...in today's email

[2020hindsight]

ok folks this has gone just about far enough. Woodchips and whiskers, if you would like to carry on your disagreement then do it privately.

hey! keep out of it prof ! lol

"fight", "fight", "fight", "fight", "fight"
probably doing everyone good to get this out of their system.

Furthermore I have long thought that these sort of emails are getting pretty strange. So many ask you to send on to 10 people etc ... example recently received .... (from a very good friend incidentally who is not enjoying very good health - so I'm not about to criticize her) .

I've been wondering whether to post it here

or on Bronte's "Kindness" thread lol - (PS Bronte - you still tell the best jokes around here lol)

I'd LIKE THIS BACK IF IT APPLIES

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's really, really sick..and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly.

'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. '

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. I know you'll keep the ball moving!

Here it goes. Throw it back to someone who means something to you!

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you.

Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you.

MY OATH TO YOU...

When you are sad.....I will dry your tears.
When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried.....I will give you hope.
When you are confused.....I will help you cope.
And when you are lost....And can't see the light, I shall be your beacon.....Shining ever so bright.
This is my oath.....I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?.....Because you're my friend.

Signed: GOD

INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

The above is no different to a poem surely - perhaps a heart-rending bit of imaginative prose.
Perhaps XXX Obviously I shouldn't be critical.
Especially as this friend is not well.

 

[Sir Burr]

Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny are hoaxes or spam by your criteria and don't exist as portrayed to our children. Do you delete them also Sir Burr?

Yes, I don't have children

 

[Woodchips]

How bizarre... I must admit I'm fairly new to all this blog stuff, but as I just saw it, someone called Professor Frink just randomly came in and told us all to shut up! And everyone did!

Maybe I'll start a new thread entitled, 'Who really is Professor Frink?'

I think I need a beer.

WC :bier:

 

[professor_frink]

How bizarre... I must admit I'm fairly new to all this blog stuff, but as I just saw it, someone called Professor Frink just randomly came in and told us all to shut up! And everyone did!

Maybe I'll start a new thread entitled, 'Who really is Professor Frink?'

I think I need a beer.

WC :bier:

https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showgroups.php

I'm one of Joe's slaves, err, mods.

:whip

 

[Julia]

Woodchips,

Everyone shut up because we are all pretty terrified of the Frink.
Truly.

 

[2020hindsight]

This one sooo reminds me of Cebu. Philippines.
There you could buy a prayer on the street - I recall one that you could use either to get over a flue (instantly - well after one sleep with it under your pillow) -
or equally you could put it under the pillow of a lady in childbirth, and the child would be instantly delivered ..

I remember thinking " gee - you wouldn't want to get God on a bad day would you - maybe he wasn't paying attention that day etc?
I mean, you could go to bed with the flue, and wake up with a baby"

lol - at least it doesn't ask to send money - like the chain letters that used to pass around when I was a boy - too bad if you joined the pyramid at the end lol - you found yourself covered in dust as the pyramid crashed around you with " no sustainable or visible means of support"

 

[2020hindsight]

alleged photo of a rock - yeah right
still, some people like thes emails - looks like a miracle of nature etc - unfortunately my scepticism just smiles back at me whenever I see this sort of stuff, lol.

Could it be that they choose "Birmania" because they can be pretty sure that no one has ever been there lol?

 

[2020hindsight]

in fact Birmania simply has kids trying to live - and make some time to play - and sure, they also make time to worship their Bhuddha. ( but a Bhuddha rock!!, c'mon)

 

[2020hindsight]

there's a special rock in Burma, (where the best is like the worst)
call it gossip, call it murmur, there's a Buddha half immersed
and there's half baked rocks where pilgrims take their dogs to make some sense
"ahhh - you turn you headgear sideways - there's a rock in recompense!".

you can only see it once a year - but just with "special" light
(cos that way the tour guide has no fear, ... "today not special , right?" )
"arrrr - you should'ahh seen it rast week", said the tour guide in his ear
"p'laps you eat some special mushrooms !? - VRAT might make the rock appear !? "

 

[2020hindsight]

this next one I really like actually
(though I still wouldn't send it on , lol - and yet I'd happily post it here )

 

[2020hindsight]

I mean , being fair for a moment ...
what's the difference between sending this to a friend by email
and paying $5 for a Hallmark card?

- but I personally still wouldn'tsend it on only sentimental people do stuff like that , lol.
(Ps and I'd delete the lecture if I did, lol
i mean, we all have parent - child - adult
and I prefer to live in child or adult than parent )

.....

phrase ( not important)

Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget
And remember to send it also to the person
Who sent it to you.

It's a short message to let them know
That they're not forgotten.
If you don't send it to anyone,
It means you're in a hurry
And that you've forgotten your friends.

Take the time to live!!!


Distance and time may separate us
But friendship and memories won't.
Just thinking of you today.

May your troubles be less, your blessings more, and nothing but happiness comes through your door!

slightly relevant poem ...(and very amateur, but who cares )
https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=86968&highlight=plank#post86968

 

[greggy]

Two Choices

What would you do? ... you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line,
there isn't one, but please do read it anyway.

My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled
children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that
would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the
school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature
does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as
other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay,
physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world,
an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself,
and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay
knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like
Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were
allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and
some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked
(not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for
guidance and said,
"We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning.
I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat
in the ninth inning."


Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile,
put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye
and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being
accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few
runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay
put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came
his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field,
grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with
two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base
and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance
to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew
that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to
hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that
the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life,
moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make
contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The
pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball
right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked
up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first
baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been
the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head,
out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams
started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had
Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down
the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath,
Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make
it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right
fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his
first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball
to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's
intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the
third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the
runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him
by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted,
"Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators,
were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!"
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero
who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,
"the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and
humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having
never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and
coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her
little hero of the day!

----

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands
of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it
comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace,
but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our
schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that
you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't
the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person
who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all
have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the
"natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions
between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up
those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said, that every society is judged by how it treats
it's least fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:
1. Delete
2. Forward

May your day, be a Shay Day.

Thanks Trader Paul for a fantastic post. Reading it has brought tears to my eyes. My brother is severely mentally handicapped. I remember when I was little that people would often stare at my disabled brother as if he was an outcast. Older children would make fun of him at playgrounds. That I will never forget. The funny thing is that I never saw him as being disabled. To me he's just my brother and that's all that matters. I love him for who he is and am extremely proud of him.
Nowadays there is greater acceptance of people with disabilities.

 

[2020hindsight]

Thanks Trader Paul for a fantastic post. Reading it has brought tears to my eyes. My brother is severely mentally handicapped. I remember when I was little that people would often stare at my disabled brother as if he was an outcast. Older children would make fun of him at playgrounds. That I will never forget. The funny thing is that I never saw him as being disabled. To me he's just my brother and that's all that matters. I love him for who he is and am extremely proud of him.
Nowadays there is greater acceptance of people with disabilities.

greggy howdy , and I hear you.
I saw your post as I was heading for the beach, and I wrote this whilst down there ...
such a character building experience you have been ( and are going) through - well done again, man ...
you're miles ahead of me ...
https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=198100&highlight=carers#post198100

 

[greggy]

greggy howdy , and I hear you.
I saw your post as I was heading for the beach, and I wrote this whilst down there ...
such a character building experience you have been ( and are going) through - well done again, man ...
you're miles ahead of me ...
https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=198100&highlight=carers#post198100

Thanks 2020hindsight.
I have never prejudged people with disabilities. As a volunteer, I've worked for many years with the mentally disabled. I often find that they enjoy life more than we do and never take anything for granted. Many of us worry too much about money and keeping up with the Joneses. The littlest pleasures in life are often the best. I feel that my life experiences thus far have strengthened my character. I maintain a strong interest in disability services to this day.

 

[Trader Paul]

THIS IS WHY PARENTS DRINK!!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed

was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact t hat she is much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better.

She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
report card

That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.



=====

 

[Whiskers]

Very good Trader Paul.

Geees almost anything will be a relief after that build-up.

 

[2020hindsight]

Lol - that's a ripper
maybe I can adapt that one ...

Bit like when the mother meets up with the search team that have just found her young son, after a fortnight lost in the bush after running away ... etc etc

and she's not sure whether to scold or enfold etc etc ..

 

[Trader Paul]

Re: ... in today's email



BRITAIN IS REPOSSESSING THE U.S.A.

A Message from *John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America :

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You
should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have
been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as
'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to
spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters
and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker
will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter
'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your
original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without
using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you
need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're
not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be
handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a
therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or
carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
A permit will be required if you wish to carry a
vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
this is for your own good. When we show you German cars,
you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts,
and you will start driving on the left with immediate
effect. At the same time, you will go metric with
immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand
the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol
(which you have been calling gasoline), roughly
$6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things
you call French fries are not real chips, and those
things you insist on calling potato chips are properly
called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in
animal fat and dressed not with catsup,but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer
is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper
British Bitter will be referred to as beer and European
brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as
they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation
on earth and it can only be due to the beer.

They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what
it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be
required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience
akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There
is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans
and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a
game which is not played outside of America . Since only
2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first
to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from
Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,
never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
strawberries in season.

God save the Queen; only He can.

John Cleese



=====

 

[2020hindsight]

Here's an email I received - a fishing letter obviously. Apparently she's a keen fisherwoman. I sent her back some tips for how to improve her letter.

Hello my new friend.
What's your name?
I search for the Love.
I'm young and modern therefore I use the help of the Internet.
I have found your profile in a global network... It's great!
I with pleasure write to you the letter.
Well, my name is Elena I live in great city Saint-Petersburg in Russia.

I very sincere. I like to smile. I love the sun. My friends joking have nicknamed me "a smile of the sun".

Sometimes I pour vodka in my ear. Then they call me "a smile on the footpath"

I trust in the good future.
You like optimistical people?
What do you think about it?
I work at brewing company " Baltic "

My father own how you say pub.

I love my work. I have perspective ideas. I the big expert in advertising activity ..

So I can see by your blouse sweetheart

As for me I have problems with finding a boyfriend and love of all my life. I do not trust Russian men.

Thas ok sweetheart, they probably don;t trust you either.

I not badly speak in English that is why I decided to search all over the English speaking world.

My girlfriend Tamara find her husband on internet in five year ago.
The most interesting in that that she cannot hear and speak. He too.

They can however make signals to each other and spend a lot of time watching Discovery channel.

She move to Australia and they have happy family. She write to me letter often.
She invites me to Australia for a long time.

I need serious relationship, Are you serious

Funny I was just gonna ask you the same thing.

I hope, you can send me your MSN address and we will talk, when I will have time. I will like to see you photo with each letter.

Heck also while you at it maybe you send bank details?

Write to me on my e-mail cawww_boobs@gmail.com
Have a nice day! Sincerely Elena.

 

[Wysiwyg]

what is the go here 2020? The e-mail address is non existant.

I'm sorry to have to inform you that your message could not
be delivered to one or more recipients.

For further assistance, please send mail to <postmaster>

If you do so, please include this problem report. You can
delete your own text from the attached returned message.

The Postfix program

<cawww_boobs@gmail.com>: host gmail-smtp-in.l.google.com[72.14.253.27] said:
550 5.1.1 No such user y25si11539140pod.5 (in reply to RCPT TO command