Women make poor partner choices

nunthewiser · 30 December 2009

Mr J said:
Many people make poor partner choices. For better and worse, the vast majority of people let emotions guide their decisions.

Is lust an emotion or just an animal instinct ?

condog · 30 December 2009

Because like any abusive situation the abuser uses fear and intimidation to disempower them and rob them of thier self belief, self worth and they feel comletely powerless. Combine that with usually a lack of resources to pack up and move, often a lack of support networks due to long term abuse and bang......shes stuck....or at least she feels she is...

Mr J · 30 December 2009

Julia said:
A fate which I imagine will never happen to you, Mr J.

I let it happen all the time Julia . I should have expanded by saying that most of us can control the influence of our emotions to an extent. I think most people have control over the influence in little things, such as doing a chore rather than watching a movie, but I think the more important a decision becomes, the less most people are able to control the influence of emotion. This would include things such as marrying the wrong partner, trying to save a loved one with no chance of success etc. I'm not quite sure where I fall in the spectrum as I haven't been forced to make tough decisions in life.

nunthewiser said:
Is lust an emotion or just an animal instinct ?

Both I think. I would guess emotions developed from instinct.

Julia · 30 December 2009

nunthewiser said:
Is lust an emotion or just an animal instinct ?

Hmm. I'd say it's pretty much all biological, so more your animal instinct than emotional in origin.

Mr J said:
I let it happen all the time Julia .

Well, I'm surprised Mr J. You always convey the impression of being very in control of everything that has, is and could happen to you. Glad to know you are still subject to the occasional spontaneous reaction!

I should have expanded by saying that most of us can control the influence of our emotions to an extent. I think most people have control over the influence in little things, such as doing a chore rather than watching a movie, but I think the more important a decision becomes, the less most people are able to control the influence of emotion. This would include things such as marrying the wrong partner, trying to save a loved one with no chance of success etc.

Probably true. And perhaps because of as above, the biological urge which is often masked by protestations of something much more cerebral. i.e. it's love rather than simply lust.

[ I'm not quite sure where I fall in the spectrum as I haven't been forced to make tough decisions in life

That's honest of you. You might find things are not quite so simple when you're actually affected personally.

Smurf1976 · 31 December 2009

condog said:
Because like any abusive situation the abuser uses fear and intimidation to disempower them and rob them of thier self belief, self worth and they feel comletely powerless. Combine that with usually a lack of resources to pack up and move, often a lack of support networks due to long term abuse and bang......shes stuck....or at least she feels she is...

The single worst case I've ever seen involved a male victim and female abuser. Judging by their following encounters with police, courts and lawyers it would seem to be not an uncommon situation, but the barriers to resolution are much harder to get through when the victim is male.

The abuse I'm referring to was emotional, psychological and financial rather than physcial as such, although her insisting that he undertake physical work non-stop all day (every day) would border on physical abuse in my opinion.

4 years, a fortune in lawyers and numerous court orders (most of them blatantly ignored with no consequences) later, that one is sort of resolved.

Don't assume the victim is always female. That's the stereotype but not the reality from what I've seen.

Mr J · 1 January 2010

Julia said:
Well, I'm surprised Mr J. You always convey the impression of being very in control of everything that has, is and could happen to you. Glad to know you are still subject to the occasional spontaneous reaction!

Actually, my life philosophy is no different than my trading philosophy. It places a lot of emphasis on probability and lack of control. I may control myself, but not my environment. However, I can be aware and better position myself, or even influence that environment.

That's honest of you. You might find things are not quite so simple when you're actually affected personally.

I speculate that it might be that simple, but my perspective may see it as complicated due to emotion . Back on emotion, I say emotion drives me, but I didn't say which emotions. I'm sure we all feel different emotions to different magnitudes.

Wysiwyg · 1 January 2010

Mr J said:
I speculate that it might be that simple, but my perspective may see it as complicated due to emotion . Back on emotion, I say emotion drives me, but I didn't say which emotions. I'm sure we all feel different emotions to different magnitudes.

In my experience there are two types of emotion. Firstly the raw emotion that is purely natural with no ulterior motive and secondly the dramatised emotion used to manipulate a given situation.

Which brings forth a postulation that all emotion is a dramatisation of thoughts. Thoughts which vary intensity depending upon the individuals cerebrum content and the individuals perceived pay-off from a good quality dramatisation.

gav · 2 January 2010

Smurf1976 said:
The single worst case I've ever seen involved a male victim and female abuser. Judging by their following encounters with police, courts and lawyers it would seem to be not an uncommon situation, but the barriers to resolution are much harder to get through when the victim is male.

Don't assume the victim is always female. That's the stereotype but not the reality from what I've seen.

Unfortunately I found this out for myself years ago. I think people underestimate the emotional and psychological abuse, and the power it can have over the victim - regardless of which sex is the victim. Unfortunately the support for males in this position is pretty much zilch - which only makes the problem worse and it drags out longer. I'd consider it the darkest period of my life. In fact this is the first time I've brought it up outside my family and current partner.

The abuse lasted two years, and it took me nearly two years after that to begin trusting any females. I literally thought "they were all the same" and had alterior motives with everything they did, trying to manipulate power and control. Judging from some of the comments I've seen on ASF (not just this thread), there are a few male ASF'ers who think like this.

Fortunately I don't think like that now, although I am weary when I notice certain traits similar to the abuser in other females.

noirua · 2 January 2010

Mr J said:
Many people make poor partner choices. For better and worse, the vast majority of people let emotions guide their decisions.

My first wife made a poor partner choice, she married me.

Garpal Gumnut · 2 January 2010

I have had 4 wives and numerous other partners and I must disagree.

I think they all made an excellent choice.

gg

noirua · 11 January 2010

Garpal Gumnut said:
I have had 4 wives and numerous other partners and I must disagree.

I think they all made an excellent choice.

gg

Did you really mean they made an excellent choice in leaving you?

Women make poor partner choices

nunthewiser

condog

Mr J

Julia

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Smurf1976

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noirua

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