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This guy's so shy he's never kissed a girl

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well said Nun : )

Jono, I am sure you have a good set of friends you spend time with and talk to..

Good for you for listening to yourself in what you want to do : )
 
Now I'm really confused.

Unless there are 2 Jono1887's how does this comment by you jono1887 tie up with this comment on another thread. If anyone is wondering what thread : Re: Divorce buggers Money Management.

Here you were making a comment to GG:

i would think that someone like you or most people on these forums would probably be more well prepared. I think your initial post made it sound far worse than would it would probably have been.
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Then the smoking gun:

I'm not married but I was.. only a very small amount of our assets would be held in joint cash accounts.
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I added the colour, bold etc.
 

I'm still somewhat out of it (just woke up!), but even I can see that there was meant to be an "if" in there.

I'm not married but if I was.. only a very small amount of our assets would be held in joint cash accounts.
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Notice the use of the word would? Was a dead giveaway.
 
Nyden said:
I'm still somewhat out of it (just woke up!), but even I can see that there was meant to be an "if" in there.



Notice the use of the word would? Was a dead giveaway.
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You are right, yet the rest of the comment from the previous thread contained future and current tense, and if the 'I' was to be an 'if' then you wouldnt spell 'if' with an 'I' if it was in the body of the sentence, so just wanted to clarify, thats all!
 
jono1887 said:
You don't go out right and tell them You can get a general idea after getting to know someone if they're someone you can foresee spending your future with..
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Really, do you honestly believe that a cup of coffee and piece of cake a few times (don’t take this literally) gives you the basis as to whether this person is for life? Are you that sure? If I had a $ for every one, and including myself who thought that the one 'right now' was the one 'forever' then I would be sitting on my own island drinking fine wine for the rest of my life without a care in the world.

I'm really interested to know how you are so sure that you know that someone is the one for you after getting to know them. Is not the point of a 'relationship' getting to know someone over 2 months, or 20 yrs?


You keep saying a casual relationship. What is a causal relationship? Is it any relationship that doesn’t last forever? Or is it one that essentially is sex on the side with no commitment?

I would have to say that women, generally, are not a stupid group of people, and can generally tell from attitudes of people - men and relationships - what the other person may me thinking in respect to some attitudes and opinions.

Looking at your posts here and elsewhere you are very concerned - if not worried to the point of near hysteria about losing money or assets when it comes to a relationship. I don’t know your religious background or beliefs, yet how do you reconcile not wanting/having sex before marriage - I assume because you see it as wrong - with your views on having international bank accounts, burying money in the backyard and the like.

Maybe I am misguided, yet trust is a pretty big deal when it comes to a relationship, so hiding money etc seems to fly in the face of having a relationship.

jono1887 said:
I'll admit I should be less serious about kissing.. but I do not want to be regretting loosing my virginity to the wrong person... I fully intend on waiting till marriage.
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Well, if you are ready then you shouldn’t regret it, yes? No? And so, once again I ask how do you know? What if your radar, or instinct is wrong and you have sex and this woman (I assume it will be a woman) isn’t the future Mrs Jono? Your comment sounds so final; will you never trust a woman again?

Please understand, I’m not having a go at you, I am just trying to understand your view as it seems just all a little to black and white.
 

Yea, there was meant to be an if in there. It was late last night..


I think we live in completely different worlds. I honestly believe we are able to judge someone accurately without having sex with them. It just takes time...you have to get over all the 'chemical romance' stage where everything in the relationship is all happy and there are no arguments :

I expect to get to know my future spouse for at least several years before even considering marriage. I know this sounds old fashioned, but I have friends that have done the same (some have/had been dating for 4+ years before marriage - with no sex).

And why are relationships so strongly based on sex these days... It used to be when society was more religious, sex was not til marriage and there werent any of these problems of incompatibility when it came to sex.

I'm really interested to know how you are so sure that you know that someone is the one for you after getting to know them. Is not the point of a 'relationship' getting to know someone over 2 months, or 20 yrs?
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I would say 1-2 years would be the bare minimum. Everyone should know that the pheromones and endorphins are raging within the first 6-12 months - the honeymoon period where you cant find a single fault in your partner. Science has proven this, and you will have a very high probability of divorce if you get married after this very short period of time.


A casual relationship is probably one you are in but where so dont see yourself having a future with them. Or it could just be sex on the side with no commitment.


I am not worried to the point of hysteria. If you read the whole post in the divorce thread.. i was merely pointing our how it would be very stupid of you to risk loosing a severe portion of your assets that would 'bugger' your money management permanently. As I pointed out, it is relatively easy to avoid a situation as described by GG.

International bank accounts is not illegal... its just 'rainy day' money. You can several k in no interest yielding accounts in a number of countries that is not illegal as its not income bearing. And I didn't mention anything about not telling your spouse about it. Its just that a angry spouse would probably not consider money in international accounts when planning to run away. And they would have to fly over to take the money out... making it slightly more difficult.

Yes, I do see sex before marriage as wrong... but I would say its rather foolish for someone, either single or married to not have money burried somewhere. Its not illegal - the ATO is not going to hunt you down for having 10-20k burried under your house. Its probably rather prudent... what are you going to do if your house burnt down, mortgage payment due, insurance not paying up for a few months and your low on cash as the market suddenly hit a downturn? Having some cash to live on for at least a month would be wise - not just for protection when in a relationship.


I am certain that relationships are not all based on sex and there are other ways of 'knowing'. I will rely on my instincts on this.. there is no set of rules or scientific formula to love.

And no, I do not have trust issues with women...
 

IMHO you would be pretty shallow to base an entire marriage on your 'sex' or sexual compatibility as you have stated. As I wrote in my previous post, you can tell if you are compatible with someone over time... you cant rush relationships, and you really have to get over the initial period to fully get to know someone.


This is where I definitively disagree with you. Society has regarded sex so lowly these days that its a 'try before you buy' concept. I don't think thats how sex should be treated.. its a special bond that shouldnt just be used to 'try out' a product.

What do you think my standards are by the way. I have not set out an arduous list in this forum. List out these standards that you seem to have concluded from my posts for me..
 
jono1887 said:
And why are relationships so strongly based on sex these days... It used to be when society was more religious, sex was not til marriage and there werent any of these problems of incompatibility when it came to sex.
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How do you know? Sorry, Jono, but that's complete nonsense. Many a virginal marriage foundered on sexual incompatability. It's a hugely important aspect of a relationship.

Curioser and curioser. Um, what's wrong with an ordinary bank account?
Non-interest bearing, if you are worried about paying a bit of tax.

I am certain that relationships are not all based on sex and there are other ways of 'knowing'.
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Perhaps, but if the sexual aspect is incompatible, that will affect all of the rest of the relationship.

OK. So what would you do if you marry this perfect woman and then find she has been content not to have sex for several years, though in a semi-committed relationship because she simply dislikes sex? Might have married you just because you were the first bloke not to want what is pretty normal amongst a couple of people who like/love each other?


What do you think my standards are by the way. I have not set out an arduous list in this forum. List out these standards that you seem to have concluded from my posts for me..
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Well, I couldn't know a 'list of standards' but what is standing out from this discussion, plus your posts in other threads here and there, is a young man, bright enough, but very serious for his age, actually lacking humour, defensive, rigid, controlling, critical. No doubt you have many positive qualities, Jono, but I'd just simply be concerned that no young woman will ever be 'good enough'.
Good luck.
 
Julia said:
Curioser and curioser. Um, what's wrong with an ordinary bank account?
Non-interest bearing, if you are worried about paying a bit of tax.
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Well it was based on my other post in the divorce thread... after GG mentioned having his accounts cleared by with 4th wife. Having money in physical cash I think is quite important. What if the banking computer system was to crash :

but more seriously.. you should have some physical cash. Never know accounts can be frozen, comptuter errors, accounts getting hacked. Everyone needs some cash for one reason or another.
 
Good luck Jono. You'll find the right girl. It's about intimacy.
Society is putting all these false pressures on that you are ignoring. Good on you.
 
Knobby22 said:
Good luck Jono. You'll find the right girl. It's about intimacy.
Society is putting all these false pressures on that you are ignoring. Good on you.
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On another note, I like your signature, I used to be very much addicted to that game. More recently I was addicted to Transport Tycoon.
 
Hi Jono, I think it is all getting a little too hooked up on the sex thing.

I don’t think I ever suggested that sex was OK (although I think it is), or that you should do it, or that your missing out, or that you are foolish for thinking in such a manner.

By definition, what you are saying is that you would have a relationship with someone before marrying them.

I expect to get to know my future spouse for at least several years before even considering marriage…
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To me this sounds like you are prepared to live with them, buy house, buy a dog, see the world, and get some plants (don’t take it all literally). So, there is nothing casual about this at all. The fact that sex has been raised is not a precursor to a relationship.

I would have to agree with Julia about the sex part of a relationship. Sex is important. It might not be a priority or on the top 10 things that make a relationship, yet I better dollars to disco that its number 11. Sexual compatibility has always been important; it’s that society has relaxed much of the preconceived notions of divorce, and women in general.

Once upon a time - and not that long ago, women were subjugated to the point where they had no say - in public, no say - at home, and any opinions or thoughts where considered secondary to that of the mans. So as we - as a society - have progressed women have demanded better sex, asked a man to be a little more caring, work a full day, work better jobs, get better pay and on it goes. So, sex - for you might not be important in knowing someone, yet for many women it is, and this would include the people you know.

However, the big concern I have about what you have written is the cold and hands off idea you have to finances, and not just your own. I'm not sure why you felt the need to distinguish that money buried and in an offshore account is not illegal. I'm not sure it was suggested it is, however it can, yet that’s another topic altogether.

Money, assets and the like in a relationship are exactly that – a relationships money and assets. I am sure should you say to any future Mrs Jono: look I'm going to stash some money in the backyard which is not yours, it will be mine etc. will quickly see her talking to the first solicitor she can call.

A relationship, which I think you have failed to understand, is a partnership, based on honesty and trust. This might sound like a great fantasy, yet it’s the few things which most people hold dear to establishing and maintaining a relationship.

However, you are, as you say 18 and never kissed a girl, so with all the respect in the world you really have no idea.

When you are 28, married, a couple of kids, house, an investment or 2, holding down a job, mowing the lawn on the weekend let us know how your attitudes have changed, as I am pretty dam sure that should you take this sort of attitude with you til that age none of the above will come your way.

Consider what you said:


Don’t forget, in that 'time' it takes to get to know them they will be getting to know you. So should she for a moment think this guy is just trying to see if I am worth keeping around (and not going to rip off all his money (should he have any)), then I can say she will be gone before you know she has left. It cuts both ways.

Sex or no sex. Money or no money. It should, just maybe, have a slight element of love.
 
Umm - since when is dating, living together?

I know people that have dated for years and never lived together

He is 18 years old - let him live his life the way he sees fit.

He has already mentioned he is old fashioned, so maybe his friends are the same as him..

NO right or wrong here...
 
Tink said:
old fashioned, so maybe his friends are the same as him..
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"Old-fashioned" is a myth, well at least something that only applied to a minority for a short period of time. We've been sexually liberal for most of our history.

IMHO you would be pretty shallow to base an entire marriage on your 'sex' or sexual compatibility as you have stated
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A marriage might not be based on it, but it can sure end over it. There are many factors that can ruin a marriage, and this is just one of those. You can't really suggest it is not important when you haven't had sex or (I assume) a proper relationship.

NO right or wrong here...
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Maybe, maybe not, but it has been shown that the quality of our sex lives strongly influences our state of mind, and I don't want Jono flipping out and taking a bunch of innocents with him :.This is all a bit like saying you don't like chocolate ice-cream, having never tried the stuff.
 
hmmmmmm.. he seriously looks like kevin rudds love child


and his socks are part of the problem..

as for his phobia

its real and as with anyone with a disorder, he can have treatment

i think a week on a cruiseboat in the whitsundays with a dozen chicks would fix it.. but the soxs have to go!!



 

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In my experience, a successful arriage is 25% friendship, 25% sexual chemistry, 25% financial security and 25% ethos. These are the stressors in relationships and if you are not in sync, it ain't gonna work.

As for 18-year old virgins, well at what other age can you afford to be idealistic? You have time and a lack of responsibility on your side. Make sure it is not religious dogma and associated guilt though that is suppressing those primal urges . J*sus Freaks have been trying to control human sexuality for some time. Mmmm; hard to devote yourself slavishly to the Church when you spend your time thinking about bangin' Miss X in the front pew.

In terms of the article itself, agree with the socks comment. Anyway if you have such a phobia, why go on the front page of the Scottish Argus or whatever it is? Someone give the guy a BJ and lets move on. Not that I'm volunteering. That would be one that was hard to explain to the missus (an extra rule for marriage which is 100% trust/fidelity and no BJ's for Kevin07 McBeth). LOL.
 
Junior said:
On another note, I like your signature, I used to be very much addicted to that game. More recently I was addicted to Transport Tycoon.
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It's pretty true. I think a lot of people would have learnt the reality of margin calls. Better to learn about it in a game!
 
Agentm said:
i think a week on a cruiseboat in the whitsundays with a dozen chicks would fix it..
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If he hasn't already been taken care of. There are generous and freaky girls out there. One may have seen it as a way to heal him, another may just love virgins. Who knows. Or maybe he's going to try and sell it on E-Bay.
 
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