# 'Jargon' is giving me the sh!ts



## springhill (12 August 2009)

Anyone else getting irritated by people 'moving forward'????
Seems to be the catch phrase of the new millenium, i barely hear an interview these days without someone 'moving forward'  Govts, politicians, footy coaches on the end of 100+ point hidings, cricket teams who lose Ashes tests and in general people that fail at absolutely everything are moving f***ing forward!
Until time travel is possible we are all moving forward so thanks for stating the blindingly obvious.

Another wanky double speak caught my attention today 'same sex attracted' WTF??? Is there something wrong with saying you're goddamn gay?

No wonder nobody knows what the hell anyone else is saying these days  or maybe im just an uneducated neanderthal, someone let me know when it's safe to come out from the cave.....


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## wayneL (12 August 2009)

Jargon is contagious.

Moving forw.... errr, sorry, bear with me... err I mean.... oh never mind. I mean in the future, people will just have to find new jargon to be infected with. :


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## Julia (12 August 2009)

Yep, I agree, Springhill.

It's up there with meaningless cliches making various sentimental observations.

The expression that most irritates me because it's so overused, yet is so meaningless is "achieving closure".   What the hell is closure?

Does it mean that because a body is finally found after someone has been missing for years,  the family then  says to themselves;

 'oh, jolly good, now that we know he was murdered we're really cool with everything'.  So simply silly.


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## Wysiwyg (12 August 2009)

I think "moving forward" and "closure" is for people that don`t want to be reminded or wish to forget about the sad, traumatic and disappointing experiences in the past. What happens though is media, friends and family like to revisit (psychologically) someone elses past experience.

I have read that revisiting painful past experiences is therapeutic but that is complete nonsense because stimulating via recall reinforces that painful experience and potentially paralyses the person.


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## Surfer35 (12 August 2009)

Ok, I've got a good one for you lot. I work for one bank full of w*nkers which has recently taken over another bank full of w*nkers and some tool labelled the process of packing us all in together like battery hens as a...wait for it....."desk intensification" exercise.


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## Wysiwyg (13 August 2009)

Surfer35 said:


> Ok, I've got a good one for you lot. I work for one bank full of w*nkers which has recently taken over another bank full of w*nkers and some tool labelled the process of packing us all in together like battery hens as a...wait for it....."desk intensification" exercise.




LOL, I think it is good of you to stay on and give the winkers a hand.


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## Buckeroo (13 August 2009)

Most jargon is created by experts. They do this to separate themselves from the masses

So when they use jargon, the masses go awwwwwe - he must be an expert because he knows words that I don't.

Cheers


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## gooner (13 August 2009)

Surfer35 said:


> Ok, I've got a good one for you lot. I work for one bank full of w*nkers which has recently taken over another bank full of w*nkers and some tool labelled the process of packing us all in together like battery hens as a...wait for it....."desk intensification" exercise.




I have been through one of those. I remember the memo talking about improving teamwork, reducing environmental footprint, etc etc.

Funny it never mentioned the adverse impacts of battery henisation (new jargon word, just invented. copyright gooner) or the huge cost savings that would be achieved.


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## springhill (13 August 2009)

'Working class families' wasn't invented by Krudd, but he sure has beat the living crap out of it.
Oh, another bug bear is anyone who use 'air quotes' and uses emphasis with their tone of voice while doing it to highlight their jargon should be 'chemically castrated'.


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## pointr (13 August 2009)

A good thread Springhill, jargon is elitist, exclusive inner circle crap. It makes me 'switch off' to a degree which is perhaps what the speakers of it want so they can progress their agendas with less challenge. Also it just occurred to me that if jargon is not precise it can also allow the speaker an 'out' eg "Oh that wasn't my intended meaning at all" Many years ago my English teacher Mr Starling at Corrimal High School used to say "Good english should be clear,concise and precise". It still should be.


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## Happy (13 August 2009)

springhill said:


> ...
> No wonder nobody knows what the hell anyone else is saying these days  .....





I think I know how you feel.

Part of the problem makes political and religious and racial correctness, not to mention you cannot tell fat person that is fat or stupid kid that is not bright.

But this is not as bad as suspended sentence with no record for rape for example.


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## Kez180 (13 August 2009)

My absolute favorite is:

'Deferred Establishment Fee'

instead of 'Break Costs'


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## Aussiest (13 August 2009)

springhill said:


> Anyone else getting irritated by people 'moving forward'????
> Seems to be the catch phrase of the new millenium, i barely hear an interview these days without someone 'moving forward' .




Come out of the cave, i hear ya!

The only reason those corporates use language like that is because they don't want you to realise they are conning you into their agenda.

-Gotta keep rolling: a polite way of saying i no longer need to talk to you
-Five Year Plan: a dandy way of asking how much initiative you have
-Key Performance Indicator: we have our eye on you and an excuse to make you redundant should you not follow our agenda
-Pro-active: You are a scape goat incase anything goes wrong
-Effective use of time: do your work, but don't ask any questions

The most ridiculous questions i've been asked in a job interview are (the answers are so bloomin' obvious aren't they?!):

1. Why did you leave your last job? Ah, because i hated it 

2. Why do you want to work for us? - Because i need the money?

3. Can you give us a reason why we should give you the job over X (other applicant)? To which i nearly answered "no, give it to them".

4. What do you want to be doing 5 years from now? To which i answered "running my own business, but i don't have an *idea* right now". 

Needless to say, i didn't get the job.

Last thought: It's not about your ability or work experience, it's about how well you brown nose.


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## Aussiest (13 August 2009)

Surfer35 said:


> Ok, I've got a good one for you lot. I work for one bank full of w*nkers which has recently taken over another bank full of w*nkers and some tool labelled the process of packing us all in together like battery hens as a...wait for it.....*"desk intensification" exercise*.




Lol, that's brilliant.

But, hang on. We use jargon is share trading: bull market, bear market 

I get the drift through, the corporates use it cause they're too afraid to say what they're really thinking.

Agree with above comment re- exclusive, elitist rubbish.


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## springhill (13 August 2009)

Holy crap can't believe i've let the biggest jargonistic load of crap slip by.... and it just came to me then (courtesy of a few VBs ) 
*GLOBAL* f***ing *WARMING*


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## gooner (13 August 2009)

springhill said:


> Holy crap can't believe i've let the biggest jargonistic load of crap slip by.... and it just came to me then (courtesy of a few VBs )
> *GLOBAL* f***ing *WARMING*




I guess it sounds better than "Global Boiling".

But that's what it might be if we don't act now.


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## wayneL (13 August 2009)

gooner said:


> I guess it sounds better than "Global Boiling".
> 
> But that's what it might be if we don't act now.




Look on the positive side. We won't have to cook crays anymore. Just catch and eat... ready boiled.


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## CanOz (13 August 2009)

Aussiest said:


> Last thought: It's not about your ability or work experience, it's about how well you brown nose.




This says more about the organizations you've worked for more than anything else to me.

I've worked darn hard all my life, built experience in the right areas, and have always been a lousy brown noser. I used to get looked down on because i spoke when i should have listened, but it was always the candid truth. 

Now it seems these qualities are more valued than ever. The positive change for me has been in the delivery of the candid truth.

Back on topic, how about all these TLA's these days? 

TLA = three letter acronym

CanOz


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## springhill (13 August 2009)

gooner said:


> I guess it sounds better than "Global Boiling".
> 
> But that's what it might be if we don't act now.




I guess 'Normal global weather fluctuations' isn't as catchy is it? Plus you cant slug a 'Carbon Tax' for something thats normal


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## brty (13 August 2009)

Hi,

I started laughing at what Surfer said, and haven't got past there......



> I work for one bank full of w*nkers




Let's see, the bank is FULL of w*nkers. 

YOU work there, 

ummm, how's your right wrist???

brty


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## Timmy (14 August 2009)

I hate jargon too.

Anyways, back to the markets.

The EOD OHLC charts are indicating a bullish bias but any longs are going to be wary of the bears looking to short the resistance levels and hopefully trigger stops as markets liquidate in order to square positions that may be under water.

Bid up for OTM puts but watch the vega levels if blowouts in the IV become apparent in the VIX.


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## white_crane (14 August 2009)

WTF?


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## GumbyLearner (14 August 2009)

I think jargon can be quite creative at times.


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## Julia (14 August 2009)

white_crane said:


> WTF?



White Crane, I rather think that was Timmy's point.


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## It's Snake Pliskin (16 August 2009)

Product disclosure statement is just a lengthy dumbing down version of prospectus. That's progress.


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## stocksontheblock (16 August 2009)

pointr said:


> A good thread Springhill, jargon is elitist, exclusive inner circle crap. It makes me 'switch off' to a degree which is perhaps what the speakers of it want so they can progress their agendas with less challenge. Also it just occurred to me that if jargon is not precise it can also allow the speaker an 'out' eg "Oh that wasn't my intended meaning at all" Many years ago my English teacher Mr Starling at Corrimal High School used to say "Good english should be clear,concise and precise". It still should be.




Interesting point!!! Maybe a lot of people on this site could think a little more about the jargon and another pet hate of mine, the use of abbrev's, whoops - abbrevations. The height of arrogance to assume we all know what you are talking about!

The use of an LOL I can forgive, at times, yet for you boffins out there, try to think of us little people when a sentence is put together along the lines of ... When you use XYZ in GH and 457YHU is about to ^& on a 09 then make sure you AGGG so that you can 67GT ... Sounds like sh*t to me, looks like sh*t to me, and in most cases means absolute sh*t.


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## Buckeroo (16 August 2009)

wayneL said:


> Jargon is contagious.
> 
> Moving forw.... errr, sorry, bear with me... err I mean.... oh never mind. I mean in the future, people will just have to find new jargon to be infected with. :




Don't forget my favourite: Are you with me people?


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## white_crane (16 August 2009)

Julia said:


> White Crane, I rather think that was Timmy's point.




actually, i was referring to the TLA's - i forgot the smilie LOL


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## Mr J (16 August 2009)

Timmy said:


> I hate jargon too.
> 
> Anyways, back to the markets.




Logic would solve 80% of that post, though no chance for that last sentence!


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## trainspotter (16 August 2009)

My favourite is this very complex speech, which is one of the best known in all dramatic works, Hamlet goes on to consider the fate of us all when he compares the skull to those still living.

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath
borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know
not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your
gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?
Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let
her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must
come; make her laugh at that. 

A bit off topic to be quoting Shakespeare ... but he was the true master of the spoken and written word.

My other favourite is Ruddspeak:-
*'detailed programmatic specificity'* left the German translator in tears and looking for a new job.
*'conceptual synthesis'* aimed at the Chinese who could not translate it at all.
*'natural complementarity'* in Washington and the Yanks went scurrying for the dictionary.


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## Cartman (16 August 2009)

trainspotter said:


> My other favourite is Ruddspeak:-
> 
> *'natural complementarity'* in Washington and the Yanks went scurrying for the dictionary.




lol (sorry --- i mean laugh out loud !!) ---new found respect for the rudder  ---

u (sorry --- i mean you) would have thought the yanks would have been well versed in quantum theory


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## Surfer35 (16 August 2009)

Hey BRTY,

Because the bank's work spaces are open plan,  I can't surf pr0n all day, so no w*nkng at workk. Shame, could help pass the day.

Definitely need pr0n as bank chicks are huge and angry


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## trainspotter (16 August 2009)

Surfer35 said:


> Hey BRTY,
> 
> Because the bank's work spaces are open plan,  I can't surf pr0n all day, so no w*nkng at workk. Shame, could help pass the day.
> 
> Definitely need pr0n as bank chicks are huge and angry




LFMAOOOOOOO  ... I reckon you should have a tea spoon of cement and take a hit for the team and try and climb one or two of these "huge and angry bank chicks" GO YOU GOOD THING !! LOLOLOL


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## johenmo (17 August 2009)

Today...
Meeting = 1 hour.  Term "go forward" used nine times.
Report received = "greater granularity required" which means "more detail required".

I hate jargon.


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## Krusty the Klown (18 August 2009)

johenmo said:


> Today...
> Meeting = 1 hour.  Term "go forward" used nine times.
> Report received = "greater granularity required" which means "more detail required".
> 
> I hate jargon.




Granularity??? 

Sounds like someone has a word of the day calendar.


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## wayneL (18 August 2009)

springhill said:
			
		

> 'Jargon' is giving me the sh!ts




Whatever you do, ffs just don't wander into one of the options threads. :


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## Krusty the Klown (18 August 2009)

Heard while waiting in line at the airport from a middle management type from out of town -

I much prefer to be out at the _"operational coalface"_.

I'm fairly sure everyone in the terminal heard and saw me cringe.


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## Buddy (18 August 2009)

In engineering terms, FEL=Front End Loading. No, it doesn't mean a friggin big earth moving machine collecting dirt and movin it around the place. It means either "Conceptual Design", "Pre-Feasibility Study" or "Feasibility and Basic Engineering". So ffs, why not just say that. Huh?


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## springhill (24 August 2010)

"Yes, we will...... move forward with confidence and optimism, yes, we will show care and concern for each other'"
J. Gillard 2010.

Wow, that's heavy stuff, must have taken an army of jargonologists to coin that one.
Will go down in history as one of the greats alongside Churchill and Wilde.


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## Mofra (24 August 2010)

"Working families" was far worse IMO. What if that family had 3 kids - were they all down in the coal mines during the day?

Garratt had his "short jocular conversation" during the 2007 election repeated ad nauseum.

"Core and non-core promises" is such a ridiculous notion it could have only come from the Josef Goebbels rule-book on fib telling.

"Never ever meant in terms of this election only" is a classic that deserves a mention. 

Nothing will ever beat Fox News in the US, with their tagline "Fair and Balanced". They make Al Jazeera look centre-left!


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## springhill (17 June 2011)

Here's a new one for you! Can't wait to use this one at my next public speaking engagement!

"Carrotmob" - the environmental equivalent of a flash mob, carrotmobs attract extra shoppers in return for the store owner's commitment to spend the extra revenue on improved energy efficiency.

Apparently "Ren Webb and the other carrotmob organisers helped Ainslie IGA manager Manuel Xyrakis accumulate an extra $12,000 to spend on reducing his store's carbon footprint."..... yeah right.


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## Glen48 (17 June 2011)

Wonder how they get the carbon off their feet each night?


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## tigerboi (18 June 2011)

brty said:


> Hi,
> 
> I started laughing at what Surfer said, and haven't got past there......
> 
> ...




how do you know he is right handed?
do you work there too???


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