How old is too old to be living at home?

[Julia]

If the parents are ok with it, who's to say it's not OK?

However, if I was living at home whilst earning an income, I would certainly pay my fair share, or at least keep a mental ledger of debt owed to my parents, and help them out after their retirement / special needs or something like that.

Also, if my kids are living at home as adults, I will most definitely ask them to do at least equal share of house work, and pay for things like utilities and groceries. I don't necessarily want/need their money, but I want to make sure they have some understanding on the costs of living these days.

That's my take on it also.
I paid board to my parents as soon as I started work and helped around the house/garden/in the business.

My parents didn't need the money and when I got married, I discovered that board money had been set aside to go toward the cost of the wedding, in the meantime a good understanding of the principle of fairness, not taking anything for granted, and having a budget imparted to me.

Something wrong imho when an adult is still living with parents yet not contributing to the running of the household, not just financially, but emotionally.

 

[WilkensOne]

It would seem that most of us here are on the same page, but I can't help thinking that the millions of other aussies would think differently judging from the research done. Would anyone agree that if we had 'normal' housing prices that the results would be hugely different?

 

[CanOz]

It would seem that most of us here are on the same page, but I can't help thinking that the millions of other aussies would think differently judging from the research done. Would anyone agree that if we had 'normal' housing prices that the results would be hugely different?

lol....Wilkins, do you want a dose of "normal" wages and salaries with that as well?

 

[Gringotts Bank]

It would seem that most of us here are on the same page, but I can't help thinking that the millions of other aussies would think differently judging from the research done. Would anyone agree that if we had 'normal' housing prices that the results would be hugely different?

I think it would help a lot in some cases. But in the case of an insecure parent, he/she can enmesh one or more kids for emotional support, often without either party being aware of it. These are the families that "do everything together" with strict unwritten rules. No one is really free to do their own thing. Relationships outside of the family structure are underdeveloped or delayed in most cases, for fear of upsetting the dynamic. You see this structure most strongly in identical twins...everything they do is by 'shared decision' and they seem never to be independent.

This is quite different to contributing to household running expenses which of course is quite reasonable. And normal family time is great fun, obviously.

 

[WilkensOne]

lol....Wilkins, do you want a dose of "normal" wages and salaries with that as well?

Personally I don't want to be normal at all

I meant more that our average house price and average wage, isn't affordable to the general population. If I have it terribly wrong Can, feel free to take me back to school!

 

[WilkensOne]

I think it would help a lot in some cases. But in the case of an insecure parent, he/she can enmesh one or more kids for emotional support, often without either party being aware of it. These are the families that "do everything together" with strict unwritten rules. No one is really free to do their own thing. Relationships outside of the family structure are underdeveloped or delayed in most cases, for fear of upsetting the dynamic. You see this structure most strongly in identical twins...everything they do is by 'shared decision' and they seem never to be independent.

This is quite different to contributing to household running expenses which of course is quite reasonable. And normal family time is great fun, obviously.

GB I don't know much about the subject but from what you have said I can see exactly what you mean. Are you saying this is something that frequently occurs or just something that may prevent people from leaving home?

 

[Gringotts Bank]

GB I don't know much about the subject but from what you have said I can see exactly what you mean. Are you saying this is something that frequently occurs or just something that may prevent people from leaving home?

Just something to consider. Families can sometimes appear very close and loving until the day when one of the kids decides to do his own thing. Then instead of the parents celebrating and encouraging this show of independence, there are subtle signs of rejection, hostility or anxiety. The adult child will feel anxiety and inner conflict over this too, because on one hand he wants to be his own man, but on the other hand he doesn't want to make his parent(s) unhappy.

 

[WilkensOne]

Just something to consider. Families can sometimes appear very close and loving until the day when one of the kids decides to do his own thing. Then instead of the parents celebrating and encouraging this show of independence, there are subtle signs of rejection, hostility or anxiety. The adult child will feel anxiety and inner conflict over this too, because on one hand he wants to be his own man, but on the other hand he doesn't want to make his parent(s) unhappy.

Interesting perspective, I haven't experienced that but I guess it could really complicate things..

 

[Miss Hale]

My siblings and I all left home the first opportunity we could, usually not long after we started working, which also in my brothers cases coincided with them getting married. I stayed home the longest and didn't leave until I was 25. I was at uni until I was 22 then worked a couple of years so I could take a year off to back pack around the world. When I came back from that aged 25 I left home. As soon as I was working I paid board, as did all my brothers and sisters. One reason I left was to have more freedom - for example there is no way I could have had my boyfriend stay overnight while I was living at home My OH is from the country and he and his siblings left home at 18 to work or study in the big smoke, it was what almost everyone did where they grew up.

With regard to my nieces and nephews though, some of them are still at home. One brother has all three of his adult kids still living at home (all in their 20s). Another brother gently pushed his oldest out the door when he was about 25 (the next one left to take a job interstate at age 22).

To answer your question No, it's not too old but you should be paying board (IMO). Also, don't just take the easy path. It might be easier staying at home but if you can manage it financially you will gain/learn a lot from moving out becoming independent.

 

[CanOz]

Personally I don't want to be normal at all

I meant more that our average house price and average wage, isn't affordable to the general population. If I have it terribly wrong Can, feel free to take me back to school!

lol...no no i accept that Australia is in the midst of a yet to be fully popped housing bubble...

However, i do believe that Australia's wages and salaries are inflated as well...i was a beneficiary of that for quite a few years...

CanOz

 

[Trembling Hand]

I'm a big proponent of leaving young.

Same I left when I was 16.. ... Oh wait I was booted out but same same.... :

 

[WilkensOne]

However, i do believe that Australia's wages and salaries are inflated as well...i was a beneficiary of that for quite a few years...

Is this generally, across particular industries? In the end doesn't it come down to cost of living and wages normally rise and fall the meet the cost of living?

Don't quote me on this, a colleague recently moved to Perth from England (not London) and said when negotiating his salary and moving costs etc the rule of thumb was cost of living in Perth is 2.2x that of England.. really threw me for a spin.. but interesting none the less

 

[WilkensOne]

Same I left when I was 16.. ... Oh wait I was booted out but same same.... :

First time I moved out it was, "you should move out, or we will kick you out". Couple years later moved back home and relationship with my family is better than ever, interesting what fending for yourself does!

 

[Trembling Hand]

First time I moved out it was, "you should move out, or we will kick you out". Couple years later moved back home and relationship with my family is better than ever, interesting what fending for yourself does!

Yeah. I cannot fathom being still at home in your 30s. I mean you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40 so when the hell are you going to enjoy yourself and your own space and mistakes??

 

[Miss Hale]

Yeah. I cannot fathom being still at home in your 30s. I mean you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40 so when the hell are you going to enjoy yourself and your own space and mistakes??

Well not quite dead by the time you are 40 but I know what you mean I can understand people needing to stay at home for financial reasons (to a certain extent) but not wanting to stay at home.

 

[CanOz]

I mean you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40....

Bloody Sh** Stirrer!

 

[basilio]

Quote Originally Posted by Trembling Hand View Post

I mean you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40....

Bloody Sh** Stirrer!

Well brain dead at least. It must be clear from the quality of debate on ASF than anyone over is 40 is going down hill and that when you reach 60 plus you are totally senile..!

(now when was I born ? Oops can't remember..)

 

[burglar]

... you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40 ...

I made 45 before I felt "pretty much dead"!!

 

[prawn_86]

Well statistically 35 is 'middle aged' and it's all down hill from there...

I couldn't imagine living with my parents until I was middle aged, and that's only assuming you live to the average age, not die young

 

[moXJO]

Yeah. I cannot fathom being still at home in your 30s. I mean you are pretty much dead by the time you are 40 so when the hell are you going to enjoy yourself and your own space and mistakes??

Agree on both parts I was out the door at 16 and enjoying it, now the dreaded 40 draws near but at least I had a hell of a time getting there. Its easy to live safe and lose years if you stay at your parents.