Taxi Cab Confessions

[nunthewiser]

By a.nun

Been meaning to do this for a while.

all names , locations, scenarios and other ramblings are merely a figment of my warped imagination to protect the guilty and other assorted riff raff.

Feel free to add if you have any seedy or other fanciful recollections of anything that may or may not have happened in a taxi

if offended by human nature please cover your eyes now

A diary of highlights,weird stuff and Human beings that can be found anywhere you live on a seedy night.



24/10/09

picked up a young man from a caravan park , a switched on nice young man ... he told me he wanted to go to the "summer sun hotel " in "fluff point " to meet the skimply barmaid for a drink ,he had been a gentleman on the previous night and the girl wanted to see him again as only in town for the night.............. i picked him and the very lovely lass up and took them to her hotel but the mangaer was there so no luck.......... took them all the way down to " cape curny" to his place but his Dad was there so no good there ..........the back of the gab was full of lust and frustration and no place to go.......


Being the good samaritan i am suggested that i had a fishing rod stashed nearby at a shack there and i would be happy if he covered my time for the hour and i would be happy to park up at the first point and jump out for an hours fishing while he enjoyed his blessed lil heart.

Made two people happy tonight and was happy to do so

No fish

 

[nunthewiser]

by a.nun

24/10/09


Must be Good acid in town!

picked up a fella from the "weemasons hotel" ............ He asked me if i was a demon........... i said no ........ he asked me 7 times in between the pub and "ponthella" if i was a demon or if i was with them .......it was getting annoying......... he asked the 8th time so told him i was a Grandmaster Demon and so was the bloke in the back ............... there was no one in the back ....... the dude started screaming and trying to get out at 40km/hr ......i pulled over and let him out .........no fare but it was worth it..

gotta love farkin with moonbeams

 

[Timmy]

LOL!

I'm going to enjoy this thread!

 

[Garpal Gumnut]

nun, a colleague of yours I've mentioned on asf in the past.

https://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12460&highlight=lettuce

gg

 

[wayneL]

LOL

I love the thinly disguised place names.

BTW. Did you know I met my wife at the Pukekarra Supermarket on the road to Mullet-wa. (She lived out at Worried)

Unfortunately no interesting taxi stories... but plenty back of horse truck stories.

 

[Harleyquin]

I remember, as many others would also, seeing three taxi drivers interviewed by Andrew Denton on Enough Rope on the ABC. Enjoyed the Rope and this was a particularly funny episode so you should get some interesting stories on this thread. Good luck.

 

[Chris45]

Yep. This thread is going to be very high on my "must read" list. Looking forward to the next entry.

 

[nunthewiser]

Lol thanks guys . just ramblings on the times when i dont have a driver or i gotta help a mate who hasnt got one ......

Theres quite a few bits and pieces that cannot be posted as may lead to more hassle than its worth , but believe me it can be a strange and seedy world at night and some things just shouldnt be mentioned

 

[nunthewiser]

by a.nun

25/10/09

"Jukebox Saturday night " at the "weemasons hotel"........ sellout crowd as normal , a very popular night out with the 30-50 agegroup crowd.

9pm and alls well , the crowds having a blast jiving the night away , behaving well

11pm we have a 45-50 year old gent trying to punch on with a 25 year old bouncer because the bouncer has asked the gent to drink water for a bit ..The bouncer is a good bouncer and takes it in his stride and tries to talk respectfully and civily to remove this Drunken fool from the area .The gentleman being 50 knows best and gets very abusive stating what a ******** the bouncer is then throws a punch , The gents wife also joins in and grabs the bouncer by the hair. The bouncer ties the Gent in a knot and his wife is restrained also while the hotel calls the police.

The Police arrive and throw the couple in the back of the van and a young man in his 20,s jumps in the taxi asking to follow the copvan to the police station up the road .

It seems that it was this young mans 22nd birthday and he was out for the night with his parents that are now on the way to the lockup

Good thing he had a sense of humour as from where i was sitting i found it rather sad that he had to watch his parents, his guidance , his world, acting like that ..........

hopefully he won,t follow on the family legacy.

 

[nunthewiser]

by a.nun

25/10/09

Picked up 2 lovely ladies in there late 40,s from a Hens night party in "weepdale" it was an excellent fare , friendly , respectful and humerous when all of a sudden i saw this strange object roll through the centre of my seat and the passenger seat ... the front passenger picked it up and proceeded to wave a bloody huge Dildo in my face saying how she had won it at the hens night and then proceeded to joke with her mate at what they would like to do with it ..... being the convent living fella i am , i was somewhat embarrased and speechless so they proceeded to mentally run amok on me and gave me a hard time for the rest of the journey ..... i had no witty comebacks , i was on the ropes taking the mental kicking of a lifetime ....

Finally i managed to get them out of the car at there destination and wished them well

I picked up another fare 5 minutes later and the bloke asked me if "this" ( being the dildo) belonged to me ........ the ladies obviously forgot to take it with them ....

i was in a dilemma ........ what do i do ? . do i go back to the ladies house ( a strangers home), knock on the door with a huge dildo in hand and say "this belongs to you" ....

I decided to take it to the police station instead ... having regained some wit i handed it to the cop at the desk and told him i found it in the taxi and asked him if maybe he could do something with it : .... he obviously did not have a sense of humour as he asked for my taxi plate number and told me to take it elswhere .....

it now lives in the glovebox of a taxi waiting to find a deserving home

so if the owner of the lost item reads this, you now know where it is and thanks for having the cheek and the humour to make a seedy saturday night just that little bit more enjoyable

 

[nomore4s]

I picked up another fare 5 minutes later and the bloke asked me if "this" ( being the dildo) belonged to me ........ the ladies obviously forgot to take it with them

LMAO, that's gold

 

[Naked shorts]

lol great thread Nun

 

[noco]

Joke OK
A taxi driver picked up a Nun who sat in the back seat.

Along the way the driver said to the Nun, "you know, I have always had this deep urge to kiss a Nun"

The Nun replied, "well if you are a Catholic and single, would you like to try."

So the taxi driver pull into a dark alley, jumped into the back saet and gave the Nun a kiss.

The Nun said "how was that?

The taxi driver said,"it was great, but I have a confession to make, I'm married and I am a Jew."

The Nun said,"I have a confession to make also, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Hallowein Party."

 

[nunthewiser]

LOL

Yep, definately gotta watchout for seedy taxi drivers and even seedier nuns at times

 

[starwars_guy456]

Dear nun,

I have a question about cabbies, perhaps you can show me how taxi drivers see a certain way.

I live in Melbourne. Sometimes when I'm at a nightclub at an inner suburb, say - South Yarra, cabbies refuse to take me back to the city (it's only a 10 or so minute trip). Is there anything I can do about this? I mean, I'm more than happy to give a tip, but they often drive away quickly when they hear that the fare is going to be low.

What to do?

-Ed

 

[nunthewiser]

Dear nun,

I have a question about cabbies, perhaps you can show me how taxi drivers see a certain way.

I live in Melbourne. Sometimes when I'm at a nightclub at an inner suburb, say - South Yarra, cabbies refuse to take me back to the city (it's only a 10 or so minute trip). Is there anything I can do about this? I mean, I'm more than happy to give a tip, but they often drive away quickly when they hear that the fare is going to be low.

What to do?

-Ed

Legally they are not allowed to refuse the fare because of distance , however if the matter was taken further they will use the excuse that you appeared drunk and may be likely to be abusive .

My thoughts are , next time you want a cab .........make sure you are in the taxi , sitting in the seat BEFORE you give the destination .

It does happen re. not taking ppl because of a small fare and understand your frustrations .....

If the taxi Driver was a "switched on" operator he would realise the short .very short fares are the cream of the crop around the nightclubs as every passenger creates a NEW flagfall , a NEW after 12am surcharge and often a NEW booking fee . which add up to around 8/9 bucks b4 he even moves an inch .......... But hey most people cant see the wood for the trees.

 

[starwars_guy456]

Legally they are not allowed to refuse the fare because of distance , however if the matter was taken further they will use the excuse that you appeared drunk and may be likely to be abusive .

My thoughts are , next time you want a cab .........make sure you are in the taxi , sitting in the seat BEFORE you give the destination .

It does happen re. not taking ppl because of a small fare and understand your frustrations .....

If the taxi Driver was a "switched on" operator he would realise the short .very short fares are the cream of the crop around the nightclubs as every passenger creates a NEW flagfall , a NEW after 12am surcharge and often a NEW booking fee . which add up to around 8/9 bucks b4 he even moves an inch .......... But hey most people cant see the wood for the trees.

Thanks for the tip, nun.

I can understand the frustration on the cabbie's point of view too, waiting in the taxi line for ages for only a small fare, then having to wait in another line for a longer while until the next person shows up.

-Ed

 

[nunthewiser]

Thanks for the tip, nun.

I can understand the frustration on the cabbie's point of view too, waiting in the taxi line for ages for only a small fare, then having to wait in another line for a longer while until the next person shows up.

-Ed

Ahha . But a "smart" operator would only be using the actual taxi ranks when there was no queue ..... Just as easy to cruise the nightclub districts picking up ppl away from the ranks ..... varies from driver to driver on how they operate but some do feel the need to have the surveillance etc that is available at the ranks that watches the patrons get in the cabs ..... I personally prefer to have passengers in my car rather than sit in a queue and if that means having to work a bit harder to find them , so be it.

The frustration in the cabbies viewpoint is merely brought upon themselves and not having the oomph to go and find a fare instead of waiting for one to come to them ......... happens in small country citys also and they bitch and moan how ppl like me are never at the rank but always busy because i stole there fares , regardless of the fact i picked ppl up off the side of the road no where nr the rank because thats where they wanted the cab.......

Its all about service , if someone doesent want to walk to a rank , why should they ? .Gotta give the customer what they want if you want to make a buck.

 

[nunthewiser]

In saying all the previous i could be classed as wanka of a cabbie as i am more than happy to drive around 50ppl to go pick up ppl i recognise instead on a busy saturday night .

Most of my work is private, as in they ring my car direct and i tend to look after those patrons before i touch any other Tom Dick or Larry standing on the side of the road.

Makes my life easier

 

[starwars_guy456]

LOL, that's the nature of modern life right?

They know you're good company, and you do the right thing by them.
You know that they're paying customers, so looks like a win-win to me!

-Ed