# Can men ever just be friends with women?



## Sean K (5 January 2009)

Or does the sex thing always get in the way?


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## prawn_86 (5 January 2009)

*Re: Can men ever be just friends with women?*

ha, my and my gf were just talking about this last night.

Its natural for men to want to 'spread the seed' so i think most men want to get it on with at least some of their women friends. I think they can be friends if either the men restrain themselves from going after 'the sex thing' or if the woman refuses intially and the man gets the picture and resigns himself to friendship status


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## sam76 (5 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Or does the sex thing always get in the way?





Hopefully.


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## Nyden (5 January 2009)

Depends on a great deal of many factors - maturity level being one of them.

I'd postulate that a pair of 60 year olds (male and female) could be best of friends without anything sexual, or romantic coming out of it. Whilst at the same time, I would not deem it appropriate for 2 unavailable 20-somethings to share such a relationship outside of their partners.

There's a general rule for when you're in a relationship - if you feel the need to keep something from your partner, you're probably doing something wrong  Emotional affairs can be quite damaging. A one-night romp in bed would probably even be easier to let go of as well.


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## mayk (5 January 2009)

Nyden said:


> Depends on a great deal of many factors - maturity level being one of them.
> 
> I'd postulate that a pair of 60 year olds (male and female) could be best of friends without anything sexual, or romantic coming out of it. Whilst at the same time, I would not deem it appropriate for 2 unavailable 20-somethings to share such a relationship outside of their partners.
> 
> There's a general rule for when you're in a relationship - if you feel the need to keep something from your partner, you're probably doing something wrong  Emotional affairs can be quite damaging. A one-night romp in bed would probably even be easier to let go of as well.





Wait till you are 60   Interesting poll result so far. 

P.S: Just friends sucks with hot girls.


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## Nyden (5 January 2009)

mayk said:


> Wait till you are 60   Interesting poll result so far.
> 
> P.S: Just friends sucks with hot girls.




The age is not entirely the point, but the maturity level. There would of course even be quite a few 80 year old individuals to whom such a relationship would be inappropriate!

I guess age is an issue though as well; as surely 80+ year olds do not find fellows of their own age to be "hot". I would assume that when seeking relationships at that age, personality, security, and perhaps even health would be the dominating factors!

 ... all I know is, I've never yet seen an elderly gentlemen "checking out" an 80 year old woman


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## Sean K (5 January 2009)

Nyden said:


> There's a general rule for when you're in a relationship - if you feel the need to keep something from your partner, you're probably doing something wrong  Emotional affairs can be quite damaging. A one-night romp in bed would probably even be easier to let go of as well.



Interesting point this.

I've contested before that an emotional relationship can be more damaging than a sexual one, but some women have shot me down ....


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## Sean K (5 January 2009)

I'm trying to amend the poll to read:

Yes, under some circumstances 

to make it seem more reasonable...


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## tigerboi (5 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Or does the sex thing always get in the way?






prawn_86 said:


> ha, my and my gf were just talking about this last night.
> 
> Its natural for men to want to 'spread the seed' so i think most men want to get it on with at least some of their women friends. I think they can be friends if either the men restrain themselves from going after 'the sex thing' or if the woman refuses intially and the man gets the picture and resigns himself to friendship status






sam76 said:


> Hopefully.




firstly i didnt know you could use quoted text to punch above 100 shady characters...

secondly it is possible to not want to get about all good sorts however it is fraught with much peril where the woman wants & you dont...women dont take rejection well...
women in this instance can become very                                   vicious,vindictive,vacuous,vain,vampish,vehement,venereal!,anymore v's?
venting
(of course),vengeful,verbal,virginal!,vexing,vigilant,vile!,vitriolic,violent,virtuous,
vocal,vociferous,volcanic!,vulgar,vulturesque...

fine line between being friends & holding out on the wrong woman...all only my opinion & past experience...tb


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## prawn_86 (5 January 2009)

tigerboi said:


> firstly i didnt know you could use quoted text to punch above 100 shady characters...




TB, 100char rule only applies in stock thread. General chat and other forums its fine to use less that 100char


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## Sean K (5 January 2009)

Also, please note that this is _men_ just being friends with women.

'Can women just be friends with men' may be another topic, but of course not unrelated. 

Or, the women may want to add their  in here anyway.


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## GreatPig (5 January 2009)

Depends whether you're sexually attracted to the women or not. If you are sexually attracted to a women, then "let's just be friends" is the sexual equivalent of the fat lady singing! While it can be frustrating just being friends with a woman you're sexually attracted to, it is certainly possible.

On the other hand, being friends with a woman you're not sexually attracted to is dead easy. I know some guys would have it on with anything on two legs, but some of us are more discerning! 

I think it also depends a lot on the quality and quantity of the sex you're getting already. If that's good, then missing out on more isn't such a big deal (especially if you're married! ).

GP


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## xyzedarteerf (5 January 2009)

i have been friends with my ex for a few years now, my answer would be yes as the sex already happened so the sexual tension is already gone, with her being interstate probably helps my partner accept our friendship.


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## chops_a_must (5 January 2009)

Yes.

One of my best mates is a 'sheila'. Can't happen if there is physical attraction there though.


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## gav (5 January 2009)

Just because you find someone attractive, doesnt mean you want to have sex with them.  I cant speak for others, but I am friends with females who I find attractive but do not want to sleep with..


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## nomore4s (5 January 2009)

chops_a_must said:


> Yes.
> 
> One of my best mates is a 'sheila'. Can't happen if there is physical attraction there though.




Does he know you call him a sheila, lol :


(Joking)


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## Calliope (5 January 2009)

Yes. Now that women are starting to think and act like men, procreation can be ruled out of the equation. We have just about reached the point where men and women engage in sex, as  casually as as they satisfy other needs together, like hunger or thirst.

A lot of the younger people I know often form short relationships, and then move on to other partners. They remain in the same groups and stay friends, with no recriminations as far as I can see.


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## Nyden (5 January 2009)

Calliope said:


> Yes. Now that women are starting to think and act like men, procreation can be ruled out of the equation. We have just about reached the point where men and women engage in sex, as  casually as as they satisfy other needs together, like hunger or thirst.
> 
> A lot of the younger people I know often form short relationships, and then move on to other partners. They remain in the same groups and stay friends, with no recriminations as far as I can see.




Do you not think that this is at all dangerous though? When sex is left to be something 'special' within a loving relationship, it aids to create a bond between 2 people. However, once sex becomes a common and casual 'handshake' between friends, does this not have a detrimental impact on ones overall emotional state, and their ability to remain in a stable, and committed relationship?

The young women of today are quite ghastly though, what with their 'new' attitudes.


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## voyz (5 January 2009)

im struggling with my ex atm who wants to be friends but has another partner. dont want anything to do with her anymore as she only calls when she needs sumthing. i guess it depends if u have feeling for the girl or not wehter u can JUST be friends.


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## Glen48 (5 January 2009)

It all depends on your DNA ( not on the ASX ).
And you relationship with the Woman if she was your boss and married or an Employee  suppose this is why Females need the law to protect them unless they want to break the law then it is ok.


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## Sean K (5 January 2009)

voyz said:


> i guess it depends if u have feeling for the girl or not wehter u can JUST be friends.



Interesting point. Do the emotional feelings come before the sexual feelings for males?


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## Boggo (5 January 2009)

Calliope said:


> Yes. Now that women are starting to think and act like men, procreation can be ruled out of the equation.




That comment reminded me of a guy I used to work with, he kept trying (unsuccessfully) to convince me that "sex is for procreation, not for recreation."

Best fun you can have without laughing, although sometimes you gotta have a little giggle :jerry


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## tigerboi (5 January 2009)

sam76 said:


> Hopefully.






prawn_86 said:


> TB, 100char rule only applies in stock thread. General chat and other forums its fine to use less that 100char




now i get it coz i was thinking  gee sams light on there...tb


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## Calliope (5 January 2009)

Nyden said:


> Do you not think that this is at all dangerous though? When sex is left to be something 'special' within a loving relationship, it aids to create a bond between 2 people. However, once sex becomes a common and casual 'handshake' between friends, does this not have a detrimental impact on ones overall emotional state, and their ability to remain in a stable, and committed relationship?
> 
> The young women of today are quite ghastly though, what with their 'new' attitudes.




You are quite right. These situations can only be to the detriment of society, but the numbers sharing this view are dwindling.

Men quickly become mates with women act like them. They are attracted to those who share the following attributes;

binge drinking
falling down drunk
vomiting in public
overt farting and belching
using obscene and uncouth language
aggressive driving
road rage
promiscuous shagging, etc

Women used to have a moderating influence on men's behaviour. But no more. They have joined them.


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## Naked shorts (5 January 2009)

Well, I thought it was possible. But put alcohol & dancing into the mix and welll.. lets just say I had two GF's I thought were just friends..... (on separate occasions, unfortunately)


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## Sean K (5 January 2009)

Naked shorts said:


> Well, I thought it was possible. But put alcohol & dancing into the mix and welll.. lets just say I had two GF's I thought were just friends..... (on separate occasions, unfortunately)



LOL, I'm sure a few beers at the work Christmas party has resulted in some regrettful actions..

Unfortunately, I think alcohol just distorts reason, not make you say or do things you really mean. 

Or, not.

Another question:

Would any male here be happy to see his partner going to long lunches, or after work drinks with a male work collegue over an extended period of time? What do you think the result would be?


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## Nyden (5 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Would any male here be happy to see his partner going to long lunches, or after work drinks with a male work collegue over an extended period of time? What do you think the result would be?




The male colleague winding up at the bottom of a lake, with a new pair of cement boots :


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## Boggo (5 January 2009)

Post-it notes, for when you have too many 'friends'


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## Agentm (5 January 2009)

kennas said:


> LOL, I'm sure a few beers at the work Christmas party has resulted in some regrettful actions..
> 
> Unfortunately, I think alcohol just distorts reason, not make you say or do things you really mean.
> 
> ...




no probs on the partner having lunches with males, nor working them nor anything really..

imho many here are saying they cant have female friends, i have many and often find myself being the only male in a group of 6 or 8 female friends, either out socially or weekends away just as sometimes my partner ends up with a house full of males sometimes.. 

no one i know has hangups on this what so ever, anyone feeling that way simply isnt going to cut it with the people i know.. i find this topic really odd really.  its like saying you cant trust yourself or your partner to have a friendship with any males/females outside of your relationship. thats bizarre!!  whether your a male of female a friend is a friend..


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## Ageo (5 January 2009)

lol i laugh everytime i hear/read or talk about this.

For most guys i reckon if the girl "friend" became really close and actually insisted she wanted to sleep with you (and actually tried to seduce you) i reckon 99.9% of guys would do it. I know this sounds slack but in school i never wanted to be friends with girls i couldnt see myself sleeping with and for some reason that stood with most males in my yr (and alot in the school).

Any guy that says he can be really close friends with a female who tries to hit on you or flirts with you etc.... and doesnt want to sleep with her is a fookin liar


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## Boggo (5 January 2009)

Ageo said:


> Any guy that says he can be really close friends with a female who tries to hit on you or flirts with you etc.... and doesnt want to sleep with her is a fookin liar




Or he is a double adaptor, not that there is anything wrong with that :22_yikes:


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## MRC & Co (5 January 2009)

gav said:


> Just because you find someone attractive, doesnt mean you want to have sex with them.  I cant speak for others, but I am friends with females who I find attractive but do not want to sleep with..




Really?  lol, could have fooled me!

Agree with Chops though, you can if your not sexually attracted to her, just hope she is not sexually attracted to you either, it can work both ways!


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## MRC & Co (5 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Unfortunately, I think alcohol just distorts reason, not make you say or do things you really mean.




This could be an entire new thread on it's own.

Many say, "a drunken mans words, are a sober mans thoughts".

IMVHO, that is complete and utter BS.  I've said many things when I'm drunk (don't even remember saying them sometimes), that I honestly have NO CLUE where I ever got them from.


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## gav (5 January 2009)

MRC & Co said:


> Really?  lol, could have fooled me!
> 
> Agree with Chops though, you can if your not sexually attracted to her, just hope she is not sexually attracted to you either, it can work both ways!




Haha MRC!  I guess this is where what Great Pig said earler: "I think it also depends a lot on the quality and quantity of the sex you're getting already. If that's good, then missing out on more isn't such a big deal"

I am very happy in that department, so maybe thats why


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## MRC & Co (5 January 2009)

gav said:


> I am very happy in that department, so maybe thats why




Yes, I am getting good quality and as much quantity as I would like.

BUT..............ever heard the theory about the new cow and the old cow?  Something new (and attractive), would always be fun!  Perhaps I should have been born into a Muslim community?


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## golfmos123 (5 January 2009)

Interesting comments being floated around.  I have many female friends so I guess that makes me either ugly, viewed as safe, or they know my wife will hunt them down if they try anything!!!


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## ColB (5 January 2009)

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Calliope
> Yes. Now that women are starting to think and act like men, procreation can be ruled out of the equation.
> 
> ...



It’s great to read a girl’s post demonstrating a little libido!  

Like I think I’m in luuv.   

There’s something about the name ‘BOGGO’ that just doesn’t quite do it for me though!!


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## 2020hindsight (5 January 2009)

only marginally relevant, but the Aussie MCP is probably becoming harder to find ...  ten years ago, would men have been caught dead wearing pink to the cricket ? 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/01/05/2459562.htm


> SCG a sea of pink for breast cancer
> Posted 1 hour 2 minutes ago
> 
> Spectators turned the SCG into a sea of pink today as they marked Jane McGrath Day during the third Test match against South Africa.
> ...


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## tech/a (5 January 2009)

*Hell yeh!*

I have 2 very long term "Girl friends" Each I have known for over 20 yrs.
Each around 15 yrs ago before I married again and in the 12 yrs of Bachelor party before marriage no 2 with my wife of now 10 yrs, in both cases we had the opportunity to "Get Physical" both are 8 yrs younger than me. Both girls are very much people most guys want to get physical with,infant both hate the attention.

One Has now been married 8 yrs and the other divorced after 8 yrs of marriage to a guy 8 yrs younger than her.

In both cases at "Crunch time" I asked.
Do you want our friendship OR the memory even though we all were single at the time.
We all chose the friendship.

I and they cherish that great friendship,one of unconditional love we have that we can both share without guilt or secrecy!

By the way my wife has 4 male friends who are longterm and share a very similar story. 2 in the UK I have met and 2 here in australia I also know well.
She also knows my friends.
In both cases my wife and I we keep those friendships for us,we rarely get together as a group.

So it is possible.


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## Glen48 (5 January 2009)

If the relationship is a dud try this:
http://www.mensa.org/workout2.php


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## Smurf1976 (5 January 2009)

xyzedarteerf said:


> i have been friends with my ex for a few years now, my answer would be yes as the sex already happened so the sexual tension is already gone, with her being interstate probably helps my partner accept our friendship.



Same situation here although the actual relationship breakup was always on good terms (long story that I won't go into ). 

Only time it got a bit wierd was when, due to unplanned circumstances, we ended up staying in the same hotel room (separate bunk beds though). That was certainly a strange experience at the time, but not a bad one in hindsight.

So I'd say yes, friendship is possible but it does depend very much on the individuals.


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## rustyheela (5 January 2009)

in the end someone always ends up wanting more, and its not always the guy!!

p.s. im a male and experienced it from both sides


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## chops_a_must (5 January 2009)

MRC & Co said:


> Agree with Chops though, you can if your not sexually attracted to her, just hope she is not sexually attracted to you either, it can work both ways!




MUST... GROW.... AnOTHER... MOUSTACHE!!!


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## gav (5 January 2009)

MRC & Co said:


> Yes, I am getting good quality and as much quantity as I would like.
> 
> BUT..............ever heard the theory about the new cow and the old cow?  Something new (and attractive), would always be fun!  Perhaps I should have been born into a Muslim community?




LOL! Maybe I'm just boring, I am quite content with the old cow :


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## nunthewiser (5 January 2009)

um.......... i have women friends who i dont use or regard in a sexual maner , i also have other women friends that i often enjoy there freindship and company but also sleep with ..up here at the convent there known as  "fark buddys " 

we do our thing , go our ways , catch up to go party and if we get on down later .so be it .if not we still had a blast 

neither inteferes in each others lives above being friends and i reckon there should be more of it 

long live convent livin!

amen


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## Sean K (6 January 2009)

tech/a said:


> *Hell yeh!*
> 
> I have 2 very long term "Girl friends" Each I have known for over 20 yrs..



Never ONCE had a sexual thought about them Tech? Maybe they read this and you can't answer? 

There's still time for the sex thing to get in the way you know, you're not that old.


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## chops_a_must (6 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Never ONCE had a sexual thought about them Tech? Maybe they read this and you can't answer?
> 
> There's still time for the sex thing to get in the way you know, you're not that old.




They're his daughters.


Sorry Tech, had to score points on the SA thing before someone else did.


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## tech/a (6 January 2009)

chops_a_must said:


> They're his daughters.
> 
> 
> Sorry Tech, had to score points on the SA thing before someone else did.




Haha.

Only one daughter,that I admit to!

Had the opportunity with both friends when at times we have both been single.
Jointly decided not to and was/is the correct decision.
Mainly because we couldnt handle one another as partners!! Weve been friends long enough to know!

Thats a point you know there comes a time with friends when you know!

Best to do the physical thing when you dont!


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## Knobby22 (6 January 2009)

tech/a said:


> Haha.
> 
> Only one daughter,that I admit to!
> 
> ...




True, Tech.
You can be good friends with women, you just need to have known them well and for a reasonable amount of time.


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## marklar (6 January 2009)

Seems timely to post a link to http://www.laddertheory.com/



> The ladder theory is a funny, scientific explanation of how men and women
> are attracted to each other. It also covers such topics as why women
> sometimes just want to be friends but men always want sex. It is based upon
> many years of sociological field testing, and was first conceptualized in
> ...




m.


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## kgee (7 January 2009)

kissed a girl I had been friends with for 6 years at a new years eve cocktail party. At the time it seemed like fun.... like we were naughty school kids and it was all a bit of a laugh
but it was weird ....I mean you've had a mate for ages and then you see a totally differrent side to them ..I mean mates are mates , but then when they'ere soft cuddly and doesn't help that theyr'e babes ...man I obsessed about her for 2 days...you know the question kept running in my head what if????WTF
still a little confused, well very confused...good question Kennas,


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## Sean K (7 January 2009)

I've been looking at this from an evolutionary perspective to try and get an answer. 

Two things I think are _generally_ true.

Men have a higher lust to weight ratio than females. 
Women like to nurture more and have close companionship.

If true, why so?

Perhaps to survive as a species men had to be given an extra shot of testosterone for 2 reasons. One, to fight off T Rex, and two, to keep wanting to put his willy into things, thus the 200 errections every night. Women on the other hand can have one baby every 9 months or so, so what's the point in wanting to have sex every minute? And more importantly, once that baby pops out, it has to be looked after, and who is going to do that? Obviously some unconditional love is required and the famale also needs protecting, thus the companionship. To survive the female is also going to choose a mate that doesn't just get it up, but has the traits required that will allow her and her baby to survive. Back then, this may have been strength and maybe a nice cave. 

Two different backgrounds to the sex issue. 

Does it mean we can't be friends though? Maybe we've evolved to a point where we don't have to just keep sticking our willies into things?


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## chops_a_must (7 January 2009)

kennas said:


> Does it mean we can't be friends though? Maybe we've evolved to a point where we don't have to just keep sticking our willies into things?




I dunno...

GW kept sticking his willy into things which only produced some massive **** ups.


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## kgee (7 January 2009)

kennas said:


> I've been looking at this from an evolutionary perspective to try and get an answer.
> 
> 
> Women like to nurture more and have close companionship.




Mate where does Paris Hilton fit into this world scanario


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## chops_a_must (7 January 2009)

kgee said:


> Mate where does Paris Hilton fit into this world scanario




More to the point... what fits in Paris? Or perhaps more easily answered, what doesn't fit in Paris, in this scenario?


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## kgee (7 January 2009)

chops_a_must said:


> More to the point... what fits in Paris? Or perhaps more easily answered, what doesn't fit in Paris, in this scenario?




Dont understand chicks love her!


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## Who Dares Wins (7 January 2009)

Consider this: 

One of my mates had a girlfriend for about 5 years that he was living with. I was in a relationship too. All for of us spent alot of time together over those years and I became friends with her too, but in the way that couples do. They would stay at our place for weekends and she would swim in the pool and we would all go away for weekends as well. We were all close.

Coincidentally both my own relationship and there's broke up almost simultaneously.

About 6 months after that had happened I ran into her in a bar in the city one night. We talked for abit, had a drink together, and then went straight back to my hotel and chopped it up all night long.

The thing is, during those years when we had all been friends I had thought she was attractive but can't recall the thoughts going any further than that probably because there were the social constraints in place of us both being hooked up with other people.    

As soon as those constraints were removed however, even though we were friends.....bang - game on!

And the other thing is, even though I was and still am very good friends with her ex (my mate) there was no way in the world I considered not sleeping with her because of that reason. She was a female and she got-up, thats all it took. Probably the same for her too.

Face it. It's primal. Our legs are just a transportation system for our DNA.


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## Spanning Tree (7 January 2009)

If it were all about sex then men wouldn't bother with marriage because of its costs (e.g. the average wedding ceremony costs $22,000). They would go for the low-cost option of using a prostitute. With a prostitute they also get good-looking and young girls. The fact that so many men are willing to marry the one girl is proof that there is more to it than sex.


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## Sean K (7 January 2009)

Spanning Tree said:


> If it were all about sex then men wouldn't bother with marriage because of its costs (e.g. the average wedding ceremony costs $22,000). They would go for the low-cost option of using a prostitute. With a prostitute they also get good-looking and young girls. The fact that so many men are willing to marry the one girl is proof that there is more to it than sex.



I agree there is much more to it. Socialisation of the human over thousands of years has developed our social customs and behaviours, including the invention of monogomy (for the West) and marriage. This has probably come about as a form of social control but also a natural desire to 'nest'. The base instict still may be to have sex with the opposite gender, or as we've discussed elsewhere, with anything else. Men also need companionship of course. Don't really get that with a prostitute, although you hear strange tales of men falling in love with them. I think this is slightly askew to the topic.


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## Wysiwyg (7 January 2009)

I think it goes beyond logic and reasoning but the drama women create after going beyond friends is a turn off to some males yet an exciting game for others.

Size is important in the evolutionary process ... 


> Certainly, the *intense sexual jealousy and competitiveness among human **beings *strongly suggest that adultery has a long history in our species. (Why would our biology have outfitted us with such traits if utter fidelity were the rule?) In this regard, moreover, testicles have a tale to tell.
> 
> Gorillas, despite their large bodies, have comparatively tiny testicles. Those of chimpanzees, by contrast, are immense. The reason for the difference seems clear: Gorilla males compete with their bodies, not their sperm. Once a dominant silverback male has achieved control over a harem of females, he is pretty much guaranteed to be the only male who copulates with them.
> 
> Chimps, by contrast, experience a sexual free-for-all, with many different males often copulating in succession with the same adult female. As a result, male chimpanzees compete with their sperm, and they have evolved big testicles to produce large quantities of it. In most species, the ratio of testicle size to body size is a good predictor of how many sexual partners an animal is likely to have.


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## y0ud (7 January 2009)

its innate

legs transport for dna and so forth.

everything gets better in time, in the sense that the sex you have with that one person can get prettttty good (before it dies off in marriage). i think that when your happy with someone, the urges to act on the seed spreading instinct become less and less. that might be because of the increase in sex goodness or maybe just guilt haha.

i think that girls can smell the new relationship on you the same way dogs smell fear. they will do everything they can to mess up the potential seed germanization process.


i dont think physical attractiveness gets in the way at all. spreading the seed is spreading the seed.  

pretty sure monogamy can be directly linked to the state of the world today (marrying for money/security/to early etc). angst and bordem just act as a catalyst for seed spreading monogamy.  


as for the guys in the thread that have gotten together with friends ex's . shame on you.


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## Who Dares Wins (7 January 2009)

y0ud said:


> as for the guys in the thread that have gotten together with friends ex's . shame on you.




Oh come on!......These are the days of $50 Billion pyrimad schemes... you're not that niave are you? I only slept with his ex! 

For what its worth I told him the next day........he just wanted to know if she was good to me.


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