julia would "read between the lines" - but it seems I was wrong. Now I'm not sure that even a PM would have a calming effect.

The lesson I'll learn for myself from this: Don't overestimate your influence on a public Forum. You may think you get to know the person behind a nic and avatar, but when things get personal - Boy! can you be wrong!

Nonetheless, I would urge Joe and everybody to support CanOz and urge him to stay a Moderator. Making a mistake is easy. Admitting it and apologising for it shows character. Accepting an apology and going back to normal does too.

Ah, so many judgements. It hasn't seemed to occur to some of you that I could be feeling very taken aback by all this, and giving some careful thought to my response to CanOz's PM, unsure of how much I should share about some significant difficulties in my life which are presently throwing me very much off balance.

I have now sent that PM and hope it eases some of CanOz's feelings.

Yes, SKC and Pixel, I know I lack the capacity to not take life fairly seriously. I am also regrettably literal, something that has led to accusations of 'nit picking' when it's not been intended as such at all.

We are what we are, however. If life has been a fairly serious challenge, then one's personality probably reflects that.

Can I just note, pixel, with affection, that I've also been in receipt of some pretty sharp words from you from time to time. That's fine. They are well outweighed by my enjoyment of the communications we have had.

I thank the people who have been kind enough to email and PM me - so much appreciated.

 

[Tink]

I usually stay out of these threads but I hope to see Julia and CanOz back in this forum as was.
They are both special and contribute so much on the boards and the forum would be a poorer place without them.
This is a beautiful community and its the people in it that make it so.
Joe, you have done a wonderful job.

Its a new day, lets enjoy it

 

[Calliope]

As this thread is about ignore lists, I would just like to make a small contribution. It is a reasonable concept, but it just doesn't work. It is as impossible to ignore someone who rankles you as it is to ignore a boil on your backside.

Few posters can say that having put somebody on "ignore" the don't peek from time to time. There comes a time when you say "what's the point?' and lift your ban.

As a poster I much admire, a very wise and compassionate Tink advises;

Its a new day, lets enjoy it

 

[basilio]

As this thread is about ignore lists, I would just like to make a small contribution. It is a reasonable concept, but it just doesn't work. It is as impossible to ignore someone who rankles you as it is to ignore a boil on your backside.

Few posters can say that having put somebody on "ignore" the don't peek from time to time. There comes a time when you say "what's the point?' and lift your ban.

As a poster I much admire, a very wise and compassionate Tink advises;

Its a new day, lets enjoy it

I agree with Calliope on this. In fact I would dearly like to not want to "ignore" particular posters for a range of reasons.

Clearly there are things one can do in our own head to "not be sucked in".

And of course the external environment can also change for the better. I did appreciate Joes clear direction on this point in this thread.

Cheers

 

[Whiskers]

Departing from my "right of reply" for a moment, before I address some critics further (if I turns out to be necessary) I would just offer something generally in line with the perception of 'conflict'. There are many other similar resources in academia, on the net and library's if you want to search the key words.

Most people think conflict is bad. We think just the opposite. Conflict is necessary – without it there would never be a new idea and nothing would change.

Because for a new idea to be considered, someone has to disagree with the status quo. It's the most basic form of conflict.

Conflict supports healthy teams to evolve.
We help teams develop conflict confidence because without it, they can be very dysfunctional.

On the other hand, teams with high levels of Conflict Confidence are drama-free. They make good decisions. They build consensus and they create a feeling of value which engages team members.

Conflict can contribute to constructive growth by:
Exposing new ideas
Identifying legacy processes that are no longer “best practices”
Allowing innovation
Finding, recognizing and incorporating agreement
Understanding differing positions
Embracing diversity
http://www.socialsynergetics.com/site/conflict-confidence​

Your mindset is the attitude or disposition you hold that predetermines your reponses to and intepretations of a situation. It is not innate; rather it is a perspective held based on life experiences.

The good news? Mindset can be shifted and developed. With the right new experiences, a new mindset can be easily learned.
http://www.socialsynergetics.com/site/mindset​

The art of deciding which fight to pick and which to leave alone, to ignore.

I'd also just offer a free self assessment question, leading into 'mindset', for assistance on how and why to decide to 'ignore' people/issues, the advantages and disadvantages. Do you know your 'Personal Style', 'learning style' and how you 'Style Flex' etc?

Assumptions About Personal Styles

There is no best or worst style.
All styles have advantages and disadvantages. All styles are effective when appropriate to the situation and implemented well.

There are no pure styles.
We all have parts of each style in us. However, we also have one style that predominates, one style in which we are most comfortable and which requires the least energy and stress.

Behavior style does not explain the whole person.
It only defines perceived patterns of behavior. It does not address personality or an understanding of how an individual thinks or feels.

Much of the population is different than you are.
Other people have different needs. Therefore, they communicate in a different manner, use time differently, relate in a different way, make decisions, and manage conflict in a way that differs from how you do it.

We all have goals we hope to attain and results we wish to achieve.
However, different interpersonal priorities influence how we go about accomplishing these ends.
http://www.engr.washington.edu/lead...l Styles/Tab4colorPulsarPink-SocialStyles.pdf​

 

[Trembling Hand]

It is somewhat bewildering when you stubble across someone putting together 500 odd words of basic knowledge that any halfwit knows once they are about 20 as if it has some special value to this community.

I guess a person could think its condescending and extremely disrespectful to talk to others in such a socially deficient, awkward and and outright passive aggressive way but therein in lies the truth. We are dealing with someone that needs 'special consideration'......... to use a politicly correct term.

 

[basilio]

Trembling hand was that just another kick in the nuts for Whiskers ? "condescending , extremely disrespectful , .. basic knowledge everyone has "

Sorry mate I just can't see any legitimacy in your comment - and the sting in the tail... Not nice at all.

I thought the material Whiskers offered was quite interesting and certainly refreshed my memory on a number of areas I know about but havn't reflected on for a long time.

It was (IMO) good stuff and well worth posting and thinking about. I would be surprised/amazed if many people had recently thought about the ideas.

I thought it was an excellent contribution to seeing how conflict can be constructive and how different forms of communication are needed if we want to understand other points of view and/or be 8understood ourselves.

Cheers

 

[Trembling Hand]

I thought it was an excellent contribution to seeing how conflict can be constructive and how different forms of communication are needed if we want to understand other points of view and/or be understood ourselves.

Cheers

If it wasn't such a reoccurring pattern of stating the bleedingly obvious..... maybe. But it is a subtle tactic Whiskers has refined to get at others. Frankly it doesn't bother me but like I said it seems somewhere in the area of passive aggressive... internet troll style..... JMHO. :kebab

 

[sails]

If it wasn't such a reoccurring pattern of stating the bleedingly obvious..... maybe. But it is a subtle tactic Whiskers has refined to get at others. Frankly it doesn't bother me but like I said it seems somewhere in the area of passive aggressive... internet troll style..... JMHO. :kebab

And get at others he does. Every year I have voted for ASF but not this year.

 

[cynic]

I was originally intending to stay out of this discussion on account of it being largely centred around two posters for whom I have much admiration. With the exceptions of obvious spammers and the one poster to whom I've boldly expressed my utter contempt, I perceive the entire ASF community as my online friends (even those of you who've placed me on ignore!).

I had genuine fears that my usual level of diplomacy might only serve to render any supportive comments demeaning to one or more well intentioned members of the ASF community.(According to my friends I have all the subtlety of a flying brick!). So on account of this perceived deficiency, I opted for what I believed to be the safest route and sent a PM to the member whom I feared had been most deeply affected.

Upon further consideration, I do believe that some of the public offerings of support in this thread, though well intended, may have been a little too quick to dismiss the importance of what's happening here!

One thing that I mentioned in a recent PM was that there are some members that go to great effort to recognise and insulate their personal prejudices when assessing the merits of topics under discussion. Their disappointment at not having such effort and consideration reciprocated is understandable.

When a person generously pours their heart and soul into their participation here at ASF, whether that participation be within the context of moderation or the sharing of experience, their efforts deserve to be accorded respect. Dismissive platitudes and/or careless behaviour can be akin to a sharp slap in the face to such genuine participants.

P.S. Some of you by now, (particularly those that have been on the receiving end of some of my abrasive posts), may be thinking "Cynic is such a hypocrite!". Well, it just so happens that you are correct! I admit it!

Does my habitual failure to "practice what I preach" totally invalidate the sentiments that I've expressed herein?

If so, then are those sitting in judgment truly incapable of error?
(And if not, then I'm sure you'll understand the purpose of these questions.)

 

[burglar]

... Dismissive platitudes and/or careless behaviour can be akin to a sharp slap in the face to such genuine participants ...

I wish someone would give me a sharp slap on the face!

I haven't received a good face slap since Nun-the-wiser left.

 

[cynic]

I wish someone would give me a sharp slap on the face!

I haven't received a good face slap since Nun-the-wiser left.

Ah Ha!

At least there's one member that I know of that is yet to place me on ignore!

For those yearning for the experience of a decent face slapping, accompanied with having one's efforts mercilessly chewed up and spat upon, may I recommend trading the DAX!

 

[Whiskers]

It is somewhat bewildering when you stubble across someone putting together 500 odd words of basic knowledge that any halfwit knows once they are about 20 as if it has some special value to this community.

I guess a person could think its condescending and extremely disrespectful to talk to others in such a socially deficient, awkward and and outright passive aggressive way but therein in lies the truth. We are dealing with someone that needs 'special consideration'......... to use a politicly correct term.

If it wasn't such a reoccurring pattern of stating the bleedingly obvious..... maybe. But it is a subtle tactic Whiskers has refined to get at others. Frankly it doesn't bother me but like I said it seems somewhere in the area of passive aggressive... internet troll style..... JMHO. :kebab

Just to clarify a couple of facts... Most of that from my previous post is not my words. All the indented text is actually cut and paste from the links provided. They are but a couple of businesses and universities providing expert knowledge and training for other businesses to improve their staff performance.

If it was such "basic knowledge that any halfwit knows once they are about 20", these businesses and thousands like them around the world would not be in business today, would they?

It's probably a good time to mention that 'conflict resolution' is only part of a wider process of 'Dispute/conflict management'.

Conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_resolution​

Dispute/conflict management also includes compulsory arbitration or litigation, when a conflict resolution process breaks down.

Without giving too much of my private life away, I will say apart from some graduate qualification in Human Resource Management (HRM), my extra curricular qualification is in the field of "The Technology of Participation (ToP) ®", similar to here: https://icausa.memberclicks.net/assets/docs/top brochure.pdf

ToP Facilitation Methods are effective in an infinite number of situations. Used alone or creatively combined and adapted, they serve as powerful tools for groups to think and work together in innovative and productive ways. The methods can be scaled to work with virtually any size group, from one to hundreds.​

Overcoming Anger- Learning how to disconnect those "hot buttons"...

Expressing our anger can have a devastating effect on the lives of everyone involved. But anger is neither good nor bad. Anger is merely a front for something that is going on in the background.

When we get angry, it's because something has happened that has pushed a button. That button is either a past hurt or an insecurity we are carrying as a result of something that has occurred previously.

No one 'makes us angry' - we do it all by ourselves.

We are never upset or angry for the reason we think. It is not other people or situations that cause us to be angry or distressed. It is our own attitudes and thoughts.

Remember, it's not what happens to us in life - it's how we deal with it.
http://thecentrewithinsydney.com/anger.html​

'Fight or Flight' - one of the most common behavioural traits in conflict.

It is now widely accepted that in the face of fear people react with either "fght" or "flight". Faced with an uncomfortable situation people seldom consciously choose one or the other but have an automatic reaction. Flight has been describes as escape or retreat. But a frightened reaction can just as easily be attack or aggression - this is fight. [You were born special beautiful and wonderful What Happened?, Bert Weir with Charlie Scandrett, (p 51-53) (1993)]​

The screen shot below from http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/conflict.htm provides a bit more insight into the field of Technology of Participation, and in particular the art of whether or not one should, and also why some do and others do not chose to, 'ignore'.

 

[Trembling Hand]

Thanks Whiskers I got a lot out of your reply. In fact it was perfect....

 

[Calliope]

Thanks Whiskers I got a lot out of your reply. In fact it was perfect....

But what does all this nonsense have to do with "Using Your Ignore List"?:topic I suggest he open a new thread titled "Whisker's Ramblings".

 

[Joe Blow]

But what does all this nonsense have to do with "Using Your Ignore List"?

Nothing, and Whiskers has now been warned to keep his posts both on topic and reasonably concise.

Whether or not he takes heed of my advice is up to him, but if he doesn't I will assume that his purpose here is to deliberately derail threads and disrupt the ASF community.

 

[basilio]

Vale Whiskers .....

 

[Joe Blow]

Vale Whiskers .....

Whiskers is welcome to continue to participate at ASF. All I ask is that is his posts are on topic, and not excessively verbose.

 

[basilio]

Whiskers is welcome to continue to participate at ASF. All I ask is that is his posts are on topic, and not excessively verbose.

Sorry Joe. I just don't buy that.

There are a score of other posters whose contributions are :

1) Way off topic. ( Including Moi)
2) Very aggressive
3) Just dumb.

They all appear to be tolerated unless they are picked up for screamingly nasty comments.*

And, IMV, just repeatedly naming a person as troll doesn't make them that. (Unless of course it happens here ?)

Vale Whiskers.

* I can remember on at least two occasions I went feral against some peoples very nasty comments against other members - and then saw all comments pulled off.

 

[Joe Blow]

Sorry Joe. I just don't buy that.

There are a score of other posters whose contributions are :

1) Way off topic. ( Including Moi)
2) Very aggressive
3) Just dumb.

They all appear to be tolerated unless they are picked up for screamingly nasty comments.*

And, IMV, just repeatedly naming a person as troll doesn't make them that. (Unless of course it happens here ?)

Vale Whiskers.

* I can remember on at least two occasions I went feral against some peoples very nasty comments against other members - and then saw all comments pulled off.

I haven't called Whiskers a troll, nor have any of his posts been removed. As far as I'm concerned this is a non-issue. Whiskers has simply been reminded to keep his posts on topic and reasonably concise and I don't think that is an unreasonable request.