Depression

[BradK]

Hi

About 6 weeks ago, I began to experience a deep sadness, unwelcome and uninvited. I have had the odd time of sadness before, and always managed to shake it off by getting into work, going for a run or other exercise or talking myself out of it.

Eventually, this sadness would turn on me in cruel ways and the chatter in my head turned from an unwelcome guest into, well to use a metaphor, a violent home invasion. My wife began to become very concerned as my moods turned darker and I lost all motivation. In turn, my lack of motivation turned into a debilitating failure to even function normal everyday tasks. After a week, I could not get out of bed to go to work. I would wake up at midnight and cry non-stop until 4am, sobbing like a little baby - as Forrest Gump says, 'for no particular reason'.

On one occasion, my wife frantically rang a friend who came over at 2am and climbed into bed with me. He had just got out of the army reserve basic training and talked me out of the spiralling grief in military metaphors. It will go down as one of the more comical moments in this difficult time.

I went to work one morning, my mind froze up and I had a mental breakdown and was sent home for two weeks.

A few things about depression - this chooses you - you don't choose it. I have a lot more compassion for people who experience this sickness now. I confess I did not understand it and thought that people who suffered it needed to get a bit more mental or emotional resolve. I know now that this is a sickness. It is debilitating. After a few weeks on the medication, I have began to stabilise. With the love and support of my wife and daughter, I have tackled this - with medication, exercise, meditation, psychologists and a great GP.

Without the love and support of family and friends - I am blessed with many many loving friends - , it is a very short step to the street methinks. I see jabbering people with mental illness on the street these days and wonder where their loved ones are. Where are their friends?

Has anyone else experienced depression? I am still in the middle of the fight ... so I hope I don't bum anyone out ... but the cloud is slowly lifting.

Brad

 

[Whiskers]

Has anyone else experienced depression? I am still in the middle of the fight ... so I hope I don't bum anyone out ... but the cloud is slowly lifting.

Brad

Hi Brad, yes the cloud will slowly lift, but it will be a life long battle to stay out of the dark side... but since you have good support from the most important people, you will learn to recognise the signs and take proactive action to stay well in the future.

I was diagnosed many years ago too and it seems my depression came from Fibromyalgia or more commonly called Chronic Fatigue.

Once you learn how to manage it you can still achieve what you want. Take Layne Beachley for example, seven time world surfing champion.

If I can pass on one single piece of advice it would be to slow right down ( but not cut yourself off) for awhile, until you find your measure, ie how much of different things and or enviornments you can take, and re-focus your life.

 

[RamonR]

Good to hear that things are turning around.

Just want to add that exercise and placebo ( hope ) is as effective as antidepressants, so a good walk or run daily is vital.

Also I would learn about the serotonin and how the body makes it from food.

 

[Julia]

Hello Brad,

Brave post. Thank you for your graphic description of what happened which is one of the best I've read.

Glad to hear you're feeling on the up, and that you have such great support.
As you say, it must be so incredibly difficult for people without friends or family.

Good to hear that things are turning around.

Just want to add that exercise and placebo ( hope ) is as effective as antidepressants, so a good walk or run daily is vital.

Also I would learn about the serotonin and how the body makes it from food.

Ramon, whilst exercise has indeed been shown to be helpful in mild depression, I'm sure you wouldn't be meaning to suggest that there's no place for anti depressant medication. From what Brad describes, it sounds as though he was in no state to pull on his trainers and go for a hard run, or even a walk. That level of depression is completely immobilising.

I often think the medical profession are too quick to prescribe anti-depressants for what is often just ordinary sadness or low mood.
But the sort of incapacity Brad has experienced is a whole other story.

Best wishes, Brad.

 

[Timmy]

Hey Brad - good luck with it, get well soon mate.

 

[So_Cynical]

Very brave post Brad...good to see your stepping up and dealing with your issues in a honest and positive way.

Personally i have suffered a little from depression, however my depression was reality based so easier to deal with.

Keep on stepping up Brad.

 

[kgee]

Personally i have suffered a little from depression, however my depression was reality based so easier to deal with.

Reality based ? So I presume what your saying is your behaviour was appropriate to the situation you were in?
I ask because as a laymen I thought "approppriate behaviour" was one diagnosis for "madness" or mental disease??? (which poses a lot of questions in itself - I'ts a little off subject but i have a quirky curiosity to the idea of Appropriate behaviour)

Hello Brad,

I often think the medical profession are too quick to prescribe anti-depressants for what is often just ordinary sadness or low mood.

Again as a laymen Depression like most disorders come in varying degrees and diagnosis is difficult I'm sure this has being disscussed on another thread,
ie theres several stages of commiting suicide
1. you think about it
2. you plan for it,
3. implementation you organise buy the equipment neccessary?
So for a doctor where do you step in?
its better to be safe than sorry (although they should probably take more care in handing out the drugs to children)

And Brad theres heaps of literature out there ...I have sufferred depression and yep its one of those things that you must be ever vigilant about, its difficult to keep a lid on at times but it can be managed I would almost suggest that you'll be richer for it because it certainly does give some perspective to things
anyway goodluck

 

[So_Cynical]

Reality based ? So I presume what your saying is your behaviour was appropriate to the situation you were in?
I ask because as a laymen I thought "approppriate behaviour" was one diagnosis for "madness" or mental disease??? (which poses a lot of questions in itself - I'ts a little off subject but i have a quirky curiosity to the idea of Appropriate behaviour)

I was in a bad marriage/relationship and having to deal with some one i loved being destructive and reckless...i exited that relationship and almost instantly my depression was lifted, i was sad and had to deal with the loss, but was no longer depressed.

I personally discovered that being depressed and being sad was 2 different things...thus i assumed that my depression was reality based and not 'for no particular reason' ... i sobbed uncontrollably too, but realised that i was doing that because i was genuinely sad and missing my 1 great love and dealing with my loss etc.

Over time i stopped sobbing etc and found i was happy being alone...and after a year or so actually resumed contact with my ex wife, faced my feelings and dealt with my issues with her....and this week im moving in with my new girlfriend.

 

[Wysiwyg]

I had a monumental shift in thinking at one stage in my 20's where I immersed myself in self help books, tapes and Personal Development classes. Looking at my bookshelf now with the likes of Bradshaw, Hay, Peale, Freud, Jung, Gawain, Jeffers, Dyer, Gilbert, Peck and Hayward I must have been ill to some degree. I dropped off most friends and acquaintances and cut television and newspapers to a very low intake. I began to look within.

I was then able to work with my own thoughts for a better understanding of what exactly was going on. What exactly were the 'triggers' people used to upset and control me. Why I felt guilty (or was made to feel so) for insignificant past events, no, very insignificant past events. You know, I really thought I was a bad person. I really thought I was meant to suffer for other people.

My father has the mentality of a block of concrete. Caring but not much phases him, no one messes with him and he is always right. While my mother is emotionally sensitive, fearful of doing many activities, yet very loving of her sons. So this arrangement was/is the fight and flight scenarios that I used to manifest unknowingly and more so to the fight side. It is the fight side that has pulled me through every state of depression and life difficulty.

Depression is like the trough of emotional/mental states. On the downward slope there is nothing I did that pulled me up out of it so I let the spectre consume me completely. I ate less because I wasn't hungry, went outside only at night, looking at my image in the mirror reflected ugly and I felt physically very weak. I slept, read, slept, read, and evetually came to a turning point. Now I realise I was looking for a sentence or paragraph that would break the shackles. Some readings really struck a chord and I would contemplate until sleep the wisdom of people who had walked the path.

The practical advice to recovery was diet and exercise orientated and I can tell that this path worked a treat after I had bottomed out. The worst experience of depression was a culmination of being targeted, accused and victimised. This still happens nowadays to a lesser degree but I don't feel as overwhelmed by numbers since moving town and closer to family. Oh and along the way I had to give one tormentor a smack in the gob for his abusive attack. It's what men have to do sometimes. Some people derive pleasure from causing sufferance. Be strong.

 

[noirua]

If a person goes around depressed I find I get depressed as well. It seems to be very stressful being in the company of a depressed person.

Over the years I've worked with people suffering from quite bad depression and one comment said very often is something like this, "Oh god, look who's coming, I'm off".

What can you do for the best??????????????????
[I didn't mean to upset anyone, only to say how it often can be]

 

[RamonR]

Ramon, whilst exercise has indeed been shown to be helpful in mild depression, I'm sure you wouldn't be meaning to suggest that there's no place for anti depressant medication.

Unbiased studies have shown that modern medications are no more effective then placebo.
So exercise and placebo is actually much more effective then medication.

I would advise people one way or another regards taking medication but I do know that taking SSRI's is fraught with difficulties.

 

[explod]

I had a monumental shift in thinking at one stage in my 20's where I immersed myself in self help books, tapes and Personal Development classes. Looking at my bookshelf now with the likes of Bradshaw, Hay, Peale, Freud, Jung, Gawain, Jeffers, Dyer, Gilbert, Peck and Hayward I must have been ill to some degree. I dropped off most friends and acquaintances and cut television and newspapers to a very low intake. I began to look within.

I was then able to work with my own thoughts for a better understanding of what exactly was going on. What exactly were the 'triggers' people used to upset and control me. Why I felt guilty (or was made to feel so) for insignificant past events, no, very insignificant past events. You know, I really thought I was a bad person. I really thought I was meant to suffer for other people.

My father has the mentality of a block of concrete. Caring but not much phases him, no one messes with him and he is always right. While my mother is emotionally sensitive, fearful of doing many activities, yet very loving of her sons. So this arrangement was/is the fight and flight scenarios that I used to manifest unknowingly and more so to the fight side. It is the fight side that has pulled me through every state of depression and life difficulty.

Depression is like the trough of emotional/mental states. On the downward slope there is nothing I did that pulled me up out of it so I let the spectre consume me completely. I ate less because I wasn't hungry, went outside only at night, looking at my image in the mirror reflected ugly and I felt physically very weak. I slept, read, slept, read, and evetually came to a turning point. Now I realise I was looking for a sentence or paragraph that would break the shackles. Some readings really struck a chord and I would contemplate until sleep the wisdom of people who had walked the path.

The practical advice to recovery was diet and exercise orientated and I can tell that this path worked a treat after I had bottomed out. The worst experience of depression was a culmination of being targeted, accused and victimised. This still happens nowadays to a lesser degree but I don't feel as overwhelmed by numbers since moving town and closer to family. Oh and along the way I had to give one tormentor a smack in the gob for his abusive attack. It's what men have to do sometimes. Some people derive pleasure from causing sufferance. Be strong.

A good post and thread, many of us if honest can relate to a lot of this.

Like you Wysiwyg, problem with Dad etc., etc., unfortunately our wisdom comes later in life, though I too had done the books and the uni study in midlife to try and free myself. Taking full responsibility for yourself is the key. No longer do I blame anyone and look squarely at my faults, THEY ARE my faults and only I can delete them./B]

No one can throw all the shackles perhaps, but being truly honest with the self is the way in my view, then the good in you can grow.

and all the best to you bradk and thanks for sharing

explod

 

[Muschu]

Good on you Brad. You have overcome one of the toughest hurdles -- opening up about how you feel.

There are excellent therapies, techniques and medications which, offered by skilled professionals, have assisted many people to recover from depression.

Just being able to talk about how you feel on ASF, but better still with trusted people in your personal life, is a great start - and one best taken early.

Well done.

With very best wishes

Rick

 

[BradK]

Unbiased studies have shown that modern medications are no more effective then placebo.
So exercise and placebo is actually much more effective then medication.

I would advise people one way or another regards taking medication but I do know that taking SSRI's is fraught with difficulties.

Hi Ramon,

Seven weeks ago, I would have said exactly the same thing. Exercise, placebo, etc. Medication helped get me to a place where I could function again. We are not talking about a low mood here.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Brad

 

[BradK]

Many thanks for all the supportive posts. I knew that this would open up a discussion about medication versus non-medication. The first three weeks of this sickness, I was resisting medication with everything. Gym, eating, fresh air... I was into it all.

By week three, in a lucid moment and with the encouragement of a friend, I was begging for the medication. I thought it would take away the sadness and depression, but it actually slowed down the 1000 miles an hour chatter in my head to a grinding crawl. For that, I am thankful. Perhaps, you will say, I am doped out.

But, the meds gave me a grounding where I could get up again. It is difficult to overexaggerate the fear you have of not being able to trust your thoughts. Not sure about studies, but for me, this just got me back to square one. It is now up to me to do the cognitive, spiritual, physical work - in the midst of a long slow down and rest - to battle this. By no means do I want to depend on the medication - but I will use it as part of a multi-pronged approach to achieve some level of normality.

Without meds, it just simply takes longer. For those who have experienced something like the viciousness which this represents, again, it is not an overexaggeration to say that you are in the fight of your life.

As I said to a friend - you could put 6 salivating rottweilers in front of me, smear my balls with Pal's meaty bites, and I don't think I would have been as scared as I was at the depths of this.

Brad

 

[Sean K]

Each to their own I think. Counselling for some, medication for others. Three years of counselling did nothing for me. One month of meds I was reborn.

 

[MRC & Co]

Hi Brad, yes the cloud will slowly lift, but it will be a life long battle to stay out of the dark side... but since you have good support from the most important people, you will learn to recognise the signs and take proactive action to stay well in the future.

I was diagnosed many years ago too and it seems my depression came from Fibromyalgia or more commonly called Chronic Fatigue.

Once you learn how to manage it you can still achieve what you want. Take Layne Beachley for example, seven time world surfing champion.

If I can pass on one single piece of advice it would be to slow right down ( but not cut yourself off) for awhile, until you find your measure, ie how much of different things and or enviornments you can take, and re-focus your life.

Good post Whiskers.

 

[trainspotter]

GOSH BradK ! Stay safe man and don't let the darkside eat away at your psyche. Thankfully the black dog has never crossed my path. Have had many times when it felt that a LOT of things were not going my way in business, family, social etc circles and lurching from one crisis to another. Slowly but surely by deleting small things that were sappping time/money/capacity the knock on effect subsided. My medication consisted of good friends and good times. Not suggesting for one moment what I went through is anything compared to your situation. Stay safe man.

 

[robots]

hello,

take it easy bro

i use music all day every day with planet earth as an ever changing backdrop,

my favorite are the honeyeaters as they call out in the trees and retrieve the nectar from the lush beautiful flowers of our native species

thankyou
robots

 

[Gunlom]

BradK,

Keeping fighting it and talking about, hopefully you can help yourself and others by bringing it out into the open.

It's a tough illness, on the entire family as well as the sufferer, my mother-in law just couldn't fight on any more, after years of fighting it, she took her own life last month. Any discussion on this subject is good as it brings it into the open, and away from being taboo.

Just talking to different people lately about it, more people have been touched by it than I ever thought.....

Thanks for being able to discuss it.