Totally lost and need advice from older forum members

[Judd]

It is from another site and reads as if it is just trite but at a very fundamental level it has worth. Just take a deep breath and think as you read through it and then encourage your wife to apply it too because it will take the both of you - and she may very well have similar issues and concerns - to work at your one and only journey through life.

"A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar; he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if
the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced the two beers from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions – and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else – the small stuff. 'If you put the sand
into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or
the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that
are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first –the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.

'The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beers represented.
The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.'

 

[sinner]

The Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

 

[basilio]

The fella in this video had a huge setback...Just getting up off the floor is a challenge.Not a dry eye in the classroom.

What and inspiration

Great thread and the question and responses ring true for many of us. Certainly inspires me.

I was also really taken with the video clip from the post by Wysiwyg.If you don't know what can't be done - you just do it.

 

[prawn_86]

The Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

One of the best poems i have read IMHO. Has been one of my favs for a while now

 

[Julia]

Hello moXJO,

I think there are very few people who haven't felt as you do at least once in their lives. My own experience has been that it's more likely to happen as we get older, with a tendency to look back and wish we'd done things differently.

Good on you for having the courage to describe your feelings on a forum.
I'm guessing you might already be feeling a bit better to know others have been there too.

So much good advice has been offered.

I tend to endorse those who've suggested having a talk with a psychologist.
To do this doesn't imply any psychological disorder but it would be good to rule out any early depression. I prefer this to talking it over too much with friends or relatives (except, of course, your wife, though you might need to be careful here not to imply that your unhappiness relates to her).
Friends/relatives (bearing in mind that I have no idea what yours are like) can sometimes be (a) uncomfortable with the role of counsellor, and (b) ill equipped to respond appropriately, thus possibly making you feel worse.

You say you have done well and achieved what you set out to. That's great and I congratulate you. But I wonder if that isn't part of the problem?
Don't most of us need a goal, something to strive for, to feel there is a purpose to our existence?

I know that, even in the most difficult times of my life, I got through because I was working towards achieving something - maybe a study goal, maybe a different job, maybe a financial target. It just sounds a little as though you have everything you need/want and are now listening to yourself say "Hell, is that all there is?"

Hope you'll keep us posted about how you go.
I'd also second the suggestion to get involved in voluntary/charity work.
I think this was from Sir O. Great idea. I find this allows me to keep a perspective of how fortunate I am. Doing something for someone else whom you don't know personally and expecting nothing in return is astonishingly rewarding.

All the best
Julia

 

[IFocus]

moXJO

I find when I have been troubled by the rut syndrome or beaten senseless by the market doing some sort of reasonably intense exercise allows me to reflect on the issues and come up with some sort of direction to go in.

Another thing I do is check my pulse.......if its still beating then ever thing is just fine......

 

[moXJO]

First off thank you all for some great advice and thoughts it has (and will) helped immensely in picking a direction to go from here. I really have a heartfelt thanks to everyone that took the time to post.

It’s possible I need to reevaluate my goals, as currently I don’t feel any satisfaction when hitting each milestone. I have lived on the edge, had hobbies, and traveled. But it always feels as if something is amiss. The short term solutions just seem to keep me busy instead of giving me any sense of enjoyment.

Friends and people around me seem to have the exact same template lives. Which involve wake up, go to work, and come home. Then cram what they can in on the wkend then rinse and repeat till your 60(not that there is anything wrong with that). I was never really around the nine to fivers much before. Maybe that lifestyle scares me a little. Or maybe it’s the realization that I am close to living that life as well.

existential angst
Feeling like you are looking into an abyss, and you have nothing at hand to overcome the meaninglessness of what you feel

Chops quote sums up the feeling very well. It’s possible I need to find my purpose and work out what I really want. I do not want to waste another year in this rut. Drowning out the feeling by keeping busy does not seem to be working either.

Thanks again to everyone that posted

 

[CanOz]

Good luck with your search moXJO.

I wish i could offer some advice, but admit to feeling the same way more frequent than not.

Cheers,


CanOz

 

[gfresh]

I am very much the same age group, so can understand the sorts of thoughts going through your mind. Friends also go through the same thoughts at early 30's, so you are definitely not alone.

One of the biggest things I have learned through such periods, is that when things seem boring, or otherwise dull, mix them up. Put yourself in a challenging situation, move states, change jobs, move countries, it is the only way to force yourself to change. I moved from VIC to QLD a few years back and it was hard for the first couple of years, but I have truly challenged myself in this time, and almost am itching to do it again as things are "too easy" now. One thing you will gain from such a move is perspective. What is one thing, and what is another - but you cannot see this on the inside looking in.

This may be difficult with a family, but there may be benefits for them as well (living closer to work, more time to spend with them?). Some see this as "running away" from your problems, to me it is experiencing a new part of life, and doing what many cannot find the strength to do.

Personally I don't believe in chemical solutions if you are suffering depression (as suggested), as these only mask the problems, not solve them at their source. We suffer depression for perfectly rational reasons (boredom, frustration, inaction, difficult events). However thoughts differ on this. Just don't feel you "must" go down this path.

 

[robots]

hello,

just relax brother,

life is fine, go outside look at the trees, the sky, the moon, the stars and it will all come together

walk or ride the street man and earth will assist

you will never make the wrong decision, get out of the car

all the best,

thankyou
robots

 

[alwaysLearning]

It's a void a space that is hard to fulfill. It is something that makes you wonder if you have lived your life to the fullest.

The solution is:

1. Learn to live totally in the presesnt moment. (Look into mindfulness meditation or zen type stuff).

2. Learn to 'let go' of expectations and trying to control everything.

I'm in my late 20's, so don't believe what I say but keep trying things out to find a way to be happier.

Life is tough. There are a lot of tough guys out there who say they are happy and fullfilled but in reality they have just found ways to distract themselves. But when those distractions end, watch out, they will get the 'shock of their life' when they wonder what they've been doing all this time.

Good Luck

 

[gav]

Maybe join a gym, lose some pounds, or gain some muscle? Or join a cycling club, rowing club? Set yourself a goal, maybe to run a marathon in 6 months time? etc etc....

Having a fitness related hobby is not only challenging physically and mentally, but keeps you healthy and is very, very rewarding. Not only add years to your life, but more importantly, adds QUALITY of life

 

[alwaysLearning]

hello,

just relax brother,

life is fine, go outside look at the trees, the sky, the moon, the stars and it will all come together

walk or ride the street man and earth will assist

you will never make the wrong decision, get out of the car

all the best,

thankyou
robots

I really like this advice

 

[Glen48]

I guess we are all going through some thing about the same at present with house price down, shares down super down, future down and not much to look forward to as we have never been in this boat ever in our lives and about to enter an unknown world from the one we use to know..
When I was in China I saw an old woman squating down on a footpath pulling a Fan Armature apart with her bare hands to get the copper wire, I walked over and put some RMB in her pocket I have no idea how much it was but I can only hope she managed to go home to her Husband and he accepted her story how she got the money and they both managed to buy some thing to make their life better, maybe a pair of pliers???
That's why I suggested taking a trip to some 3rd world place and take your kids as it will make them appreciate every thing in the future, don't wait to long or Australia could have 3rd world people coming here to see how we are handling poverty.
Your Family is the best asset you can ever have and work together as there is no alternative.

 

[fimmwolf]

On this forum recently, someone quoted Shakespeare.

The subject matter was depression, and the quote was something along the lines of "there is neither good nor evil, merely thought"

Life is what you make it, and nine tenths of life is thought.

A fresh perspective is all that's needed.

 

[xyzedarteerf]

my dad always said to me Nosce te ipsum,

Know Thyself and you can get on living your life.