Julia
In Memoriam
- Joined
- 10 May 2005
- Posts
- 16,986
- Reactions
- 1,973
Hello Prospector
I'm really sorry you're having such an unpleasant time. What strategies do you have for reducing stress? Long walk on the beach? Massage? Whatever works, this is probably the time to try to do that for an hour or two. I always find that if I step back from the problem for a while I'm able to see it more objectively than if I get angrier by giving it my whole focus.
You have training in this area. Think about what you'd recommend someone else to do.
The dispute with the accountants appears to have reached a highly antagonistic and unprofessional level on their part. His remark to you about your not being profitable (or whatever the wording was) is unforgivable and shows either that (a) he is very rattled indeed about the situation, or (b) he's just a very nasty sort of person who should not be dealing with the public.
It sounds as though he/they are real bullies and this is probably exacerbated by your being a woman. He quite possibly thinks you should be home in your apron where you belong and simply doesn't know how to relate to a woman in a business sense.
Others have suggested you should just walk away. I did that, though the amount of money involved was much less than in your case. I did that after contacting Fair Trading and the CPA Association, both of whom were entirely unsupportive. I could see that pursuing the matter through either of these organisations would involve stress on my part and probably zilch in the way of a favourable outcome.
Ghoti (I think) has suggested mediation. That's a great idea. Don't know why I didn't think of that in my own instance, particularly as I'm a Justice Dept trained mediator! It may be that just writing a letter to this bully saying something along the lines that because it appears an equitable solution to the problem is not forthcoming you feel it would be best to seek mediation on the issue. This should make him realise you are serious and not prepared to be put back "in your box".
(The actual situation isn't comparable, of course, but a few months ago I took this tack with some neighbours whose tree was causing huge problems on my property. Talking to them was unproductive so I wrote them a letter and said I would be seeking mediation on the matter. I got a letter back the next day saying they would do what I had asked and the tree was attended to within two weeks, much to my relief. I duly thanked them very much, took some flowers round, and we are all friends again. Sometimes you just have to let people know you are serious.)
The suggestion to have a discussion with your solicitor also makes good sense in order to clarify what your obligations (if any) are and what rights you have in the situation.
So, my suggestion would be to try to take a step back, think carefully about what you actually want out of this situation, check the legal aspect, and then put in place the necessary steps to do one thing at a time, trying to be a bit objective and less emotional about it.
But, of course, I'd be the first to say that that's much easier to say than do. When you're upset as obviously you will be in a crappy situation like this, it's immensely hard to be objective.
All the best. Keep us posted of course.
Julia
I'm really sorry you're having such an unpleasant time. What strategies do you have for reducing stress? Long walk on the beach? Massage? Whatever works, this is probably the time to try to do that for an hour or two. I always find that if I step back from the problem for a while I'm able to see it more objectively than if I get angrier by giving it my whole focus.
You have training in this area. Think about what you'd recommend someone else to do.
The dispute with the accountants appears to have reached a highly antagonistic and unprofessional level on their part. His remark to you about your not being profitable (or whatever the wording was) is unforgivable and shows either that (a) he is very rattled indeed about the situation, or (b) he's just a very nasty sort of person who should not be dealing with the public.
It sounds as though he/they are real bullies and this is probably exacerbated by your being a woman. He quite possibly thinks you should be home in your apron where you belong and simply doesn't know how to relate to a woman in a business sense.
Others have suggested you should just walk away. I did that, though the amount of money involved was much less than in your case. I did that after contacting Fair Trading and the CPA Association, both of whom were entirely unsupportive. I could see that pursuing the matter through either of these organisations would involve stress on my part and probably zilch in the way of a favourable outcome.
Ghoti (I think) has suggested mediation. That's a great idea. Don't know why I didn't think of that in my own instance, particularly as I'm a Justice Dept trained mediator! It may be that just writing a letter to this bully saying something along the lines that because it appears an equitable solution to the problem is not forthcoming you feel it would be best to seek mediation on the issue. This should make him realise you are serious and not prepared to be put back "in your box".
(The actual situation isn't comparable, of course, but a few months ago I took this tack with some neighbours whose tree was causing huge problems on my property. Talking to them was unproductive so I wrote them a letter and said I would be seeking mediation on the matter. I got a letter back the next day saying they would do what I had asked and the tree was attended to within two weeks, much to my relief. I duly thanked them very much, took some flowers round, and we are all friends again. Sometimes you just have to let people know you are serious.)
The suggestion to have a discussion with your solicitor also makes good sense in order to clarify what your obligations (if any) are and what rights you have in the situation.
So, my suggestion would be to try to take a step back, think carefully about what you actually want out of this situation, check the legal aspect, and then put in place the necessary steps to do one thing at a time, trying to be a bit objective and less emotional about it.
But, of course, I'd be the first to say that that's much easier to say than do. When you're upset as obviously you will be in a crappy situation like this, it's immensely hard to be objective.
All the best. Keep us posted of course.
Julia
