The love of my life has died: How can I ever be free to live again?

[basilio]

The love of my life hasn't died. Nonetheless it seems almost every month a friend or relative is falling sick or falling off the perch. One day it will be me. I'm sure every other person on ASF goes through the same trauma.

This is a very thoughtful "Ask Phillipa" question. Powerful story. Beautiful response. The comments from people who have also lost their loved ones are also thought provoking.

The love of my life has died. How can I ever be free to live again?​

It’s possible to honour the memory of your lost love, while also finding happiness elsewhere

Philippa Perry
Sun 25 Jun 2023 15.01 AESTLast modified on Sun 25 Jun 2023 18.27 AEST
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...how-can-i-ever-be-free-to-live-again#comments
272
The question My man died of cancer five years ago. He was 61. We had children and grandchildren. He had been “the man of my life” for the last 35 years. We were in love. Each day, each night, we told each other how we were feeling good together. Our life was just as we wished it could be. We had a small country house where he was living full-time since he retired and, as I was still working, I came back home from my work every Friday night for the weekend. We were like two lovebirds meeting again.

You can imagine how painful it was to lose him. Each day during the years after his death, everything made me think of him: music, snow, sun, rain, food, films… It was very hard to sell our house. But I had to do it and I did. I am having to rebuild my life brick by brick, but it feels as if joy will never come back.

I never met a man who would be able to take his place. It is too hard to throw away pictures of him or letters he wrote me, I am holding on to some of his clothes still. I know I must let go, but I feel as if I would be betraying him if I did. Because of this, I feel that my life (particularly my love life) is in limbo. I’m not really living. How can I let him go? How can I be free again? How can I live again?

The love of my life has died. How can I ever be free to live again? | Ask Philippa

It’s possible to honour the memory of your lost love, while also finding happiness elsewhere

www.theguardian.com

 

[farmerge]

The love of my life hasn't died. Nonetheless it seems almost every month a friend or relative is falling sick or falling off the perch. One day it will be me. I'm sure every other person on ASF goes through the same trauma.

This is a very thoughtful "Ask Phillipa" question. Powerful story. Beautiful response. The comments from people who have also lost their loved ones are also thought provoking.

The love of my life has died. How can I ever be free to live again?​

It’s possible to honour the memory of your lost love, while also finding happiness elsewhere

View attachment 158672
Philippa Perry
Sun 25 Jun 2023 15.01 AESTLast modified on Sun 25 Jun 2023 18.27 AEST
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...how-can-i-ever-be-free-to-live-again#comments
272
The question My man died of cancer five years ago. He was 61. We had children and grandchildren. He had been “the man of my life” for the last 35 years. We were in love. Each day, each night, we told each other how we were feeling good together. Our life was just as we wished it could be. We had a small country house where he was living full-time since he retired and, as I was still working, I came back home from my work every Friday night for the weekend. We were like two lovebirds meeting again.

You can imagine how painful it was to lose him. Each day during the years after his death, everything made me think of him: music, snow, sun, rain, food, films… It was very hard to sell our house. But I had to do it and I did. I am having to rebuild my life brick by brick, but it feels as if joy will never come back.

I never met a man who would be able to take his place. It is too hard to throw away pictures of him or letters he wrote me, I am holding on to some of his clothes still. I know I must let go, but I feel as if I would be betraying him if I did. Because of this, I feel that my life (particularly my love life) is in limbo. I’m not really living. How can I let him go? How can I be free again? How can I live again?

The love of my life has died. How can I ever be free to live again? | Ask Philippa

It’s possible to honour the memory of your lost love, while also finding happiness elsewhere

www.theguardian.com

Unfortunately it is a fact of life that this scenario faces us all. Our partents siblings and even children. I know it took me a long time to lose that heavy heart when my Mum finally took her last gasp some years ago. She had suffered from dimencia for 14 years and didn't know us at all, but She was still my MUM.

 

[Garpal Gumnut]

My gaaaawd !!

gg

 

[sptrawler]

As a good friend of mine used to say, "onward, ever onward, an eternity of rest lies ahead", he had a good take on life and he lived it to the fullest, loud and proud.

 

[IFocus]

As a good friend of mine used to say, "onward, ever onward, an eternity of rest lies ahead", he had a good take on life and he lived it to the fullest, loud and proud.

Yes short life long death ?

 

[farmerge]

Yes short life long death ?

Unfortunately this fate awaits us all, sometimes early and other times much later on.

 

[Skate]

Just the news I didn't want to hear
Whilst having a skin cancer removed I made the remark that "old age has nothing going for it".

The doctor assured me "It doesn't last long"

Skate.

 

[Tisme]

Mine passed at age 52. Wonderful woman. Still weap a little now and again.

 

[basilio]

Just the news I didn't want to hear
Whilst having a skin cancer removed I made the remark that "old age has nothing going for it".

The doctor assured me "It doesn't last long"

Skate.

How long do we want to hang around if we are in failing health ? Depends I suppose on circumstances. If there a bunch of impatient inheritors hanging around it would make life miserable.

 

[Skate]

How long do we want to hang around if we are in failing health ? Depends I suppose on circumstances. If there a bunch of impatient inheritors hanging around it would make life miserable.

@basilio, I'm planning on living forever!

So far, so good.

Skate.

 

[Skate]

Depends I suppose on circumstances. If there a bunch of impatient inheritors

@basilio, they tell me money can't buy you happiness!

But I can assure you it keeps my kids close.

Skate.

 

[PZ99]

@basilio, I'm planning on living forever!

So far, so good.

Skate.

Plan to live forever.. or at least die trying

 

[farmerge]

How long do we want to hang around if we are in failing health ? Depends I suppose on circumstances. If there a bunch of impatient inheritors hanging around it would make life miserable.

Story to this is spend it all before the final curtain call.

 

[basilio]

Story to this is spend it all before the final curtain call.

Thinking of going SKIng ?. (Spending Kids Inheritance )

 

[farmerge]

Thinking of going SKIng ?. (Spending Kids Inheritance )

She and Me agree that we will be enjoying the fruits of our hard labour from the years gone by and not be leaving too much as an inheritance.
Both of our sons are in extremely sound financial positions and would have no need of the peanuts we would or might be leaving behind.

 

[sptrawler]

Mine passed at age 52. Wonderful woman. Still weap a little now and again.

That must have been a massive tragedy, it has taken me a long time to answer you, because I'm the sort of person who tries to put myself in the other persons shoes and think about it.
To be honest I wept a bit thinking if I was in your shoes, I fortunately have been married to the love of my life for nearly 47 years we have been together 50 and now that I'm nearing 70 and being selfish, I hope I go first.
Commiserations mate.

 

[farmerge]

That must have been a massive tragedy, it has taken me a long time to answer you, because I'm the sort of person who tries to put myself in the other persons shoes and think about it.
To be honest I wept a bit thinking if I was in your shoes, I fortunately have been married to the love of my life for nearly 47 years we have been together 50 and now that I'm nearing 70 and being selfish, I hope I go first.
Commiserations mate.

Can't add more to your response Mr sp but well said
She and I, 51.5 years and would be devastated if she left me.

 

[Dona Ferentes]

Mine passed at age 52. Wonderful woman. Still weap a little now and again.

"If you don't love, you don't grieve."
.
It's a tough gig. Been 7 years for me, and I have only just been able to talk about it /things/ her.

 

[basilio]

I thought this story fitted well in this thread. A woman diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease decides to take the Voluntary Assisted Dying option and gives 4 other people a new life.

I heard her son talk on ABC this morning and through the pained he was still proud of his mothers grace.

Ballarat nurse Marlene Bevern first Australian to donate organs after voluntary assisted dying​

ABC Radio Melbourne
/ By Madi Chwasta and Mary Gearin
Posted 7h ago7 hours ago, updated 1h ago1 hours ago

Marlene Bevern always wanted to be an organ donor.(ABC: Darryl Torpy)
Share this article

Link copied
As Marlene Bevern approached the end of her life, there was only one thing that really made her smile — the possibility her death would be life-saving.

The former nurse from Ballarat was diagnosed with an aggressive form of motor neurone disease (MND) and was given months to live.
She wanted to end her life via voluntary assisted dying (VAD) after seeing her husband Robert experience a painful death from pancreatic cancer eight years earlier.

But she also wanted to donate her organs — something that had never been done in Australia by someone after assisted dying.
However, a combination of determination, medical support, and good fortune made it possible.

Ms Bevern, 66, chose to die at Grampians Health Ballarat earlier this year, where she relinquished her lungs, liver, and kidneys.
Her organs saved four lives

Minutes before she died, Ballarat nurse Marlene found out she would save four lives

The former nurse was diagnosed with an aggressive form of motor neurone disease and given months to live. Her dying wish was to save lives — and she did in an Australian first.

www.abc.net.au

 

[farmerge]

I thought this story fitted well in this thread. A woman diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease decides to take the Voluntary Assisted Dying option and gives 4 other people a new life.

I heard her son talk on ABC this morning and through the pained he was still proud of his mothers grace.

Ballarat nurse Marlene Bevern first Australian to donate organs after voluntary assisted dying​

ABC Radio Melbourne
/ By Madi Chwasta and Mary Gearin
Posted 7h ago7 hours ago, updated 1h ago1 hours ago
View attachment 162763
Marlene Bevern always wanted to be an organ donor.(ABC: Darryl Torpy)
Share this article

Link copied
As Marlene Bevern approached the end of her life, there was only one thing that really made her smile — the possibility her death would be life-saving.

The former nurse from Ballarat was diagnosed with an aggressive form of motor neurone disease (MND) and was given months to live.
She wanted to end her life via voluntary assisted dying (VAD) after seeing her husband Robert experience a painful death from pancreatic cancer eight years earlier.

But she also wanted to donate her organs — something that had never been done in Australia by someone after assisted dying.
However, a combination of determination, medical support, and good fortune made it possible.

Ms Bevern, 66, chose to die at Grampians Health Ballarat earlier this year, where she relinquished her lungs, liver, and kidneys.
Her organs saved four lives

Minutes before she died, Ballarat nurse Marlene found out she would save four lives

The former nurse was diagnosed with an aggressive form of motor neurone disease and given months to live. Her dying wish was to save lives — and she did in an Australian first.

www.abc.net.au

What a wonderful woman, had a heart of gold.