Child support agency

[legs]

You guys not exactly filling me with confidence. I was kind of feeling relieved I have finally got this thing in to court. Enough of doing things her way !

I personally don't give a flying fish about the money - but at least with CSA changing next year, the more time I get now - the less I will have to pay.

C'mon guys give me some hope here..........

You got no hope...sorry...once they turn 13 with the new system....which my daughter just turned... I am worse off than in old system by $25 a week!! She never turned up to court heaps of times....when i complained the judge asked me what i wanted him to do sarcastically..he cant force her to turn up...wont fine her...etc etc... Then she used argumants saying my daughter was afraid of staying overnight so forens psychs assessed her and decided even though it was obvious she was being coached... it was dangerous to let her stay cos it could upset her and her mums relationship..i.e. put undue pressure on the child at her home. so it went on and on. Until she was old enough to say she wanted to stay.

 

[jackson8]

sorry dont mean to be negative or cynical just that ive had a bad run thats all
just trying to say that it can be a hard and long ordeal if the other person decides that they have reason to stick their feet in

if possible try and keep things in a freindly perspective , that way everyone comes out a winner

 

[legs]

if your ex is reasonable this is acheiveable but if she decides to dig in for whatever reason it is a very long and expensive process
better to stay out of court at any cost and retain a good relationship with ex if at all possible
as kids get older they can start to make own choices
and yes speak from experience , have spent last 20 years haveing to deal with csa and now have another 16 to go at 47 years of age that means they will still be hounding me at age 63 and have been divorced twice
i dont mind paying maint. but the rates are unrealistic . after paying 30c to taxman and 34c to csa leaves me with 36c in the dollar , hardly worth getting out of bed for and they are relentless when it comes to enforcing there law they can freeze your bank accounts and withdraw money from them without your knowledge

as for changes in family law , very minor all talk and no action i am afraid
and yes if you are a hard working person you have to pay all lawyer and court fees and the other get government to pay for every last cent regardless of how dirty they wish to be government will support them all the way thru

Changes are happening...just need to be signed off by some wankers. Not much good unless your ex earns more than disregard amount... and you have them more than something like 50 nights a years...which as i work 4 on 4 off its very hard to get alot of weekends.

Good Luck

 

[legs]

also what peeves me off is that cos she left i could do heaps more overtime but they hit that to...it shouldn't be touched!! or at least only single rate of it touched, not my double time OT payment.

 

[Julia]

Yeah well this is where I am trying to get to right now - time alone with my kids - and the ex is fighting it. Mostly because she doesn't like the idea of spending a weekend on her own whilst the kids are with me I believe. Looks like I will be heading to court over this as she refuses to let me have them. I go to a mediation session on Friday - if no result I start proceedings.

So, guess who's getting all my hard earned profits - the lawyers.

This thread makes for such sad reading. So sorry, fellas, that you are going through this.

Just wondering if "Absolutely" is still around what the results of the mediation session were?

Having worked as a mediator with the Justice Dept, I've found it's quite often possible to work out some reasonably acceptable arrangements before the situation ever gets to Court,thus saving a huge amount of misery and money.

Have those of you who are currently experiencing this whole awful problem asked your ex-partner if she will participate in mediation? Unfortunately it's not compulsory so if she says "you can go jump" then there's little you can do about it, other than pursue the Court process. An alternative to actually asking her is for you yourself to apply to the Justice Dept mediation service and have them make the approach to your ex. Sometimes receiving a letter with a Justice Dept letterhead can be somewhat more effective than a request from the person she most dislikes.

So far as I've seen it, the Court system is unreasonably biased against fathers, no idea why.

Ultimately, it's all about the kids who cannot help but be damaged when their parents are warring like this.

All the best to all of you. I do feel for you.

 

[AussiePaul72]

You guys not exactly filling me with confidence. I was kind of feeling relieved I have finally got this thing in to court. Enough of doing things her way !

I personally don't give a flying fish about the money - but at least with CSA changing next year, the more time I get now - the less I will have to pay.

C'mon guys give me some hope here..........

G'day Absolutely,

I read this whole thread tonight as it is the first time i have come across it and is a subject that relates to my situation aswell. From what i have read, you have every right to be able to spend time with your children and no feasable reason that you have stated as to why this would be denied.

I only got to keep 27.5% of our marriage assets and now am paying over $500/week in child support. My ex can earn up just over $40,000 before it affects the child support that i pay. Who in their right mind can tell me that that is a fair deal? My situation never went to court but solicitors did quite well out of it and i gave in on some things just to get the split over and done with. I'm very good with budgeting and finances and its just as well. I currently live on a fairly tight budget, even though i have a well paid job and go without things so that i can put money aside to spend on my kids and invest for my future.

The one thing that i am extremely greatful for though is access to kids. I have them for a couple of hours every Tuesday evening, every 2nd weekend and up to half of their school holidays (which is why i have them right now!). From my experience, fathers are definitely not treated equally at present, but, i don't want to rock the boat for obvious reasons. Money comes a very distant second when you take into account spending valuable time with your children.

Personally, i think this a great thread and hopefully we can share experiences and most importantly encourage each other.

 

[Absolutely]

Hi Julia, in fact it is compulsory now to have minimum 3 hours mediation before heading to court. If one party doesn't turn up it would be quite damning for them in court.

I have actually had 9 hours mediation with my ex - the first session went for 7 hours non stop! Unfortunately we didn't get anywhere because there was no agreed legal framework in place prior to getting to mediation. I say I should be able to have my daughters overnight - she says I can't - full stop. So unless I just accept her position - I have little choice but to proceed to court now. And it is becoming more urgent for me because a great grandparent died recently not having seen his great grandchildren in a year. Now there is one last surviving great grandparent and I really want the kids to know her. And there isn't a lot of time left. My ex says that if I want the kids to see her then I have to bring her in from interstate to see them. Well she is very elderly and frail and this is obviously not practical.

Anyway, I have my first court hearing in early January. Despite what the other guys say I am optimistic because the only thing I have to lose is a few $$$. Anything I get in relation to time with the children can only be better then what I have got at the moment.

 

[Absolutely]

G'day Absolutely,

I read this whole thread tonight as it is the first time i have come across it and is a subject that relates to my situation aswell. From what i have read, you have every right to be able to spend time with your children and no feasable reason that you have stated as to why this would be denied.

I only got to keep 27.5% of our marriage assets and now am paying over $500/week in child support. My ex can earn up just over $40,000 before it affects the child support that i pay. Who in their right mind can tell me that that is a fair deal? My situation never went to court but solicitors did quite well out of it and i gave in on some things just to get the split over and done with. I'm very good with budgeting and finances and its just as well. I currently live on a fairly tight budget, even though i have a well paid job and go without things so that i can put money aside to spend on my kids and invest for my future.

The one thing that i am extremely greatful for though is access to kids. I have them for a couple of hours every Tuesday evening, every 2nd weekend and up to half of their school holidays (which is why i have them right now!). From my experience, fathers are definitely not treated equally at present, but, i don't want to rock the boat for obvious reasons. Money comes a very distant second when you take into account spending valuable time with your children.

Personally, i think this a great thread and hopefully we can share experiences and most importantly encourage each other.

Hi AussiePaul,

Yes we are in a similar boat. I pay about the same child support as you. I guess I had a little more cash from the partnership - about 50% but I was never actually married and under defacto laws I am told she has actually got a good deal. But my issue is more obtaining reasonable time with the kids - I am trying to get to where you are. And as you say I am entitled to it. I have had two independent lawyers, a family court councilor and the shared parenting council tell me the same thing.

But yes I will keep you up to date on my progress with the courts on this thread.

Cheers

 

[legs]

What it alllllllllll comes down to is how co-operative your ex wants to be. NOW TELL ME THEY DONT HAVE THE POWER!!! ....Courts essentially bend to what she is willing to give you and allow them to have what THEY want put into writing. Thats all, it isn't legally binding cos if they miss a scheduled visitation (say they are away without notice) you can take her back to court just to hear the judge say "don't do it again". Thats all they can say, wont fine, wont do Jack Chit.

 

[DaleGG]

Hi

At the risk of being rude....a very real definition of divorce could be:

"the screwing you get for the screwing you got"

To be honest though, the CSA are a law unto themselves.

Dale

 

[Happy]

Settlements are usually pro-female, because traditionally mother was more involved in kids upbringing and father was the breadwinner.

Now in 2 income families rules have changed, but courts are still to catch up with reality.

 

[Freeballinginawetsuit]

Hi AussiePaul,

But my issue is more obtaining reasonable time with the kids.

But yes I will keep you up to date on my progress with the courts on this thread.

Cheers

It certainly is all about the kids & them being afforded the parenting of there dad............thats your right and there's!.

Absolutely your on the right track mate. Increase your status quo (in regards to parenting times).
Aside from weekends and holidays, go for overnight block times during the school week inclusive of weekends. Down the track this will put you in a better legal position for equal time basis.

All the best in January

 

[legs]

It certainly is all about the kids & them being afforded the parenting of there dad............thats your right and there's!.

Absolutely your on the right track mate. Increase your status quo (in regards to parenting times).
Aside from weekends and holidays, go for overnight block times during the school week inclusive of weekends. Down the track this will put you in a better legal position for equal time basis.

All the best in January

Good luck having them overnight during the week and working too...I hope you have a g/f or partner willing to help..because i was alone i couldnt even try this and work as well. But if you can, i would...I would do anything to have more time with my daughter.

 

[Whiskers]

Hi Julia, in fact it is compulsory now to have minimum 3 hours mediation before heading to court. If one party doesn't turn up it would be quite damning for them in court.

Well that's a good thing to hear, Absolutely. In the mid 90's my ex didn't even show up for the mediation. In fact I had a hard job getting her into relationship counselling a couple of years before she split, when I first noticed a problem. She begrudgingly came along a few times.

If we could get to a situation where the conduct and demeanour of the parties in compulsary mediation could be related to the Judge by qualified psychologists and be taken into account by the Judge when deciding the case, I think we would not see so many cases repeatedly going back to court for the Judge to find out at much expense who the unreasonable, dishonest 'Toxic' people are.

I reckon from perusal of some case law that this problem is roughly evenly split between male and female trying to wrought the system.

I will briefly relate my story and what I found for the benifit of those still wrestling with the system, with reference to Toxic People, whom I am inclined to think make up the majority of troublesome cases.

I didn't contest custody of the kids because I didn't want them to be seen as a financial asset. Besides the ex and her parents 'built them up' to leave one day while I was away from home, and she kept putting obsticales between us including trying to get a protection order on the premise that I was harassing and stalking her. The police prosecutor didn't take long to see that she was just trying to use, rather abuse the system to try to stop me calling to her house to pick up the daughter. The Magistrate then made an order that I be allowed to phone her 3 times per week and call to pick her up.

Unfortunately, she had a very nice story to twist all the facts around at the trial and despite what I thought was proving that she lied about material evidence in her affidavits of evidence she somehow persuaded the judge at trial that I was the villan, that she was the one who tried counselling but it didn't work, etc all to make sure that she got an extra 15% of the assetts for child maintaince on the premise that there was no guarantee that I would make enough taxable income to pay child support after being lumbered with a heap of debt that she lied about not having any knowledge of and convinced the judge that I must have incurred it after seperation.

As I was getting the evidence together to prove she lied, to change the orders so I could refinance the debt to keep the property, she just as ruthlessly expedited the sale process to shut me down... partly out of revenge, but mostly to force me back into paid employment so she could double dip and get child support automatically deducted from my wage again. Fortunately for me, she didn't force me back into paid employment, but she did have the CSA harass me for a few extra dollars just before the kids got too old.

It took me awhile to wakeup that she had a new boyfriend and planned to leave some two years earlier, but took the time to set up the situation and milked me all the way.

T'was a good act. I had worked 6 and 7 days most weeks for years and built my own large brick home in what spare time I had, trying to get financial enough to please her. I ended up with chronic fatigue and related issues and an empty house... eventually no house.

The moral of my story and seems to be confirmed by my research into case law, that if your situation ends in court and you know you have not been unreasonable, dishonest or disloyal to the family relationship, then your partner most likely is and is going for the juggler vein.

I was under the misaprehension that most cases were decided at trial. Not sure what the figures are now, but I think I was told later that only about 5% of cases go to trial.

If only I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been so tolerant of her. I would have seen her for what she was... a toxic person. Ironically I had started my own business a few years earlier and was getting more involved in community organisations, as opposed to centreing our relationship around her family, and just months before she left, I started an intensive Group Facilitation Conflict Resolution Course. It is now obviuos that she saw she wasn't winning control of me with guilt tricks etc so she went directly to plan B.

My big mistake was that I took a more passive position of letting her rants and rage mostly fly over my head for too long. If I knew then what I know now, I should have taken a strong uncompromising assertive position, because although the kids have grown up now the wife still walks across the street when she sees me coming and she and her parents give the kids a hard time if they associate with me.

I just googled toxic people for the benifit of those not familiar, and came up with a brief summary ... on the Oprah Winfrey site ... but it's as good a summary as I have seen anywhere.

Toxic Relationships: The People

Some relationships constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways. Several types of people will exhaust you or deter you from your path to living a fulfilled life. Life coach Cheryl Richardson describes six types of toxic qualities in people.

The Blamer
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn't working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you.

The Drainer
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

The Shamer
This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

The Discounter
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

The Gossip
This person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest "scoop." By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he'll talk about someone else, he'll talk about you.

http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/lybl/control/ss_lybl_control_10_b.jhtml