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You are arguing with a Galah
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The Qantas upgrades controversy is a window into an 'alternate universe' our politicians enjoy
When it comes to the Register of Members' Interests — the vast file that the House of Representatives keeps of declarations from every one of its 151 elected MPs — there are two broad personality types.
Let's call them the Haves and the Have-Nots.
Declarations from the Haves can be opaque and hard to follow. They bristle with multiple properties, boats and complex family trust arrangements with awkward names that usually turn out to be the collated initials of their children.
The Have-Nots also file declarations that are detailed. But they're detailed in a different way. The declaration of a Have-Not will typically include a mortgaged family home, and then pages and pages outlining every single piece of valueless bumf they've ever been handed at an electorate function. From the disclosure of "handmade key ring from Year 6 tech class, Moral Highground Public School", or "Tie Dyed T-Shirt, received in thanks for a day's volunteering alongside the Little Battlers River Cleanup Gang", the reader infers much about the MP's fastidious dedication to openness, not to mention their humble devotion to duty.
Analysis: PM's relationship with Alan Joyce more than just pollie perks
Just months out from an election where the cost of living is likely to dominate the campaign, a new book is starting to really test Anthony Albanese's image as a working-class PM.
Anthony Albanese — who has been in the parliament for nearly 30 years — has always been a Have-Not, and this is how he would define himself to this day, changes in his personal circumstances notwithstanding.
A glance at his register confirms scrupulous reportage of items well below the prescribed $300 threshold (Item: A copy of Scott Morrison's memoir Plans for Your Good, the windfall of which treasure was reported to the Clerk this year with saintly promptness).
The registers of interest reveal two types of politicians. One of them explains Albanese's rage over Qantas
It is possible to understand and empathise with the PM's indignation over the Qantas flights controversy while simultaneously disagreeing with his diagnosis that it's a non-story.
And surprised to be chipped for chummy interventionism by Peter Dutton, who — as immigration minister — hopped in personally to liberate the au pairs of two friends, in a quirky reinvention of the "nanny state".
The PM was around when public money was sprayed around on commuter car parks, when billion-dollar contracts to run offshore detention centres were awarded without open tender, and when a bunch of senior government figures provisionally accepted Rolexes from a Chinese pot-noodle billionaire's plastic bag.
To be heckled for failing the pub test by an opposition that — in government — tended to be generous on the pour with our corporate citizens (JobKeeper) while mandating extreme-to-unreasonable abstemiousness from welfare recipients (Robodebt) would no doubt reasonably induce a liverish state in any first-term prime minister.
For good measure, Clive Palmer popped up yesterday to declare that the Chairman's Lounge should be outlawed permanently, describing it as a "disgraceful perk used to reward or punish politicians".
A low-risk demand, presumably, seeing as Clive last flew commercial in about 1967.
And like many of the dishes on offer in this debate, this menu item's feature protein was Ancient Beef — Mr Palmer was dis-invited from the Chairman's Lounge 10 years ago when he used his Senate vote to block a bill lifting Qantas's foreign ownership restrictions.
There is nothing more understandably galling in public life than the hypocrisy of one's enemies.