...in today's email

Trader Paul · 23 April 2008

Re: ... in today's email

Anzac Day - 25 April 2008

The Final Inspection

The Soldier stood and faced his God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, you Soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?'

The Soldier squared his shoulders and said,

'No, my Lord, I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a dollar,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the Saints had often trod.

As the Soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

'Step forward now, you Soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell.'

~Author Unknown~

=====

May God's Grace and Blessings be upon all those, who have gone before us,
fighting for our right to live in peace and freedom ... may they all, R.I.P

we will remember them

paul

=====

Trader Paul · 12 May 2008

Re: ... in today's email

A Crabby Old Man??

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa
Florida , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later,
when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this
poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made
and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. And this little old man,
with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this
"anonymous" poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? ......What do you see?
What are you thinking......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man,.....not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ........with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ....."I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice ......the things that you do.
And forever is losing ............... A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not...........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ...... The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?.......Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse......you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am .......... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,.......as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten.......with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ..........who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen .......with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now...........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty .........my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows........that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now .......... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ......And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ......... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ........ With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons ....have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me.......to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .......... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ......... My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me .......... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ............I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing......young of their own.
And I think of the years...... And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age ........look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles..........grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass ...... A young guy still dwells,
And now and again ........my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys.............. I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living.............life over again.
I think of the years ....all too few......gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact........that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people ..........open and see..
Not a crabby old man.....Look closer....see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush
aside without looking at the young soul within.....we will all, one day, be
there, too!

Mofra · 12 May 2008

Re: ... in today's email

In the spirit of the thread:

http://blog.oregonlive.com/breakingnews/2008/04/the_best_tale_of_sportsmanship.html

Gary Frederick thought he had seen everything in 40 years at Central Washington University. He'd coached baseball and women's basketball for 11 years, been an assistant on the football team for 17 and athletic director for 18.

Last weekend, he learned he was wrong.

In the top of the second inning as his Wildcats played host to Western Oregon University in Ellensburg, Wash., something happened that spoke to the beauty of athletics. It came in the form of a home run that no one in attendance will forget.

"Never in my life had I seen anything like it," said Frederick, 70, in his 14th season as softball coach.

"It was just unbelievable."

Central entered Saturday's doubleheader one game behind Western Oregon in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference race. At stake was a bid to the NCAA's Division II playoffs. Western won the first game 8-1, extending its winning streak to 10 games. Central desperately needed the second game to keep its postseason hopes alive.

Western Oregon's 5-foot-2-inch right fielder came up to bat with two runners on base in the second inning. Sara Tucholsky's game was off to a rough start. A group of about eight guys sitting behind the right field fence had been heckling her.

"They were giving me a pretty hard time," said Tucholsky, a Forest Grove High School graduate. "They were just being boys, trying to get in my head."

At the plate, Tucholsky concentrated on ignoring the wise guys. She took strike one. And then the senior did something she had never done before -- even in batting practice. The career .153 hitter smashed the next pitch over the center field fence for an apparent three-run home run.

The exuberant former high school point guard sprinted to first. As she reached the bag, she looked up to watch the ball clear the fence and missed first base. Six feet past the bag, she stopped abruptly to return and touch it. But something gave in her right knee; she collapsed on the base path.

"I was in a lot of pain," she told The Oregonian on Tuesday. "Our first-base coach was telling me I had to crawl back to first base. 'I can't touch you,' she said, 'or you'll be out. I can't help you.' "

Tucholsky, to the horror of teammates and spectators, crawled through the dirt and the pain back to first.

Western coach Pam Knox rushed onto the field and talked to the umpires near the pitcher's mound. The umpires said Knox could place a substitute runner at first. Tucholsky would be credited with a single and two RBIs, but her home run would be erased.

"The umpires said a player cannot be assisted by their team around the bases," Knox said. "But it is her only home run in four years. She is going to kill me if we sub and take it away. But at same time I was concerned for her. I didn't know what to do. . . .

"That is when Mallory stepped in."

Mallory Holtman is the greatest softball player in Central Washington history. Normally when the conference's all-time home run leader steps up to the plate, Pam Knox and other conference coaches grimace.

But on senior day, the first baseman volunteered a simple, selfless solution to her opponents' dilemma: What if the Central Washington players carried Tucholsky around the bases?

The umpires said nothing in the rule book precluded help from the opposition. Holtman asked her teammate junior shortstop and honors program student Liz Wallace of Florence, Mont., to lend a hand. The teammates walked over and picked up Tucholsky and resumed the home-run walk, pausing at each base to allow Tucholsky to touch the bag with her uninjured leg.

"We started laughing when we touched second base," Holtman said. "I said, 'I wonder what this must look like to other people.' "

Holtman got her answer when they arrived at home plate. She looked up and saw the entire Western Oregon team in tears.

"My whole team was crying," Tucholsky said. "Everybody in the stands was crying. My coach was crying. It touched a lot of people."

Even the hecklers in right field quieted for a half-inning before resuming their tirade at the outfielder who replaced Tucholsky.

Western Oregon won the game 4-2 and extinguished Central Washington's playoff hopes.

Afterward, Central coach Frederick said he received a clarification from the umpiring supervisor, who said NCAA rules allow a substitute to run for a player who is injured after a home run. The clarification, however, could not diminish he glory of Holtman's and Wallace's gesture. Holtman downplayed her role, which her coach said is typical of the White Salmon, Wash. native.

"In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much," Holtman said. "It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain and she deserved a home run. . . .

"This is a huge experience I will take away. We are not going to remember if we won or lost, we are going to remember this kind of stuff that shows the character of our team. It is the best group of girls I've played with. I came up with the idea, but any girl on the team would have done it."

Tucholsky went to the doctor Tuesday. Her knee was still swollen; her trainer suspects she tore her anterior cruciate ligament. She will be in the dugout this weekend when Western Oregon attempts to cement an NCAA berth with games against Seattle and Western Washington.

Tucholsky will graduate this spring as a business major with a minor in health. She plans to continue her studies at Portland State and pursue a career in the health field. But she will never forget the generosity of her opponents in her final collegiate game.

"Those girls did something awesome to help me get my first home run," she said. "It makes you look at athletes in a different way. It is not always all about winning but rather helping someone in a situation like that."

Holtman knows something of knee injuries. On May 8, she is scheduled to have arthroscopic surgery on both knees, which have pained her all season. On June 7, she will graduate with a degree in business. She intends to study sports administration in graduate school at Central Washington.

Holtman believes sports has made her a better person.

She wants to give back.

Mallory Holtman plans to do that by becoming a coach

Trader Paul · 18 May 2008

Re: ... in today's email

Absolutely, AWESOME stuff .... !~!

http://pixiesplace.com/trainride/

May Gods' Love, Light and Blessings rain down upon you always, Pixie ...

have a great day

paul

Wysiwyg · 18 July 2008

I`m rich beyond my wildest dreams or so this very professional e-mail suggests.My ol` mate Jurgen the Gerkin.

The Barristers' Chambers:
DAVID SMITH & ASSOCIATES
Phone: +44 701 112 1397
E-mail: davidsmith_67esq@hotmail.com
Address:33 Bedford Row
London WC1R 4JH, England

PARTNER MANAGING
DAVID SMITH & ASSOCIATES
LONDON - UK.
Attention:

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Jurgen
Krugger, I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned
undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email
address on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Jurgen Krugger made
you a beneficiary in his WILL. He left the sum of Thirty Million, One
Hundred Thousand Dollars (USD$30, 100,000.00) to you in the Codicil and
last testament to his WILL.

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and
true. Being a widely travelled man, he said he met you sometime in the
past or
simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who
wished you good, I am not too sure again. Jurgen Krugger until his death
was a member of the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic &
Electrical Engineers and a German property magnate. He was a very
dedicated christian who loved to give out alms to the poor,hungry and
needy. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life
time. Late Jurgen Krugger died on the 30Th day of July, 2000 at the age of
80. His WILL is now ready for execution after 8 years of thorough
investigation.
According to him, this money is to support your humanitarian/medical
activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I
reach you as I am hopeful, endeavour to get back to me as soon as possible
to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time.
I am sincerely sorry if you feel bothered or embarrassed by this message;
I am just about my own job. I do hope you understand that? Thank you.

Note: You are advised to contact me with my personal email address
below: Email: davidsmith_67esq@hotmail.com

I await your prompt response and please keep this very discrete and to
yourself until the transfer of the funds to you is finalised.
Yours in Service,

BARRISTER DAVID SMITH ESQ.
PRINCIPAL PARTNERS
PARTNERS: Barrister Aidan Walsh.Esq, Markus Wolfgang, Mr. John Marvey Esq,
Mr. Jerry Smith Esq

Whiskers · 18 July 2008

Wysiwyg said:
I`m rich beyond my wildest dreams or so this very professional e-mail suggests.My ol` mate Jurgen the Gerkin.

Yeah, I think I got one from Mr Gerkin too!

Have you got this one?

I sent a copy to the FBI 'Notice of suspected Scam'... but they haven't contacted me.

Pretty lousy grammar, not to mention knowledge of the law. They must think I'm stupid.

Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
Fbi Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: 07/07/2008

ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,

This is an official advice from the fbi foreign Remittance / telegraphic dept., it has come to our notice that the C.B.N Bank Nigeria district has released 10,500,000.00 US dollars into bank of America in your name as the beneficiary, by inheritance means.

The C.B.N Bank Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have Enough facilities to effect this payment from the united kingdom to your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) to pay this fund through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment.

They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already Transferred funds which were made in direct transfer so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment?

Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past Has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A, so it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary security by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the f.b.i bank commission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $10,500,000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been Stopped and are being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) witching 3 days from the world local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the Payment, we shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve, we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before releasing the funds.

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

These Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don’t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom (U.K), because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by (H.S.B.C) Bank in London.

An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.

These Condition Is Valid until 12th of July 2008 after we shall take actions on Canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of Nigeria.

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final Instruction;

1. Credit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee.
2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
3. Beneficiaries bank in U.S.A., can only release funds.
4. Upon confirmation from the world bank / united nations.
5. Bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country, i.e. Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history Background, etc.)

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

Wysiwyg · 18 July 2008

I wonder if I played cop and sent them a `you`re busted` letter i would get a reply.Let us know on this thread if you get a reply from the real FBI.It would be interesting to see what they say.

Ol` Bobby Mueller, FBI Director, seriously now!!!

2020hindsight · 18 July 2008

21 Economic Models explained with Cows

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

Wysiwyg · 3 October 2008

I received a fraudulent e-mail from a woman (probably a man) posing as a Travelex employer.I telephoned The Office of Fair Trading and they said to refer it directly to the Travelex company.It was a well constructed offer with a follow up application form requiring bank details at which point the grooming fell down.Checked the I.P. address and it was Cal. USA.

During the training you will be paid by Travelex Limited directly to your bank account. The training period wage is $740 weekly and $148 daily. Money for your job you can receive daily in the afternoon time. NO MONEY NEEDED FOR JOB/TRAINING COURSES OR ANYTHING. COMPANY PAYS FOR ALL.

A bit Russian at that point.

Trader Paul · 8 October 2008

Investment tips for 2009

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2009:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co.

will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:

Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

MMMGood.

4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:

ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:

Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:

Knott NOW!

And finally....

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:

TittyTittyBangBang

white_goodman · 8 October 2008

not sure if this has been mentioned but reminds me of that kid in the US who got a heap of baskets in a basketball game even tho he had autism, they werent going easy too he was jsut a sick shooter

Trader Paul · 31 October 2008

YOU'VE GOTTA BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS ONE!

Stock market quote of the week.......

"This is worse than a divorce...I've lost half my net worth and I still
have my wife" ...

have a great weekend

paul

=====

Trader Paul · 22 November 2008

Read This Slowly

Jack took a long look at his speedometer
before slowing down: 70 in a 40 zone.
Fourth time in as many months.
This time he'd also had a couple of Xmas drinks
with some mates after work
How could a guy get caught so often?
Last time it 80 in a 60 zone

When his car had slowed to 10kms an hour,
Jack pulled over, but only partially.
Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard.

Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car,
the big pad in hand.

Bob? Bob from Church?

Jack sunk farther into his trench coat.
This was worse than the coming ticket.
A cop catching a guy from his own church.
A guy who happened to be a little eager
to get home after a long day at the office.
A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.

Jumping out of the car,
he approached a man he saw every Sunday,
a man he'd never seen in uniform.

'Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this.'

'Hello, Jack.' No smile.
'Guess you caught me red-handed
in a rush to see my wife and kids.'

'Yeah, I guess.' Bob seemed uncertain. Good.

'I've seen some long days at the office lately.
I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit -just this once.'

Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.

'Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight.
Know what I mean?'

'I know what you mean.
I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct .'

Ouch.

This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.

'What'd you clock me at?'

'Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?'

'Now wait a minute here, Bob.
I checked as soon as I saw you.
I was barely nudging 65.'
The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.

'Please, Jack, in the car'

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door.
Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard.
He was in no rush to open the window.

The minutes ticked by.
Bob scribbled away on the pad.

Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?

Whatever the reason,
it would be a month of Sundays
before Jack ever sat near this cop again.

A tap on the door jerked his head to the left.
There was Bob, a folded paper in hand
Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches,
just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.
'Thanks.'
Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.

Bob returned to his police car without a word.
Jack watched his retreat in the mirror.
Jack unfolded the sheet of paper.
How much was this one going to cost?

Wait a minute.
What was this? Some kind of joke?

Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:

'Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter.
She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding drunk driver.
A fine and 18 months in jail, and the man was free.
Free to hug his daughters, all three of them.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven
before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man.
A thousand times I thought I had.
Maybe I did, but I need to do it again.
Even now.
Pray for me.
And be careful, Jack,
my son is all I have left.'
'Bob'

Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car
pull away and head down the road.
Jack watched until it disappeared.
A full 15 minutes later, he too,
pulled away and drove slowly home,
praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious.
Handle with care.
This is an important message;
please pass it along to your friends.
Drive safely and carefully
And think before you drink
Remember, cars are not the only things
recalled by their maker.
Funny how you can send a thousand jokes
through e-mail and they spread like wildfire,
but when you start sending messages
regarding the sanctity of life,
people think twice about sharing.

Funny how when you go to forward this message,
you will not send it to many on your address list
because you're not sure what they believe,
or what they will think of you
for sending it to them.
Pass this on,
you may save a life.
Maybe not,
but we'll never know if we don't try.

Just send this to your friends
The life you save may be ....

Your own child or grandchild.

James Austin · 24 November 2008

i seem to be getting a few of these lately, so why not share them around,
feel free to claim this prize for yourself.

Claims Department [rossall2@sympatico.ca]

£1.000,000.00 GBP has been won by your E-MAIL Address in our UK Promo. Do get back to this office with your requirement such to contact Mr Pinkett Griffin via (claimdepartments@btinternet.com) with your

Names :...............
Address :................
Country :................
Phone No :..............

Best Regard
From Mrs Rose Wood

rose, you are very very naughty

you'd think these geniuses would put a little more effort into their scam, . . . but i bet some recipients would reply in earnest

Whiskers · 25 November 2008

James Austin said:
you'd think these geniuses would put a little more effort into their scam, . . . but i bet some recipients would reply in earnest

Yeah, they're not very bright and often not very proficient in english either, but as you say they still sucker in a few as highlighted on the current affair programs ocassionally.

I reported them to Aus authorities but the response I got when I asked if I should send them a copy of new ones was, we get them all the time, just delete them.

Although I did get one in the guise of the FBI (posted above) which I reported on their website... but no contact.

One has to wonder whether the authorities are making any serious effort to get these fraudsters.

Trader Paul · 5 December 2008

Subject: ANZ Bank - This is Brilliant !!!

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless
and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance
had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

ANZ:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
being dead?'

ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her. I don't think she will care.'

ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

ANZ:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number
1049.'

ANZ:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

2020hindsight · 18 December 2008

message there somewhere

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny,

are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Will you think again before you drink drive??????

rub92me · 18 December 2008

James Austin said:
i seem to be getting a few of these lately, so why not share them around,
feel free to claim this prize for yourself.

Claims Department [rossall2@sympatico.ca]

£1.000,000.00 GBP has been won by your E-MAIL Address in our UK Promo. Do get back to this office with your requirement such to contact Mr Pinkett Griffin via (claimdepartments@btinternet.com) with your

Names :...............
Address :................
Country :................
Phone No :..............

Best Regard
From Mrs Rose Wood

rose, you are very very naughty
you'd think these geniuses would put a little more effort into their scam, . . . but i bet some recipients would reply in earnest

I get a couple of these emails a day. I respond to all of them. So far I've won 23.4 million GBP, 16.8 million EUR and 38.2 million USD. I've already ordered the mansions and the Ferrari.

James Austin · 19 January 2009

Dear Customer:

We've noticed that you experienced trouble logging into Optus E-mail(R) .

After three unsuccessful attempts to access your account, your Optus Profile has been locked. This has been done to secure your accounts and to protect your private information. Optus is committed to making sure that your online information are secure.

To unlock your account, and verify your identity please follow this link and sign in:

<http://cahgbss.bluechiphosting.com/updateopieeoaindd/index.html>
http://www.optuszoo.com.au/webscr/login_submit <http://cahgbss.bluechiphosting.com/updateopieeoaindd/index.html>

Sincerely,
Optus
Online Customer(R) Service

________________________________

Protect yourself from fraud and identity theft. To learn more, go to
h ttp://www.optuszoo.com.au/r/fhwm/privacy_security/ fraud_prevention/ <http://cahgbss.bluechiphosting.com/updateopieeoaindd/index.html>

If you have a question about your account, please sign on to your secure e-mail session at optusnet.com.au, click the Sign On button and then select "Contact Us."

gee these guys are meat-heads,
at least have someone correct the grammer, spelling, punctuation etc first; or what chance is there of making it big in the world of crime!

...in today's email

Trader Paul

Attachments

Trader Paul

Mofra

Trader Paul

Wysiwyg

Everyone wants money

Whiskers

It's a small world

Wysiwyg

Everyone wants money

2020hindsight

Wysiwyg

Everyone wants money

Trader Paul

white_goodman

BOC

Trader Paul

Trader Paul

James Austin

Whiskers

It's a small world

Trader Paul

2020hindsight

rub92me

Don't look back

James Austin

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...in today's email

Attachments

Everyone wants money

It's a small world

Everyone wants money

Everyone wants money

BOC

It's a small world

Don't look back

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