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New Scientific Shock

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wayneL

VIVA LA LIBERTAD, CARAJO!
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New experiments undertaken by scientists have proven that since 1750, the world has become more than 250 years older. They estimate that by the end of the century, at least 90 years will be added to the age of the planet.

Scientists are not sure whether the reason is natural or anthropogenic, but suspect is it caused by man manufacturing watches and calendars.

The UN has formed a new panel to investigate and combat the problem and has suggested a time tax as first order of business. They have warned that unless urgent action is taken, almost every person alive today will probably be dead by 2100.

The new committee is calling for suggestions for a name for the new panel.

Developing....
 
Now that is preposterous. There is almost a hint of suggestion that maybe if we possibly did not know what day it was we would stay youthful forever.
 

Thank goodness scientists who have no conflicting interests have and are going to study this, or I would not have believed it.

I do not know how we can afford to do anything about this though, as we are still trying to combat the hole in the ozone layer, Y2k bug and global warming.

I guess we are all doomed.
 

"Time Team"?



 

Careful.... knowing their propensity for plagiarism, most of the hard working world media will prolly pick up on this with a massive cut 'n paste program. I expect front page headlines in tomorrow's papers... ergo,

"WORLD EXPERT TIME TEAM WARNS OF IMPENDING DOOM!!",

followed by word for word quoting of the above shocking factual data.

 
In response to this global problem the government has announced the implementation of a clock-tick trading scheme immediately. Any corporation not making use of clock-ticks will be able to trade their clock-tick credits to clock-tick consumers.

The ASX (ASX:ASX) share price will likely plummet as apparently they are one of the heaviest users of clock ticks. On the other hand the share price of "Hobo Drinking and Partying Enterprises" is expected to rise sharply as they make no use whatsoever of clock ticks except to find out what time the bottlo opens of a morning, and thus will get windfall profits from trading their clock tick credits.


Disclosure: The author is a substantial shareholder in Hobo Drinking and Partying Enterprises.
 
If I get one of these new clock thingys and use it to assist me waking up in the morning, will I be labeled as an alarmist?
 
Timmy said:
If I get one of these new clock thingys and use it to assist me waking up in the morning, will I be labeled as an alarmist?
Click to expand...

If so then I would avoid any climate change threads if I were you.
 
Currently Im working on a "second -ary market" to counter act those shorting hours and going long minutes.
 
wayneL said:
Scientists are not sure whether the reason is natural or anthropogenic, but suspect is it caused by man manufacturing watches and calendars.
Click to expand...

I think it's because we didn't convert to decimal time. However I do think we should increase taxes steeply to raise a trillion dollars to perfect the time machine before time runs out. It is a non-renewable resource after all.

I remember an old song called "The End of Time." Apparently this new and alarming theory is not new. We must get "the science" right this time.
 
Let me guess, the media are going to call this a:

 

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I'm not too worried, I am a time traveller. I travel through time every day. I will travel into the future and see what happens. I'll even let you know if you like, but you'll have to meet me in the future.
 
I am prepared to travel the world with a glib presentation including graphs showing how time has elapsed and is continuing to elapse and will eventually kill each and every one of us.

I am going to have to ask a few of you for financial backing of course but its for the greater good

cheers
Surly
 
There seems to be a correlation between the beginning of each day and rooster behaviour.
I think killing all roosters might help slow this whole thing down.
 
I don't understand... this has been discovered ages ago, and there is already a market mechanism for dealing with time. It's called time decay in options valuation (Wayne should know this!)
 
Maybe if we destroy all the clocks in the world, or at least set them to run at half speed...

We should add a few more hours to each day, a new day in each week, and extend the year considerably.
 
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