# Solly's General Chat Thread



## Solly (23 September 2009)

Here's a gallery of an evil, notorious, bunch of felons ready for more public shaming.

http://www.wbbm780.com/pages/4936841.php

jono makes you realise how lucky you really are.

And makes me realise how lucky I was to have been schooled by The Christian Brothers.


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

Makes me think that ASF posters maybe way ahead of their time.

Anyway, it's in New Scientist so it must be true

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17820-bash-your-head-you-need-a-stiff-drink.html

_It's 6am Now where did I put that goonie..?_


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

Thanks for the thread Joe, I better make sure I source some quality stuff:


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

Jono might have found a new career for you.

Another article from that quality publication The Sun; 

KATY PERRY's stylist gets very hands-on during the filming of this music video.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/music/2649667/Katy-Perrys-breasts-get-lots-of-attention-during-the-filming-of-new-music-video.html


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

*"Lutte contre l'anorexie : proposition de loi visant les photos retouchÃ©es"*

http://www.translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=fr&tl=en&u=http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gsQLP_FW4prN4jcR8hWr4OdE_bHA

Joe maybe considering same rules regarding avatars.


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

*Some Looney with a handgun.....Authorities said alcohol was a factor*. 

An Imperial man is dead after accidentally shooting himself in the head while teaching his girlfriend firearm safety.

http://www.kmov.com/topstories/stories/kmov-stlouis-news-090921-firearm-safety.1a1a31153.html

(a repost but I like this one)


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

Now I know why 16 pages of the Book of Revelation were missing from the Gideons in my motel room, when I had that layover near Nimbin during The Crop festival in '06.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/09/21/Police-Boy-used-Bible-page-for-joint/UPI-98331253560379/


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## Nyden (23 September 2009)

*"Forum participant loves to talk to himself, and start 6 threads a day"*

_A participant of the highly popular Aussie Stock Forums has developed an interesting quirk - thread starting. What topics, you ask? Well, a little bit of everything, really. In fact, so popular were his little time-wasting void fillers, that he was given his own dedicated thread, in way of appreciation._

https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17361

I think it's time we had a Solly Sub-topic


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## trainspotter (23 September 2009)

Go you good thing called Solly ! Some of your stuff is hilarious. Keep up the verbose verbalization on every level.


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## Solly (23 September 2009)

*Oktoberfest......with a difference*

Munich's annual beer festival got underway to the collective clinking of tankards on Saturday. 

But did you know what started on Sunday?

*The answer is here*


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## Solly (24 September 2009)

*Swedish military bras burst, melt during 'rigorous exercise'*

The Swedish armed forces have been hit by a major equipment problem, according to reports. Flimsy military brassieres are unable to stand up to the strains imposed when female Swedish troops perform "rigorous exercises", routinely bursting open or even catching fire - so forcing busty young conscripts to hurriedly strip off in the field.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/23/swedish_military_bras/

jono, I did a GIS here on Swedish girls to save you the trouble.
Also this link may interest you, I hear the Swedish Army is recruiting http://forsvar.fileflat.com/english/. I bet you are good with multi-tasking


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## Mr J (24 September 2009)

Solly said:


> Here's a gallery of an evil, notorious, bunch of felons ready for more public shaming.
> 
> http://www.wbbm780.com/pages/4936841.php




Hey, I wouldn't mind to have been taken advantage of by a number of those women :.



> Swedish military bras burst, melt during 'rigorous exercise'




Awesome.


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## Solly (24 September 2009)

*Now matter what, a Spotted Dick is always a Spotted Dick.*

Council chiefs have reversed a decision to rename the pudding Spotted Dick to Spotted Richard after receiving "abusive letters" and accusations of political correctness.

Ahh yes, another win on the side of the sensible.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/north_east/8270460.stm


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## Solly (24 September 2009)

*Dr Kealey said he was using humour to warn against lust*

A university leader has caused controversy by saying curvy female students are a "perk of the job".

Terence Kealey, of the University of Buckingham, said lecturers were aware of females who "flaunted their curves".

More hot off the Telex from the BBC;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8270475.stm
"Trust me I'm a lecturer...."


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## Solly (24 September 2009)

Stats of who visits ASF:


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## GumbyLearner (24 September 2009)

Solly said:


> Stats of who visits ASF:




LOL Ok come-on everyone fess up if you work for Morgan Gallup et al?


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## nunthewiser (24 September 2009)

LOL 

thanks Solly ...... great thread


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## Solly (24 September 2009)

*Minister for the Freaking Obvious cracks down on the use of "organic coffee enemas" and  "vaginal blowing" as therapies.*

Admits they just might be a scam.

And why am I clenching while warming up the DeLonghi ?

Get the 'hole' story here;

http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,26119123-5006301,00.html


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## Solly (25 September 2009)

*Five women from the 'Grab-N-Go' espresso stand in south Everett now face charges for 'terribly inappropriate' and lewd behavior.*

A 2 month intense police investigation results in laying of charges against these dangerous Bikini Clad Barista felons.

More here from FOX13 News;

http://www.q13fox.com/news/kcpq-092209-morethancoffee,0,3127344.story

*Caution:* embedded video link news story contains the words-
pasties, whipped cream, sexual gestures, vagina, intimate parts, flashing cheeks.

Only in America and unbelievably this story is real


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## Mr J (25 September 2009)

It really doesn't surprise me. Only in America? In some countries the news readers and weather girls strip off their clothes!

I'm sure business was good before they got busted .


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## joslad (25 September 2009)

A two month police operation !!   Surely they could have sewn it up within a few days.  I wonder how many repeat visits etc the poor old cops had to endure during their operation...


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## Mr J (25 September 2009)

joslad said:


> A two month police operation !!   Surely they could have sewn it up within a few days.




I'm sure there was a lot of evidence to look over and thoroughly analyse .


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## Solly (25 September 2009)

*Another reason a night in the watchhouse has become less pleasurable.
*


There goes the hand gel...


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## Solly (25 September 2009)

*Cousin Eddie skips without settling, tells cops he thought Clark was squaring things as he was too busy draining the shaiter. *

http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSTRE58O0QJ20090925


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## Solly (25 September 2009)

No excuse now, fatties....

This guy's 74 

http://www.wtam.com/cc-common/news/videos/player.html?loc=3&pimg=&count=1


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*Everything you want to know about Cankles.*

http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Cankles.aspx


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*A 22-year-old woman who told police she was collecting a debt for pornography, now faces a charge of theft from a corpse.*

Then it gets weirder, more here;

http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/2009/09/25/0925roundup.html


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*"Angry man downed two bottles of whisky before he ploughed the luxury car into the front window of the store"*

At first I thought it was a Bentley.

http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/crime-courts/man-jailed-for-driving-his-rolls-royce-through-tesco-s-shop-window-in-drunken-rage-1.922100


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*Safely driving tips:*

Everybody knows;
Don't use a mobile.
Wear a seatbelt.
Don't drive drunk, drug affected or tired.

oh, better add a new one....

*Keep both hands on the wheel and don't touch the junk.*


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*6 Bullshait Facts About Psychology That Everyone Believes*

http://www.cracked.com/article/85_6-bull****-facts-about-psychology-that-everyone-believes/


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

...


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*Men's nude bonding no flash in the pan*

IT starts harmlessly enough - a couple of mates, a couple of beers and a grand plan for a good time.

But fast forward three hours and the antics have exploded: the lads have their clothes off, beer is being poured on naked bodies and at least one of the blokes is urinating somewhere other than a urinal.....

So begins the Annual ASF Forum Members BBQ.






The whole story here;
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26124906-23272,00.html


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

*You've lost that.....

Follow the bouncing ball.....

You've lost that loving.....

Follow that freaking boucing ball...

You've lost that loving feeling....

OK I warned you, I said follow that freaking boucing ball..now that's a paddlin'...*

*Six more gals for jono to delete out of his iPhone contacts.*

*http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/09/25/2009-09*


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## Solly (26 September 2009)

Rumor has it that Manny's considering applying for Oz distributorship rights.

gg, vigorously flipping through Whitepages looking for ASIC & ACCC contact numbers as a community service.


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## Solly (27 September 2009)

*The 469 vs Emma Freeman's Porsche*

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8275944.stm


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## Solly (27 September 2009)

*New Vegemite is named:*

*iSnack2.0*

_Just realised my suggestion of "Vegesmear" may have given the wrong visual image to the marketing dept gurus_


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## Solly (27 September 2009)

*Newspapers and Adult Videos both face the same problem.*

_This story may not have a happy ending._

http://www.nj.com/ledgerlive/index.ssf/2009/09/newspapers_and_porn_-_two_busi.html


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## Solly (27 September 2009)

*Annoyed exotic dancer bares all to Parking Inspector....then it gets kinda weird*

_Welcome to the City of Churches_

http://city-messenger.whereilive.com.au/news/story/annoyed-stripped-flashed-parking-inspector-over-ticket/


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## Solly (28 September 2009)

*Knit one, perl two, burp, break wind, swear, then swill.*

Men's-only knitting night,
"There's more swearing, but everything else is the same," 

http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/ohio-news/member-exchange-mens-only-knitting-night-319517.html


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## Solly (29 September 2009)

*“If I'm guilty of anything it's of impersonating a stripper, not a police officer."*

Eleven G20 campaigners are being prosecuted for impersonating police officers despite some being half-dressed and wielding toy machineguns.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23749027-bra-girl-charged-for-posing-as-a-pc.do


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## Solly (29 September 2009)

*Bleach, baby powder and hair spray.*

Police said three Victorian businesses gave about $160,000 in cash to two men in the belief their money would double when soaked in chemicals.

_Wouldn't it have just been easier to do the correspondence Fin Advisers exam ?_

http://stonnington-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/money-for-nothing-in-malvern/


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## Solly (29 September 2009)

I have know idea what this is all about...

jono got any ideas...?

Looks a little in Seine

http://www.uniqlo.jp/uniqlock/?id=QTiatrxl4UXfjleR


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## Solly (29 September 2009)

I'm sure many forum members will get the answer to this rather quickly.

From a distance this is just a regular ordinary looking house but take a loser look.

What is it really made of ?

http://artsytime.com/a-house-made-of-what/


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## Solly (29 September 2009)

*Hans you are so damn creative, especially with crates.*

But don't try and out run the cops.






http://austriantimes.at/news/Around_the_World/2009-09-28/16741/Wheel_crate_driver


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## Solly (30 September 2009)

*Spain, Brazil, Italy, France, Ireland and South Africa all beat us at horozontial folk dancing. *

But at least we beat New Zealand and the Germans are too smelly :

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6241440/German-men-are-worlds-worst-lovers-with-English-men-in-second-place.html


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## Solly (30 September 2009)

*Hey, who hasn't fallen asleep at work after a couple of drinks ?*

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?Burglar_falls_asleep_on_the_job&in_article_id=745061&in_page_id=34


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## Solly (30 September 2009)

*Bork Bork Boom, FÃ¶rsvarsmakten*

Sweden's Life Regiment Hussars (K3), an elite cavalry division involved in intelligence and paratrooper training, blow up the wrong house.

http://www.thelocal.se/22358/20090929/


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## Solly (30 September 2009)

*Things to check when you order home delivered pizza.*

Money..check

Coupon..check

Pants..oops


http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090929/GJNEWS_01/709299921/-1/FOSNEWS


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

Darling, I said please cook up the *Cold *Fish.....and then the fight started.

Officers who were dispatched to the woman's home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate


http://content.usatoday.net/dist/custom/gci/InsidePage.aspx?cId=greenbaypressgazette&sParam=36403176.story


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

Still a bit nervous on that short haul trip on RyanAir, 
why not have a "smokeless".....

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/dpgo_ryanair_selling_smokeless_cigarettes_lwf_20090929_3776489


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

*Present ASF Members Card to get $5 to $10 off to get off. *


“If senior members of our community want to use the service............during senior’s week, they will not only be warmly welcomed but afforded a generous discount on the cost of the services provided by the establishment.”


http://moorabbin-glen-eira-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/brothel-offer-discounts-to-celebrate-seniors-week/


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

*"In the 20 years I have been doing this job, I have never felt miserable about going to work. I love what I do and have no plans to retire within the next ten years."*

For some reason I don't think this is what Marvin Gaye had in mind.

Another quality article from The Sun.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/2637533/Sexual-healer-has-slept-with-1500-men.html


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

*Transparent Desktop*






http://www.lazypalace.com/transparent-desktop/

_(Yes I know Mac's are amazing)_


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## Solly (1 October 2009)

He said it upset him because people often vomited or urinated into his tray or stole money from it and sometimes people stab you with food.

Yes, life can be pretty tough being a busker in East LA but this time it's in......Inner Brisbane.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26150631-3102,00.html


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## Solly (2 October 2009)

*Great poker machines;*
'The Mummy's Gold' 'Mr. Cashman', 'Dolphin Treasure' 'Black Panther' and 'The Relieving Officer'.....wait.....there's one there I've only seen once.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26152455-952,00.html


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## Solly (2 October 2009)

A U.S. Capitol Police officer was arrested Sunday morning in Arlington County when a woman came home and found him passed out drunk in her bed, police said. The two had never met.

"Thankfully, nobody was hurt."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/30/AR2009093004586.html


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## Solly (2 October 2009)

*When cakes go horribly wrong*

http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/1799425,100109cakeg.photogallery


http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/1799952,CST-FTR-cake01.article#


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## Solly (2 October 2009)

*"Dear beautiful ladies of the night...We decided to 'deviate' and give you this gnome as a welcome to the community". Only in Toowoomba...*

Just in case you've just developed an interest in floral arrangements and are considering a legitimate trip to the Garden City, the next Carnival of the Flowers is - Friday, 17 September – Sunday, 26 September 2010.
(Bring gifts...)

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26152354-5013016,00.html


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## Solly (2 October 2009)

*Actual Headline:*

*NYC Prisoner Escapes After Officer Mistakes Him for Lawyer*

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,558381,00.html


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

*Woman throws table leg through window, chokes boyfriend when he won't buy her more Natural Ice beer.*
_That must be some mean tasting beer._






jono, another one to delete from the iPhone Contacts....


http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2009/oct/01/fort-pierce-woman-throws-table-leg-through-when/


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

*What's the penalty when an ordinary worker uses the executive bathroom?*

a) A verbal warning
b) A written warning
c) A slug in the leg


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2665349/Potty-boss-shot-worker-over-WC.html


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

*Wiley’s backside appeared “clenched tight” as if he was hiding something.*

Yep he was hiding something, about 22 grams, then the story gets weird.

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2009/oct/02/bag-of-cocaine-shot-out-of-suspects-body-at-st/


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

*A wiener dog, a poodle, a giraffe, a swan and a beaker of liquid nitrogen*


http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid36912671001?bctid=42458641001


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

*PM knew I was a escort, lover says*

No, not _that _PM...:

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26158019-5003402,00.html


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## Garpal Gumnut (3 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *PM knew I was a escort, lover says*
> 
> No, not _that _PM...:
> 
> http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26158019-5003402,00.html





Never spoil a good headline with facts!

gg


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## Solly (3 October 2009)

There has been a pic floating around the Interwebs, claiming to be something that it is not.

I wish to publicly state that this is *not* a pic of me & gg..


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## Judd (5 October 2009)

Solly,

Is your real name Commander Ranbeer Arora?  If so you are a very naughty boy.  And what a delightful wording of the charge.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6860927.ece



> *Air India investigates mid-air brawl between pilots and cabin crew*
> 
> Jeremy Page, South Asia Correspondent
> 
> ...


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## Solly (6 October 2009)

Judd said:


> Solly,
> 
> Is your real name Commander Ranbeer Arora?  If so you are a very naughty boy.  And what a delightful wording of the charge.
> 
> http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6860927.ece




OMG Judd, what a story ! 
I can assure you I have no direct knowledge of that alleged incident.

But this guy looks a bit familiar.....

[Youtube]LzAXb7qCCAo[/media]


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## Solly (7 October 2009)

*When you pass out after drinking a bottle of vodka, ensure your drinking buddy isn't a tattoo artist with an interest in male anatomy.*

http://www.thelocal.se/22480/20091005/


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## Solly (7 October 2009)

*If you are a little cracked, where do you think is the best place to hide your crack.....?*

_I think you may have worked this one out._

Man-hid-cops-say/z0amk5s7JkSazUCQqOJsdQ.cspx


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## Solly (7 October 2009)

*Boarding Pass...Check

Carry on baggage....Check

Mobile off...Check

Look for engagement ring on FA...Check

Void bladder....WTF....*

http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,28318,26171556-5014090,00.html


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## Solly (7 October 2009)

*10 Manliest Names Ever*

http://www.oddee.com/item_96771.aspx

_Solly, Gumnut, Nun, Jono, Smith, Burns, Stan....surprisingly missing from list..._


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

*The world's most influential man is:*

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2009/10/08/jon_hamm_s_mad_man_named_most_influentia

_Just realised he's not even real..._


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

*Master Baiters forced to become Master Netters*

Now that's sorted, there shouldn't be an issue if they appear on Red Faces.

http://www.3news.co.nz/Master-Baiters-forced-to-change-name-for-netball-championship/tabid/973/articleID/124484/cat/272/Default.aspx


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

*An injection to the genitals goes wrong which results in dysfunction in the junction and then the Clinic gets stiffed for $9 Million.......*

"Howard waited too long to seek medical help after his first home self-injection led to complications."

http://www.ajc.com/business/dekalb-man-wins-injury-156327.html


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

*ASF Members now considering bulk move to Malibu.*

Where all is good and the misdemeanors of the past are erased.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091006/en_nm/ASF Members


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## xyzedarteerf (9 October 2009)

Chris Evert going for the Grand Slam - Now to complete the set someone from France.

Husband number 1
John Lloyd                                                         

England




Husband number 2
Andy Mill 

USA



Husband number 3
Greg Norman    

Australia



Husband number 4 
???
France


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

xyzedarteerf said:


> Chris Evert going for the Grand Slam - Now to complete the set someone from France.
> 
> 
> Husband number 4
> ...




Maybe :


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## Garpal Gumnut (9 October 2009)

Maybe she should go for a wrestler or a cowboy.

gg


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## Solly (9 October 2009)

*Smelly people, fat people and people who cough and sneeze are the most disliked to be seated next to on an airplane.*

_Why does this sound to me like the flight deck on a freight run out of BogotÃ¡ in the early 80's ?_ 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/10/09/2709414.htm


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## Solly (10 October 2009)

*More putting economic worries in hands of psychics, astrologers*

_I bet they saw that coming_







http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2009/10/09/20091009psychiceconomy1008.html


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## Solly (13 October 2009)

*Police say they believe a driver crashed his car while involved in "amorous activities'' with his female passenger. Humpty Doo !!*

That's a pity about the damage to the ute put I think it's repairable, what do you think?

http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2009/10/10/91575_ntnews.html


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*Woman: I'm an alcoholic nymphomaniac, just arrest me*

The 23-year-old woman also told them she was a nymphomaniac and an alcoholic and that her estranged husband had been staying with her for a week, ever since she asked him over to have sex and he never left.

Then it starts to get weird.....


http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman-21572-arrest-old.html


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*Inmates act up to avoid being released during the harsh winters, corrections officer gets two letters from individuals politely requesting an extended stay behind bars.*

Don't drop the soap 

http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20091014/GJNEWS_01/710149911/-1/FOSNEWS


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*A Delta airliner en route from Seattle to Atlanta made an unscheduled stop in Nashville after a passenger reportedly began quoting Bible passages. No one was hurt.*

Several passengers restrained the suspect and the suspect attempted to bite one of the passengers in the leg.

_Don't you just love those "special meal" pax._

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,565582,00.html


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*Want to live it up in a thriving metropolitan city and find a girl with a tattoo on her - well, in a strange place?*

*Welcome to Possibility City....*

http://www.wbbm780.com/Risque-ads--Live-it-up-in-Ky--s--Possibility-City-/5436817


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*Until the start of this year he had shown no signs of the expletive-laden and often "bizarre" outbursts which now form a constant part of his daily routine.*

Doctors are baffled after firstly, wrongly assuming that the man was just from Townsville.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/tyne/8293233.stm


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## Solly (15 October 2009)

*Beware of the "horny goat weed" trap.*

She repeatedly stabbed him in the neck before driving to meet a man she had met on the internet...

_Jono do you still visit ASF ? 
Here's another ruse for a young player to be aware of._

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2681146/Wife-cuts-husbands-throat-in-woods-after-kinky-sex-promise-a-court-heard.html


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## Solly (18 October 2009)

*'Ho White and the Seven Dwarves' beer advert angers Disney*

A beer advertisment featuring a ranchy version of Snow White has reportedly raised the ire of Disney.


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6341373/Ho-White-and-the-Seven-Dwarves-beer-advert-angers-Disney.html


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## Solly (19 October 2009)

*The 'face of Jesus' peers eerily out of this door at Swedish furniture giants Ikea.*

Or may be it's  Gandalf or Benny Andersson.....

You decide.

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/article2688425.ece


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## Solly (20 October 2009)

*Rich Australian hit with $242m tax bill*

_In other news....has anybody heard from gg today ?_

http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,27753,26228610-462,00.html


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## Solly (20 October 2009)

*Female firefighters in wet T-Shirt row, joined Facebook petition to get new shirts*

_Jono last seen investigating on how to join the Rural Fire Service as part of his civic responsibility_

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/female-firefighters-in-wet-t-shirt-row-joined-facebook-petition-to-get-new-shirts/story-e6freuy9-1225788055587


----------



## Solly (20 October 2009)

*"Awkward" Family Photos posted on line.*

Can you pick which ASF member's family tree this is ?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/a-collection-of-pre-1930-awkward-family-photos/

_Did I just receive a PM from nun ?_


----------



## Solly (20 October 2009)

*When the mobile coffee van business goes cold, you can always fit out the Transit like this and dominate the market.*

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/gameon/view/103905/Dominated-in-their-own-drive/


----------



## Solly (20 October 2009)

*Woman seeking divorce after finding husband listed her as a "Guantanamo" on mobile phone*

_gg, last seen updating the contacts list on his gPhone to reduce further losses_

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/wacky/woman-seeking-divorce-after-finding-husband-listed-her-as-guantanamo-on-mobile-phone/story-e6frev20-1225788384071


----------



## Solly (20 October 2009)

*6 Things Your Body Does Every Day That Science Can't Explain*

_Posting on ASF strangely missing from list._

http://www.cracked.com/article/161_6-things-your-body-does-every-day-that-science-cant-explain/


----------



## Solly (20 October 2009)

*Man get's a goat in bizarre divorce settlement*

Repeat: This is not a story from Townsville.

Gretel is that you ? Text me if it is.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/man-who-got-his-wifes-goat-in-bizarre-divorce-settlement/story-e6freuy9-1225788539626


----------



## Solly (21 October 2009)

*TMZ suggests David Hasselhoff is to do TV reality show*

_This may leave some rolling around the floor, including the talent_

http://www.tmz.com/category/david-hasselhoff/

This makes me wonder how an Osbournesque reality TV show about a couple of high flyers from Belmont, would rate ?

Now where is that contact number for Endermol....


----------



## Solly (21 October 2009)

*Off to the beach...*

Towel....Check
Sunscreen....Check
Hat....Check
Forget to lock car......$40 Cheque

Thank you officer.

http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/story/2009/10/16/sunshine-coast-cops-target-unlocked-cars/


----------



## Harleyquin (21 October 2009)

What a good idea Solly I'm happy to be part of producing a reality show about two high flyers from Belmont.  There might be a couple of hundred people out there who would throw rocks at their telly if they can still afford to own one.  If it's a success maybe we could use the proceeds to support their victims...or better still what about some 'free' financial advice while they vacuum the floor or wash the dishes.


----------



## Solly (22 October 2009)

*Possible NT Red Faces Act which could involve a gold watch, a jar of petroleum jelly and the word "shove".*

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/10/21/2719820.htm


----------



## Solly (24 October 2009)

*Sicilian prefers prison to house arrest with wife*

PALERMO, Sicily - A Sicilian builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media reported Thursday.

http://www.calgaryherald.com/technology/Sicilian+prefers+prison+house+arrest+with+wife/2136464/story.html

_(Unwilling to give additional comment as Lady Penelope reads this thread)_


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (24 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *Sicilian prefers prison to house arrest with wife*
> 
> PALERMO, Sicily - A Sicilian builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media reported Thursday.
> 
> ...




And as he was taken away he would have said, as his ancestors did.



> Re vera, cara mea, mea nil refert




gg


----------



## Solly (24 October 2009)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> And as he was taken away he would have said, as his ancestors did.
> 
> 
> 
> gg





I fully understand, Rhett

Non ci sono problemi.....


----------



## Solly (24 October 2009)

*POF goes the local loop*

Awesome 

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn18013-light-switch-could-boost-network-speeds.html


----------



## Solly (24 October 2009)

*"Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!"*

Oxygen...mask on
NAV transfer and DISPLAY switches...oh yeah
Window heat ....tepid
Pressurization mode selector.  wot?
Parking brake ....broken
Engine start levers...are awesome, wot ever

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&issueid=110&id=67154&Itemid=1&sectionid=110


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*It seems that even a call girl can teach an economist a new trick.*

The next offering from Levitt and Dubner, 'SuperFreakonomics'.

Jono have some time off from the text books, click here--->http://abcnews.go.com/2020/superfreakonomics-prostitutions-perks/Story?id=8844755&page=1


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*The Marriage Handbook*

God Bless 1962 America.

http://www.amalah.com/photos/when_you_marry/index.html

gg, if only we had access to this text book earlier.....


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*Police will put a motorised lounge chair up for auction next week after it was seized in a drunk driving incident.*

Initial reports indicating that the gradient on Melton was a contributory factor appear to be erroneous, it was the sharp left into The Strand that caused the issue.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gOYa98FpwDvidD_-q3H0TRrC4bYg


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (25 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *Police will put a motorised lounge chair up for auction next week after it was seized in a drunk driving incident.*
> 
> Initial reports indicating that the gradient on Melton was a contributory factor appear to be erroneous, it was the sharp left into The Strand that caused the issue.
> 
> http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gOYa98FpwDvidD_-q3H0TRrC4bYg




You are a very very naughty boy, Solly.

I will have to get Nurse to give you some punishment.

gg


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> You are a very very naughty boy, Solly.
> 
> I will have to get Nurse to give you some punishment.
> 
> gg




Please don't send Helga again....


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*New subject added to Diploma of Financial Planning course*

This should firm up compliance


----------



## Judd (25 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *"Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!"*
> 
> Oxygen...mask on
> NAV transfer and DISPLAY switches...oh yeah
> ...




You forgot about the "Three-way Gage" and the chip detector.  And don't ignore the primer syringe.  "All that other horse****" works as well.


----------



## MrBurns (25 October 2009)

Has anyone else had trouble with the new energy efficient light bulbs ?

They dont work with dimmers and are generally a pain in the ****.


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*A man who headbutted his attorney during his murder trial has been sentenced to 39 years in prison for shooting a man he believed was having an affair with his girlfriend*

_See your day hasn't been that bad, has it ?_

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iH2OXqtwj9XZ9wwvZoAgbHeZ9A7QD9BG8J780


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

*'Polygamy club' draws criticism in Indonesia*

gg, looks like you can have fours wives all at once in some jurisdictions.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gf5Ep1bQVhWr8NMULFgYzxKUW3JwD9BHROT00


----------



## Solly (25 October 2009)

Judd said:


> You forgot about the "Three-way Gage" and the chip detector.  And don't ignore the primer syringe.  "All that other horse****" works as well.




Yes good points Judd


----------



## Solly (26 October 2009)

*"After prison <insert name here> he plans to return to the ministry, record Christian songs he has written, and maybe even write a book."*

_I think I've seen this template before and may see it again very soon._

http://blog.al.com/businessnews/2009/10/richard_scrushy_says_he_plans.html


----------



## Solly (27 October 2009)

*Deep brain stimulation therapy threatens to half posts on ASF *

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/10/deep-brain-stimulation


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (27 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *'Polygamy club' draws criticism in Indonesia*
> 
> gg, looks like you can have fours wives all at once in some jurisdictions.
> 
> http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gf5Ep1bQVhWr8NMULFgYzxKUW3JwD9BHROT00




Mate, after having four consecutively, it has given me new respect for men in Malaysia and Indonesia. No wonder some of them get so cranky about democracies where monogamy is the norm.

gg


----------



## Solly (28 October 2009)

*A new opening for failed Financial Advisers, Stateside*

And Uncle Sam picks up the tab, hallelujah 

http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2009/10/faith-healing-on-the-us-taxpay.html


----------



## Solly (28 October 2009)

*Some how the excuse of being chased by a little masked character who was dressed in a black-and-white hooped shirt and pants, a red cape, a wide-brimmed hat, and red gloves.....isn't going to wash this time, son....eh*

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE59Q2JG20091027


----------



## Solly (28 October 2009)

*Man Spends $50,000 to Recreate a First-Class Pan Am Cabin in His Garage*

_Absence of stunning flight attendants noted._

http://gizmodo.com/5390540/man-spends-50000-to-recreate-a-first+class-pan-am-cabin-in-his-garage


----------



## Solly (28 October 2009)

*Apparently they teach diff'rent in Nu Zealund...eh*

Jono, Teachers College looks good, chuck in the MBBS and click here----> http://www.smh.com.au/world/kiwi-teacher-in-hot-water-over-naked-pics-20091026-hgat.html


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (28 October 2009)

Solly said:


> *Man Spends $50,000 to Recreate a First-Class Pan Am Cabin in His Garage*
> 
> _Absence of stunning flight attendants noted._
> 
> http://gizmodo.com/5390540/man-spends-50000-to-recreate-a-first+class-pan-am-cabin-in-his-garage




Solly, 

Mon ami,

Ã€ la recherche du temps perdu .

gg


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

*Addicted to ASF.*

His father sent a letter, too: “I am terrified and despondent that you will throw all of your advantages away for something that is not even real.”

The letters carried a message he could no longer avoid. He was lost amid a virtual landscape limited by the snaking wires of the Internet and the two dimensions of a humming computer screen.

He was addicted to ASF..........

http://www.dailyiowan.com/2009/10/28/Metro/13952.html

Joe is this really you ?


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

*Scientists make cells that form eggs and sperm in lab.*

_Sounds like party time to me, you thought it was all brown cardigans and lab coats..._

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE59R4V520091028


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

*Trannies on trial for theft*

Five transvestites have gone on trial accused of drugging men with adulterated foods before robbing them in a city with a reputation for an adventurous nightlife.... "dressed as women and, after leading the victims into taxis or hotel rooms"....

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE59R3MS20091028

_ASFers eagerly awaiting for an indepth blow by blow account of events on nun's "Taxi Cab Confessions" thread.
_


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

Garpal Gumnut said:


> Solly,
> 
> Mon ami,
> 
> ...




Yes gg, I too miss the great little things from golden times past. The aroma of the avgas, the rhythm of the radial and the starched napkin in first...


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

*Flying Spaghetti Monster washes up on New Zealand beach...eh *

http://www.stuff.co.nz/timaru-herald/news/3008634/Mystery-lump-on-beach-mistaken-for-alien/


----------



## Solly (29 October 2009)

*Poor nutrition, unsafe sex, alcohol, bad sanitation and hygiene, fat and high blood pressure....Welcome to ASF*

http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE59Q39L20091028


----------



## Solly (30 October 2009)

*State representative suggests that legislators should be awarded prizes for increasing their "quota" of wives.*

_Sometimes you've just got to admire the public service and the winner is...._

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE59S3PU20091029

(gg currently checking visa requirements and Wotif for 5 Stars in Kota Bharu)


----------



## Solly (30 October 2009)

*Another reason to always be nice to the misses, in times of disaster her bra might just save you.*

_That's if she chooses to save you..._

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/chi-talk-bra-maskoct29,0,4631334.story


----------



## Solly (30 October 2009)

*When you are a 66 year old Deputy Assistant Attorney-General caught in a car in a cemetery with an 18 year employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club...........*

_I'm sure you know where this story is heading............_

http://www.smh.com.au/world/deputy-assistant-attorneygeneral-66-caught-in-car-in-cemetery-with-stripper-18-and-sex-toys-20091029-hli4.html


----------



## Solly (30 October 2009)

*"5 Horrifying Things You’ll Learn When Moving In With A Guy"*

With Lady Penelope currently far away in SoCal and Jimbo and the boys have  just pulled out the card table, it is fortuitous that this link was forward to me.

_Jono, remember don't break the code, especially number 5._

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-5-horrifying-things-youll-learn-when-moving-in-with-a-guy/


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

*Firefighters rescue dipstick*

http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2009/03/firefighters_rescue_saginaw_ma.html


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

*Good luck, we're all counting on you*


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

*Another result of the GFC, more suffering, less couples able to afford the cost of a divorce.*

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE59S3Q120091029


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

For a moment there I thought this link said something else 

http://mormonsexposed.com/

Anyway check out put the hot calendars..:


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

*Hitler's aide was sacked over an incident with a fly*

_(The winged type)_

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8333632.stm


----------



## Solly (31 October 2009)

*When swerving and driftin' with the subs at plus 10, you may cop a Rumbler from the rear.*

http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/26/nypd-to-shakes-things-up-with-the-rumbler-super-siren/


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*Martin had a strong odor of alcohol on his breath, his eyes were bloodshot and watery, and his speech was slurred*

Add,
A Scag Turf Tiger ride-on-lawnmower
One School bus
and Sheriff's Deputy Abigale Rodriguez 

Now you've got a story :

http://www.ocala.com/article/20091030/ARTICLES/910301007/1402/NEWS


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*So here's the reason why that stressed-out, middle-class housewife at number 58 only has one nostril.*

_...and why that buffed guy in the body fit singlet often makes quick house calls in a pimped black A5._


http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26286123-952,00.html


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*A nun stole my shoe*


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*gimmesumfarkendurriesbrah.bogan*

1.6 billion people who use the internet speak languages with non-Latin scripts.

*Internet addressing set to change forever*


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*Plausible *


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*"If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood. 

......And therefore?" *

*Recent events may have been a contributory factor for gg launching latest business franchise on The Strand. *


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*Cowering naked, two floors up, outside on your mistress's reverse cycle air conditioning unit is no way to spend the afternoon son.*

*With photographic evidence.*

_(Don't worry Joe, the cold day ensures the pic is suitable for ASF)_


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*"5 Guys We Won’t Go Home With"*

*An educational post from Katie at Michigan State University.*

See Jono we are really trying to help out with your undergrad studies.

_(Number 5 looks very familiar I'm sure I've see his Avatar)_


----------



## Solly (1 November 2009)

*Fashioner Designers are inspired by the homeless and destitute*

ASF members dress ahead of their time.

Trend soon to be followed by a range of personal hygiene products, including Halitosis mouth wash, Barf Salts, ASFperation deodorant, BOBO body wash and Traders ArmPit cologne. 

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,26285926-5007192,00.html


----------



## Solly (2 November 2009)

*Sometimes you just put your foot in it and that's how the fight started*


----------



## Judd (2 November 2009)

How long did it take you to get back from South Africa, Solly?

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel...er-pulling-on-eject-handle-20091102-hrz3.html

"A man was blasted into the sky from a plane after he accidentally pulled on the emergency eject handle during a joy flight in South Africa."


----------



## Solly (2 November 2009)

Judd said:


> How long did it take you to get back from South Africa, Solly?
> 
> http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel...er-pulling-on-eject-handle-20091102-hrz3.html
> 
> "A man was blasted into the sky from a plane after he accidentally pulled on the emergency eject handle during a joy flight in South Africa."




He's joined a very elite group of people.

I have only been ejected from my local as young fella..


----------



## Solly (2 November 2009)

*An Indian man who has used Lynx products for the past seven years is reportedly suing makers 
Unilever over claims that the body spray failed to make him irresistible to the opposite sex.*

Jono here's art imitating life, life imitating art, imitating...things never happen...
well maybe just occasionally....you know what happens on tour, stays on tour...



I think I'm now in big trouble with Lady Penelope, I hope she doesn't key the Crown


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*When things aren't going too well for you in the singles chat room, the club scene just isn't you, you failed to hook up at the local church group, then there's only one thing left to do.....*

*Build yourself a wife*

I must admit I found this article a tiny bit freaky


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*They don’t sleep enough, they don’t eat right, they’ve lost touch with their friends and have bad interpersonal skills and smell.

Day Traders ?
*


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*According to New Scientist... *

The real 40-year-old virgin is a church-going teetotaller who has neither been to jail nor served in the military...

*Jono here's a heads up for you...*


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*So here's the real reason why Liz never returned my letters
 regarding starting that hobby farm in the Hinterland*

_I now seemed to have developed a taste for Organic Fruit and Oat Bars_


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*Want to spend Eternity on top of Marylin Munroe and diagonally opposite Hugh Heffner ? *

_Well at least until the red giant phase or the white dwarf. _


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*Well you'll never guess who has been voted to have the worlds best accent, to be sure to be sure.

I'm sure there will definitely be somebody on this forum laughing their cacks off about this.*


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*Soshokukei Danshi *

*What would Shintaro say about this ?*

And just as an aside I've always thought that the Iga Ninja were just poorly misunderstood.


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*One Sunday, he gave away 15 savings accounts with $25 already in them.
 And he had bank representatives at the service so church members could set up accounts.
*

*Sounds legit *


----------



## Solly (3 November 2009)

*Psychology professor Joseph Forgas has completed his study in Townsville.
Here are his published results.*

*Gullible please click here
*


----------



## Solly (4 November 2009)

*How was your day at The Cup ?*

The shocking story you didn't see.

The mayor says" "they just continue until they're so drunk they want to hit someone"

*Riders falling off their horses, drunken spectators, homemade spirits consumed by the riders and more....
*


----------



## Solly (4 November 2009)

*The world's biggest "meatball"*

_And no, I don't know his ASF member name._


----------



## Solly (4 November 2009)

*nun rechipping Tom Tom to ensure FoxSports on the run.*


----------



## Solly (5 November 2009)

Apart from an older wife in a "far away" region, he said he had three younger spouses in the capital: one through an arranged marriage and the other two "secretly."

"I call them day wives, because we usually have to meet discreetly during the daytime -- the other one will take it out on the children if I'm missing from her nightly roll call," he said.

"But the recent insecurity has favored us. You hear gunfire -- and you have an excuse to be absent."


----------



## Solly (5 November 2009)

I'll be off line for a few days, got a short hop to Vermont coming up.

Vermont have raised the cap to 16%


----------



## Solly (5 November 2009)

*Urban girl has tried quite a few positions*


----------



## Solly (5 November 2009)

*Not quite sure who has been ripped off here..*


----------



## Solly (5 November 2009)

*Tomorrow's weather: Cloudy, with a chance of fractals*

Interesting article, could explain why those pesky Cb's pop up with out reason just when you're tracking well ! 

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20427335.600-tomorrows-weather-cloudy-with-a-chance-of-fractals.html?page=1


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

*Miss England involved in a nightclub brawl with another beauty queen.... allegedly: *

_Jono, I know, this story is useless with out the security vision.:_


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

OMG nun,  this is a rough business.

*A TAXI driver was beaten with a high heel shoe and dumped in North Adelaide after a couple demanded he leave his cab so they could have sex*


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

Contest time.....

*Can you match the woman with her blood alcohol content...?*


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

*Researchers say babies begin to pick up the nuances of their parents' accents while still in the womb.*

_So this explains things north of lat 25 ° 28′ 24″ south._


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

*Drug Lord Pablo Escobar's Home Now a Theme Park*

Now this has got me thinking......is there an abandoned mansion around this way that maybe, just maybe could be converted to make some coin....:


----------



## Solly (7 November 2009)

*Doomsday sect looking for replacement prophet*

_I have somebody in mind...no never mind, I think they will be tied up for quite a while...._


----------



## Solly (8 November 2009)

*Four super wackos, hold on to a hat to contact wacko, with medium chance of success*


----------



## Solly (8 November 2009)

*A ripple of fear has now turned into a tsunami throughout ASF membership. :22_yikes:
"Legal experts say the case, prompted by the end of an affair of more than 20 years, will strike fear into the hearts of philanderers nationwide"*


----------



## Solly (8 November 2009)

What is 3350 cubic inch and has 3000hp.....
Something that very few will see these days.



Four of these 18-cylinder supercharged radials pushed the Super Connie


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (8 November 2009)

Solly said:


> *A ripple of fear has now turned into a tsunami throughout ASF membership. :22_yikes:
> "Legal experts say the case, prompted by the end of an affair of more than 20 years, will strike fear into the hearts of philanderers nationwide"*




There is definitely a certain mean spiritedness moving through the Victorian legal system.

A mate in Melbourne tipped me off about this, I may have to move downmarket with my philandering and just go for the rich and famous again, they always make dreadful lovers imho.

gg


----------



## Solly (8 November 2009)

Solly said:


> *Miss England involved in a nightclub brawl with another beauty queen.... allegedly: *
> 
> _Jono, I know, this story is useless with out the security vision.:_




UPDATE:

Stand-down Miss Christie, step forward L/Cpl Katrina Hodge.

Did I mention L/Cpl Hodge has also been commended for bravery in Iraq.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8348243.stm


----------



## Solly (8 November 2009)

*Potential Trouble in Paradise*

I've just been talking with Lady Penelope, she's still visiting her friends in The Valley but will be home soon. She expressed a desire to become an ASF member but she's not decided yet. I said I'd put it out there to see what others may think. I think it's a good idea but I got a couple of reservations when I asked why she would like to join. She's quite competent with investing, (still can't believe my friends got involved with Storm) has dabbled with derivatives and I know has a high regard for Louise Bedford and candlesticks.  Apparently she'd like to join ASF to "add some further clarification and value" to some of my posts and said this with a little chuckle in her voice.

It was that little chuckle that has me a bit worried, I've heard this before, most recently when she said her sister had fallen on temporary tough times was going to stay with us for a "few days". I wont elaborate but you probably understand what a "few days" turned into. And I'm not a big Garth Brooks fan and I did have to lock the liquor cabinet early in the evening. Just realised that this last sentence may cause an issue.

Anyway LP now has even got a Twitter account while she's away, is quite tech savvy and is now even wanting to swap her Crackberry for an iPhone. Things like this seem to happen when visiting her friends in The Valley. I'm just getting a bit concerned that things my slip out that could be a bit embarrassing or worse.....I know she'd never do anything to compromise my Stormer friends. I know she usually has very good judgement and helped me with my costuming for the Inquiry and at Harry's. There was only one day I thought that the advice was a little dubious. That was the Clive Jamesesque skull cap, the green crimplene pants and deep brown and gold polyester body shirt. I'm sure that outfit was caught on the wilds of some of the news footage. 

It's the chuckle that worries me....What do you think?  I'd like to have this sorted before she departs Tom Bradley. 

I think I'm going to get a very direct tweet shortly and I better put my Crackberry to voicemail.


----------



## Solly (9 November 2009)

*One good reason to never take your wife to a strip club*

_There's probably a few more as well....._


----------



## Solly (9 November 2009)

*Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests.*

_And another 49 things to ensure a good tip._


----------



## Solly (9 November 2009)

*A carwash in Afghanistan*

(Don't miss the slideshow link)


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*They mysteriously vanished, leaving little but bones and stone tools behind, if only this applied to visiting relatives as well...:*

Especially visiting sisters-in-law with Garth Brooks CD collections.


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Is that a rotten flaccid banana in your pocket ?*

_You're doin' it wrong, that's no way to pull off a bank job, son._


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Timely advice for ASF members with the festive season approaching....
Tom Pye from the Fire Service said: "Our advice is to never cook after drinking - please prepare a sandwich before you go out or get a takeaway instead."*


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Bedroom antics described as "murder" and "unnatural" and drowned out their neighbours' televisions.*

_That maybe ok because some current affairs programs just aren't worth the tape._


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Elizabeth Lambert, the high spirited college soccer sensation.*

*The hightlight reel;*
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4630382

Hey Jono, her bio says she enjoys camping and surfing in her spare time, favorite food is tacos , is majoring in University Studies with a focus on Occupational Therapy. Could be complementary careers..think about the possibilities.:


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Jerk or not ?
 (BTW that's a noun)*


----------



## Solly (10 November 2009)

*Online auction site launched for the previously rich and famous*

Site is here:billionairexchange.com

gg, I couldn't find a cheap Premier A1 for sale...


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Brazilian expelled and then not expelled, was not caused by Brazilian*


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*For an extra buck maybe they should have selected the non streak rinse. Buffing optional. *


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Heavily bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and talks of dragons but still contiunes to post on ASF.*

_Edit: What zero, BAC ? Sorry incorrect info, he's* not* an ASF member._


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Tasha and Markeith's fairy tale themed wedding featured a horse and carriage. An elegant reception in the Grand Ballroom followed. The groom's grandmother was put in a choke hold and then the fight started.*


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Jono are you a Twilight fan ?
See a little more of Christian Serratos here.. *


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Don't Tazer me bro.*

*This is what you get when you cross a Tazer with a 12 gauge *


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Drop out holds on to win $9.13m, will now drop out again. *


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*Where do you get legal and financial advice, life coaching, seduction tips and cellulite removal ?

At the first ever, Divorce, Separation and Bereavement Fair, of course :*


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

*"I believe" therefore it works...
Pass me the St Mary's thistle, Epilobium, Horse chestnut, Dong quai and that big bottle of placebos.*


----------



## Cink (11 November 2009)

Interesting readings. 

Thanks for the effort!


----------



## Solly (11 November 2009)

Cink said:


> Interesting readings.
> 
> Thanks for the effort!




No prob Cink 

I know there are some visitors to ASF who are having a bit of a rough time at the moment, 
I hope the posts bring a bit of a chuckle to them as well


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*It appears casting for Super Troopers II has begun.
Rodney Farva is that you ?*


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*A Non-smoking 26-year-old in good physical shape, no hereditary diseases or allergies, good eyesight, brown hair, brown eyes, respectable beard growth, 1.76 metres/75 kg, attempts to sell his swimmers on line.*


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*Holy electronic water dispenser, Batman*

Now if only this can be adapted to a Single Malt Scotch dispenser.


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*British people among world's ugliest, according to BeautifulPeople.com*

Sweden, Brazil and Norway are proving to be the most beautiful countries overall, 
with applicants from Germany and the UK among the least successful.

Jono here's a another good reason to learn a few key phrases of Swedish 
Swedish versus British Nightclubs. Can you tell the difference?


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*"Privilege". The mints don't work.*


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*Barbarella has just had spinal surgery, a new knee and 
a new hip made of titanium and can only run with a solid corset.*

But that wont stop her from climbing the Himalayas.
I think that there is a message there


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*Ex-astronaut Lisa Nowak avoids jail time, looks like it all ends well. 
Well I suppose it all Depends.*

With video streaming goodness


----------



## Solly (12 November 2009)

*Latest fad to hit The Strand.
It has three windows, a pole and an Arts student.
*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*Another delusional banker. 
At first I thought he was from North Ward 
I said banker, I really meant something else.*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*Viva la RevoluciÃ³n
Scenes from Havana*

With picture goodness of gg's next misses.


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*Olympics go pro.*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*Something else to hock at Cash Converters.
The 'Man-gagement' Ring.
*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*Low-flying pelican...Check
Using a mobile while driving...Check
Drifting near a lagoon...Check
Bugatti Veyron....gurgling like a two stroke outboard motor...Check*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*This has made me think, what would an ASF Members Charity Calendar look like?*


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

* Fair play: Monkeys share our sense of injustice*

_Hoping that this filters through to banking industry._


----------



## Solly (13 November 2009)

*The distinction between physiological and cognitive is not straightforward*


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Is it cocaine sale & gun possession, drunk driving, passing a dud cheque or disorderly conduct ?*

See if you can match the granny to the crime.


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*What's 3 metres long, saves 30% of daily water use, you can do it in your garden and smells ?*

It's the  P_ _ B a l _ 

Want to buy a vowel ?

Answer here.


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Dundee goes kirk over nativityless "Winter Light Night" festival*


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Men sporting blond tips or dyed rats' tails will also be turned away.

What about spray tans and popped collars as well ?
*


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Old news, this has been powering Belmont for ages...*


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Joe's concerns about quality of late night posts confirmed:*


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*The Michael Jackson SÃ©ance*

http://www.heavy.com//video/michael-jackson-sance-video--76202/

Caution: Bring your own tissues.


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Blowup doll stands in for deployed boyfriend*







_Ok, I'm waiting for the first wisecrack about where the nozzle is. :_


----------



## Solly (14 November 2009)

*Hey look who Joe has booked for the ASF Xmas party this year.*

:xmastree:xmastree:xmastree:xmastree:xmastree :xmastree


----------



## Solly (15 November 2009)

When it's time to check out which one of these would you choose ?

The 'Race is Over' could be quite appropriate for a drift gone wrong.

I wonder what the 'Merchant Banker' would look like.  

*ArtCaskets*


----------



## Solly (16 November 2009)

*7 Ways to tell that you've really made it in the Financial Advisory game....*


----------



## Solly (16 November 2009)

*It used to be excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, a poor diet, 
drug use and obesity now it's the Hoover.*


----------



## Solly (16 November 2009)

*At last a bar that caters for ASF members.*

_I believe the North Qld franchise is still available _


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*Lesbians make 'better parents'*

_I would have posted this story earlier but I had trouble with the wifi at the local tavern and those damn kids hid my darts_


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*Muppets are latest victims of H1N1 flu*

_gg, has been heard snickering lately to the side, just out of view._


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*There appears to be more financial rewarding 'all inclusive' ways 
to earn coin when studying for your Phd than working at Maccas.*


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*P.S.A.S sufferer finds the man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends.*

jono, I'll find out if she has a sister..


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

* Jordan/Katie Price is worried about what Aussie bush tucker is actually made of. 
Lucky the show's not set in Alberta and she has to scrounge for Rocky Mountain oysters*


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*Cannibals nabbed selling corpse to kebab house*

Somehow this is news.....


----------



## Solly (17 November 2009)

*When you run a country there are many things you can do, including requesting the presence of
 "500 pleasing girls between 18 and 35 years of age, at least one metre 70 high."*


----------



## Solly (18 November 2009)

*Tasers safer than batons and fists, they sure know how to take all the fun out of policing*

The reminds me it will be a good time over the next few weeks to keep away from Cavell Mall. I wonder how many toolies will accidentally fall up the stairs at the Orchid Ave Cop Shop.


----------



## Solly (18 November 2009)

*Women banned from wearing trousers in Paris*

_For a moment there I thought it said "Paris Hilton banned from........"_


----------



## Solly (18 November 2009)

*
So this is how Waikato boys mow their hedges, jandals and all, suspended from a crane....eh*


----------



## Solly (18 November 2009)

*When you are an Arsenal striker who injures an ankle during a football game,
what do you use to aid recovery ?*

A) Goanna Oil
B) Dencorub
C) Horse Placenta


----------



## Solly (18 November 2009)

*The next time you are getting frustrated on a call with tech support, 
take pity, they may have just needed to take a dump beside a railroad track.*

_And that's not just because they are using Windows..._


----------



## Solly (19 November 2009)

*Dr Dad spoke only Klingon to child for first three years, 
ensures kid will never have a girlfriend and will live long and not prosper in mum's basement.*

Joe better reserve an ASF handle for this kid now, is "Vaav poo ma de" taken ?


----------



## Solly (19 November 2009)

*At last a political party to fill the void left by the demise of the Democrats*


----------



## Solly (19 November 2009)

For some reason I just can't stop singing,

'Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. 
The mate was a mighty sailin' man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour.......'

My apologies if this turns into an 'ear worm' for the rest of the day...just blame it on the ponzi


----------



## Solly (19 November 2009)

*This is what a real hero does in a black swan event.
Real guts mate, real guts.*

_It's a real pity other PICs don't attempt to save everybody in similar events._


----------



## Solly (19 November 2009)

*Alcohol helps 'lower heart disease risk'
*
Collective sigh of relief heard from Geraldton through to Townsville 
and every ASF synced IP address between....


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (19 November 2009)

Solly said:


> *Alcohol helps 'lower heart disease risk'
> *
> Collective sigh of relief heard from Geraldton through to Townsville
> and every ASF synced IP address between....




Thank you Solly.

This is well known to regulars at the Ross Island Hotel.

There are more old drinkers than there are old doctors.

gg


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*Retired Fin Adviser takes 9 hour short cut to pick up Fin Review from 7/11.
*


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*"It's a trap !" A yummy trap :*

_Did I hear you say "Darwin" ?_


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*Library Patron Arrested For Lewd Act*

While watching a video of;

A) The making of the 2010 Pirelli Calendar.

B) A 1996 Demi Moore Video.

C) A wrestling video.

_Joe, please tell us we don't have a member from Erlanger....._


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*Lucky you didn't call your kid "Pickpocket", "Turned sour" or "Horse mackerels".
Or maybe you did......Suri about that.*


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*A new 150th anniversary edition of Charles Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species', 
complete with a 50-page creationist introduction....that's just bananas.*


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*I think it may be time to introduce the word "Kunlangeta" into our financial vocabulary...
or as the Inuit would say "somebody would have pushed him off the ice when no one was looking."*


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*Tree felling incident at Garpal Mansion ??*


----------



## Solly (20 November 2009)

*Remember that obese neighbour that failed to return from that South American holiday......
Your organic foot balm may be more familiar than you think....*


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Going Kirk at a Council meeting....
with video goodness*


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Mah Nishmah? *

*A scholarly academic, an accomplished businessman, a charity giver and a dutiful family man.....
It's all going well until the pimp gets worried and pulls the party girls.*


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*"Predator" fake WA cabbie to end up in a place where he'll get
 more of his first name, for the next 18 years. Justice is served.*


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*"There was a concern the guy did look a little creepy. 
It was the finger and the Sad Sack, winking, droopy eye," *

_nun is this you ? Do you own a red suit...eh_


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*They are starting to round up those old Sturt St financial planners.
*
_Woman's underwear I can understand, but fireworks ?_


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Science finally give us the reason for the long asked question.
Why is there one up and one down ?*

But there's still no way to predict market volatility.


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*It's now obvious why you'd move down from North Qld...*

_They don't make focus pullers or grips like this any more _


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Living large in Las Vegas.
Has anybody from ASF gone missing lately ?*

_Las Vegas continues to be the scene of money-laundering_


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Amy with fag outside the gym*
_
Looks like she's finally adopted the ASF workout regime _


----------



## Solly (21 November 2009)

*Is this the new 2011 Commodore ?
Thank you peak oil, can't wait for Bathurst in a 65 klm stages  *


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*gg, have you sent the invites out yet?
I quite like number 4. 
An edible groom figurine kicks his bride off the cake.*


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*Here's a good reason to make sure you follow the workplace Health Safety and Environment guidelines.
Every hour, stop posting, get up from the PC, take a brisk walk around the basement and hide that pallet of Cheesy Snacks.*


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*Unique Barbie charity auction in connection with Sotheby's for Save The Children.*

Burkha Barbie, I can understand but Barbie in a wheelchair "that was only out for six weeks", is kinda weird.


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*Got £800 and a Churchillian lineage?
Then Winston's half smoked stogie could be yours.*


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*Oprah quits.
10 reasons why I avoid talk shows.*


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

* Scientists calculate odds on ways to cark it.
Odds on an ASF member being taken out by a jealous husband strangely missing...*


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

*That's not a bad Keith Richards impersonation, Capt'n Jack.

In other news Johnny pulls a least $38 million for his role in the next Pirates movie. *

_$38m , just realised I've been doin' things wrong....._


----------



## Solly (22 November 2009)

Some amazing X-Rays Pics

How did they get gg to pose for number 14 ?


----------



## Solly (23 November 2009)

*Look what's up for sale. Who would have thought that it's all about the ears.*

Do we know anybody who is recently divorced, with a mansion, limo and a
smoking jacket who would fit into the roll of the Patriarch of the new empire?


----------



## Solly (23 November 2009)

This is what they call fun at Werribee.
Being feed to the lions.

I sense some mother-in-law comments...


----------



## Solly (23 November 2009)

Faith-based diets take away the overwhelming craving for chocolate, chip and cheese.
How does vegetables, beans, lentils, wheat bread, fruit, water and red wine sound?


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Lucy was actually a man, citing the shape of the pelvis and how do we know if 'she' walked upright or not?

_Sounds like just another Friday night in Wickham St.....Darwin_


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

The catch cry 'As popular as a Polly Waffle in a swimming pool'...is no more.
Party pranksters lement..:


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Man, an educational article on pole dancing,
with amazing pictures.
Ever heard of a gravity-defying move such as 'The Flag' ?


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Everybody knows that handguns, restaurants and bars are a safe mix.
Somebody better tell this Nashville judge.


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Q. Who needs 32 loaves of bread, 75lb of potatoes, 126 pints of milk, 36 rolls of toilet paper, 3 boxes of washing powder and eight boxes of cereal each week...?

A. It's Patrick, Stephen, Malachai, Peppermint, Echo, Eli, Rogue, Frodo, Morpheus, Artemis, Blackbird, Baudelaire & Voorhees of course


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Lucky couple grateful they don't own a Gaylord Gladiator


And for those interested, this is what one looks like. 
http://www.automotivehistoryonline.com/julyfeature.htm

_gg, even seen one of these cruisin' down Melton ?_


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

In Germany, the famous golden arches will be emblazoned on a green background, rather than its usual red, "out of respect for the environment".

_Joe could be considering similar forum background change of out respect for the environment and members habits, colour possibilities include Midori green, CrÃ¨me De Menthe and Sour Apple schnapps._


----------



## Solly (24 November 2009)

Man, allegedly, smuggles 11 skinks, two geckos and two monitors by strapping them to his chest. 

No word yet if base, external hard drive, burner, USB hub, catalyst switch and wireless mouse 
were also strapped or inserted.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Here's a novel way to meet Ms Right.
Steal 11.6 million euros and become a cult celebrity.
Although the first date could be a little confining and may make Bubba jealous.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Doesn't everybody hate those annoying pop ups you get from

Amber, Cindi, Trixie, Destiny, Candy, Angel, 
Cherry, Roxy, Porsche and Crystal,

when you are doing your internet banking.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

gg, your latest trip to The Isa wasn't in vain.
Looks like we haven't quite perfercted the tofurkey, just quite yet.
yummm...


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Hey jono, here's your chance mate.
May be no need to finish Med School.
Third time lucky ?


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

When things go a little saggy and droopy, a few nights 
in this high class hotel should give you all the lift you need....Nurse !


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

I can hear the face palming in North Ward from here.
If only....


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Timimg is everythinhg.
Just ask the CEOs of Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Uni students tog off for calender in protest of Uni fees.

Makes me really hope that the University of the 3rd Age is well funded,
and students don't resort to similar tactics.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

Scientists find a way around 'fat finger' problem.
Unfortunately they are still working on 'fat head' issue.


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

The Fuehrer's favourite tourer..
"It was the best car in the world at the time. Better than the Bugatti, Bentley, Rolls Royce or whatever,"

_(I predict some disputation of this statement from a stately Arnage owner up north_)


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

You know things are getting a bit weird when you need
to borrow 7,000 bolivares for an eyelid tuck or trade 
your car for a facelift. Welcome to Venezuela !


----------



## Solly (25 November 2009)

In further proof that Qld is _not_ a nanny state.
A Townsville school gives its Year 12 school leavers 
a stubby cooler as a graduation gift.

I've sent an urgent tweet to gg, for the inside story.


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

" Dealing with the bank, he said, was "like dealing with organized crime."

Maybe some empathy here from a few Stormers..


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Always make sure that you are well fed,
before hitting that singles bar.


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Make money in the film business,
by keeping your pants ..._on_!


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

It's good to see that Irish public sector workers are no different.
When things aren't going your way, go shopping instead.


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

The scary thing is that this could happen the other way round.
Now where did I put my neck brace ?


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Are we nearing the end of social networking ?

Some think we need to look back to Buck Rogers to look forward.
Greetings to Earth From Elektrum....


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Eating 30% less meat. More life.
Walking and Cycling also gets a mention, 
not sure if they actually mean cycling from The Ross Island though....:


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Men who bottle up their anger at being unfairly treated at work are 
up to five times more likely to suffer a heart attack."
Appears even Swedish girls are of no benefit.


----------



## Stan 101 (26 November 2009)

Solly said:


> not sure if they actually mean cycling from The Ross Island though....:




I'm beginning to think you might just have a man crush on GG.


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

Sometimes it's just nice to reflect back and recall those good old school days.
The smell of the pies warming in the tuck shop, hanging loose with mates on sports days and being force fed garlic.


----------



## Solly (26 November 2009)

British scientists say a perfect combination of testosterone, experience and a hunger make the best traders.
Surprisingly no mention of sour mash whiskey, OP Rum, diazepam or Red Bull.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

A debt sheike down.
Is this the beginning of the end of Dubai ?


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

You know that crazy old guy on dunes with the metal detector ?
Maybe he isn't so crazy after all


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Looks like this is another place we have to strike 
off the list as a venue for the next ASF members social outing.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Another infraction, this time at the White House. Balls.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

The anti-Fairstar.
On board the "Oasis of the Seas"...


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Matthew, Matthew, Matthew.
It's time to come out of character.

I wonder if on another carrier they may have had the tuff-ties on standby..


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Hearing with the aid of your ankles.
Apparently so..


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Solly said:


> A debt sheike down.
> Is this the beginning of the end of Dubai ?




And another update off the wires..

Looks like David & Brad are caught up in this as well..


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Brisneyland burglar urged to pay closer attention to setups when attempting remake of Rush Hour 2


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

"They had broken fire hydrants and drinking troughs, and some had resorted to licking drops
of water from the evaporation cooling systems on the roofs of houses"

This is *not *another Schoolies story from Surfers Paradise....


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Gee it doesn't seem like 20 years ago that you'd sit there waiting
 for those educational ASCII images to draw pixel by pixel.
Bring on the NBN


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Understanding Supreme Leader bans World Cup coverage
unless 350-1 firm favourites win. Foul.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

When Japanese law enforcement notices an increase in bag snatching,
in order to catch these felons, 
do you put undercover black-belt policemen in;


A) High heels
B) Wigs
C) Panic


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Failed criminal masterminds over look one obvious dog behaviour.
Sniffer dogs say it was just like meeting an old friend.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Darwin confirms Darwin's Theory. 
Here's a tribute.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Police baffled by mysterious disappearance of $15,000 rhino beetle sculpture on Gold Coast.
Strange lights reportedly seen hovering over The Big Pineapple, Big Prawn and Big Banana.


----------



## Solly (27 November 2009)

Tactical Nuclear Penguin 32% - Nanny State 1.1%
Your call


----------



## Solly (29 November 2009)

Economics graduate lives for a year without any money.
Cleans his teeth with cuttlefish bones.
Looks forward to single life ahead.


----------



## Solly (29 November 2009)

I see an iron set too high for polyester.
But on the other hand..


----------



## Solly (29 November 2009)

"We must protect the ordinary people who spend their time hoeing the vineyards" with tax free booze says the Prime Minister.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

Your chance to smell like a dead pop star.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

Son, you ain't no Pretty Boy Floyd, more of a Bungling Billy.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

And the difference to this and the Surfers Paradise watch-house is ....?


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

What are the odds of trawling a dating website and finding a profile that's very, very  familiar? Divorce.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

When completing the pre-flight walk around. 
Always cross check the undercarriage.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

Solving the British banking crisis one fake at a time.


----------



## Solly (30 November 2009)

Clawed, bawls


----------



## Solly (1 December 2009)

This time the Hamster is definitely NOT involved


----------



## Solly (3 December 2009)

It's American Samoa, now I understand. That's really, really big.


----------



## Solly (3 December 2009)

More oil in the ground than we have consumed so far. 
Is this the end of the hybrid ?


----------



## Solly (5 December 2009)

I wonder where the arm rest is ?
A challenge for the loadmaster.


----------



## Solly (5 December 2009)

How cooking everything from butter cookies to baked pork chop makes a Colon happy


----------



## Solly (12 December 2009)

"Secret agent" busted in late night car chase..
Smelling strongly of alcohol, the 44-year-old whispered....
I'm sure you know where this is heading...


----------



## Sean K (12 December 2009)

Get a live, brother.


----------



## nunthewiser (12 December 2009)

kennas said:


> Get a *live*, brother.





Weekend at bernies ?


----------



## Aussiest (12 December 2009)

kennas said:


> Get a live, brother.




Haha, go Solly! I have no life like you, so i'm happy to read. Lol


----------



## Solly (12 December 2009)

I just had a thought of who is well credentialed to be the new public face for this company.....
It would be a stroll in the Woods...


----------



## Solly (12 December 2009)

"Schultz, into the cooler they go. Throw away the key."


----------



## Solly (12 December 2009)

Some of gg's favourite friends..



Sometimes things go a little AVID at the desk in a non-linear word.


----------



## Solly (12 December 2009)

Daniel Shilts, yes that's Shilts. 
Achieves an amazing feat from the back seat of a NYPD Cruiser.
That's a year in the slammer son.


----------



## Solly (13 December 2009)

Aussie on fishing trip goes missing for two days in Christchurch.
Guess where they found him?

A) Gothic Arts Centre
B) Christchurch Cathedral 
C) a bar


----------



## Solly (13 December 2009)

Looking for a date to take to the ASF Xmas party.
Mindy just might be the girl...


----------



## Solly (13 December 2009)

At 12 this lad's a dealer and in trouble with the authorities.
Can't wait for his first post on ASF. :


----------



## Solly (14 December 2009)

Did you know that Charles Darwin suffered from "cyclical vomiting syndrome".
Although probably not in cab rank at 3am on a Saturday morning, like some others known to ASF members


----------



## Solly (14 December 2009)

You know that GFC thing we had.
Maybe there's a couple of Huggy Bear's mates you've gotta thank for 
dragging us out of the abyiss, man.


----------



## Solly (14 December 2009)

A food make-up artist....yummm, not !


----------



## Solly (14 December 2009)

'The only thing useful banks have invented in 20 years is the ATM'.
That's just bananas..Gail Kelly unavailable for comment.


----------



## Airfireman (14 December 2009)

Gotta luv the Muppets..so cool vid clip.... 

What else do you have Solly


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Hans is off his trolley.
Salamis used as clubs and Parmesan cheese brandished like a dagger, 
don't you just love Xmas shopping.


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

1-in-5 new brides will put on about 10kg - within the first 18 months of marriage. 
With some interesting reasons why...
_I'd like to post some more but I'm trying to find my gym shoes_


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Here's a drug free way to erase those painful memories.
_Could be quite handy for someone we know who has been married four times...._


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Comets add some atmosphere.


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Trick or tree: The optical illusion Xmas tree.
_Now this has given me an idea..._.


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Exploding golf balls and dodgey clubs.
No, this is not another Tiger story.


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Talented, but destined for many years behind the edit desk...


----------



## Solly (15 December 2009)

Ho, Ho, Hic.


----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)




----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)

Meet Elsie Egan packing meat.


----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)

MJ vs JC
The 2009 face-off tally.


----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)

The tipsy student turned over in bed, and inadvertently changed channel on the emergency ward's TV.
_Now, if only he could work out how to adjust the white balance, it's looking a little brown_.


----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)

Murder Mystery Dinner Train involved in death of a man on railroad tracks.


----------



## Solly (16 December 2009)

Johnny Bravo claims ex-girlfriend threatened to kill him.
If only he'd have overlooked the stigma and made the move on Marsha Marsha Marsha.


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

Always make sure the divorce is finalised,
before the you televise your next wedding. 
Awkward.


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

Proving your loyalty to the state by drinking yourself to death. 
"Gan bei" comrade !


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

Cop this, just when a neighbourhood dispute looks armless.


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

Three meals a day, ensuite, satellite television. But don't drop the remote.


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

New shroud find casts shroud over Turin.


----------



## Solly (17 December 2009)

So that's one cheesy deluxe beef burger, small fries, large cola and meth.


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

Defrocked priest no longer allowed to dress as a priest.
Maybe the exorcisms, faith healings and the marriage to a Korean woman, may have upset il Papa


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

Over three thousand detained in pornography crack down.
(Don't panic it's in China)


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

A cross-dressing Sir Dick ?
Your closest exit may be behind you.


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

More than 1,000 followers of a multi-religious sect in 
northern India have pledged to marry female sex workers


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

Is this what happens to slow horses in France ?
Delicious.


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

nuns seek recruits through ads.
No mention if it is for night shift and 50/50 split of takings.


----------



## Solly (18 December 2009)

Man wins lotto.
Doesn't tell wife.
Shoots through.
Wife gets evicted.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Mainlanders drain Tasmania's sperm bank.
Expect banjo sales to increase on Mainland.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Looks like ASF now has a member from Japan.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Divorce vouchers selling like hot cakes in London, Townsville.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

UK homes smell of toast and washing powder.
No mention of pizza, bourbon, Winnie Blues, socks and musty towel, familiar to some ASF members.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Airline lets passengers fly with Christmas trees for free.
Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie seen queuing at check-in counter.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Everybody knows you bring a 9mm to a snowball fight in New York.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

When Maccas is full where would be the next best place
for the music teacher to take the class for a post concert snack ?
Good to see some people give a hoot.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Too nippy for "Topless" Bike Lane Protest.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Scenes From A Redneck Christmas


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Don't worry, when the bucks night goes tango uniform, 
you get to wear the monitoring bracelet at wedding


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Don't forget to drink responsibly this festive season,
otherwise this could be the result. :


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Here's the reason why forum members are so generous.


----------



## Solly (22 December 2009)

Guinness brewery fire in Dublin.
Don't panic, production output unaffected.


----------



## Solly (23 December 2009)

Beware of a sweet smelling woman in a green van.


----------



## Solly (23 December 2009)

Young fella shows potential.
Looks like the NASCAR driver's succession plan is well in place.


----------



## Solly (23 December 2009)

Now where would be a good place to put Frank Zappa's Lithuanian bust ?


----------



## Solly (23 December 2009)

Supermarket rule number 1.
Always choose items from the top shelf.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Merry Chimpmas and the dangers of re-gifting.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

At this time of year....87,439 suspects.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Woman surprises fiancÃ© by greeting him at the airport in a wedding dress along with Justice of Peace
Groom "speechless", urgently looking for return ticket.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

President Nursultan Nazarbayev says it's only -30 C and even germs can't live here......Nice.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

When you are stabbed and have a 5 inch knife 
sticking out of your chest, do you.


A)Walk into a diner
B)order a coffee
C)complain about the cold weather


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

"People will sell their soul to get off paying for a parking ticket."


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

An armed man in a wheelchair held three people hostage at a post office.....
As this story is from America you probably have some idea how it ends...
Yes he asks for....pizza


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Bad, Bad, George O'Dowd.
Do you really want to £ me, 400,000 times.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Pain or prayer? Two ways to grow a religion.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Four young women, three architects and a public relations expert decided to open the shop.
If only Darilnica wasn't so far away at this time of year.


----------



## Solly (24 December 2009)

Look what happens when 21 Golden Bachelor billionaires 
and 22 single women attended a state sponsored match-making ball.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

A former Playboy Model of the Year bangs another woman in washroom.
The Judge is not impressed.
Wouldn't you just love a night out with these Essex girls


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

Church of the Universe claims marijuana as a "sacrament."
HIGHLY unlikely.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

You know you are out after midnight on Christmas Eve in Wellington....
Where is the best place to get a drink?
(With added bonus of Six Up Stairs)


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

You know when you shoplift a blow-up doll, instigate a disturbance at a convenience store, cause a car wreck and change into a woman's jogging suit while stealing a gun.....
Things are not going to end well.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

The real Duke of Hazzard, Alice style.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

Angelina Jolie Doesn't Believe in Fidelity, 
but believes in making your own rags at home.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

If you have some time over the holiday break, 

have a look at The Smoking Gun's mugshots of the year.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/1222092mugyear1.html


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

Britain's tiniest yob 3ft-9in tall, terrorising residents in his town,
drunkenly abusing people, attacking houses and knee caps.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

I now have some loose understanding of how Wall St works.
Thankfully sans Jar Jar Binks.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

NZ cop to two nude guys on bikes. "I can't see your helmets".


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

Mentality unstable woman knocks over man who has an invisible friend.
Pope bowling ?


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

It's a bad day when you are abducted, battered, splattered with bits
of spaghetti and beheaded when the fire chief runs over you.
It's a trolls life.


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

Some more holiday fun:
Bizarre things seen on Google Earth


----------



## Solly (25 December 2009)

You just know it's Xmas in Hillsborough County when 
1/2 a bottle of Sutter Home wine can knock your pants off.
This reminds me to steer clear of Cavell Ave this week.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Singe He threatened to blow up a restaurant with bangers strapped to his waist...
Bomb Squad RAOTFLTAO.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

So this is what happens when you are stability-challenged 
at 10am on a Tuesday morning and you run out of beer.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

She's had a make over, a new look, complete with thinner jaw line, almond-shaped eyes and fuller lips.
But at 50 she's been left on the shelf.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Dirty tricks in the global warming debate ?
Maybe it's time to revisit the model.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

The next thing you know this guy will be setting himself up as a Financial Adviser....


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

He's 72 and she's 29, and it all began at the Bog Inn.
I hope there are a few more cycles left in this old airframe.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Solly said:


> An armed man in a wheelchair held three people hostage at a post office.....
> As this story is from America you probably have some idea how it ends...
> Yes he asks for....pizza




FOLLOW UP.

It all really does end well, 
man in the wheelchair surrenders to a bomb disposal robot.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Did Charlie upset his.......?

Only joking Joe


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

91 kicked out of Boxing Day Test.
Going for ton on day two.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Some clear pics of the AA 737 overrun in Jamaica. 
On pic 3 that's number 2 under the horizontal stabilizer. 
Good to see that there are no serious injuries.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

Want to be like Simon, Posh and Jenni from the Block ?
Just add baby placenta....reportedly.


----------



## Solly (26 December 2009)

I have no idea how to tag this without getting another infraction from Joe, so here's the link, Jesus.
http://www.dus-image-appears-on-banana-peel/story-e6freuy9-1225812846613


----------



## Solly (27 December 2009)

State governor resigns after tape allegedly shows him in bed with 3 women.
..oh did I mention he's 86.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

What's  got 3 teeth and 100 legs?
The front row of a Willie Nelson concert....
Well not anymore.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Japan to launch 100 planes form space.
This is not a repeat of December 7, 1941.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Scientists have proposed jumbo jets fly like those all ready travelling in Y class.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

PC police wallop two fat ladies....
legs 11, Blind 10 and all the eights to follow.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Another ruckus on a Delta-Northwest flight has its origins in Czechoslovakia.
Pilot returns to the gate, reluctant, swearing passenger escorted from plane.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Research shows that couples who wash together will stay together.
Domestic bliss.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Ever wondered why bees always have a safe landing.
Here's the science.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Two things the Irish have given the world.
Guinness and a Perpetual Motion Machine.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Police surrounded Delta/Northwest Flight 253 for the second time 
after passenger stayed in the toilet for an hour.
But this time it was the chicken.


----------



## Solly (28 December 2009)

Fake sugar...
Maybe not that sweet.


----------



## Solly (29 December 2009)

Kiwi with a big M and a small organ runs multi-million dollar internet banking scam.
Will spend 5 years avoiding deposits.


----------



## Solly (29 December 2009)

What's 6ft x 12ft and is in the back yard ? 

A) Garden Shed
B) Plunge pool
C) Maritime Museum


----------



## Solly (29 December 2009)

JFK FTW
I just couldn't imagine this ever happening 
with any of our current batch of leaders


----------



## Solly (29 December 2009)

Meet the 45-year-old engineer from Japan and his 34 low maintenance girlfriends.


----------



## Solly (29 December 2009)

The things go down the drain after poor Gerhard falls off beer scooter on the way home.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Some Nutt who was recently sacked sees a world in 
which people could drink without getting drunk, no matter how many glasses
they had, by popping a sober-up pill that would let them drive/cycle home safely.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

You know CO2, that stuff in the green bottle attached to the keg, it's a fat killer.
Here's the science. 
I can hear the rejoicing from here


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Master on-check
Flaps and rudder-check
Leading edge-check
Pitot opening-check
Static port-check
Remove tie down
Homless bum with no pilot's licence in left hand seat-check
Ignition.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

The strangest pink kitten you'll ever see and a depressed terrier.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Surveillance cameras capture pair on mobility scooter weaving erratically through the streets at up to 8mph.
You guessed it alcohol involved...arrest follows


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

National treasure, 91 year old Mary Taylor has broken the endurance record, by spending a whole week driving 1,200 miles.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Still reading tea cups ?
You're doing it wrong.
Asparagus is the new Earl Grey.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Sometimes it's just easier to pay for the plasma.
Shoplifting scene turns a little ugly when an officer and witness 
are attacked and thing get a little stabby.
Welcome to Chattanooga.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Women 'can sense attraction in men's sweat'.
Gym socks still a turn off.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Women only parking spaces.
Of course they are wider, in bright pink and light purple colors, 
decorated in cute cartoon pictures and have a guide to help you back in.

edit: (I just heard a sigh, I think Lady Penelope's just read this post on her iPhone, 
I'm just taking a quick trip down to the garage to see if she's keyed the Crown yet.)


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Jewish man without a job manages to trade up to a new model every two years.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Man who faked his own abduction to impress his girlfriend 
and demanded ranson from his own father, 
may end up in Singh Singh.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

Why your boss is incompetent


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

SoCal teen injured while 'Christmas tree surfing'.
No mention if Christmas tree angel has been extracted.


----------



## Solly (30 December 2009)

The next time you lovingly look into her eye's
remember you come in fifth.
Maybe it's because you don't come with apps.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Teleconferencing cuts down on CO2 emissions, road congestion and clothes


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Funeral home offering free burial for those who plan to drink, drive and cross to the other side on New Year’s Eve


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

<lawsuit>Web designer almost ends up on the slab,
after being hit by moose head in restaurant.</lawsuit>

Bullwinkle unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Poll shows 30 per cent of women fantasise about slimming back into their ''trophy'' jeans. 
100 per cent of ASF men fantasise that they are George Clooney.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Never mix up the cab company number with 911.
Also another fine example of why you should never visit 
a tattoo parlour after drinking.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Man parks beer scooter, stumbles into wrong apartment, 
trips beer can alarm and then the fight started.
Alcohol and underpants involved.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

Venn diagram: Where you’re sitting, on the plane.
The pleasure of a long haul in cattle.


----------



## Solly (31 December 2009)

When the moon hits your eye 
Like a deep-frozen mussel
That's a moray
When the sell-by date's expired 
by four and five years
That's a moray


----------



## Solly (4 April 2010)

Wishing all a very holey and messy Easter.


----------



## Solly (18 April 2010)

Mel Gibson and Girlfriend Oksana Break Up

Hear Joan River's take on it all on TMZ

http://www.tmz.com/2010/04/16/joan-rivers-mel-gibson-should-die-video/


----------



## Solly (20 April 2010)

The end of pushing 'tin' ?

If it ain't a composite Boeing it ain't going.


----------



## Solly (23 April 2010)

The dangers of posting about your wife on an Internet forum and 
not logging out  can really cause problems, repeat, can really cause problems....

Please read post *#1*, then post *#44*.

http://www.acurazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=770786


Now where is that ASF *Log Out* link...


----------



## Solly (24 April 2010)

*As Seen on TV - a tribute to doing it wrong*


----------



## Solly (24 April 2010)

It’s unclear how long Thomas Hovis Jr. had been hiding in a vat of manure, 
when Noble County SWAT officers stormed. 
Apparently there is such a thing as doing to much meth..


----------



## Solly (24 April 2010)

Study:
What do 100 per cent of beauty product testers at make-up counters contain?

A) Staph
B) Strep 
C) E. coli

Can be used as a good reason to steer your beloved away for from the Spakfilla Counter at the Departmant Store.


----------



## Solly (26 April 2010)

What is the weapon of choice to bring to a brawl at 
a campsite on an Aussie long weekend?

A) Fists
B) Bottles
C)Camping Chairs
D)Chainsaw
E) All of the above


----------



## Garpal Gumnut (26 April 2010)

Solly said:


> What is the weapon of choice to bring to a brawl at
> a campsite on an Aussie long weekend?
> 
> A) Fists
> ...




You left out "Ladies", mate.

gg


----------



## Solly (26 April 2010)

Sans helmet dude riding a bike down Main St wearing only
a thong and tattoo suit says he was harassed by police.

Unclear whether thong was on left or right foot.


----------



## Solly (27 April 2010)

Why Fr Wang (real name) chose to live a celibate life
'There are struggles - times of loneliness, 
dreams about what marriage would be like...'


If GG is still in cell range I'm sure the good Padre would appreciate comment on some experiences and challenges that he's missed out on.


----------



## Solly (27 April 2010)

Sony signals end for floppy disks.

Yes at first I misread this newsfeed alert as well and 
almost dismissed it as spam from a Canadian online pharmacy.


----------



## Solly (27 April 2010)

Behold the iPong, iDang, iWang, iPing.
To be seen in Sydney's south-western markets in 3, 2, 1, ....


----------



## Solly (28 April 2010)

Ukrainian politicians caught stacking numbers in  parliament.

Celebrate by tossing salad and burning snags.


----------



## Solly (28 April 2010)

F1 driver Fernando Alonso thumbs are insured for 10 million euros

US stock car racing drivers excluded from policy, opposable thumbs are requirement for coverage.


----------



## Solly (28 April 2010)

Cop this...
Stung like a bee and 
Hung like a tree.
gatal-gatal !


----------



## Solly (28 April 2010)

Hey Jimmy,
One in five people in Britain thinks that haggis 
is an animal that roams the Highlands.

Good case for more immigration form old dart


----------



## Solly (28 April 2010)

Man siphoned electricity off a high-voltage overhead transmission line 
for one month with the help of an ordinary meat hook, rubber lips...


----------



## Solly (29 April 2010)

The FX Holden of recently deceased Brisneyland icon 
Rock'n'Roll George is up for sale. Proceeds to go to charity. 

http://bit.ly/a2Ugie

Now if only there was a way for group of rich traders to fork 
out a few bucks to create a shrine to truly unique gentleman 
and help the less fortunate.


----------



## Solly (30 April 2010)

"Cougar effect" boosts lingerie sales. 
Women over 40 rediscovering their figures.
often after getting divorced.

Men, after checking bank balance,
now have better understanding where 
their figures went, Depend ®s.


----------



## Solly (30 April 2010)

"We want to prove that you can bike to work and be well dressed"...sans helmet of course.







I can hear snickering from an Internet Kiosk in Ho Chi Minh City, from here.


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

Empty jets
A chance to see the world in private at FL410.

Have a closer look at a Beechcraft Premier 1A, 
this type maybe of interest to some Stormers. 

http://player.video.news.com.au/news/#VzmU_4ikSZJu_dfm4kwzfy_pJY6fO9KY


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

Swedish Real Estate agent takes up a position 
at the rear of the a tour bus with Musician. 
Offer accepted but then gets ejected.

Jenman advised...


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

Who hasn't got on at Central passed out 
and been woken by a guard at Campbelltown.

But it takes a major effort to pass out and be 
woken by a maintenance engineer behind the hangars.


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

83-year-old holy man claims to have spent 
the last seven decades without food and water.
No sh!te sherlock !


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

The family of a man who died suddenly were so devoted 
to him they created a life-size cardboard cut-out of him 
for his funeral and it now 'lives' in their house.

Bernie Lomax unavailable for comment this weekend.


----------



## Solly (2 May 2010)

Too challenged to buy pants of the the correct size ?

Then you need the 'Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield'


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

"Jogging shorts are loose fitting, and having a pistol smack 
you in the thigh each step gets very annoying very quickly."

Seeking Matt Shirvington for comment


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

This clown can take you on a Underbelly-esque crime tour.
Only in LA LA Land.


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

In a rather glowing tribute to Mr Edison, 
man never eats more than one light bulb a day.


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

Everybody knows what happens when cousins marry.
Darwin....no not that one. Charles.


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

Magistrate struggles to understand why defendant committed the crimes of  
bigamy, forgery, giving defective notice of divorce and giving false information.

Appears to take pity, hands down suspended sentence, all ready suffered enough.


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

Moscow Devo fan club Whips it.
Stalin not impressed.


----------



## Solly (3 May 2010)

Major League Baseball fan unable to call Uncle Ralph 
on the big porcelain telephone, 
calls on the assistance an off-duty police captain, 
and is knocked out of ball park. Barf.


----------



## Solly (4 May 2010)

The 'Geezer Bandit' Strikes Again.

Highway Patrol on look out for mobility scooter 
fitted with aftermarket Surge Performance Chip


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

Morning of the Turf meets Rocky, turns gnarly.
Channel Nine reporter gets biffed during a 
drinking session at the island's Masonic Club.

Your doin' that handshake wrong.


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

Canadian beavers build the world's longest dam, 
can be seen from space.
That Justin guy's been a busy little fellow.


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

Old salt takes one last swig.
Could not stand on one leg, weaved when attempting to put his finger
 to his nose and was unsteady on his feet.
I have a feeling I've read his posts on ASF late on a Friday evening.


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

Gamble doesn't pay off.
Stripped Of Worker’s Comp Benefits.


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

Bank robbery 101.
First lesson: Don't hand out the money you 
have just stolen to perfect strangers.


----------



## Solly (5 May 2010)

A tribute to those who have fallen....

http://player.video.news.com.au/news/#1484445392


----------



## Solly (6 May 2010)

“Honk and Use the Force, Luke.”


----------



## Solly (6 May 2010)

"While searching Ferrini, authorities found him carrying a device with an on/off
 switch and a wire disappearing into his pants."

Methamphetamine involved and an exceptional on the spot reporter 
with something in his hand he can't reveal.

(Lack of bandwith ?...here's the text)


----------



## Solly (6 May 2010)

Another graduation day at the ASF University


----------



## Solly (7 May 2010)

Rule maker and rule enforcer have difference of opinion.
Cat fight, followed by incarceration.


----------



## Solly (7 May 2010)

My hands are shaky and my knees are weak
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet
Who do you thank when you have such luck? 
I'm in love
I'm all blocked up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!


----------



## Solly (7 May 2010)

Hells Angel Proves There's Bike After Death


----------



## Solly (7 May 2010)

'Redneck Riviera'
Metal detectin's one of my hobbies....
Obvious reporter has never been to Burleigh


----------



## Solly (8 May 2010)

Woman, 28, accused of beating her 77 yearold boyfriend with his own cane.
GG tell me it isn't true...:


----------



## Solly (10 May 2010)

Journo has minor Bingle in a DB9


----------



## Solly (10 May 2010)

Federal Agents on the hunt for Daniel Tzvetkoff's Audi S6 V10 Quattro.

jono1887 coincidentally missing from ASF.


----------



## Solly (18 May 2010)

How can the media be fooled like this ?
Be on the look out for man in suspenders and 
a yellow baseball cap on morning TV...

Could never happen here or could it


----------



## Solly (28 May 2010)

Just thought I'd let Joe know that ASF looks impressive on the iPad. 
Renders well, quick and responsive in Safari..


----------



## Solly (29 May 2010)

They obviously didn't read the lastest edition of 
"Bank robbery for Dummies".

Rule No.1, always use the correct amount of C4.


----------



## Solly (29 May 2010)

Talk about being caught between a hard place and a hard place.
GG unavailable for comment


----------



## Solly (29 May 2010)

German strip poker contest set to go global
Gives new meaning to Hamburg Hold'em


----------



## Solly (29 May 2010)

Prince Paul of Wy, establishes his Principality in a suburb of Sydney.
Why not ? 

Principality of Belmontistan under consideration.


----------



## Solly (29 May 2010)

Pathway to Prosperity, bypasses Melton and claims a 60-day plan would yield a 720%.
Not this sh!te again...


----------



## Solly (31 May 2010)

"It's clear that most men can only pay attention to their appearance for a 
maximum of two days before opting for an acceptable level of dishevelment" 

Hey I'm not drunk I'm still standing. Taxi !


----------



## Solly (31 May 2010)

"The rises and falls in the length of skirts are said to be a good way of forecasting 
what the weather will be like three days in advance, based on research at eBay."

Must put this one on my watchlist.


----------



## Solly (31 May 2010)

Bureaucrats at hundreds of public sector organisations have spent 
thousands of pounds of tax payers money creating new mottos, 
derided by critics as *"drivel".*

Hey Joe does ASF need a motto?

Please don't pass this link to KRUDD


----------



## Solly (1 June 2010)

Public Service Announcement

What is the difference between a Project and an Operation ?

Mr Wickenby, explains.

Maybe be of assistance to former TSV residents.


----------



## Solly (2 June 2010)

How to turn Elvis into Mickey Mouse.
Show us ya tats.


----------



## Solly (2 June 2010)

Trumpeting the bad judgement of a Band Director.
(I'm) Stranded. Mr Bailey unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (2 June 2010)

Don't let this defetus.

That's some fine forensic 
work there Lou.


----------



## Solly (2 June 2010)

A little Good Luck rubs off on Goodluck's missus.
Bank officials mystified at result.


----------



## Solly (2 June 2010)

"You buy a hat like this, I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup."
"A flute with no holes in not a flute. And a donut with no hole is a danish."


----------



## Solly (5 June 2010)

Man Marries Mother-in-Law
Robbie Coltrane unavailable for comment


----------



## Solly (9 June 2010)

An Australian backpacker in South Africa for the soccer World Cup passed out drunk 
in the driveway of a Johannesburg politician under the impression he was in Cape Town.

Somehow this is news.


----------



## Solly (9 June 2010)

How do you defend your property from would be property developers?

How about with a wheelbarrow and pipes firing rockets.


----------



## Solly (9 June 2010)

"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" 
Howard Beale unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (9 June 2010)

What's the best thing to leave behind in
the carpark at Dover on a day trip to Calais?

Poor guy will pay for this for the rest of his life.


----------



## Solly (10 June 2010)

Your chance to get a free 880hp twin turbo V12 super-car, be quick !
122ft Berth required.

GG last seen heading for Breakwater with a tape measure.


----------



## Solly (10 June 2010)

Exclusive footage of the annual Banker's Team Building seminar.

'Unfortunately steel toe caps were banned from the event in the 1950s.'


----------



## Solly (10 June 2010)

Fail:
Everybody knows it's not 'Songbirds' you smuggle down your pants.


----------



## Solly (11 June 2010)

Warning: contains XXXXXL content.

On track to be allocated own Post Code.


----------



## Solly (11 June 2010)

Who really thought those Riverdance classes
would actually be beneficial.


----------



## Solly (11 June 2010)

"...though if it belonged to a woman, 
we would expect them to find another 14 pairs at the back of the cave."

I'm not game to add embellishment to tag or content, just in case Lady P actually reads this stuff


----------



## Solly (11 June 2010)

Viewers don't understand weather forecasts.
With self-explanatory picture as to the reason why.


----------



## Solly (11 June 2010)

And my personal banker looks like a cross between Rodney Dangerfield's love child and a meth addict....

Oh yes, I also misread the headline the first time as well


----------



## Solly (16 June 2010)

Scientists are to map Ozzy Osbourne's genetic code in a bid to find out 
how he is still alive after decades of drug and alcohol abuse.

Same scientists have approached Joe for ASF members email list to assist with sample size.


----------



## Solly (16 June 2010)

Why so serious?
Angry clowns have taken to the streets in El Salvador to protest
against the murder of a bus passenger killed by two "impostor clowns".


----------



## Solly (16 June 2010)

Teachers Rule number 1.
Never admit you are a fornicator at a Christian school in St. Cloud, Florida.


----------



## Solly (16 June 2010)

nun, now unable to afford Gold Coast holiday.


----------



## Solly (16 June 2010)

Jesus Statue Struck By Lightning, burns to the ground.
Insurance assessors deem it to be an Act of God.


----------



## Solly (17 June 2010)

Solly said:


> Jesus Statue Struck By Lightning, burns to the ground.
> Insurance assessors deem it to be an Act of God.




Just off the wires.
Follow up, with live footage from scene and the before shot, touchdown.

http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/15/touchdown-jesus-statue-destroyed-by-lightning/


----------



## Solly (17 June 2010)

Knot, not Jesus, appears in elm tree.


----------



## Solly (17 June 2010)

Tragedy on Interstate-355 . Fully laden semi collides with pantec.
Crews face slow, long clean-up likely to last into the early hours 
and a cab home.

Following story images may be disturbing to some.


----------



## Solly (17 June 2010)

Travelling with 13 suitcases on a private jet does indeed sound a little potty.
Of course she looks so innocent.


----------



## Solly (18 June 2010)

This time authorities catch a whiff and turn a blind eye, 
to money laundering.


----------



## Solly (18 June 2010)

'Intimate waxing'
That is just nuts


----------



## Solly (20 June 2010)

I note some ASFers are having a bit of rough time atm.
Hope you have a bit chuckle over this .

See if you can fill in the gaps here.

Man attempts to hold up gas station with caulk gun.

_______ ______ _______ in the company of a 
transgender prostitute.

_____ _____ _____in the evening.


----------



## Solly (20 June 2010)

Elin Nordegren is taking one very interesting summer course over at Rollins College.

Will likely have swag of credits for recognised prior learnings.


----------



## Solly (20 June 2010)

When the pain moves from your 
hip pocket to your chest during 
a call to the Tax Office, better 
dispatch the Packer Wacker.


----------



## Solly (20 June 2010)

A Japanese violinist has shot to fame after posting videos
of himself playing the violin to classic Nintendo games.


Although I prefer violinists who perform in this manner, 
both shaken and stirred. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiaOFOMPOBc


----------



## Solly (21 June 2010)

Vacuum Salesmen Charged With Damaging Mattress.

Reinforces the importance of knowing the difference 
between suck and blow :.


----------



## Solly (21 June 2010)

Myth busted, no longer an urban myth.

Code 1 at the Donut Shop, Officer Chu responds.


----------



## Solly (22 June 2010)

Former officer arrests himself for drinking and driving.

To also save time, stumbles, trips and hits own head 
while getting into the back of the Crown Victoria.


----------



## Solly (22 June 2010)

Now there's *no* excuse for ASFers to feel left out at a BBQ.

Spending too much time placing trades, doing analysis, lonely ? 
.......not anymore.


----------



## Solly (22 June 2010)

When watching acrobatic performances of circus animals on a television screen, 
the frontal lobe area of the brain became vigorously active.

The similarities are disturbing...!


----------



## Solly (22 June 2010)

Once upon a time, 
there was a little girl named Goldilocks.  
She  went for a walk in the forest.  
Pretty soon, she came upon a house.  
She knocked and, when no one answered, 
she walked right in and found a 2 litre box....

Hey bro. :


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Dating website that only admits beautiful people.
Says she wouldn't hand her eggs over to just anyone. 
Better not use your ASF avatar when joining


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Scientists have created life saving underwear which has sensors printed directly 
on the elastic and can detect the blood pressure and heart rate of the wearer.
You've probably just worked out how they monitor core body temperature. Clench


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Boffins have developed a complex mathematical formula 
which they claim reveals the secret to riding a bicycle. Sans helmet?


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Naked Cowgirl Vs Naked Cowboy.
You be the Judge.
_Article contains images that may be disturbing._


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Street Portraits Gone Wrong.


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Yes, I did a double take too.


----------



## Timmy (23 June 2010)

Solly, is this of any interest in your thread?

Pain in the butt for slug gun mates

In summary:
Two blokes
Air rifles
Backsides (their own)
Embedded pellets
Police involved

2 consenting adults shooting into each other's backsides?  Can't see the prob?


----------



## Solly (23 June 2010)

Timmy said:


> Solly, is this of any interest in your thread?
> 
> Pain in the butt for slug gun mates
> 
> ...




Thanks Timmy,  I missed this one on the wires today. That's the funniest story I've read in a while and it's home grown. When I read it I had to double check it wasn't some of my mates from up NQ way


----------



## Solly (25 June 2010)

The man, identified as Jerry Whipple, is "suspected of being extremely inebriated," 
said Petty Officer First Class Mariana O'Leary.

Add.... pool float, Gulf of Mexico and Coast Guard.
I'm sure you all know where this one is heading.


----------



## Solly (25 June 2010)

Man Going For World Piercing Record.

Prince Albert unavailable for comment, probably too busy with Charlene.


----------



## Solly (25 June 2010)

UK government Job Centre has started advertising for a rather unusual position.

Applicants should be "bubbly, confident and outgoing," 
and "not object to being covered head-to-toe in mud.

Bikini required.


----------



## Solly (26 June 2010)

Jesus will return by 2050, say 40pc of Americans. 

60pc now planning move to Canada.


----------



## Solly (26 June 2010)




----------



## Solly (26 June 2010)

He's known as horse boy.
And no it's not for that reason!


----------



## Solly (27 June 2010)

The Stupidest Men's Products Ever Invented.
What is your favourite?


----------



## Solly (27 June 2010)

A British motor racing boss has died after allegedly 
meeting with two "dominatrices" at a villa near Brecht, Belgium.

Mistress Lucrezia and her "assistant" are assisting police with inquiries.








And I always thought the nitrous oxide is usually injected from 
a wet single-point in the manifold, apparently not always.


----------



## Solly (28 June 2010)

Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? 
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. 
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?


----------



## Solly (28 June 2010)

Top 10 Shortest World Leaders
(Not shortest stay Leaders..Krudd not included)


----------



## Solly (28 June 2010)

An extensive* six-month undercove*r investigation into 
eight adult-entertainment clubs, 
including the city's two Leather & Lace clubs,
leads to the arrest of 16 dangerous uncovered felons.

That's some fine police work there Lou.


----------



## Solly (28 June 2010)

I wonder if Joe is trying to match faces to user names.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.


----------



## Solly (29 June 2010)

He was three sheets to the wind and $300 lighter 
in the pocket after a beer-soaked night at the Peek-A-Boo Lounge Bar.


And then, the out-of-town visitor realized that his wife may have 
some questions about where his paycheck went ......

Does he

a) flag down a police officer
b) says he was robbed at gunpoint
c) all of the above


----------



## Solly (29 June 2010)

Looking for the perfect place for a first date ?
Why not try the  Rita – Queen of Speed or Spinball Whizzer.

Lasts only 49 seconds which is probably double 
the length time that some dates last.
Sick bag included.


----------



## Solly (29 June 2010)

Always make sure you have verified character references for a room-mate.
Or a least have one with a hearing disability.
It could stop things from getting a bit stabby


----------



## Solly (29 June 2010)

Getting sick of the endless corporate world drivel?

For Sale: Mountain Village, Great View -- $708,000. 
Complete with pub, hotel and even a fire station included.

Tempting !


----------



## Solly (29 June 2010)

Conchita Lucia and April Marie are used to a luxurious life in an island mansion. 
With a $3 million trust fund from an heiress.

Since you're reading this I'm sure you've realised there's something barking mad about these two. :


----------



## Solly (30 June 2010)

Double-Double Trouble.
Identical twins from Germany fell in love with identical twins from Russia. 

3-D Glasses required


----------



## Solly (30 June 2010)

Appears Salma Hayek is on the ASF Day Traders Diet


----------



## Solly (30 June 2010)

Trader buys 7 million barrels while on a drinking binge.
Has now been fined and banned by financial regulator.

Meet ASF's newest member


----------



## Solly (30 June 2010)

Getting tired of seeing 
Destiny, Candy, Angel, Cherry, Roxy, Porsche, Crystal & Amber.

How about a whole day with Bubbles, only $150.00


----------



## Solly (1 July 2010)

What's the time, Mr Wolf?
More of the magic of the Internet.

Novel if blood types interest you


----------



## Solly (1 July 2010)

Restaurant Signs That Will Make You Lose Your Appetite.
Suddenly I'm not hungry.


----------



## Solly (1 July 2010)

And for the win today,
Sylvina Beagley was arrested after stealing two cars, including a police car, while naked.

Covered in blood, sweat and mud, she was just too slippery for the arresting officers.


----------



## Solly (1 July 2010)

What would be a good flavour to add to Vodka...

Did you say Salmon?


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

Ppl who use #Twitter are more likely 2 have a good CV and 
therefore get #shortlisted for job #interviews http://bit.ly/93gNUZ


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

I thought I'd throw up this one today.

Chefs Serve Ambergris Dish At Castle Feast.


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

A German man who had an Adolf Hitler speech ringtone and a picture of the 
Nazi dictator on his mobile phone could be jailed for three years.

Could be about to learn alternative meaning of the word, dictator.


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

Men "less engaged in work than women"

I'd like to tell you more but I really can't be bothered


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

...As your name was brought to my attention by a very trusted contact in Nigeria's Foreign Office, 
I have been authorized by my partners to contact you with this Proposal. 
All that would be required of you is the use of your bank account to perform a transfer
 of TEN MILLION ($10000000) U.S. Dollars.


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

Big Arnie stops withdrawals..
But don't you usually deposit cash at these venues?

Or so I've been told


----------



## Solly (2 July 2010)

Desperately seeking Ivana Humpalot.

This story is so sad on so many levels,

especially for poor despondent Charlie.


----------



## Solly (6 July 2010)

Maybe no Checkmate involved.
Mr Ansell unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (6 July 2010)

What a neighbourly gesture.
Article contains the usual references to:

passed out
sofa
naked man


----------



## Solly (6 July 2010)

“Where there is a sea there are pirates”

and a shed.


----------



## Solly (8 July 2010)

Cue the pump organ...

"Here comes the bride
fair, fat and wide..
Here comes the bridemaides
fair, fatter and wider.."


----------



## Solly (8 July 2010)

A "motivation day" corporate firewalk organised by one 
of Italy's biggest real estate agencies ended in tears and scars.

Jenman unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (8 July 2010)

Nords not impressed.
OLAF pounces on Chinese garlic smuggler.


----------



## Solly (8 July 2010)

A routine audit of the finances turned up discrepancies, 
revealed a secret double life of escorts, strip bars 
lavish spending on the finest restaurants, luxury hotels 
and expensive clothing.

Your're doing it wrong Father Gray.


----------



## Solly (8 July 2010)

Who is 77
5ft 4ins tall 
and doesn't take any crap?

Its 7th dan black belt Lollipop Nana.

No excuse for not getting off your backside today, is there?


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

Cleaning up Zoo York.
No more cocking a snook, walking around on Sundays with an ice cream cone 
in your pocket and eating peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

Be careful if the missus makes you crash on the new sofa 
after arriving home late after a night out with the boys.


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

Cairns Ukulele record attempt fails, it all ends with Achy Breaky Heart.


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

Did you say it must be time for another obligatory drunk man on a lawnmower story..? 






It's a six speed too, wonder if it's a Holinger?


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

Man spends £10K on jobs for wife and daughters.

Since you're reading this here, you've probably 
worked out what sort of jobs we're talking about.


----------



## Solly (9 July 2010)

I know this one's from Florida.
But I'm sure I've seen this happened in Orchid Ave.

Important Customer Service lesson 101,
always make sure they smile before completing a transaction.


----------



## Solly (10 July 2010)

"Then we had a situation in which he brought back young women's underwear"


----------



## Solly (10 July 2010)

‘Step back or I’m gonna blow it.’
“He was fidgeting around, like…his skin was jumping,”

Mr Guzman, never take a grenade to a test drive.

With added bonus of live action report from Nicole Oliverio


----------



## Solly (10 July 2010)

No wonder this woman beat this infraction.

Hoping Joe shows same leniency with 
some of my future posts.


----------



## Solly (10 July 2010)

Inmate Hopkins, you're doing it wrong.

Steve McQueen unimpressed.


----------



## Solly (10 July 2010)

Iron man holds mother hostage.

Looks like he has some issues to resolve before 
finding that lucky woman to share the rest of his life with.


----------



## Solly (11 July 2010)

*Help Lindsay make her life decisions and resurrect her career.*

Lindsay Lohan in Court [This Tube is Interactive]


----------



## Solly (13 July 2010)

It seemed like a great family photo opportunity at the time.
It's amazing how things turn just a little bit creepy with age.


----------



## Solly (13 July 2010)

Maybe here's the reason why strawberries just don't taste like the old days.


----------



## Solly (13 July 2010)

Still waiting to get your pistol licence back ?
Why not appease yourself in the mean time.


----------



## Solly (14 July 2010)

Maryland state circuit court determined mooning is a form of artistic expression and 
therefore protected by the United States constitutional right of freedom of speech.

Saluting the land of the pants free.

I'm just off to greet the 4:39 at Ormeau.


----------



## Solly (14 July 2010)

"Christopher Dennis, who dresses up like Superman on Hollywood Boulevard"
Read more for predictable outcome.


----------



## Solly (15 July 2010)

Some planks are worth walking.


----------



## Solly (15 July 2010)

Women have 100 hairstyles during their lifetime.
And 10,000 pairs of shoes


----------



## Solly (15 July 2010)

Look what happens when you mix a Camry driver with beer bottles.
Guinness involved.


----------



## GumbyLearner (15 July 2010)

Solly said:


> Look what happens when you mix a Camry driver with beer bottles.
> Guinness involved.




Well that's quite stupid Solly


----------



## Solly (15 July 2010)

It's all in the way the balls drop.
Find out what 1 in 18 septillion really is.


----------



## GumbyLearner (15 July 2010)

Solly said:


> It's all in the way the balls drop.
> Find out what 1 in 18 septillion really is.




Good call Solly.

Shut the gate!!!!

*Collingwood's Luke Ball likely to lose licence after running red light*

July 06, 2010  7:09AM

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/a...unning-red-light/story-e6frf9jf-1225888304775

COLLINGWOOD onballer Luke Ball could lose his licence after running a red light on the way home from Saturday night's big win over West Coast at Etihad Stadium.

The 26-year-old already had traffic demerit points.

Red-light offences incur three demerit points and a $299 fine.

The Magpies said in a statement that Ball believed the new penalty would mean he would lose his licence for "a period of time".

"Luke fully accepts this and acknowledges the need to strictly adhere to traffic standards in the future," the Pies said.

Learn to drive you dangerous mongrel! You might run over some kids that might outshine you in the future.


----------



## Solly (20 July 2010)

Nek Wook wants a baby.
Did I mention she's 108 and has outlasted 22 husbands


----------



## Solly (20 July 2010)

Women are at their most beautiful when aged 31.

Under no circumstances will I be adding a tag to this headline.
Now let me see, Pennie was born in 19... oh dear.


----------



## Solly (20 July 2010)

You know you are having a bad day when aliens
keep pelting your house with white-hot rocks.....seriously


----------



## Solly (21 July 2010)

Would you pay £8,000 for a Brazilian wax?


----------



## Solly (21 July 2010)

Scientists prove that women are better at multitasking than men.

Now what was I just doing.....?


----------



## Solly (21 July 2010)

Ladies, all he needs is a gentle pat on the back.

And maybe a couple of longnecks and a bit of luck .


----------



## Solly (21 July 2010)

Women keep beauty routines secret from men... amongst other things. 

Could you pick a veneer?


----------



## Solly (21 July 2010)

Playboy launches new website.
Now you can really read it just for the articles. Smokin' 
Hear all about it straight from the Hef himself


----------



## Solly (22 July 2010)

Ever get the buzz to change your name to a fictional cartoon character.

This guy apparently did and went "to infinity and beyond."


----------



## Solly (22 July 2010)

Wedding cake eating contest issued by groom.

For domestic health and safety reasons I cannot add further comment


----------



## Solly (3 August 2010)

Hi I'm from Tech Support, of course I can help you find 
those special pics you took for your boyfriend..


----------



## Solly (3 August 2010)

Study shows simply weaing or being bordered 
by the rosy hue makes a man more 
sexually desirable to women.

But I'm not sure if 'ASF alcohol flush reaction' really counts.
nun have you done any further research?


----------



## Solly (3 August 2010)

Frenchman imprisoned by wife, forced to live in wife's laundry prison.
It gets worse...forced to eat croissants past use by date.


----------



## Solly (3 August 2010)

You may have just spent £1.5bn to buy Harrods
but park outside in a no standing zone...That's a clamin' guv.

Clarkson unavailable for comment.


----------



## Solly (3 August 2010)

As a Public Service announcement:

Did you know the Hirter Brewery is in Austria?


----------



## Solly (11 August 2010)

Few nuggets short of a happy meal?
Such shame Melodi Dushane.


----------



## Solly (11 August 2010)

Why it's never acceptable to call your P.A. a H.O.P.A.

I'm just clearing my history and bleaching my cache right now


----------



## Solly (11 August 2010)

Worth £9.7million in 2002, bankrupt 2010.
Spent most of it on hookers and blow, 
the rest he just wasted.


----------



## Solly (11 August 2010)

What's the worst thing loaded to bring to a road rage incident.
Lesson learned, never smear a fellow motorist.


----------



## Solly (11 August 2010)

It's always good to unwind after a hard day's work 
running the gentlemen's club.

But sometimes it's just safer not to ask to remove 
the fedora or to be slow with the drinks.


----------



## Solly (12 August 2010)

Chef's girlfriend chills out  and 
confesses to 'something unfortunate' on drunken night out.
Chest freezer, foetal position & plastic bags involved.


----------



## Solly (12 August 2010)

If your kneecaps are feeling the wrath of a French truncheon.
It could be you've upset Gendarme Grumpy.


----------



## Solly (12 August 2010)

Beautiful Women Face Discrimination in Certain Jobs, Study Finds.

Positions included job titles like manager of research and development, director of finance, 
mechanical engineer, construction supervisor and Joe's P.A.


----------



## Solly (13 August 2010)

Police Inspector Panda in frock shock,
likely to lose Dickie in quest for new life.


----------



## Solly (13 August 2010)

Slip Slop Slap Slap Slap.


----------



## Solly (13 August 2010)

After tossing the salad inmate looks for horn rimmed 
main course and makes spectacle of himself.
State's Attorney Office looking into it.


----------



## Solly (13 August 2010)

Time to rejoice miracle surgery now cures Internet Forum Poster Moob syndrome. :


----------



## Solly (19 August 2010)

What a pane..
Was later led handcuffed and topless to a waiting ambulance.


----------



## Solly (19 August 2010)

Anybody interested in a Rocky Mountain oyster?


----------



## Solly (19 August 2010)

A man was accused of wielding a gun and exposing himself Tuesday -- all while wearing a banana costume.

Since you're reading this here, you probably have some idea where this ends up.

Joe still refusing to give authorities ASF user name.


----------



## Solly (19 August 2010)

These inept moves don’t get us all hot and bothered ”” they just upset us.
Now where was Dr Logan Levkoff when I needed her advice..?


----------



## Solly (19 August 2010)

Stewardess.....pillow fight......happy ending.

You join the dots


----------



## Solly (20 August 2010)

You'll never guess what one in six Britons do with their fingers.


----------



## Solly (20 August 2010)

Never call a fellow grocery store customer that they are "ugly and fat."


----------



## Solly (5 September 2010)

Sick of your job?

Exit in style like a Jet Blue Flight Attendant

Use the SlipQuit


----------



## Solly (5 November 2010)

Teenager dressed as a mobile breathalyser for Halloween is arrested...:

View the pic and you'll understand why Joe wont allow me to post the obvious tagline.


----------



## Solly (8 November 2010)

He emerges as an habituee of wild parties involving strippers, sometimes hosted by an infamous Mafia boss
 ......and no he's not from Townsville :


----------



## Sean K (1 December 2010)

Oh dear!!  

*Woman allegedly set man alight after he touched her breasts, court told*
December 1, 2010 - 11:47AM

Kerry Anne McNiven, 43, appeared in Wangaratta Magistrates Court yesterday charged with the murder of Gary Stewart, 50, on November 18 last year.

The first day of the committal hearing heard Ms McNiven, of no fixed address, admitted to Sergeant Brian McCormick, of Wangaratta police, that she was responsible for the attack on Mr Stewart.

The attack occurred on the banks of the Ovens River near the Templeton Street boat ramp, about 6.20pm.

“[She said], 'Look, I'll tell you this whole thing is because he touched my boobies last night while I was asleep,'” Sergeant McCormick said in a statement.

“She put both her hands on her breasts as she explained.

“'I've already been molested once, years ago. I wasn't going to let someone do it again and get away with it.'”

Another officer, Senior Constable Brad Beecroft, told the court Ms McNiven appeared “upset and agitated” when he arrived.

He saw that she had a lighter in the middle of her bra and, when asked if it was the one she used to set Mr Stewart alight, she replied: “I think so.”


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## Solly (16 December 2010)

Hell has no fury like......


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## Solly (16 December 2010)

Gambling nun accused of embezzling $850,000....no not that nun.






(But with doppelganger pic included)


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## Solly (16 December 2010)

German city fixes budget deficit with...

A) Reduced public services
B) Higher waste disposal cahrges
C) Tax on hookers


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## Solly (8 January 2011)

I always knew that ASFers are some of the fittest people around.

Here's the science....

http://consumerist.com/2011/01/drinking-more-makes-your-exercise-more.html


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## DB008 (8 January 2011)

This thread is LOLzzz......(Wicked Funny).


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## Solly (8 January 2011)

DB008 said:


> This thread is LOLzzz......(Wicked Funny).




Thanks mate, I hope to ramp the thread up a bit soon. Been a bit busy lately and hope to kick back a bit soon and do some more postings. Wickenby keeps one on their toes.


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## Solly (10 January 2011)

10 Strangest items left behind in hotel rooms.
If you lost a tribal style doll with a wooden pop-up appendage, 
look no further.


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## Solly (10 January 2011)

He swooped in to save the day, wearing tights, a black 
and gold skin-tight super suit and a mask......

No not that sort of mask.


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## Solly (10 January 2011)

This may be a very good reason to trade up the corporate Crackberry.

Corona heaven.


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## noirua (1 February 2021)




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