Losing money in property settlement

[Kimosabi]

This is pretty interesting.

My girlfriend ran up $30,000 worth of credit card debt(which she is thankfully now paying off). I'm guessing I could protentially be liable for if anything untoward happened between us.

She also wants to buy a house, but I refuse to participate until she pays of her credit card debts and then gets the appropriate deposit, half of a 20% deposit.

By the time this all happens we should be well and truly into the housing bust and we can then buy something at a "Reasonable" price...

 

[Quixis]

Is this really true?

In NSW yes it is, so probably Victoria as well.

Firstly, try and avoid mentioning ANY amounts of money or percentages to her. These will stick in her brain as absolutes.

Tell her that if she persists you'll be going after her assets. Tell her you'll go after the things she likes the most that are hers. Her cars, her paintings, things she treasures. I mean tell her if she wants to split things up then that's what you'll do and that nothing of hers is protected.

Or you'd rather settling it nicely.

Get proper legal advice. There are ways you can argue the input of each person into the relationship. But that's arguable and potentially costly. I mean how do you prove you did all the washing and washing up? All she has to do is say she did it.

I'd say tell her "This is how it is" and tell her the benefit of accepting a settlement and not blowing it all on legal fees.

No one wins karma out of a legal battle.

PS. It's a business transaction with no emotions.

 

[jpy]

Sorry Fleeta but if you are not very careful you may well lose half of everything you own plus legals . Your best course is to negotiate and have whatever you decide registered with the family law court or she may come back for bite #2 and that could realy hurt. Get the date of seperation recognised ASAP as anything you save is half hers too until it is recognisable legally.Make sure that her name is removed from any joint accounts that you may have. Dont forget the phone and utility accounts. The advice from deftfear is good and in a fair world would be acceptable. But as in buisness and trading all is not fair in Life.
Lucky no Kids involved as this can realy get ugly

 

[Wysiwyg]

Sorry!

 

[waza1960]

I personally wouldn't waste money on legal advise unless its free.The only thing worse than giving it to an ex that didn't deserve it is giving it to legal profession.Spend the money hide it etc as others have suggested its the only way.

 

[Fleeta]

Hey guys, thanks for all of your input it is much appreciated. My problems are:

- I am VERY transparent with what we have and every month I did a spreadsheet summarising our assets and liabilities (the only thing in both our names is the house and a joint savings account with $16k). She knows that I have $75k of shares and $25k of cash. I know that she has NO cash or shares. Although if I valued all her shoes, handbags, makeup at cost, I think she does have $100k!!!

- The date that we split is very clear cut - I don't think spending or hiding my $100k now would help my cause would it??

- I'm not sure about Deftear's concept of 'pre relationship assets' factor. When we first started going out, we both had nothing, but when we first moved in together, I had $87k whereas she had $43k. Does that count for something??

Maybe I should just get back together with her - It's not really worth losing $50k for - maybe that's the price for misery and nagging!

 

[tech/a]

Hey guys, thanks for all of your input it is much appreciated. My problems are:

- I am VERY transparent with what we have and every month I did a spreadsheet summarising our assets and liabilities (the only thing in both our names is the house and a joint savings account with $16k). She knows that I have $75k of shares and $25k of cash. I know that she has NO cash or shares. Although if I valued all her shoes, handbags, makeup at cost, I think she does have $100k!!!

Personal effects cant touch.

- The date that we split is very clear cut - I don't think spending or hiding my $100k now would help my cause would it??

Probably not to the legal profession BUT if she thought you had much less to fight for then the fight may not occure.

- I'm not sure about Deftear's concept of 'pre relationship assets' factor. When we first started going out, we both had nothing, but when we first moved in together, I had $87k whereas she had $43k. Does that count for something??

Im sure he's right and YES the imbalance of starting capital does work IN YOUR FAVOUR.

Maybe I should just get back together with her - It's not really worth losing $50k for - maybe that's the price for misery and nagging!

Trust me a great partner married or not is worth way way more than $50k even if your Flat broke.

 

[nomore4s]

Maybe I should just get back together with her - It's not really worth losing $50k for - maybe that's the price for misery and nagging!

lol, maybe get back together and make her sign a pre-nup (after a period of time of course) then turf her:

But seriously I would just go through it all now and get it over with so you can get on with the rest of your life. In five years you'll probably be alot better off (both financially & emotionally), as Tech says a good partner is worth alot more than $50K, I'd give up everything for mine.
Breaking up with my ex 5 or 6 years ago was one of the best things that happened to me(as hard as it was at the time), I'm now alot happier and alot better off. Short term pain for long term gain.

 

[clowboy]

Maybe I should just get back together with her - It's not really worth losing $50k for - maybe that's the price for misery and nagging!

I don't know your exact circumstances, but if she only wants 50k and you have 100k in liquid assests + a house I would run to the courts and get that 50k in writing asap.

If she contributed 43k to the house, it's only costing you 7k, and surely the house has gone up?

 

[Fleeta]

Nah, she wants 50k plus half the equity in the house (which could be as high as $200k). She was always such a lovely girl but boy has she turned nasty now!

 

[x2rider]

H Fleeta

I'd get a proper valuation on your property for a start and then you know what sort of numbers you are looking at . Then if you wanted to be fair with the split then work out the % that each of your initial deposit is now worth in the terms of equity in your house . That should get the house taken care of and then sort out the rest by spending up large .
There are lots of things that you can do to store money . IE buy a first class around the world ticket with all the trimmings and have the date put out for a year or so . This is basically cash and can be exchanged for such at any time for a small fee .
Another away is to get one of your mates to ring her up and then tell her that if she gets some of the money then he wants prepaid the loan that he gave you . ( which he didn't ) . That money that you came into the relationship had to come from somewhere .

But above all try and be nice . It will only cost you in the end . I was lucky withmy settlement I came out with a loune suite and a coffee table and my boat . I had children so didn't want to take anything aay from them that they were used to

Good luck dude
Martin:horse:

 

[BradK]

What a nightmare...

Yeah, go on a bender mate. Or sell your house to a mate for $1. Give her 50c.



Good luck mate

 

[Fleeta]

Thanks guys for all the well wishes. I hope it will work out OK

I went to counselling with her to calm her down in the hope that maybe she will do the 'right thing' and accept that I made the money on the market and not take it....i'm not holding my breath though. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have been so honest and transparent with her, but you live and learn.

I was only joking about taking her back - happiness wins over money any day!

 

[Broadside]

Thanks guys for all the well wishes. I hope it will work out OK

I went to counselling with her to calm her down in the hope that maybe she will do the 'right thing' and accept that I made the money on the market and not take it....i'm not holding my breath though. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have been so honest and transparent with her, but you live and learn.

I was only joking about taking her back - happiness wins over money any day!

I wouldn't regret being honest and transparent, you had to give the relationship a chance and hiding things undermines that trust....so be sensible about it next time you're in a relationship but don't be too cynical about it! What would I know though I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. She wasn't mercenary at all however. Good luck anyway.

 

[Smurf1976]

If you're going to take the cash out then how about using it to buy some small gold bars and literally bury them somewhere safe?

Yes I'm serious. Obviously there's the risk of a fall in the gold price (though the trend of the past few years is certainly up) but the metal itself won't rust or otherwise disappear and it's physically small enough to hide. I haven't done it myself but I'm told that there are some gold delers who will quite happily deal in cash for modest amounts. So lots of small bars rather than one big one.

From what I've seen happen to others, I'd certainly be leaving HER to chase YOU. Odds are she just gives up or settles for a relatively modest amount.

And never tell partners (or anyone else) about how much $ you have. One of the reasons I like my conservative 7 year old car and modest furniture etc is that it doesn't create an obvious impression of wealth and hence deters anyone looking for money (though I do happen to like the car anyway).

 

[Broadside]

From what I've seen happen to others, I'd certainly be leaving HER to chase YOU. Odds are she just gives up or settles for a relatively modest amount.

And never tell partners (or anyone else) about how much $ you have. One of the reasons I like my conservative 7 year old car and modest furniture etc is that it doesn't create an obvious impression of wealth and hence deters anyone looking for money (though I do happen to like the car anyway).

sorry I think that is too cynical by half as are many of the views on this thread, am I totally naiive thinking that not every prospective partner is out to fleece me? Maybe I'll be cynical when the time comes but I hope not, not a crack at you really smurf, am just surprised how widespread this view of "hide it from your partner" seems to be.

 

[BlingBling]

Ussing a trust would protect you wouldn't it?
Or are defacto's counted as family?

 

[Smurf1976]

sorry I think that is too cynical by half as are many of the views on this thread, am I totally naiive thinking that not every prospective partner is out to fleece me? Maybe I'll be cynical when the time comes but I hope not, not a crack at you really smurf, am just surprised how widespread this view of "hide it from your partner" seems to be.

I've just seen too many people pushed to the point of total destruction by what were, to those outside the relationship, rather obvious money hungry partners.

In one case I did very seriously consider stepping over the line and warning someone about what I thought was going on. So did a couple of others. Suffice to say that I wish I'd done so.

This person has been an outright sitting duck. Reasonable job with a large organisation, own home, new vehicle, in good health, very sociable and generally too trusting. This is the second time he's been through a major relationship bust up and both would seem, from the outside, to have been motivated by money.

I've seen more than one other go through the exact same thing too. In all cases money stood out more than anything as to what it was really about.

 

[moXJO]

Ussing a trust would protect you wouldn't it?
Or are defacto's counted as family?

Trusts really need to be set up before you enter a relationship.Once your in one its hard to protect assets when things go bad.Cash in a safety deposit box in a family members name.

 

[startrader]

Hi Fleeta,

You’ve probably got more than enough good answers to your question, but having been divorced twice and having two brothers both divorced twice and all of us getting the raw end of the deal at some stage maybe my opinion might help. It seems to me that if you are up against someone who is really determined, that you end up giving in to them just for the sake of peace and just to get the whole thing over and done with. They end up getting way more than is really fair because they made up their mind early on that that was what they were going to do. I think that you should definitely find a way of “getting rid” of your share money (maybe temporarily give it to a trusted family member?). I think you will find that the money is divided up at the date of the property settlement, not the date you split, so it will actually be worse if you are still accumulating money. But if the money’s not there, it’s not there. (You can’t get blood out of a stone). Anyway, hope this helps and good luck with it all!