To breed, or not to breed?

[Riddick]

I have always been fascinated by the reasoning people go through before they decide to have children. From a very young age, actually I was 8 and can distinctly remember the moment, I realised having kids was not for me. Since then I have wondered what it was that made people invite such drastic and irreversible change into their lives. Are women still pressured by society? Do men feel a foreboding sense of mortality as they mature and think it is somehow important they leave a physical mark on the world?
For the life of me I can't work it out, which is no slight on people who have families mind you, just a mystery I feel i will never concoct a suitable answer to.
Not that I actually spend much time these days analysing the motivations of people, but with a few of my work colleagues and one of my friends either recently having, or imminently about to have, offspring I thought it would be interesting to hear from both sides of the fence. What were your reasons and what are your objections?

thanks

 

[Garpal Gumnut]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

I have always been fascinated by the reasoning people go through before they decide to have children. From a very young age, actually I was 8 and can distinctly remember the moment, I realised having kids was not for me. Since then I have wondered what it was that made people invite such drastic and irreversible change into their lives. Are women still pressured by society? Do men feel a foreboding sense of mortality as they mature and think it is somehow important they leave a physical mark on the world?
For the life of me I can't work it out, which is no slight on people who have families mind you, just a mystery I feel i will never concoct a suitable answer to.
Not that I actually spend much time these days analysing the motivations of people, but with a few of my work colleagues and one of my friends either recently having, or imminently about to have, offspring I thought it would be interesting to hear from both sides of the fence. What were your reasons and what are your objections?

thanks

We tend to over analyse these days.

Breeding is about getting down and dirty to pass on your genes and those of your ancestors over others' genes.

To quote the Bard from Henry V

Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!

gg

 

[gooner]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

- seeing your genes, face etc in your children
- the joy of teaching them so many things
- the joy of learning from your children - patience, humility..........
- making your wife, in-laws and parents happy - they love being grandparents
- playing football in the park, animals at the zoo, first public performance
- you realise how much your children depend on you- it's a good behaviour modifier
- just watching them grow up

I've got three kids - 4,2,0 and love them all. It's great. I had a great time being single. But this is better.

 

[Riddick]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Do you guys still get time to do the stuff you did before you had kids, like sleep in, spend cash on frioulous things, hang out, go to the footy with mates, play stupidly loud music and have parties, watch sport or whatever it is that people do? The only couple in my close circle of friends (known for 10+ years) who have children have definitely dropped off the social radar in recent times. No more dive trips and playing in rock bands or going overseas to the snow. Seems like a sudden and dramatic change. Seems a shame to lose that part of your life (from an outsider looking in of course)

 

[Timmy]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Whichever way you decide to go Riddick, the important thing is to keep practicing the process

 

[CanOz]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Great thread Riddick, watching it keenly and wondering too why people have kids.

CanOz

 

[Riddick]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Great thread Riddick, watching it keenly and wondering too why people have kids.

CanOz

Thanks. my partner and I are both mid 30's and definitely not going down that road. just because I can't see reasons to have kids doesn't mean there are none.
IN my eternal quest for all knowledge I just want to know why...

 

[overit]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

I'm with you Riddick. I cant see myself having kids. At the moment every where I look people I know are popping out kids. One thing I have noticed is how many people are having 3 or 4. It seems to give some people a purpose in life.

 

[Fleeta]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

It seems to give some people a purpose in life.

Spot on! It's for people who have done everything they want to do and now are resigned to living the rest of their life through someone else (actually that sounds a bit harsh - and i'm sure parents can still have a life albeit moderated). Personally, i'm approaching that time, but other, perhaps more interesting people, want to fit more into their lives.

On another note, don't you think people should pass a test before they can have kids? Our world is suffering from over-population!

 

[skc]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Like Gooner has put it... there are many experiences that are unique to having your own children. I am definitely looking forward to facing those experiences, and willing to do so at the expense of missing out on dive trips, going to footy with mates etc.

 

[gooner]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Do you guys still get time to do the stuff you did before you had kids, like sleep in, spend cash on frioulous things, hang out, go to the footy with mates, play stupidly loud music and have parties, watch sport or whatever it is that people do? The only couple in my close circle of friends (known for 10+ years) who have children have definitely dropped off the social radar in recent times. No more dive trips and playing in rock bands or going overseas to the snow. Seems like a sudden and dramatic change. Seems a shame to lose that part of your life (from an outsider looking in of course)

Sleep in - not a chance now. Maybe when they are all over 5 years old. Seriously, you do not want a hangover with kids jumping all over you. And if you have a hangover, there is no alternative.

Spend cash on frivolous things - possibly, depends on financial circumstances. Often with kids, you go from two incomes to one income and have other expenses like nappies, more food, pre-school fees, more clothes, bigger car, bigger house.

No more dive trips - not surprising as under 5's can not scuba dive and DOCS will soon get involved if you leave them locked up in the car park. Assuming they survive the heat.

No more overseas ski trips. We used to ski regularly including overseas (does NZ count - more like a seventh state) but have not been since having first child. There are two ways of traveling - well or with children. Children hate planes in the early years, ears hurt, can't sleep so they cry a lot which means everyone else can't sleep. Long haul is very difficult but we have grandparents overseas thus we do the trip occasionally. As for diving, babies can not ski. Our eldest one could ski now, but probably means a father daughter trip so my wife could look after the younger ones who can not ski. Again, car park is an option. Assuming they survive the cold.

Rock bands would still work - would be a nice quiet break from the kids.

So yes, you lose ability to do some things, albeit temporary. Once kids are older, I can beat them at skiing downhill (for a while) and take them diving. But for losing ability to do some things, you also gain some great new experiences. And having children is one of life's great experiences.

Spot on! It's for people who have done everything they want to do and now are resigned to living the rest of their life through someone else (actually that sounds a bit harsh - and i'm sure parents can still have a life albeit moderated). Personally, i'm approaching that time, but other, perhaps more interesting people, want to fit more into their lives.

On another note, don't you think people should pass a test before they can have kids? Our world is suffering from over-population!

More interesting people" Perhaps people who are emotionally incapable of sharing time and love with someone else i.e. children. It is not about living through someone else, but about sharing your life with your children watching them grow up etc. You change one set of experiences for another newer more challenging, interesting set.

Like Gooner has put it... there are many experiences that are unique to having your own children. I am definitely looking forward to facing those experiences, and willing to do so at the expense of missing out on dive trips, going to footy with mates etc.

Exactly,life is a journey. And having children is one of life's great experiences. And seriously, you get fed up of going to nightclubs pretty soon after hitting 25.



Oh and at the end of the day, someone needs to wipe the drool off your face when you are old and decrepit. If no one had children, there would be no one to look after you in old age.

 

[Ageo]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Well yes i agree having a child will adjust things in your life, but sleeping in (yes the wife takes my daughter). I still go on regular hunting trips etc... so it hasnt changed a whole heap just now i do things in shorter time frames (i.e when i go away instead of a week i do 1 or 2 nights).

Do i regret having a daughter?, not for 1sec ever.

Riddick at the end of the day you need to do what makes you feel happy.

 

[Fishbulb]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

Western populations are shrinking. Abortion, lifestyle "choices" etc have guaranteed our extinction unless we turn that around and start breeding again. And I can't see that happening, unless there's a complete moral 180 in this society. The family unit, no matter what you may think of it, is the perfect container for raising kids. And before anyone raises the issue, I'm talking about heterosexual couples that are in a committed relationship. I assume you all had parents?

And...guess which populations are exploding?

 

[Knobby22]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

I have kids and most of the time it's great.

You are connected better socially and I have personally found I have many more BBQs, gold days with dads etc. For instance this next Saturday we are all going to the carpark at Flemington. The Racing Club will have kids activities s we will let them run wild while we party.

People say you have kids so have dropped off the social scene. I haven't. We have just modified it. I always got bored at clubs anyway. 45 year old blokes at night clubs is just pathetic anyway.

It is also great to watch the kids grow up, teach them how to ride a bike, play footy. You people with no kids don't understand how good it is.

And when you are old and decrepit and no one gives a damn about you, you will be envious of the mates with grandkids.

You can't live for your own selfish hedonism all your life. It's meaningless and pointless.

 

[alphaman]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

You can't live for your own selfish hedonism all your life

No offense, but looking at the reasons you provide for having kids, they seem quite selfish to me. All about how it makes you feel good to have have kids.

Don't get me wrong, parenting is a lot of hard work. No doubt about that. But you started the process for yourself, you actually enjoy the hard work, and you get the reward of seeing your kids grow. There is certainly a degree of selfishness there.

 

[jbocker]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

I dont know how to explain the feeling of having kids, other than just to say it has been the best thing I have ever done in my life.
Best bit, it has been getting better the older they get. Mine are now 25(G), 22(B) and 18(G). Catch up all the time, and they are my best friends.

Yes it was a change when the first one arrived, it was brilliant and never regretted what I was supposedely missing out on. It is a new adventure, and you can still do the previous stuff, but a lot less and you appreciate it probably more but dont miss it.

When they are young and you play, you relearn that it doesnt take much to be truly happy.

 

[scanspeak]

The number 1 reason I hear when I ask friends why they want kids is "someone to look after me when I'm old".

Sounds a bit selfish to me.

I'm 42 and still haven't made up my mind.

 

[Blitzed]

Re: To breed, or not to breed

No offense, but looking at the reasons you provide for having kids, they seem quite selfish to me. All about how it makes you feel good to have have kids.

Don't get me wrong, parenting is a lot of hard work. No doubt about that. But you started the process for yourself, you actually enjoy the hard work, and you get the reward of seeing your kids grow. There is certainly a degree of selfishness there.

My thoughts too.

 

[Surfer35]

I've got a kid. big mistake.

will sell if anyone wants it

 

[Wysiwyg]

It is a natural event that all living organisms perform. It is a natural event for me too. My first breeding came unexpected and left unexpected. That is sad.