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A few more of Spike Milligan's poems
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/bump/
A Silly Poem
Spike Milligan
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
Bump
Spike Milligan
Things that go 'bump' in the night
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear
That lets in the fear,
That, and the absence of light!
Mirror, Mirror
Spike Milligan
A young spring-tender girl
combed her joyous hair
'You are very ugly' said the mirror.
But,
on her lips hung
a smile of dove-secret loveliness,
for only that morning had not
the blind boy said,
'You are beautiful'?
Have A Nice Day
Spike Milligan
'Help, help, ' said a man. 'I'm drowning.'
'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help, ' said the man. 'I'm not clowning.'
'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You, see I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.'
'How long, ' said the man who was drowning. 'Will it take for the Doc to arrive? '
'Not very long, ' said the man with the disease. 'Till then try staying alive.'
'Very well, ' said the man who was drowning. 'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning
And other things he wrote.'
'Help, help, ' said the man with the disease, 'I suddenly feel quite ill.'
'Keep calm.' said the man who was drowning, ' Breathe deeply and lie quite still.'
'Oh dear, ' said the man with the awful disease. 'I think I'm going to die.'
'Farewell, ' said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye.'
So the man who was drowning, drownded
And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that,
And a fire in my flat,
It's been a very nice day.
Like sandbluffs carved into fantastic shapes by the desert winds
like rocks shaped by ocean waves
camel DNA has been sculpted
by survival in ancient deserts
and even more ancient seas
to yield modern camels.
Camel DNA speaks –
if only we could understand the language –
of the changing worlds of camel ancestors.
If only we could understand the language
the DNA of tuna and starfish
would have “sea” written into the text.
The DNA of moles and earthworms
would spell “underground”.
I believe that by 2050 we shall be able to read the language. We shall feed the genome of any unknown animal into a computer which will reconstruct not only the form of the animal but the detailed world in which its ancestors (who were naturally selected to produce it) lived, including its predators and prey, parasites and hosts, nesting sites, and even hopes and fears.
How are camels adapted to the desert environment?
Hump: Camels store fat in their humps. They can go for 5 - 7 days without eating or drinking. When they haven't eaten for a while, the hump shrinks in size and flops over to one side.
Bactrian camels (found in the Gobi Desert of China) have two humps. Dromedary camels (found in Arabia and elsewhere in the Middle East) have one hump.
Eyes: A camel has two rows of thick long eyelashes to keep out blowing sand.
Eyelids: Camels have a translucent (light can go through) second lid that allows light to go through, but protects the eye in mild sand storms.
Stomach: Camels have three-part stomachs. After eating without much chewing, the food goes into the first stomach. Then, like with cows and other grazers, the "cud" is regurgitated (spit up), chewed, and goes into the second and then third parts of the stomach for complete digestion.
Feet: The feet of camels are large, flat, and round. This keeps them from sinking into the soft sand. Their feet have leathery pads and two toes on each foot that spread out when hitting the ground. The camel moves both feet on one side of its body, then both feet on the other, causing its body to rock back and forth while walking.
Nostrils: During a sandstorm the camel's nostrils can close down to keep out the sand.
Eating and Drinking: A camel can go 5-7 days with little or no food and water, and can lose a quarter of its body weight. Today camels are fed dates, grass and grains such as wheat and oats, but a camel traveling across a desert where food is scarce can easily survive on thorny scrub bushes, or whatever it can find - bones, seeds, dried leaves, even bits of leather.
A large animal can drink as much as 21 gallons of water in ten minutes. This amount would kill all other mammals, but the camel can store water in its bloodstream.
Strong backs and legs: Camels have long, thin legs with powerful muscles. They can carry heavy loads over long distances. A strong camel can carry as much as 990 lbs., but a usual and more comfortable load weight is 330 lbs. Camels usually work as beasts of burden for only six to eight months of the year and rest the remainder of the time and recuperate (regain their strength).
Speed: Walking speed is 3 miles per hour (m.p.h.). A camel caravan would normally travel 25 miles a day. A racing camel can reach 12 m.p.h. at a gallop for short distances. This speed was used by Arab warriors in attacking an enemy.
Weight: A fully-grown camel can weigh up to 1540 lbs.
History: Scientists believe that ancestors of the modern camel lived in North America at least 40 million years ago. It wandered across the Alaskan 'land bridge' to Asia and eventually to Africa. In Asia, two groups separated to become the dromedary and the Bactrian camel. Camels are related to the llama and alpaca of North America.
Mouth: A camel has 34 sharp teeth which help it eat thorny bushes and tough material. Camels can also use their teeth as a dangerous weapon in a fight.
Life span: The normal life span of a camel is 40 years. Camels don't usually do heavy work beyond 25 years of age. A camel is mature after 5 years of age.
explod lol
bit of a worry when your long term memory starts creeping up to the surface.
My mum is mid 90's
suddenly comes out with song lyrics from the 20's and 30's etcexample :-
"Whattya know, she smiled at me in my dreams last night
My dreams are getting better all the time,
to think that we were strangers just a couple of nights ago
we didn't even know how to say hello
and now we can't stop saying it. " etc
plus as for her jokes, lol. - moral of the story - beware what you memorise m8.
lol - like the mate's father in law - puts the dishes in that ... white round porcelain dishwasher thingo...and started heading to the bathroom with dinner plates.
OVER THE HILL (by anon)
We're over the hill but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
........
But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say.
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here.
We are over the hill and feeling so sadFound this poem - not sure I agree lol. but at least it's back on thread...
OVER THE HILL
We're over the hill but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
........
But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say.
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here.
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