# Weddings



## Julia (15 September 2010)

This thread is prompted by my having idly watched the Channel 7 program this evening "Four Weddings".  For those who have (perhaps wisely) chosen not to look at this, four soon to be brides get together and compete for some fantastic honeymoon as first prize.

In so doing they describe what their wedding will be like, the essential features of it, and the cost.  Tonight's ranged from around $5000 (I think) for a pub lunch and casual ceremony to $80,000 for gold stretch vehicle for the bridesmaids plus horsedrawn carriage for the bride.

Each wedding was eventually shown and the other three contestants got to critique every aspect.  This was an example of young women at their most catty and destructive.

The ironic result was that the most expensive shindig came last.

It started me thinking about how much young people spend on their weddings these days.  Friends of mine recently had their daughter get married to a bloke with whom she has been living for about ten years.  The girl is unemployed and the bloke is in casual employment.  They wanted the wedding with all the trimmings, around $60,000.

My friends suggested to them that instead of spending this much on a few hours of festivities, they (the parents) would rather see them use it for a deposit on a house.  The young people seem to have no capacity to save, so getting together any house deposit just isn't going to happen and they'll probably be in rental accommodation all their lives.

They have twice actually been back to live with mum and dad because they can't cope!

So maybe even acquiring a property of their own, they wouldn't keep up the mortgage payments.

Some ASF members will have children intending to marry, and some younger members may well be planning their own weddings.

I'm interested in what everyone thinks is a reasonable amount to spend on a wedding and why?


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## prawn_86 (15 September 2010)

We are in the middle of planning a wedding. Got engaged about a yr ago and wedding is in another years time.

We will probably spend about 20 - 25k on it not including the honeymoon. 10k will be from our parents, the rest will be our own money that we are saving (we save about $100 a week each and that has minimal impact on our everyday living). 

We found an amazing place in the country that we both like and the chefs are World class, and as food is such an important part of our life we are willing to pay for it. Will only be a small ceremony of about 60 close friends and family.


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## noie (15 September 2010)

My first wedding cost over 60k, the honeymoon and flights was close to half the cost.


My second (and last) cost 22k  only Family were invited


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## Tink (16 September 2010)

I watched that show too Julia, was that the first time it was on?

Happy middle is nice for a wedding

I must admit I was more concerned about an old cathedral than having gold hummers lol - everyone has a different view on how they want their wedding day


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## Ruby (16 September 2010)

Julia, I have to confess (with some embarrassment) that I watched it too!  It was mainly because I wanted to see the catty woman who was featured in all the promos, and who arrived at her wedding more than slightly inebriated, screeching "Where's April?"   What a hoot!!!

It is quite a long time since I have been involved in a wedding so have no idea what some of the costs are , but I prefer simplicity and good taste and can't see the pleasure or value in an elaborate side-show.  The idea of spending $60,000 on a wedding is in my view absurd in the extreme.   

And for second (or subsequent weddings)........... puleeeeze......... no white wedding dresses!!!


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## Calliope (16 September 2010)

Julia said:


> Friends of mine recently had their daughter get married to a bloke with whom she has been living for about ten years.




For couples already living together, who for some reason want to marry, a visit to the Registry Office should suffice.


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## prawn_86 (16 September 2010)

Calliope said:


> For couples already living together, who for some reason want to marry, a visit to the Registry Office should suffice.




We have been living together for 4 years. With our family and friends spread out all over Aus a wedding is a good way of seeing all those who are close to us. And i am knowing for throwing legendary parties


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## skc (16 September 2010)

prawn_86 said:


> We are in the middle of planning a wedding. Got engaged about a yr ago and wedding is in another years time.
> 
> We will probably spend about 20 - 25k on it not including the honeymoon. 10k will be from our parents, the rest will be our own money that we are saving (we save about $100 a week each and that has minimal impact on our everyday living).
> 
> We found an amazing place in the country that we both like and the chefs are World class, and as food is such an important part of our life we are willing to pay for it. Will only be a small ceremony of about 60 close friends and family.




Congrats Prawn. Feel free to invite fellow ASF forumers. Many Asians have it sorted out. They send a red envelop / pocket thing in the invite and basically you are encourged to give the gift of money. I know someone managed to recover over 70% of the cost of the banquet on those gifts. Esp useful for those who's lived together for a while as they should have most of the things you find on any gift registries. 

IMO I would say something like 30% of the combined income of the couple would probably be a reasonable budget. So 2 avg income at $60K spending $35K... obviously depends on their savings and family support etc as well.


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## prawn_86 (16 September 2010)

skc said:


> Congrats Prawn. Feel free to invite fellow ASF forumers. Many Asians have it sorted out. They send a red envelop / pocket thing in the invite and basically you are encourged to give the gift of money. I know someone managed to recover over 70% of the cost of the banquet on those gifts. Esp useful for those who's lived together for a while as they should have most of the things you find on any gift registries.




Yeh we will be probably be setting up a travel registry so money can be put on a flight centre gift card or something like that.


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## Julia (16 September 2010)

Ruby said:


> Julia, I have to confess (with some embarrassment) that I watched it too!  It was mainly because I wanted to see the catty woman who was featured in all the promos, and who arrived at her wedding more than slightly inebriated, screeching "Where's April?"   What a hoot!!!



Glad I'm not alone in feeling a bit embarrassed about finding this show really entertaining, Ruby.



> It is quite a long time since I have been involved in a wedding so have no idea what some of the costs are , but I prefer simplicity and good taste and can't see the pleasure or value in an elaborate side-show.  The idea of spending $60,000 on a wedding is in my view absurd in the extreme.



Yep, seems nuts to me when they really need that sort of money for house deposit, even furniture often.




> And for second (or subsequent weddings)........... puleeeeze......... no white wedding dresses!!!



I think if you were to say to most of these young women that the original point of the white dress was that it denoted virginity they'd be very surprised.  The other question I have about most wedding dresses is "why on earth do they almost all have to be strapless, even when the bride is bursting out of it all round?"  




Calliope said:


> For couples already living together, who for some reason want to marry, a visit to the Registry Office should suffice.



I guess it doesn't seem like a 'wedding' to those who are looking for attention.  That might be a bit harsh, too.  Perhaps even second time around there's some sort of huge desire to make vows in front of friends and family?
Dunno.  My second time was at a registry office.  





prawn_86 said:


> We have been living together for 4 years. With our family and friends spread out all over Aus a wedding is a good way of seeing all those who are close to us. And i am knowing for throwing legendary parties



The getting together of all your family and friends makes sense.  Sounds like you're striking a fairly happy medium, prawn, as Tink suggested.




prawn_86 said:


> Yeh we will be probably be setting up a travel registry so money can be put on a flight centre gift card or something like that.



Would it be inconceivable that guests were just invited to witness the happy event, without the expectation of making either a financial contribution to something or sending a gift?  (not at all meaning this personally toward you, prawn).

I have a vague memory of a gift list, lodged at an upmarket department store where guests could go and tick something off the list.  When I think about now, it does seem pretty mercenary.

The other thing I've noticed is that these days most young people seem to have the expectation they will pay for their own weddings, rather than the old idea that the cost of the wedding was the responsibility of the bride's parents.  That's a decided improvement imo.


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## prawn_86 (16 September 2010)

Julia said:


> Would it be inconceivable that guests were just invited to witness the happy event, without the expectation of making either a financial contribution to something or sending a gift?  (not at all meaning this personally toward you, prawn).
> .




For us they will be invited with soemthing saying we dont want any gifts/presents, but if they insist on giving soemthing then we would rather it as a travel registry than getting soemthing we already have/dont need. This strikes a balance as some people (myself included) feel bad attending a wedding without giving a gift.


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## noie (16 September 2010)

At my first wedding it was paid for by me.
We had it at an eco lodge , went organic and simple.

We asked for donations to a charity if people really wanted to contribute.

We received the same old electric appliances we already had, and gave it all to the sally-army as we were leaving the country and could not take anymore with us.


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## Ruby (16 September 2010)

Onceuponatime when people got married, the bride would make a list of things she wanted / needed to set up house and give it to her mother, who would then make 'discreet' suggestions when the guests phoned the mother to ask what the happy couple would like for a gift.   I thought that was rather a nice way of doing it.  It didn't feel mercenary and there were no expectations.  However, sometimes there were some ghastly surprises!!


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## ghotib (16 September 2010)

FWIW, we had each been living in our own places for over 30 years when we married, and we would much rather have given away stuff than received any more. 

Our solution was to set up an arrangement with the celebrant so that people could give in our names to a designated charity. We chose a literacy programme run by the Exodus Foundation, partly because it was a concrete thing to describe in the wedding invitations:  "We'd like to teach a kid to read". The setup meant that we didn't know who did or not donate or how much anyone gave, and also that those who did donate could claim the tax deduction. It was a lot of work for the celebrant - we didn't realise beforehand how much - but she liked the idea and has suggested it to other "mature" couples since.

I completely agree about feeling bad if you didn't give a present, but some weddings feel like one big blackmail. Personally I blame those ghastly magazines. 

Ghoti (41 days to being a Very Small Farmer)


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## Garpal Gumnut (16 September 2010)

Mother in laws always spoil weddings. Next the band. And then the godbothering officiant.

Weddings are fun though. I had my first drink, cigarette, r*** and joint at weddings as a lad. ( not the same one ).

gg


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## Doris (16 September 2010)

My daughter is organising the wedding of a girlfriend.  
For the hen's night she's bought a tagine for each of the brides' seven best friends.  That's new to me...

The girlfriend flew from Brisbane to Sydney for my daughter's wedding and she feels at last she has 're-paid' her.

I've always thought the present would aim to reimburse the cost of the meal etc.


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## JTLP (16 September 2010)

Prawn my lad...out of curiousity what age bracket did you sit in? 20 - 23, 24 - 26 etc? Just wondering as I remember you saying how you'd finished your degree recently; and thought "wow this guy is young to be engaged!"

I'm 24 Julia and have had a few older friends tie the knot over the last few years. The costs of weddings really gets to me - a friend paid 70k for the pleasure - feeling the need to invite everybody she knew.

I feel weddings can be the biggest rort. I can guarentee the moment you drop the word wedding to anybody involved in the process...dollar signs drop in there eyes and you get an inflated figure of some epic proportions.


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## Julia (16 September 2010)

JTLP said:


> Prawn my lad...out of curiousity what age bracket did you sit in? 20 - 23, 24 - 26 etc? Just wondering as I remember you saying how you'd finished your degree recently; and thought "wow this guy is young to be engaged!"
> 
> I'm 24 Julia and have had a few older friends tie the knot over the last few years. The costs of weddings really gets to me - a friend paid 70k for the pleasure - feeling the need to invite everybody she knew.
> 
> I feel weddings can be the biggest rort. I can guarentee the moment you drop the word wedding to anybody involved in the process...dollar signs drop in there eyes and you get an inflated figure of some epic proportions.




Thanks to you all for interesting responses.

This above, from JTLP, really strikes a chord with what has been going through my mind, i.e. the sort of 'need for status' competition that seems to exist in the minds of young couples.

I thought perhaps I was unreasonably drawing this conclusion from the TV program which prompted this thread, but no, I've seen it amongst the children of my friends who have been married in the last few years.

Happened to be walking near the beach a few weeks ago where a celebrant was setting up for an imminent wedding.  I was curious enough to stop and chat with her.  She was very happy to tell me that she did a very quick and simple course to acquire her, um, status, and ever since has been raking in top dollars.  Doesn't have any other job and said she lives very comfortably on a couple of weddings and maybe one funeral a week.  All she was setting up were some folding chairs, draped with a bit of white fabric, a tacky looking white arch with artificial roses over it, and a length of red carpet through the chairs to the spot under the arch.

Would cost next to nothing, and there would be no rent to pay for the council maintained parkland adjacent the beach.

I can't help thinking JTLP might be right and people with stars in their eyes could be suckers for being ripped off.

Ghoti, that was a nice idea that you had.

To those of you who are planning your weddings:  is there some sort of pressure on you to have something at least as splendid as that which your friends have had?  Would any of you consider just going off and getting married, then just telling people afterwards?  If not, what what you be missing if you did that?  Would you be hurting the feelings of your friends and family, or would you yourselves feel deprived of having 'an occasion to remember'?


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## Tink (17 September 2010)

Doris said:


> ..
> 
> I've always thought the present would aim to reimburse the cost of the meal etc.




Yep, thats how we see it too, be it a wedding, anniversary etc

We had alot of people come to the Church that werent invited to the reception, that brought gifts too (from work etc)

Weddings are beautiful


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## Sith1s (17 September 2010)

When my wife and I got married (almost) 2 years ago we spent close to $12K.

We had the ceremony & reception at a nice restaurant with a very nice garden in Mt Dandenong (VIC)  The photos from our ceremony you can see out over Port Phillip Bay.

We only invited close family and friends (around 60 people) which made for a nice quiet intimate wedding.

I think to sum it all up people can spend as much or as little as they like on a wedding & still have a memorable day.

For those that are curious, I was 25 & my wife had just turned 22 when we married.

Cheers,

Scott


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## Logique (17 September 2010)

Julia said:


> ....i.e. the sort of 'need for status' competition that seems to exist in the minds of young couples....Happened to be walking near the beach a few weeks ago where a celebrant was setting up for an imminent wedding....Would cost next to nothing, and there would be no rent to pay for the council maintained parkland adjacent the beach.



Run into these regularly around here. It's lucrative, easy money for the industry insiders. It's coming into wedding season again, all the bridezillas will be back out. 

The parties want a picture on the beach, sea breeze or not. It's hilarious to see the poor brides and bridesmaids desperately trying to keep their dresses and hair in order, their eyes squinting to keep the sand out.

I think to myself, geez, just go and sign up at the registry, put the money into some travel, or even a deposit on the house. Not very romantic of me.


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## Ruby (17 September 2010)

Sith1s said:


> When my wife and I got married (almost) 2 years ago we spent close to $12K.
> 
> We had the ceremony & reception at a nice restaurant with a very nice garden in Mt Dandenong (VIC)  The photos from our ceremony you can see out over Port Phillip Bay.
> 
> ...




I think that sounds lovely Sith1s, just about right.   When I was first married we had a small wedding and were able to talk to and enjoy the company of all our guests.   Both of my children had small, low cost weddings with no elaborate trimmings, and they were two of the loveliest and happiest weddings I have been to.   They were held at good restaurants where we enjoyed delicious food and wine, pleasant music, intimacy, congeniality, lots of conversation and laughter, and both brides were stunning.


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## prawn_86 (17 September 2010)

JTLP said:


> Prawn my lad...out of curiousity what age bracket did you sit in? 20 - 23, 24 - 26 etc? Just wondering as I remember you saying how you'd finished your degree recently; and thought "wow this guy is young to be engaged!"




Im 23 JTLP. I know its young, but we have been together 5 years (met in my gap year) and have been through uni, work transition, travel etc etc together so cant see any reason for us not to stay together in the future. Plus we are great friends and still make each other laugh every day


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## Julia (17 September 2010)

prawn_86 said:


> Plus we are great friends and still make each other laugh every day



I can't think of a better basis for a sustainable relationship.  All the best, Prawn.
Hope we might see some photos of the happy event when the time comes.


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## Dreadweave (17 September 2010)

My partner and I have been living together for 3 years, I'm 28 she is 22. 
Our wedding will be in a years time and if it costs more than $5k ill be annoyed.


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## Julia (17 September 2010)

Dreadweave said:


> My partner and I have been living together for 3 years, I'm 28 she is 22.
> Our wedding will be in a years time and if it costs more than $5k ill be annoyed.



Does that mean you'll be paying for the wedding yourselves, Dreadweave?
i.e. that the bride's parents are no longer expected to foot the bill?
What sort of wedding will you be having?


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## Dreadweave (17 September 2010)

We will be paying, small ceremony at the local rose gardens. Family and close friends, reception at the house with barbecue and drinks.  We are fairly easy going, dont feel the need to make a huge event of it


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## Dreadweave (17 September 2010)

Addition: no her parents don't really have the means to assist, they paid for the dress but they aren't really in a position to assist any further. 

We wouldn't expect anything else from them, they are in a position where helping pay for our wedding would really set them back, even if was only a few $k .

We both agree that saving for a house is more important than a flashy wedding.


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## Julia (18 September 2010)

Good for you, Dreadweave.  It sounds perfect.

I was just taken aback recently in talking to a young woman getting married in a couple of weeks whose parents are paying for her very elaborate wedding.

The parents own their home and car but have almost no savings.  They are retired.  They have actually taken out a loan to pay for this damn wedding.

Meantime, the happy young couple earn around $180K pa between them, pay no rent as they are living with the bloke's parents, and are having a $10,000 honeymoon.

Unbelievable.


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## johenmo (18 September 2010)

Julia said:


> Good for you, Dreadweave.  It sounds perfect.
> 
> I was just taken aback recently in talking to a young woman getting married in a couple of weeks whose parents are paying for her very elaborate wedding.
> 
> ...



Selfish is the word I'd use.

Have talked about this with my 2 eldest (girls, in ealry 20s). Eldest reckoned if they can't do it for under 10 then they can do without - "rather spend the money on a deposit".  We think we'll give them X dollars (e.g. 10K then they can do what they want - spend it all and more, or use less on the wedding and more on a honeymoon.

BIL got remarried - cost just under 6K for 22 ppl in total at a nice countryish pub (late 1800's type).  Dress cost his wife $600 - looked really good.  She looked at more expenisive but didn't like them.

We we married wife bought first dress off the rack (was a couple of hunderd in mid 80s).  Have to admit FIL paid for the wedding - he wanted to invite about 50 relatives, an open bar (and could afford it & she was the first child to get married).  We had 70 all up - married at 11 am, fed and out by about 5 pm.  

I believe that airfares and accommodation should be paid for by the guest.


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## JTLP (19 September 2010)

prawn_86 said:


> Im 23 JTLP. I know its young, but we have been together 5 years (met in my gap year) and have been through uni, work transition, travel etc etc together so cant see any reason for us not to stay together in the future. Plus we are great friends and still make each other laugh every day




Congratulations Prawn...sounds like you're on to a winner!

It would appear you and I are leading quite similar paths (moving cities to Sydney for work, age etc) except you're on the marriage train and I'm taking baby steps!

How did your fiancÃ© feel about the move? Did she have work lined up as well? Always a big thing to move with your partner.


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## Woodsy58 (20 September 2010)

The wife and I were married at the Registry with family and friends and then had a good lunch in a Thai restuarant before moving to a private room in a large Irish Pub.
In our view the wedding was about our union as man and wife and having our friends and family there to witness that.
No fancy cars,just a great day for less than 3 grand. And we bought our own apartment one year later.


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## Ruby (20 September 2010)

Woodsy58 said:


> The wife and I were married at the Registry with family and friends and then had a good lunch in a Thai restuarant before moving to a private room in a large Irish Pub.
> In our view the wedding was about our union as man and wife and having our friends and family there to witness that.
> No fancy cars,just a great day for less than 3 grand. And we bought our own apartment one year later.




That sounds like the way to go Woodsy.   I can't understand people spending upwards of $20,000 on a wedding when they don't even have the deposit for a house.


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## johenmo (22 September 2010)

johenmo said:


> Have talked about this with my 2 eldest (girls, in ealry 20s).




I knew I shouldn't have made a comment.  My youngest girl accepted a marriage proposal on Saturday!  They want to pay for it themselves and are budgeting 7K plus dress.  But the better half and I will give them some money (thinking 10k) and they can use it as they see fit - honeymoon, start of house deposit, wedding.

Will have to start saving a bit more so I don't have to cash in some shares (but if the market drops then it'll happen anyway!)


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## nioka (22 September 2010)

A sobering thought.

Two guys fishing in a river near a busy road saw a funeral procession passing along the riverbank road. One of them stood up, took off his hat until the procession had passed.

The seated one said " that was someting I didnt expect from you"

The second said " It was the least i could do, after all I was married to her for 35 years."

P.S. My 53rd wedding anniversary comes up this Saturday.  Please take the above message with two grains of salt and all the best wishes for those taking one of life's most important steps.


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## johenmo (24 September 2010)

nioka said:


> P.S. My 53rd wedding anniversary comes up this Saturday.  Please take the above message with two grains of salt and all the best wishes for those taking one of life's most important steps.




Congratulations from someone who is only half way there.  Have a great day.


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## Tink (11 October 2010)

10/10/10 - a date to remember 

I am sure alot would have had weddings yesterday : )


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## Ruby (11 October 2010)

Tink said:


> 10/10/10 - a date to remember
> 
> I am sure alot would have had weddings yesterday : )




Yes - at least no-one would have an excuse for forgetting the anniversary, would they?


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## tech/a (11 October 2010)

Ruby said:


> Yes - at least no-one would have an excuse for forgetting the anniversary, would they?




Yes well I managed to tie the knot on New years eve.
The number of times I've forgotten to leave out an anniversary present from the Xmas list is legendary!


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## Sir Osisofliver (12 October 2010)

My wife and I spent about 15k on our wedding (that was last century so it would be a bit more than that in current dollars).

My wife and I are blessed with girl children. They know how to budget. We will assist when they get married because I will start budgeting for it when they hit 18 (Oh please, oh please let it not be before they hit 20 :cry).

It's up to them what they decide to spend on the wedding. I have to trust I have done enough to set them on the right path towards a happy and successful life. I certainly hope that by the time they get married they have their heads on straight and make a decision they can be happy with (Both in terms of the cost of the wedding and the bloke they marry). 

Cheers

Sir O


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## noirua (10 October 2018)

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/bri...hotos-alone-honor-late-husband-235753507.html


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