# Bloody Funeral Advertisements



## Garpal Gumnut (8 July 2009)

There seems to be an epidemic of advertisements for funeral insurance on TV over the last three months.

They are usually fronted by some weather beaten old tart with pink jewellery or some washed out ancient actor opening and closing doors in a federation style house.

I guess the institutions have cleaned out all the poor bastards in the index funds and now are conning them into buying fancy coffins and casks for the final journey.

I myself wouldd be happy to be buried in an old banana box, near a fig tree.

Perhaps ASIC should look at this.

If ASIC couldn't protect the poor bastards in life, at least they could help them avoid paying for an expensive death.

gg


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## MrBurns (8 July 2009)

Haven't seen any for insurance but the ads for funeral services has increased and is nauseating, I refer particularly to the one with the catchy jingle " a time to live a time to die"


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## gordon2007 (8 July 2009)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> I myself wouldd be happy to be buried in an old banana box, near a fig tree.




I'm going to be creamated and my ashes put into a chili pot plant along with an empty bottle of a lovely red. I've instructed my partner to eat the chilis. Upon consumption and following discharge, I'd like her to put it back into the pot plant and use for fertiliser. 

Repeat process, over, and over and over again.


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## Julia (8 July 2009)

I haven't seen the advertising, but used to be horrified at the unscrupulous practices of the aboriginal funeral industry (yes, there is such an entity) when I was doing community work.

Aboriginal people have a great fear of being a burden to their family when they die.  There are a couple of 'enterprising' organisations which prey on this vulnerability and go to aboriginal communities, calling door to door, describing all sorts of dire possibilities if the people don't have their funerals prepaid.
They never explain to the people that if they die without enough saved for a funeral then the state will bury them.

So they sell quite extraordinary plans after convincing people that they need to not only provide for themselves but also their children as that constitutes being a responsible parent.   

I've never seen one of these plans which has an end date for the payments.
They say "it will only cost you $40 (or whatever) per fortnight and all your worries will be over.  Your family will never have to worry about not having a really lovely funeral for you."

Now $40 p/f amounts to a bit over $1000 p.a., so even if they were to pay this for, say between five and ten years, that would cover a basic funeral.
But when you ask them how long they have to pay this fortnightly amount, there's never any end point.  So they pay indefinitely from age about 30.
And even then, who's to be confident that the so called funeral companies will be around when the person dies!

It's a horrible racket, but no matter how you try to explain to the people that they're being ripped off, their trust in their own people exceeds their capacity to do the sums.


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## trainspotter (8 July 2009)

Sorry Julia, I have never seen a commitment from this kind of establishment for such a long period of time. EVER !!!

Usuallly they get about 2/5ths into a programme and go walkabout. Whether this be a financial obligation or a scholastic commitment. Many a government funded programme has come unstuck cause the "ASHTRAY" on the Landcruiser is full and needs the whole 4WD replaced. WHY? Because they have a budget to spend. 

http://www.smh.com.au/national/millions-wasted-on-aboriginal-housing-20090318-925v.html

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200701/s1836199.htm

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,,23666993-17044,00.html

My wife works for one of these so called "POSITIVE DISCRIMATION" quangos and I have endeavoured to assist wherever I can. All to no avail.


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## Aussiest (8 July 2009)

Mr. Gumnut, you've been very active lately, what's going on?

When i went to my grandparent's platinum wedding anniversary at the local bowls club, there were all these funeral parlour ads at the end of the bowling greens. I found it amusing, but it was kinda macabre when you think about it.


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## Julia (8 July 2009)

trainspotter said:


> Sorry Julia, I have never seen a commitment from this kind of establishment for such a long period of time. EVER !!!
> 
> Usuallly they get about 2/5ths into a programme and go walkabout. Whether this be a financial obligation or a scholastic commitment. Many a government funded programme has come unstuck cause the "ASHTRAY" on the Landcruiser is full and needs the whole 4WD replaced. WHY? Because they have a budget to spend.
> 
> ...



I know what you're saying, and agree with regard to the examples in your links.

But there's a whole different trigger when it comes to death and funerals.
I've reached this conclusion after more than 12 years of attempting to get them to see reality.

There just seems to be some very powerful cultural fear of not being properly buried and the aboriginal funeral industry makes the most of this.


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## trainspotter (8 July 2009)

Definitely Julia, their sense of sorrow is very, very disturbing indeed. It is not only the WHOLE family that gets involved but the EXTENDED family usually gets to grieve as well. To witness RIOTS at a members funeral is frustating, to say the least. It always is acceptable that once one of their family members has no longer decided to share the oxygen above ground, it is socially permitted within the community to destroy whatever semblance of common decency the dearly departed may have afforded within the community.

It has taken you 12 years to discover that when an irresistible force meets an immovable object that the result is police sirens and bloodshed. Shame sister girl, shame.


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## Garpal Gumnut (8 July 2009)

I'd like to be buried close to a tree, a big one, possibly on a ridge in a rainforest so that my molecules could  go into a grand old tree to support insects, and frogs and birds and other glorious creatures.

The fawning creepy advertisements treat death as being a burden on the next generation.

Put me in a sack or a banana box and bury me out toward the edge of the canopy in good soft ground and I'll be happy.

The usual suspects of an appearance similar to  those who were the ads for the property fund, margin and other schemes, are appearing, weatherbeaten over oiled tarts and tweed Canberra type public servants.

The cheaper the funeral the better.

The thinner the box, the quicker to fertilise this beautiful earth of ours.

gg


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## gordon2007 (8 July 2009)

Julia said:


> There just seems to be some very powerful cultural fear of not being properly buried and the aboriginal funeral industry makes the most of this.




At the fear of sounding culturally insensitve, one could make a mint in a business taking advantage of those fears. I for one don't have a problem with it if it was done in a proper way. Meaning having a set price with burials and ceromonies done within their guidelines and such. Basically the complete opposite of what you were saying happens Julia.


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## trainspotter (8 July 2009)

Reading Garpals original pulse it seems that a few "other" factors are likely to bear in these harsh economic times:

1) Funeral advertisements go through the roof (keep everyone VERY aware of their vunerability)

2) Gambling agencies upgrade their profit forecasts for the year 2009/10 (No job, but can afford $20 on race 5 in Doomben)

3) Fast food bottom line goes up by 27%. (lower socio economic white trash feed their faces even further). Comfort food is the winner. 

4) Liquor stores treble profit in the first 6 months. (Once again, no job, but I can afford $59.95 for a litre of Jack Daniels to drown my sorrows)

Do you really want me to go on? Death ... overated in my opinion.


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## trainspotter (8 July 2009)

Julia, sorry to you for going on the attack Must be a full moon or something?

You are quite correct in trying to get aboriginals to see reality in their state of cultural fear in regards to "death" and the way they perceive it. I think it may have something to do with what is left behind after they are gone. In most cases the legacy is lived on by story telling of the achievements of the dearly departed. Somehow their spirit lives on through story telling.

To be "improperly" buried also invokes the common understanding that they will wander through the spirit world and will not passover to meet their ancestors. Sort of like "Ghost whisperer" but in a black kind of way.

To have 12 years of experience in this kind of industry must leave you downhearted to say the least. I feel sad.


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## Timmy (9 July 2009)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> There seems to be an epidemic of advertisements for funeral insurance on TV over the last three months.




I agree, and the whole industry all seems a bit pointless too.  You can just invest in something like Storm or Brisconnections and get buried for free in with it.


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## jbocker (9 July 2009)

Aussiest said:


> ... at the local bowls club, there were all these funeral parlour ads at the end of the bowling greens...




Thats because Lawn Bowls is the most dangerous sport in the world. More people die playing it than any other sport!!
Tell you granny and grandad to give it up now!!!


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## Solly (9 July 2009)

Got a Helo pilot mate who reckons he'll be cremated and save the cost of a funeral at the same time.

Jimmy quite often quotes this classic to those on board just before going vertical;

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers...."

(BTW you're safe he's not in Oz airspace..at the moment...but he does visit these forums : )


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## noirua (9 July 2009)

I'm so fed up with these adverts I've decided to be the first person to fail to turn up to my funeral. They just take it for granted we'll be there.


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## Julia (9 July 2009)

gordon2007 said:


> At the fear of sounding culturally insensitve, one could make a mint in a business taking advantage of those fears. I for one don't have a problem with it if it was done in a proper way. Meaning having a set price with burials and ceromonies done within their guidelines and such. Basically the complete opposite of what you were saying happens Julia.



I agree, gordon.   I didn't mean to convey any disrespect to aboriginal people for the way they feel about death.  And it's actually more about not causing worry to their family in providing the funeral.  
All I've ever tried to get them to change was their sad vulnerability to paying for their funerals several times over because they don't stop to do some simple arithmetic.



trainspotter said:


> Julia, sorry to you for going on the attack Must be a full moon or something?



  No worries.  I expressed the 12 years thing poorly - meant not that it had taken me 12 years to conclude what I did, but that I'd been labouring this point to them for that long.




> You are quite correct in trying to get aboriginals to see reality in their state of cultural fear in regards to "death" and the way they perceive it. I think it may have something to do with what is left behind after they are gone. In most cases the legacy is lived on by story telling of the achievements of the dearly departed. Somehow their spirit lives on through story telling.
> 
> To be "improperly" buried also invokes the common understanding that they will wander through the spirit world and will not passover to meet their ancestors. Sort of like "Ghost whisperer" but in a black kind of way.



No.  As above, I wouldn't attempt to alter their beliefs in any way, and actually find interesting that (unlike so much of their attitude to money stuff in ordinary life) they are so concerned about being able to pay for the funeral.

I just hate to see anyone ripping off vulnerable people in any circumstances, but somehow it's worse when it's done on the basis of their cultural sensitivity about this matter.




> To have 12 years of experience in this kind of industry must leave you downhearted to say the least. I feel sad.



Don't do it any more, and not just because of this, but more just the widespread reluctance to make any changes that could lead to a life off welfare.


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## Farencue (9 July 2009)

Hi Julia
May I ask which states you worked in with aboriginal communties?
This all sounds very white fella to me.


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## Ashsaege (9 July 2009)

I can't remember the business name but there use to be an add on tv in SA where somebody knocks on the door of a rocking party and then this lady pops out. She goes on to tell that this is somebody's funeral and goes through the sale's pitch - looked like a standard teen party that would trash a house, which probably isn't quite appropriate for a funeral.
Then there was another add for 'Sensible Funerals' with Keith Russell, and the add looked very serious and sensitive, no BS.

Apparently both businesses are owned by Keith Russell.


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## Julia (9 July 2009)

Farencue said:


> Hi Julia
> May I ask which states you worked in with aboriginal communties?
> This all sounds very white fella to me.



Queensland.
Not sure what your last sentence means?
Btw, I didn't say I'd worked in aboriginal communities.  I was with a community agency which had some aboriginal clients.


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## noirua (10 July 2009)

Sometimes minds are concentrated on aboriginal problems just being an Aussie affair. Many countries have similar situations or even battles in some cases:  http://www.scoinc.mb.ca/southwind/southwind009.pdf


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## Garpal Gumnut (17 May 2012)

Now that the pestilent Grey Nomads are again clogging our highways north with their caravans, I would predict an increase in funeral advertisements.

gg


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## Ijustnewit (17 May 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> Now that the pestilent Grey Nomads are again clogging our highways north with their caravans, I would predict an increase in funeral advertisements.
> 
> gg




Yeah GG , Love the Nomads driving up the Bruce at 75km wearing Fitover Style sunglasses with *extra dark* lenses and looking into the distance through the *READING *section of their Bi-Focals.


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## rumpole (18 May 2012)

Yes you are right. They are nauseating and prolific. I find the MUTE button and shutting my eyes helps.


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## Garpal Gumnut (18 May 2012)

Ijustnewit said:


> Yeah GG , Love the Nomads driving up the Bruce at 75km wearing Fitover Style sunglasses with *extra dark* lenses and looking into the distance through the *READING *section of their Bi-Focals.






rumpole said:


> Yes you are right. They are nauseating and prolific. I find the MUTE button and shutting my eyes helps.




lol

I will ask Wayne Swan to release $20 billion to build a one way single lane caravan highway around Australia. Then they could keep on going round and around in safety.

gg


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## rumpole (18 May 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> I will ask Wayne Swan to release $20 billion to build a one way single lane caravan highway around Australia. Then they could keep on going round and around in safety.
> 
> gg




I suggest you contract Jeremy Clarkson and the Top Gear team to do a study for it


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## Miss Hale (18 May 2012)

Some of the ads I've seen have recruited rather ancient celebrities to do the ads for them.  There was one in a country area that used Lou Richards (old Aussie Rules footballer who was about 85 when he did the ad). I assume the message here is "Remember this guy? He might be famous but he's old just like you and pretty soon we are all gunna kick the bucket so you'd better get your funeral sorted  "

Having said that, I find people over a certain age get a bit obsessed with funerals and death.  My parents (now departed) were always telling me about all the funerals they attended as if they were 21st Birthday parties!  And my FIL had organised my MIL's funeral before she had even passed away


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## rumpole (18 May 2012)

> And my FIL had organised my MIL funeral before she had even passed away


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## Miss Hale (18 May 2012)

rumpole said:


>





That sounds rather sinister doesn't it?   What I meant was she was very ill and had severe Alzheimers and we new she was going to last only a few more days and FIL had already contacted funeral directors and organised a tentative date etc.  I just thought that was a bit odd as in our family we never even talk about the funeral until after the person has actually passed away. Mind you, FIL is one of those highly organised highly efficient sort of people.


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## rumpole (18 May 2012)

Miss Hale said:


> That sounds rather sinister doesn't it?   What I meant was she was very ill and had severe Alzheimers and we new she was going to last only a few more days and FIL had already contacted funeral directors and organised a tentative date etc.  I just thought that was a bit odd as in our family we never even talk about the funeral until after the person has actually passed away. Mind you, FIL is one of those highly organised highly efficient sort of people.




Sorry to laugh, I didn't realise the circumstances. It did sound funny at first look though.


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## Miss Hale (18 May 2012)

rumpole said:


> Sorry to laugh, I didn't realise the circumstances. It did sound funny at first look though.




No that's perfectly alright, it did sound funny I agree


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## Julia (18 May 2012)

Miss Hale said:


> Some of the ads I've seen have recruited rather ancient celebrities to do the ads for them.  There was one in a country area that used Lou Richards (old Aussie Rules footballer who was about 85 when he did the ad). I assume the message here is "Remember this guy? He might be famous but he's old just like you and pretty soon we are all gunna kick the bucket so you'd better get your funeral sorted  "
> 
> Having said that, I find people over a certain age get a bit obsessed with funerals and death.  My parents (now departed) were always telling me about all the funerals they attended as if they were 21st Birthday parties!  And my FIL had organised my MIL's funeral before she had even passed away



I think that generation were very organised.

When I learned that my mother was dying (she was in NZ and I was in Oz) I arrived at her hospital bed to be greeted with a list of instructions for the post-funeral arrangements.  The funeral itself was totally organised down to her having given the funeral director the sheet music for the songs, and specified the actual flowers and design of the casket .  She further instructed me on what to do with the flowers when the funeral was over (take them home and put them on the fold out card table so visitors paying their respects in the following days could admire them again!!).

I had no decisions to make and, although it was actually funny, I was grateful for her foresight and organisation as it meant we could spend the last couple of days of her life just being together.

Eventually she concluded that she'd imparted everything she had to say so said:
"You can go and tell the nurse I'm ready to die now, no point in dragging things out".
I suggested it wasn't quite that straightforward but did as she suggested, much to the amusement of the nursing staff.

She died a peaceful morphine induced death soon after and I'll always believe her ready acceptance of death was at least in part due to her planning so sensibly for it.


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## Logique (19 May 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> Now that the pestilent Grey Nomads are again clogging our highways north with their caravans, I would predict an increase in funeral advertisements. gg



Yeah the GNs around here have been sprucing up their Winnebagos for a few weeks, the driveways are starting to empty. Great warriors for their community, oh it cold, we're into the motor home, see you later.

I shouldn't wonder for their final journey, their caskets will come with an annex, folding chairs, tv antenna, gps and air con. And a bar fridge for the sunset rouge.

Sometimes I turn the tv off in disgust at the funeral ads. Only problem is, a local funeral business is a sponsor for the radio station, so the onslaught of ads continues, there's no escape.


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## rumpole (19 May 2012)

Logique said:


> Only problem is, a local funeral business is a sponsor for the radio station, so the onslaught of ads continues, there's no escape.




Unfortunately, no escape from their products either


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## Garpal Gumnut (19 May 2012)

As a libertarian anarchist I believe the State is responsible for the disposal of my body after death and should pay for my funeral.

I could not give a monkeys how they do it.

I have been registered at birth, examined, immunised, enrolled, licensed, judged, taxed, recorded, counted, obliged to vote, pay for water and energy, and endured the rule of fools.

I am buggered if I am going to pay after death, for the disposal of my body.

gg


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## rumpole (19 May 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> I am buggered if I am going to pay after death, for the disposal of my body.
> 
> gg




Quite right too. Convert all your assets to gold, and make your casket from it. Who says you can't take it with you ?


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## Tightwad (19 May 2012)

I liked the ones clive robertson did where he says your kids will sell your stuff on ebay as soon as you snuff it.


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## Knobby22 (19 May 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> As a libertarian anarchist I believe the State is responsible for the disposal of my body after death and should pay for my funeral.
> 
> gg




I would think that a Libertian Anarchists would just expect to rot where they dropped if society worked the way they hoped.


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## burglar (20 May 2012)

I know a guy who bought many,many coffins at auction!
His father tried a few for size because he wanted enough room to move!!

What's with that!!?





And ohh!! He says get someone to help you get out, cos it's really difficult


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## Garpal Gumnut (10 June 2012)

I would bet London to a brick that the Insurance Companies start flogging Funeral Insurance on this long weekend.

Most Grey Nomads will be couched in van parks in their hideous caravans watching TV this weekend.

gg


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## waza1960 (2 January 2013)

I can't believe these ads are still going strong


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## gordon2007 (2 January 2013)

Slightly off topic...


I was just going to respond to this thread and then realised I have already done so 3 years ago. My how times fly!



gordon2007 said:


> I'm going to be creamated and my ashes put into a chili pot plant along with an empty bottle of a lovely red. I've instructed my partner to eat the chilis. Upon consumption and following discharge, I'd like her to put it back into the pot plant and use for fertiliser.
> 
> Repeat process, over, and over and over again.


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## Garpal Gumnut (2 January 2013)

waza1960 said:


> I can't believe these ads are still going strong




There is one fool born every minute, and certainly with these ads, another fool being buried the next, and paying too much for the pleasure.

gg


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## Julia (2 January 2013)

What I find incredible in this advertising is how they tout that you do not have to pass any medical examinations to qualify to buy their product!!!  Duh!  I suppose not.


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## DocK (2 January 2013)

Julia said:


> What I find incredible in this advertising is how they tout that you do not have to pass any medical examinations to qualify to buy their product!!!  Duh!  I suppose not.




Very many of the relatives of the poor sods who pay through the nose for the life ins touted on tv ads will find that far from ensuring their funeral costs are covered, but that the ins co will refuse to payout due to non-disclosure of pre-existing ailments or some other detail hidden in fine print.


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## Tightwad (2 January 2013)

They don't bother me that much.. there are worse offensive ads out there - online betting for eg. 

It must be one of the easiest businesses, scare old people into giving you money then invest it for a few years until you have to pay out, all you have to do is make some cheap ads and pay a call centre.


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## pixel (3 January 2013)

Tightwad said:


> They don't bother me that much.. there are worse offensive ads out there - online betting for eg.
> 
> It must be one of the easiest businesses, scare old people into giving you money then invest it for a few years until you have to pay out, all you have to do is make some cheap ads and pay a call centre.




+1
I'm not bothered as such, but I find the scripts sufficiently annoying to reach for the "Mute" button.

But online betting ads should be banned, as should the ones for Crown Casino, where that good-looking sheila drags the bloke away from his friends, so he can have a feed and afterwards rake in piles of chips at the table. There should be a requirement mandating balanced advertising, i.e. show the poor sod that lost it all and has to front up to the Missus and kids, explaining why they'll be living in a tent after car and home have been repossessed.
If glorifying stupidity isn't a criminal offense, it should be.


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## DocK (3 January 2013)

pixel said:


> +1
> I'm not bothered as such, but I find the scripts sufficiently annoying to reach for the "Mute" button.
> 
> But online betting ads should be banned, as should the ones for Crown Casino, where that good-looking sheila drags the bloke away from his friends, so he can have a feed and afterwards rake in piles of chips at the table. There should be a requirement mandating balanced advertising, i.e. show the poor sod that lost it all and has to front up to the Missus and kids, explaining why they'll be living in a tent after car and home have been repossessed.
> If glorifying stupidity isn't a criminal offense, it should be.




I intensely dislike hearing what the sports betting odds are before or during a netball broadcast - the majority of viewers would be young and teenage girls and promoting gambling on sport to this audience is just plain wrong imo.  Bad enough that you can't watch any sport on tv these days without seeing or hearing ads for one of the many online betting sites, they're now inserting discussion around the "odds" etc  into the commentary.


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## Garpal Gumnut (5 November 2014)

Please advise any of your vulnerable friends to avoid Funeral Insurance.

My original post has been vindicated by an ABC 730 expose, on the uselessness of these policies. 

http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2014/s4122446.htm

gg


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## Bill M (5 November 2014)

You are right GG, what a rip off. Somebody pays into a fund for 32 years, gets a certificate stating that they are entitled to a funeral service and then that doesn't happen. I hope the courts force the Funeral Company or the Trust that it was paid into to pay. 

More to the story here.

---
Beryl May Turner had agreed to what she thought was a pre-paid funeral plan in 1948 when she was only 16 years old.

After making her final contribution in 1980, she was presented with a certificate stating she was entitled to a funeral service "without further payment".

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-11-05/company-sues-couple-for-refusing-to-pay-bill-for-prepaid-funeral/5869254
---


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## Smurf1976 (5 November 2014)

I'm not much of a TV watcher, but spent a few days watching whilst lying flat on my back in hospital recently.

So, I've got various tubes and wires hooked up to me, mouth not working, in a fair bit of pain, mind messed up by the (medical) drugs and overall quite miserable. 

Suffice to say that seeing all those funeral advertisements started to really get to me psychologically after a while. Very irritating in that situation, not nice. Had to remind myself that I was going to come out of there alive....


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## Julia (5 November 2014)

The funeral companies are at their worst when dealing with aboriginal people.  Whilst volunteering at a community agency I saw some appalling examples of vulnerable, naive people being preyed upon.
Most of them bought policies sold door to door where the seller focused on their strong desire not to leave their family any problem when they die.

Most actually, believe it or not, bought open ended policies, ie simply signed up to pay around $1000 p.a. or more from age in their 30s, no actual funeral price quoted or date when the payments would be completed.

This meant that if they lived until, say, 75, they'd have paid around $40,000.
Trying to explain this to them was completely unproductive.


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## Garpal Gumnut (5 November 2014)

I still cannot see how it can cost more than $1500 to transport a deceased, dig a hole, and lower them in, and fill it up again.

All this palaver with po-faced "funeral directors" has me beat. 

And those silly old bastards in the ads should be jailed. They prey on the old people watching some TV like Sunrise, Home and Away or Dancing with the Stars, or some other obscenity that passes for entertainment in Australia these days. 

The exploitation of the Indigenous is further proof of the venality of this business. thanks for the info Julia.

gg


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## luutzu (5 November 2014)

My dad did a couple of signage works for this funeral operator. One of his shops was just around the corner of a Nursing/Retirement home. Literally two doors away. And its front door is next to a restaurant... I think that guy went out of business soon after.

Then he later did another couple signs, this time right on the entry door, both walls, of a seniors association club. 

I don't know if that's good business sense or not. It's pretty sick to me.


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