# How To Choose a Partner



## wayneL (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> We could do with a thread on how to choose a partner, as another way to preserve wealth - Here's a start  -
> 
> 1) must be kind hearted...any evidence of harshness or cruelty, forget it
> 2) similar intellectual capacity
> ...




I reckon this is a great idea of Mr B's for a thread.

I didn't have a checklist as such, but before proposing, I asked myself - "Can I see myself with this woman in 20, 30, 50 years time?"


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## So_Cynical (25 April 2012)

4) similar assets

That way at least you wont go broke..lose everything.


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## Julia (25 April 2012)

I'll be interested to read the formulae for success here, having got it awfully wrong twice.


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## breaker (25 April 2012)

Big bazoomas,good cook and oh yeah a boat would help


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## Garpal Gumnut (25 April 2012)

Interesting thread.

I started to post a response, but will await more wise posters than I.

A difficult decision, choosing a partner.

Obviously one does not want one poor, riven by HIV or Tuberculosis, then again I am sure Paris Hilton's physicians would certify her fit for marriage.

Are we talking universal or Australian here?

Disclaimer: I do not watch soapies.

gg


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## waimate01 (25 April 2012)

breaker said:


> Big bazoomas,good cook and oh yeah a boat would help




Wise to find out what kinda boat first


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

Got to be a friend, very hard to nail that when your hormones are focussed on the initial chemistry.

I watch "How I met your Mother" - 

I know it's a sit com but the relationship between the people in that show is how I think it should be.

I got it wrong every time but once again, NEVER get sexual attraction confused with the right stuff.

Watch very carefully for signs of love or otherwise from them, you can tell if you really look out for it.
If you marry someone who really loves you you cant go too far wrong.


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## tech/a (25 April 2012)

(5) Fun
(6) For me---independence and inner strength.
(7) Worldly
(8) Someone I respect for who she is.
(9) Best friend
(10) Spontaneuos.
(11) Tough.
(12) Strong and Wide circle of friends.
(13) Thoughtful
(14) Easy on the eye.
(15) Vaunerable 

Took a while but I eventually found her.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> (5) Fun
> (6) For me---independence and inner strength.
> (7) Worldly
> (8) Someone I respect for who she is.
> ...




She got any sisters ?


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## Knobby22 (25 April 2012)

I am happily married as are all my brothers and sisters.

I think the secret is nothing to do with assets.

It is enjoying each others company, knowing what a good marriage should be (parents staying married is a good example), not thinking it is all about sex, being able to communicate and show caring, not being too precious, having kids.

I have been to marriages where you can see the couple won't last 2 years. 
Its about mutual respect. It's also about kids. I think if you don't have kids then biologically your brain will tell you that the other partner is infertile and you will stray.
Also helps you with aims for life. Fun and makes friends easy is good also.

Mr Burns is right with 1 and 2. Not the others.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

Knobby22 said:


> Mr Burns is right with 1 and 2. Not the others.




I got that list from somewhere else and the assets part I dont really agree with.

Signs of kindness are very important.

Mate of mines marriage broke up after 30+ years, they were always the perfect couple in everyones eyes.

I was at their wedding and I remember to this day saying to his wife to be , "it's not too late you've stil got time" as a joke, instead of laughing she had a very thoughtful look on her face and turned away.

The sign was there even then.


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## tech/a (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> She got any sisters ?




Only child.
She is however English.
She has taken me back to her homeland quite a few times.
I have to say there is something about English Girls.
Just ask Warne!

Oh and when we married 13 yrs ago I've heard the longest we were given together was 12 mths and the shortest 3 mths.
For me it will never be long enough.
We are both very similar yet very different.


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## breaker (25 April 2012)

waimate01 said:


> Wise to find out what kinda boat first




Yeah, I used to get em' to send photos but they lied, they could tell I was a catch


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

Julia said:


> I'll be interested to read the formulae for success here, having got it awfully wrong twice.




You're not the only one, I dont think anything will change , sad as it is, I dont trust myself any more to choose wisely.

There's probably a difference between the one you're attracted to and the one who is right for you.


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## Garpal Gumnut (25 April 2012)

Tech is a chartist and buys on short or long ranges, volume and breakouts and always has a stop loss so any galactose feelings should be discounted.

He is biased.

Are we talking about our past experiences such as tech's, dribbled by subjective bias, or the choice, and how to choose, as we go forward of a perfect partner.

Or is this thread a justification of having found the perfect partner.

gg


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## tech/a (25 April 2012)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> Tech is a chartist and buys on short or long ranges, volume and breakouts and always has a stop loss so any galactose feelings should be discounted.
> 
> He is biased.
> 
> ...




Good point
I remember the positive expectancy.
I had completed a good deal of back testing with
Some considerable drawdowns.
I'd had quite a string of losses and was looking
Forward to some forward testing.

After the initial breakout and the usual boost in volume
There was an expected pull back.
From an obvious peak. A solid trend developed in the coming months

Still holding with nice dividends.


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## Garpal Gumnut (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> Good point
> I remember the positive expectancy.
> I had completed a good deal of back testing with
> Some considerable drawdowns.
> ...




lol +1

gg


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## StumpyPhantom (25 April 2012)

Knobby22 said:


> It is enjoying each others company, knowing what a good marriage should be (parents staying married is a good example), not thinking it is all about sex, being able to communicate and show caring, not being too precious, having kids.




This is going to be an intriguing thread for me to keep up with.  Difficult as the initial choice of partner is (and we'll all admit to somewhat clouded judgments because of the old biological urge), I'm keen to get away from 'fair weather' sailing and hear how you work your way through difficulties without baggage (yours, your partner's or your collective) getting in the way...


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## Calliope (25 April 2012)

Always marry an ugly girl.


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## Knobby22 (25 April 2012)

Similar to above, I have heard that (for girls) if you marry a handsome man you have to keep them poor


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

This is original, sound only , very catchy.


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## wayneL (25 April 2012)

Knobby22 said:


> It's also about kids. I think if you don't have kids then biologically your brain will tell you that the other partner is infertile and you will stray.




I don't agree with that one.

We are childless as are most of our friends. We are all in relationships of long standing, the longest being > 50 years.


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## explod (25 April 2012)

I am a bad expert/example here, on my third marriage 

Has lasted through some rough times for 15 years of bliss.

She is a great cook and her Mother is the only one I liked and could relate too.

If you have a break up give yourself a good three years to heal before moving on to a new partner.  My second and many others fail within a year or two off the rebound.


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## wayneL (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> (5) Fun
> (6) For me---independence and inner strength.
> (7) Worldly
> (8) Someone I respect for who she is.
> ...




Mine ticked most of those.

Re easy on the eye... my missus is 52 and I'm still fighting the bastards off. One of my clients asked the other day - "How did *you* end up with her?'

I wasn't sure whether to be offended or not.... :


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## wayneL (25 April 2012)

BTW I think I just got lucky.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

You can cross all the T's and dot all the I's but there still an element of chance in there.


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## tech/a (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> You can cross all the T's and dot all the I's but there still an element of chance in there.




I actually ticked a good deal of them as the relationship developed.
Some took years to show themselves.

Fortunately they were all great attributes
How many people find characteristics that
Are relationship breakers over time!


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> I actually ticked a good deal of them as the relationship developed.
> Some took years to show themselves.




You're very fortunate, good to see someone win for a change


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## tech/a (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> You're very fortunate, good to see someone win for a change




You know something I think very important
Knowing how to handle each other in times of
Hardship/Frustration/Conflict and Anger.

Positive outcome here----positive outcome everywhere.

What we found is giving each other space---- usually 2-3hrs ( one took 2 weeks!)
Then look at the issue together.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> You know something I think very important
> Knowing how to handle each other in times of
> Hardship/Frustration/Conflict and Anger.
> 
> ...




You're very lucky to have someone you can communicate with on that level, you'd be suprised how many couples can't.


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## StumpyPhantom (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> You know something I think very important
> Knowing how to handle each other in times of
> Hardship/Frustration/Conflict and Anger.
> 
> ...




Agree with Burnsie here.  Just gotta get you to try and spread that luck around!

Your formula is easier than it sounds - is it hard not to bring baggage into it?  Example: you ALWAYS do this....


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## Ves (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> You know something I think very important
> Knowing how to handle each other in times of
> Hardship/Frustration/Conflict and Anger.
> 
> ...



+1. Very much agreed here.  This stage (at least for my partner and myself) took a long time to reach. Lots of patience and understanding required. 

Something that is easy to comprehend as words, but hard to implement is trying not to find perfection in each other. Balance out each others strengths and weaknesses, and learn from each other. This is the true beauty of a relationship, it's a lifelong pursuit of getting to know each other on an extremely intimate level. All in all, the ability to laugh at (and with) each other, and to look past misery and keep having fun together is essential.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

Ves said:


> Something that is easy to comprehend as words, but hard to implement is trying not to find perfection in each other. Balance out each others strengths and weaknesses, and learn from each other. This is the true beauty of a relationship, it's a lifelong pursuit of getting to know each other on an extremely intimate level. All in all, the ability to laugh at (and with) each other, and to look past misery and keep having fun together is essential.




Well said.

(we was robbed by Collingwood today}


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## Knobby22 (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> Well said.
> 
> (we was robbed by Collingwood today}




True, what a match.
The luck comment was true. There is a bit of luck, and gut feel and trust.

Other "rules" are that the relationship has more chance of lasting if the guy is older.
When I look in my family for instance all the guys are older than the girls by 4 years except one brother whose wife is 3 years younger.  
I just think it helps when guys get to their mid 40s and start sensing their mortality. Only helps though. Won't save a marriage on its own.


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## Muschu (25 April 2012)

We've been married almost 44 years.  It would be silly to say it has all been bliss.  My wife and I are quite different in several ways -- but we manage to resolve issues, even very challenging ones.  This has, at times,required significant effort.  
I don't think there's anything "special" about us and also don't consider that everyone needs to "hang in there"..... 
If there is one thing we do it is probably the fact that we talk things through, listen to one another and do our best not to be selfish.
But "choosing a partner" is very personal and I believe I have been [am] very fortunate.


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## MrBurns (25 April 2012)

Muschu said:


> We've been married almost 44 years.  It would be silly to say it has all been bliss.  My wife and I are quite different in several ways -- but we manage to resolve issues, even very challenging ones.  This has, at times,required significant effort.
> I don't think there's anything "special" about us and also don't consider that everyone needs to "hang in there".....
> If there is one thing we do it is probably the fact that we talk things through, listen to one another and do our best not to be selfish.
> But "choosing a partner" is very personal and I believe I have been [am] very fortunate.




Thanks Rick, this is turnng into a great thread.


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## doctorj (25 April 2012)

tech/a said:


> Only child.
> She is however English.
> She has taken me back to her homeland quite a few times.
> I have to say there is something about English Girls.



I'm guessing she's of a different vintage to the one's I usually meet.  English women are usually best avoided in my experience!


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## Muschu (25 April 2012)

MrBurns said:


> Thanks Rick, this is turnng into a great thread.




I appreciate this.  However I would like to add that I (this is just me perhaps) find Internet discussions on personal topics like this to be limiting.  An interchange of experiences on the net is OK but I doubt it will provide the answers some seek.

Sorry if I am stating the obvious but I felt I needed to qualify.


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## waza1960 (25 April 2012)

Well I'm still trying to work that out after two failed marriages but having fun sussing out possible new partners
  I think children are not essential to a successful relationship as raising of children especially in a step family scenario can be very damaging to a relationship.
 Mutual respect is no1 for me and taking time to get to know your partner before marriage is essential IMO..... 2yrs +
  Tech and others in successful relationships how much of your opinion is rose colored.
 Would you have said the same thing about previous partners before the end?
Are you sure your other half feels the same?
 Previous emotional baggage (which we all have)brought into a new relationship
 is OK if you have really reconciled yourself with it and has made you wiser .


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## MrBurns (26 April 2012)

Muschu said:


> Sorry if I am stating the obvious but I felt I needed to qualify.



I agree but it's interesting non the less, relationships are complicated, would make trading seem like a child's pastime I would think.


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## Gringotts Bank (26 April 2012)

Mutual respect has to be the biggie (as many have said already).  This will get you a pleasant partnership/friendship.  This is where I am at present.

Deep intimacy and love requires work, apparently.  Here's some things I try to implement, but ain't too good at:
--dropping my own personal point of view and seeing things from her perspective  (not necessary to agree, just to see there are alternate pov's).
--understanding moments when she is vulnerable, and being sensitive to that.
--Helping when possible, in any form.  But not helping when it's not required. 
--Not offering advice EVER, unless it's asked for.
--Acceptance and openness on every level.

Hmm... sounds boring.  Still, I'm told the benefits are worth it.

The thread is about "choosing someone", but maybe that's the wrong perspective.  If you're happy and genuine in the way you live, girls will notice you (or guys).


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## breaker (26 April 2012)

Bet this bloke has no worries


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

So what do you do if you have been engaged say 2 yrs and think there maybe  a flaw in one of her parents   call it all off and and wonder what might have been  or take the risk and marry.


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## sval62 (26 April 2012)

breaker said:


> Bet this bloke has no worries
> 
> 
> 
> ...




HAHAHAAAAA
It looks like Burnsey after getting into his own pants


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## MrBurns (26 April 2012)

Glen48 said:


> So what do you do if you have been engaged say 2 yrs and think there maybe  a flaw in one of her parents   call it all off and and wonder what might have been  or take the risk and marry.




Only you can answer that, live with her for a while maybe ?


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## Gringotts Bank (26 April 2012)

Glen48 said:


> So what do you do if you have been engaged say 2 yrs and think there maybe  a flaw in one of her parents   call it all off and and wonder what might have been  or take the risk and marry.




I guess it depends on exactly what that flaw is, and how close she is to that parent.  Is she aware that you are aware of the 'flaw'?  Is she similarly offended by it?


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

Same as some one is having an affair do you tell or shut up. If she/parent has a flaw do you decide to split or run the risk and hope knowing you have spend 2 yrs with her and now face starting again with some one knew.


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## breaker (26 April 2012)

After a few months of courtship one should present the little woman with a copy of the "Womans Weekly guide to good house keeping" works a treat


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

and cut their toes off so they can stand closer to the sink???


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## breaker (26 April 2012)

Very good Glen

Here's a great book should be in all schools


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

Ahh now I know what the difference is between  fact and fiction.
 Today's husband

'


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## StumpyPhantom (26 April 2012)

Glen48 said:


> Same as some one is having an affair do you tell or shut up. If she/parent has a flaw do you decide to split or run the risk and hope knowing you have spend 2 yrs with her and now face starting again with some one knew.




This 'flaw' question goes right to the heart of my 'baggage' question that I raised earlier in this thread.

Whether you detect it early or not, take it as a given that you're both taking flaws/baggage into it.  Also, you can be sure that it will reveal itself once the courtship - honeymoon - 'in love' phase is done, and the mundane, pressure-filled part of having kids, mortgages, bills takes over.

Walking away is the easy part I suppose - but don't assume you'll find someone with no flaws.

So the main question is how do you deal with it?  I think Gringotts Bank's answer a few posts above is still up there.  Just easier said than done, so I would be grateful for related experiences...


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

In the olden days it was easier now you have laws to say she must get the house, you pay CSA and spousal allowance and then you can go out and find another partner and start again with out any hang ups.
 Buy another house and enjoy life or suicide like 3 men a day do now.


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## MrBurns (26 April 2012)

The more we discuss this the more confusing it all is, introduce her to your friends, see what they think they are more objectve than you. Tell them to be honest with you.


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

And Mr. B they say she is a dud do you pull the pin or take the risk then whole situation is like a hand grenade with the pin out.
 Most marriage break up are due to the females decision to leave some are justified others decide the grass is greener  and they end up mowing the grass only.


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## MrBurns (26 April 2012)

Glen48 said:


> And Mr. B they say she is a dud do you pull the pin or take the risk then whole situation is like a hand grenade with the pin out.
> Most marriage break up are due to the females decision to leave some are justified others decide the grass is greener  and they end up mowing the grass only.




I think if your friends are telling you she's not right you better listen.


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## Sean K (26 April 2012)

Mother must have good ankles.


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## Starcraftmazter (26 April 2012)

Surprised nobody has mentioned the most important factor.

Someone who will sign a prenup no questions asked and agree that they are not entitled to any of your money during the marriage.


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## Glen48 (26 April 2012)

Except CSA over rides any pre nup.And I think its hard to get a good one to stand up in court.


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## Starcraftmazter (26 April 2012)

Glen48 said:


> Except CSA over rides any pre nup.And I think its hard to get a good one to stand up in court.




What or who are the CSA?


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## StumpyPhantom (27 April 2012)

Starcraftmazter said:


> What or who are the CSA?




Child Support Agency.

Every guy who's ever been laid without using protection knows that...!!!:


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## Starcraftmazter (27 April 2012)

StumpyPhantom said:


> Child Support Agency.
> 
> Every guy who's ever been laid without using protection knows that...!!!:




I would sooner move to the UK and claim political asylum than deal with that...

Anyway, it is my understanding that they can only take what is fair - so if you are reasonable wealthy, they would not have the right to take half of your stuff.

Either way, it's not a problem if you don't have children!


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## StumpyPhantom (27 April 2012)

Starcraftmazter said:


> I would sooner move to the UK and claim political asylum than deal with that...
> 
> Anyway, it is my understanding that they can only take what is fair - so if you are reasonable wealthy, they would not have the right to take half of your stuff.
> 
> Either way, it's not a problem if you don't have children!




I'm not a dad who has had to deal with the CSA, but nah - it doesn't work that way.

Depending on the number of kids under 18, they come for a proportion of your wage.  If you're on a million-dollar salary, the proportion doesn't change - so the payout is bigger.

And there are reciprocal arrangements with other countries - so you can't get away.

Let's get back to this thread on "How to choose a partner"


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## breaker (27 April 2012)

Starcraftmazter said:


> I would sooner move to the UK and claim political asylum than deal with that...
> 
> Anyway, it is my understanding that they can only take what is fair - so if you are reasonable wealthy, they would not have the right to take half of your stuff.
> 
> Either way, it's not a problem if you don't have children!




A partner will never be a problem for u although may be in Singapore


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## waza1960 (27 April 2012)

> I would sooner move to the UK and claim political asylum than deal with that...
> 
> Anyway, it is my understanding that they can only take what is fair - so if you are reasonable wealthy, they would not have the right to take half of your stuff.



    You have no idea............CSA and fairness not in my lifetime .


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## cogs (27 April 2012)

How do you choose wisely? People change. The only factor I have seen that seems to have any impact, is living in the city Vs country areas. ie - temptation.

CSA = a fathers worst nightmare, (pro mothers). Your best decision can still not stop it getting to this. A woman wants to leave she can. You still want your job? keep it. Mother doesn't want to work? She doesn't have to. 50/50 care you still pay, their calc based on income levels.

Stay single and grow some balls, thinking you need a partner is pathetic.

Want to choose to have kids in a relationship? Always plan short term and love your kids always.

Think it takes a lifetime to find good one.....


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## MrBurns (27 April 2012)

StumpyPhantom said:


> Let's get back to this thread on "How to choose a partner"




+1 ...


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## Glen48 (27 April 2012)

CSA aka Commonwealth Suicide Assistance. If the woman want to buy her new BF a tattoo it is ok by CSA you have no say in how the money is spend.
It has nothing to do with supporting the kids It is a way of the feds not having o support kids.


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## awg (3 May 2012)

kennas said:


> Mother must have good ankles.




Ay..Wise and True advice there Kennas


I believe it was myself who provided Mr Burns with some of his original criteria.

If you want to stay married a long time, imo, a lot comes down to how you behave when "fighting" as this is when relationships break down.

So if you examine why partners fight badly, it is commonly over those fundamental issues, conditioned by personality and upbringing.

imo, kindness is the mark of a man, and the reverse, cruelty, is so perverse to the nurturing nature of womanhood, that I find it utterly repellant. A total gamebreaker

As you are yoked together in unison, you must work as a team, so the ability to communicate well on an intellectual level goes a long way to short-circuiting those idiotic,tense situations that tend to develop
.

With respect to "spending/saving" and sex drive matching, I think most could identify that these are obvious and recurring points of potential conflict.

If there is a significant mismatch in expectations from the start in these areas, in my observation, things do not go well.

I think one should nurture and encourage ones partner, and recognise some difference in male and female thought and behaviour. 

Must admit it probably does help that even absurdly young guys still go to water at the sight of my Mrs.


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## StumpyPhantom (3 May 2012)

awg said:


> Must admit it probably does help that even absurdly young guys still go to water at the sight of my Mrs.




Great bragging rights, AWG.  Enjoy it all you can!


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## Calliope (3 May 2012)

awg said:


> Ay..Wise and True advice there Kennas




I agree. It is probably the most practical advice so far on this thread on selecting a female partner. A woman with thick ankles will probably have poor circulation, a bad temper and her feet will be cold in bed.

Check the ankles before you lift your gaze to the breast and face.


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## StumpyPhantom (3 May 2012)

awg said:


> If you want to stay married a long time, imo, a lot comes down to how you behave when "fighting" as this is when relationships break down.
> 
> So if you examine why partners fight badly, it is commonly over those fundamental issues, conditioned by personality and upbringing.
> 
> ...




But seriously AWG - never a truer statement made here, so do expand on this all you can (with no further references to young Turks gawking at your missus).


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## MrBurns (3 May 2012)

StumpyPhantom said:


> But seriously AWG - never a truer statement made here, so do expand on this all you can (with no further references to young Turks gawking at your missus).




Yes good post, but what about cruelty in a woman, just steer clear if it isnt too late ?


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## awg (3 May 2012)

In answer to Mr Burns..yes that is the most important thing for me...even more than ankle diameter.

I hope this doesnt sound too sexist, but women are designed to nurture babies, which normally requires a great selflessness, and this will extend further if all is well.

However, for various reasons to do with genetics, personality, upbringing, IMO, can lead to some dysfunction.

Cruelty is for the weak, if I see signs in man or woman, avoid. 
I do not think it can be eradicated, unless they are very insightful

Kindness and Courage go hand-in hand.

If your partner is not kind enough they will not have it in them to nurture you when the chips are down..and to be sure they will be down sometimes...so this can be a marriage wrecker.

Unfortunately, it is not so easy I think to identify such traits at a young age, but all I can say is that even when I was very young, I had the same attitude 

In my personal situation I was always attracted to females of high intellect, even though I cannot pull the wool over their eyes, and get my ear chewed, I see this as a far more favorable long-term arrangement than what I have seen in couples where one or the other is intellectually dominant (normally fatal if woman is much smarter).

Know your own flaws realistically. Lets face it, how fkd up are you !

Oh yes...develop good "fight" resolution methods...I fight hard but fair when needed and compromise when I must.

This is where the cruelty stuff comes up, cruel individuals fight dirty, stupid and relentless, and once an insult is said, it can never be unsaid.

A dysfunctional relationship with parents seems to me to be associated with this.

I am talking stuff to avoid here, as relationships are fun & easy when the going is good. As an earlier poster said, this stuff is complex




This bit is sexist, so look away easily offended ones

I once worked at a joint with many beautiful, intelligent women, and not many men. A very attractive & naughty young lady became enamoured of a newish fellow and he turned to me for some honest advice. 

Would you .... her he asked ? 
No was my reply
Was it because of the ankles he asked
Yes i replied

ps, he later asked me about another lady, and I said I thought she was very nice, he is now happily married to her ( she was slender, so I was not required for ankle advice)


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## MrBurns (3 May 2012)

awg said:


> In answer to Mr Burns..yes that is the most important thing for me...even more than ankle diameter.




Excellent posts of yours awg, you have confirmed my thinking on cruelty and/or hardness, you must look for it, you can tell, little signs and you have to take your eyes off her other attributes, not be distracted, and act on those signs before it's too late.

I think running her past your friends is also a good move, they see what you don't


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## waza1960 (3 May 2012)

> Must admit it probably does help that even absurdly young guys still go to water at the sight of my Mrs



 Where in Newcastle do you live AWG although not young anymore I wouldn't mind checking her out LOL


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## awg (3 May 2012)

MrBurns said:


> Excellent posts of yours awg, you have confirmed my thinking on cruelty and/or hardness, you must look for it, you can tell, little signs and you have to take your eyes off her other attributes, not be distracted, and act on those signs before it's too late.
> 
> I think running her past your friends is also a good move, they see what you don't




Yes, unfortunately, many very attractive people tend to have developed a streak of selfishness/cruelty, for many reasons, including for females in particular to shied themselves from the onslaught of broken male hearts etc. 
Hard to undo later. Like the Princess mentality, or if someone has beeen abused etc 

I would look for definite evidence to support where an individual lies on the spectrum.
How have they treated past individuals?
What demonstrable acts have they done either way ?
Can they discuss this highly intellectual topic in a rational manner ?

I have met several individuals who seemed to me highly conflicted, displaying both great kindness and cruelty at different times.

These can be the worst imo, very hard to figure out, and very beguiling at times


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## awg (3 May 2012)

waza1960 said:


> Where in Newcastle do you live AWG although not young anymore I wouldn't mind checking her out LOL




maybe I should have kept my mouth shut on that one 

But when I said guys go to water, she has a manner that is at once both so compassionate and courageous that men are unable to resist. 

Even though she works completely on her own at times with guys having terrible criminal records, I do not fear for her safety.

She once assailed a group of teenage thugs and humiliated them publicly.
Witnesses state they could not believe the way she verbally shredded the young guys bravado


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## StumpyPhantom (3 May 2012)

awg said:


> maybe I should have kept my mouth shut on that one
> 
> But when I said guys go to water, she has a manner that is at once both so compassionate and courageous that men are unable to resist.
> 
> ...




Good stuff AWG - can understand why you're on top of the world.


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## Glen48 (3 May 2012)

This man is out of his depths:

Former swimming champion Grant Hackett has confirmed that his five-year marriage to Candice Alley is over.

"I can confirm media speculation this morning that Candice and I have separated,'' Hackett said in a statement.

"I want to be dignified in my approach to everything and ensure the children's needs are paramount and put first.

"I wish Candice every success.

"It is my hope that everybody can respect the process and be kind to all parties involved as it is a very difficult time."

Alley and Hacket, who is part of the Nine Network's London Olympic commentary team, married in 2007 and have two children, Charlize and Jagger..


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## waza1960 (3 May 2012)

> , or if someone has beeen abused etc




This resonates with me .......my ex wife was abused when a child ,told me about it not long after we met but I had no idea how it really effected her until years into our marriage. To the outside world she appeared ( and to me at first) very happy but in private was very negative , critical and untrusting. Despite the grief she gave me I feel sorry for her.


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## Glen48 (3 May 2012)

My ex bro want to do grade 12 maths but his father told him no .. so the bro told me and because of that his life was f$%&ked up.
 He wanted an apology from his Father and that would fix things. Which the father did and nothing changed. 
 The bro suicided about 5 yrs ago, his Father had absolutely NO sense of humour at all any joke you told had to be explained but was completely foreign to him yet he could do the _Times _crossword in 2 minutes..
 So if some one tells you they were......(insert here )... check it out with the next of kin and make sure.
 Good luck with who ever you are with now.
 Now how do ankle biters if in here???


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## tigerboi (4 May 2012)

Calliope said:


> I agree. It is probably the most practical advice so far on this thread on selecting a female partner. A woman with thick ankles will probably have poor circulation, a bad temper and her feet will be cold in bed.
> 
> Check the ankles before you lift your gaze to the breast and face.




Isnt this the NFC no fat chicks rule?


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## MrBurns (4 May 2012)

awg said:


> I hope this doesnt sound too sexist, but women are designed to nurture babies, which normally requires a great selflessness, and this will extend further if all is well.




Selflessness toward the children yes, but the husband is seen as a means to an end, money, protection home help. Not always but too often and once he's no longer needed for those things she sometimes "all of a sudden" needs to find herself and is off.



> If your partner is not kind enough they will not have it in them to nurture you when the chips are down..and to be sure they will be down sometimes...so this can be a marriage wrecker.




Very insightful.....very.


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## wayneL (4 May 2012)

Totally excellent comments from awg in this thread... made me think again what a lucky fellow I am with my missus.



MrBurns said:


> I think running her past your friends is also a good move, they see what you don't




Funny thing, I don't fundamentally agree, but a comment from a friend made me re-evaluate my relationship with my eventually to be wife.

He had met both the previous girlfriend and the then current one and said something like - "She's hawt, but the last one was hawtter. But you know what, this one would get out of bed to make you dinner if you come home late from work. She's a 'keeper'"

It was then that I quantified why I liked her so much... not that she would bust her **** for my benefit, but that she was beautiful on the inside as well.


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## MrBurns (4 May 2012)

wayneL said:


> Totally excellent comments from awg in this thread...




Seriously good, I've been mulling over this subject for a couple of years and this has really helped clarify things.



> But you know what, this one would get out of bed to make you dinner if you come home late from work. She's a 'keeper'"
> It was then that I quantified why I liked her so much... not that she would bust her **** for my benefit, but that she was beautiful on the inside as well.




Lucky man why is it you learn these things too late in life.


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## StumpyPhantom (4 May 2012)

awg said:


> I hope this doesnt sound too sexist, but women are designed to nurture babies, which normally requires a great selflessness, and this will extend further if all is well.




This comment resonates strongly with me too (and no, I don't think it's sexist if it's addressing realities here). And Burnsie's reflections from having come out the other end aside, I've been trying with my partner to raise some consciousness about this phenomenon.

It's hard to raise it, and it's hard not to be defensive about it when it is raised. And there's also no guessing that it's denied, because to admit it is to concede that the relationship has got a 'shelf life' or expiry date.

Most men sense this (whether they're willing to admit it or not) and so in some, it raises a sense of insecurity that never quite goes away. I suspect Mr Burns' experience is pretty common in that it seems to many men that women ending a relationship is like flicking a switch. 

It feels that way, I'm not saying it IS the way. I think the reality here is that one gender is just mentally stronger than the other. Maybe our evolution from the caves has wired us into our physical strength, bread-winning abilities etc., and we've just missed out on the mental strength component. So it feels easily taken advantage of. 

Like Burnsie - you've been good for me AWG, so keep it up!


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## Glen48 (4 May 2012)

Both sex's are like computers it all depend on what programme's have been loaded with or not and if all the internals are working correctly, sadly you won't knew until after a lot of testing.
 You can't look at a motherboard and know what in there.


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## waza1960 (4 May 2012)

Here's a scenario that I have pondered on quite a bit and still haven't got the answer.

Say you are interested in starting a relationship and your a person who has had a lot of hassles,dramas in your life and even though these have been dealt with they after all  still a part of who you are.
    Is it better to look at future potential partners who have had their own share of life's
  obstacles with the view that you can reach mutual understanding more easily.
                      (  I personally have found the opposite to be the case, as some partners
       who have had a tough hard life has little patience/compassion or tolerance left.)
 Or do you look at partners who have a simpler easier life to date for the reasons stated above....
  Obviously a lot depends on the personalities involved.


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## tech/a (4 May 2012)

waza1960 said:


> Here's a scenario that I have pondered on quite a bit and still haven't got the answer.
> 
> Say you are interested in starting a relationship and your a person who has had a lot of hassles,dramas in your life and even though these have been dealt with they after all  still a part of who you are.
> Is it better to look at future potential partners who have had their own share of life's
> ...




The answer is within you not a partner.
How you cope will determine how much garbage a partner has to put up with
Zero is the premium option.

The right partner will then be attracted to you.
You wont need to go looking.


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## Gringotts Bank (4 May 2012)

I think it's a little bit of an illusion that we get to choose.  I reckon there's a matching that occurs at multiple levels, mostly outside of conscious awareness.

To make oneself more attractive to a wider audience - that's all one can really do. And I'm not necessarily talking about a faster car or bigger bank account (although those things are good). The process just happens on its own.  My 2c.


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## Julia (4 May 2012)

Some great insights here.   One that especially resonates with me is awg's comment about cruelty.  After I left my husband and had time to think objectively (is this ever completely possible?) about all that had happened, I remembered some very cruel remarks he'd made to his ex which should have been a red flag to me.

One of the difficulties in making a thoughtful decision about a partner is, I think, that the biology can take over and make us vulnerable to too easily dismissing character flaws that later become all too obvious.

I'd never do it all again, but in the wisdom of retrospection I wish I'd looked for kindness and generosity of spirit as a first priority.  The intellectual and physical connections are not enough without this.


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## MrBurns (4 May 2012)

Julia said:


> Some great insights here.   One that especially resonates with me is awg's comment about cruelty.  After I left my husband and had time to think objectively (is this ever completely possible?) about all that had happened, I remembered some very cruel remarks he'd made to his ex which should have been a red flag to me.
> 
> One of the difficulties in making a thoughtful decision about a partner is, I think, that the biology can take over and make us vulnerable to too easily dismissing character flaws that later become all too obvious.
> 
> I'd never do it all again, but in the wisdom of retrospection I wish I'd looked for kindness and generosity of spirit as a first priority.  The intellectual and physical connections are not enough without this.




All very true, wise after the fact, I should have taken more notice of signs before I married but thats now history, better luck next time ? I doubt I'll bother.


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## Glen48 (4 May 2012)

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/married-to-the-eiffel-tower/
 some more to worry about.


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## Logique (5 May 2012)

Julia said:


> ...in the wisdom of retrospection I wish I'd looked for kindness and generosity of spirit as a first priority. The intellectual and physical connections are not enough without this.



So true, characteristic of every long term partnership I've ever seen. Look for proven character folks. Plenty of gold diggers and other opportunists out there.


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