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FUNNY MISTAKES
These are mistakes in English seen on signs in other countries. If you don't understand why they are funny, ask a native English speaker to explain!
Hotels
Hungary (hotel): "This lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable"
France (hotel): "Please leave your values at the front desk"
Japan (hotel): "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid"
Norway (hotel lounge): "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"
Shops
Hong Kong (tailor's shop): "Ladies may have a fit upstairs"
Greece (tailor's shop): "Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation"
France (dress shop): "Dresses for street walking"
Italy (laundry): "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time"
Tourism
France (railway): "Obliteration on the train"
Czech Republic (tourist office): "Take one of our horse-drawn tours - we guarantee no miscarriages"
Restaurants
Switzerland (restaurant): "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for"
Mexico (hotel restaurant): "The manager has personally passed all the water served here"
Doctors
Italy (doctor's surgery): "Specialist in women and other diseases"
Hong Kong (dentist's surgery): "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists"
But it isn't only non-native English speakers who write strange things.
Here is a list of some label instructions on consumer goods in the UK or America:
On a bag of crisps: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside"
On a frozen dinner: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"
On a tiramisu pudding (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down"
On a bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On an iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On a cough medicine for children: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication"
On a packet of sleeping pills: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
On a packet of peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts"
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"
To me punctuation is logical, however the spelling of some words is not. ..
Why do we have such pronunciations as 'ph' meaning 'f' and so on?
Perhaps the slang of now days is language evolution?
Also I’ve learnt to cut and paste into MS word to help my spelling, but I come unstuck with some of the previous examples… patients/patience etc.
Sounds and Letters
A poem for English students
When in English class we speak,
Why is break nor rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
That we say sew, but also few?
When a poet writes a verse
Why is horse not rhymed with worse?
Beard sounds not the same as heard
Lord sounds not the same as word
Cow is cow, but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with toe.
Think of nose and dose and lose
Think of goose, but then of choose.
Confuse not comb with tomb or bomb,
Doll with roll, or home with some.
We have blood and food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
There's pay and say, but paid and said.
"I will read", but "I have read".
Why say done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To summarise, it seems to me
Sounds and letters disagree.
COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG
A Cockney is a person from a traditional working class area of east London. A way of speaking developed here known as "Cockney rhyming slang". A word is replaced by a phrase or a person's name which rhymes with it. For example, instead of saying "I don't believe it" a Cockney person might say "I don't Adam and Eve it". To make it harder, it is common for the second half of the phrase to be left out, however (for example "I don't Adam it").
This way of speaking is still used by some people who grew up in this area of London when talking to each other. An office worker in London recently sent an e-mail to some friends boasting about a sexual experience, which has become a very famous e-mail because it was copied to thousands of people all over the world (and was also printed in some newspapers). This e-mail contained some examples of Cockney rhyming slang. He talked about "sitting in front of the telly watching football, having a Ruby and a couple of beers". Ruby Murray was a famous singer from Northern Ireland who made a lot of hit songs in the 1950s (although most young people haven't heard of her). The logic is Ruby => Ruby Murray => curry, so "having a Ruby" means eating a curry. He also wrote that his girlfriend was "chatting to me on the dog". The logic is dog => dog and bone => phone, so "chatting on the dog" means talking on the telephone.
Here are some of the most commonly known examples of Cockney Rhyming Slang:
"Let's have a butcher's" means "let's have a look" (butcher's => butcher's hook => look)
"Have you been telling porkies?" means "have you been telling lies?" (porkies => pork pies => lies)
"She has been rabbiting on for ages" means "she has been talking for ages" (rabbit => rabbit and pork => talk)
"I went home to the trouble" means "I went home to my wife" (trouble => trouble and strife => wife)
Confused? Well, to make it even more confusing, Cockney Rhyming Slang changes as new people or phrases become famous. You can find a dictionary of Cockney Rhyming Slang at the site: http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk. Try using the "Cockney translator" on the site to change simple English into Cockney slang. If you tell a friend about the site, you can try having an e-mail or Messenger conversation with that person using the translated versions. See if you can try to understand what your friend is saying, or just enjoy the sound of the language you create. Warning: if you try speaking like this to an English person, you will get some strange looks, and your English teacher may get a bit depressed!
If you like this you may want to try: http://www.whoohoo.co.uk. As well as Cockney, this will translate something into the following dialects:
"Brummie" (Birmingham), "Scouse" (Liverpool), "Geordie" (Newcastle), "Scottie" (Scotland), "Jolly well spoken" (a 'posh' person), "Irish", and "Ali G" (the style of a well-known comedian). A good way to start a conversation with someone from one of these parts of the UK is to ask them to explain some of their local expressions: often, the person will love to teach you some phrases for you to practice!
Nice poem 2020.Lol, these days you can even get help translating into "Ali G"
was that a Ruby one then?Nice poem 2020.
This morning I had a "dogs eye"...."meat pie"...
The logic is Ruby => Ruby Murray => curry, so "having a Ruby" means eating a curry. He also wrote that his girlfriend was "chatting to me on the dog". The logic is dog => dog and bone => phone, so "chatting on the dog" means talking on the telephone.
"She has been rabbiting on for ages" means "she has been talking for ages" (rabbit => rabbit and pork => talk)
was that a Ruby one then?
today I buried my mobile dog to get a bit of peace
Often wondered where "rabbitting" originated
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
(This is the World's Hardest Tongue Twister, according the Guiness Book of World Records.)
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.
Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man
I try to understand him and I help him all I can,
But sometimes in an evening I feel a trifle dim
All alone, I'm plucking pheasants, when I'd rather pluck with him.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mate
I'm only plucking pheasants 'cos the pheasant plucker's late !
I'm not good at plucking pheasants, at pheasant plucking I get stuck
Though some pheasants find it pleasant I'd rather pluck a duck.
Oh plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease
But pheasant plucking's torture because they haven't any grease.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, he has gone out on the tiles
He only plucked one pheasant and I'm sitting here with piles !
You have to pluck them fresh, if it’s fresh they’re not unpleasant,
I knew a man in Dunstable who could pluck a frozen pheasant.
They say the village constable had pheasant plucking sessions
With the vicar on a Sunday ‘tween the first and second lessons.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mum
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker's come.
My good friend Godfrey is most adept, he's really got the knack
He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack.
I like to give a helping hand, I gather up the feathers,
It's really all our pheasant plucking keeps us pair together.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's friend
I'm only plucking pheasants as a means unto an end !
My husband's in the forest always banging with his gun
If he could hear me half the time I'm sure that he would run,
For there's fluff in all my crannies, there's feathers up my nose
And I'm itching in the kitchen from my head down to my toes.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's wife
And when we pluck together it's a pheasant plucking life !
A spoonerism is a play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched (see metathesis). It is named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844–1930), Warden of New College, Oxford, who was notoriously prone to this tendency.
While spoonerisms are commonly heard as slips of the tongue (sometimes spoonerised as tips of the slung), they are considered a form of pun when used purposely as a play on words.
Some of the more famous quotations attributed to Spooner include "The Lord is a shoving leopard," (instead of "The Lord is a loving shepherd"), "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride," ("It is customary to kiss the bride") ...
He also reportedly, in an address to a group of miners, commended them, "You are all tons of soil," meaning to say, "You are all sons of toil."
[edit] Modern usage
In modern terms, a spoonerism is any changing of sounds in this manner. While simple enough to do, a clever spoonerism is one that results in a funny phrase or sentence. "Flutterby" is an oft-cited example of a spoonerism that has not lost its original meaning. A well-known example is "I'd rather have a bottle in front o' me than a frontal lobotomy" (variously attributed to W. C. Fields, Tom Waits, and most commonly Dorothy Parker), which not only shifts the beginning sounds of the word lobotomy, but the entire phrase "frontal lobotomy".
Port Shoem
by The Speverent Rooner
I've a Gouse and Harden in the country
An ace I call my plown,
A treat I can replace to
When I beed to knee alone.
Catterfly and butterpillar
Perch on beefy lough
And I listen to the dats and cogs
As they mark and they biaow.
Yes wature here is nunderful
There is no weed for nords,
While silling by my windowflutter
Biny little tirds.
PS At last I've found an example that is a bit similar
"The use of debt collectors is in some respects more efficient that to write collection letters"
is wrong.
Presumably it should be :-
"The use of debt collectors is in some respects more efficient that the use of collection letters"
or
"To use debt collectors is in some respects more efficient that to write collection letters"
btw, I also reckon this well known sentence is wrong ..
"More dentists recommend Colgate than any other toothpaste".
I just reckon that
"More dentists recommend Colgate than any other toothpaste."
arguably means that
"More dentists than toothpaste recommend Colgate."
and should instead be :-
"More dentists recommend Colgate than recommend any other toothpaste."
But I've yet to find anyone else who agrees with me.
thanks for the support JuliaI would actually agree with you, 2020, but I think the "correct" version sounds clumsy and a bit silly. If we remember that the primary purpose of language is to communicate, and specifically in this instance that it's an advertisement, then I guess the original simply does it better.
thanks for the support Julia
knew we'd agree one day
I mean , for mine it's like saying
"More horticulturist reports recommend Hereford than any other bull dust."
How is the original wording in the Colgate advertisement grammatically wrong?
However, in the context of a more purposeful sense there would be no need to change the sentence.
2020
If you don't want to indulge in disambiguation then you are welcome to con whom ever.
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