Somali Pirates working for Goldman Sachs

[baby_swallow]

NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) – Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.

There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, “We are doing God’s work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein.”

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis’ work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.

“We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday,” the pirate said.

The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, “plus to get our share of the bailout money.”

In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.

“There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates,” one government source said. “But if they’re bankers, our hads are tied.”

 

[weird]

Funny , but believe it is a viral joke, have not seen any actual news companies pick the story up.

 

[BradK]

Funny , but believe it is a viral joke, have not seen any actual news companies pick the story up.

LOL. You think? .... on reflection, truth is stranger than fiction. I wouldn't doubt anything with Lloyd Blankcheque.

 

[Agentm]

i read it a few days back. pretty amusing imho

 

[basilio]

Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.

There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, “We are doing God’s work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein.”

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis’ work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.

Beautiful piece of satire.

Not too far off the mark historically of course.... One of the more outrageous lurks of some English shipowners in the 1800's was sending out hopelessly overloaded ships that had reached their use by date and making sure that they had excellent insurance. One small gale was all it took to make a very profitable result.

The modern day equivalent - in effect the Goldman sux model - is a used car salesman selling a shiny car with defective brakes and steering - and then taking out life insurance on the lucky family that bought the beast.

 

[Agentm]

Beautiful piece of satire.

Not too far off the mark historically of course.... One of the more outrageous lurks of some English shipowners in the 1800's was sending out hopelessly overloaded ships that had reached their use by date and making sure that they had excellent insurance. One small gale was all it took to make a very profitable result.

The modern day equivalent - in effect the Goldman sux model - is a used car salesman selling a shiny car with defective brakes and steering - and then taking out life insurance on the lucky family that bought the beast.

the somalian operations are all funded ops..

the way i had it told was you put in about 200k - 500k as an investor , that funds a boat, crew food and supplies. its organised for you by agents. they set it all up for a price and then your on the way.. most of the ops are funded from off shore, (not from somalia)

the crew of boys work the shipping channels, and once they have a vessel under their command the hard work starts, the negotiations.. you demand 15 mill, depending on the size of vessel and cargo and tonnage.. and then usually walk away with 3 - 5 mill, which is dropped by aircraft, the money put on board, divided up and all go home happy..

 

[bloomy88]

Haha gold! Makes me thing of the Somali pirates episode of south park

 

[Miner]

I do not find any fault with Somalian pirates to work for Goldman Sachs

It is glamamorous considering to be paid millions equating them those Harvard and Stanford graduates hired by Goldman and yielded GFC any way

It is glamarous considering we Australian attacked Indonesia and liberated East Timor in the name of freedom so that we can suck oil?

It is glamarous compared to George Bush invaded Iraq in the name of fake WMD and creaed more terrorism across the world which is being paid by all of us including USA

It is glamarous compared to fellow Somalians are starving and most of them either stealing or becoming refugees.


Of course I was cynical but why blame Somalians ? Have we stopped investing with Goldman Sachs ? Have we jailed those decision makers ?

No No so why we whinge ?

 

[xyzedarteerf]

That's what I thought about the AK47 fairy...but there it is it does exist.

 

[GumbyLearner]

That's what I thought about the AK47 fairy...but there it is it does exist.

Smear him in mud and I bet he can still fly though.