http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/29/2072726.htm
Terri Irwin: one year on
Posted Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:18am AEDT
Steve Irwin's wife Terri says the late Crocodile Hunter always believed he would die young.
Mrs Irwin was speaking to interviewer Andrew Denton on ABC TV's Enough Rope which goes to air tonight.
Mrs Irwin, who is writing a memoir about her life with Steve, says her husband often did not think he would live much beyond 40-years-old.
Steve Irwin was 44 when he was killed by a stingray in September 2006.
"He wasn't morbid about it, or awful about it, he was open and earnest about it. We've got to accomplish everything we can," she said.
"I would always say either a sense of humour response or I would defuse it, I would say 'don't say that', because the secret to being a great conservationist is simply living a long time.
"Steve had a real sixth sense about so many things, he had an odd connection with wildlife, he was extraordinarily intuitive with people, I found it all very, I don't know if 'eerie' is the word, but remarkable, certainly."
But Mrs Irwin says she was not often worried about the sort of risks Steve took with wildlife.
"I think that's an interesting angle - the risks that he took. I would analyse that through our whole married life and I have to tell you I very infrequently worried about Steve with wildlife because he was that good," she said.
"For him the risks really in my mind were more the places he would travel, the modes of transportation, political unrest, disease risk, these sorts of things where he was filming.
"Wildlife was not my number one concern with him, but certainly after having children he was much more aware of his own mortality and considerate of it because he wanted to be here for the kids, and yet he always had that feeling something was going to happen early on."
Grief
Over the last year Mrs Irwin says she has been taking some time to "let go" and and truly grieve, but has tried to shield some of her distress from her children.
"I do let go and grieve and I do try to take on the best advice," she said.
"Some of the advice I'd gotten was how important it was for the children to see me grieve. [But] for me personally, my learning process is that it's not, it's quite frightening for my children.
"So for them to lose their father and then see their mother falling apart wasn't working. So for me personally I have a fine time talking to the kids about Steve, we watch Steve videos, we have a tear or two together, but I really weep on my own.
She says daughter Bindi coped better than she expected, while son Robert coped worse, though she says he is now getting better.
"[Robert was] much more emotional and distraught, talks about him more," she said.
"Bindi grieves more quietly, Bindi has the advantage of some age, she was eight years old, and I think from the time Bindi could talk she would say 'I want to be just like my daddy'.
"So to have that continuation of everything that we did with Steve, we've been on another croc research trip, we're still filming, the zoo's going strong.
"I think that really helped give Bindi that continuing foundation that her life hasn't changed.
"But for Robert, who spent so much time with Steve and with such a clean slate, I think it was more of an abrupt wait a minute, I'm two years old, I have ownership of my name, I know I'm a boy, I like dinosaurs, I have my mum and dad and my sister, and to take that out of the equation seemed to be more traumatic for Robert.
"He's talking more now instead of crying as much.
"He's getting there. I am a very spiritual person, I don't believe that life ends. We talk about where heaven is and what daddy might be up to.
"He was such a frightening force of nature here on Earth, I'm sure he's out on his way to sink some Japanese whaling ships right now."
The full interview with Terri Irwin will be shown on ABC TV's Enough Rope With Andrew Denton 9:35pm AEDT tonight.