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How does one become a Sheikh?

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Garpal Gumnut

Ross Island Hotel
Joined
2 January 2006
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With this fellow Haron being now widely reported in the Daily Telegraph, a publication not given to inaccuracy or hyperbole, I was wondering how does one become a sheikh.

He is a sheikh.

When I was a lad, sheikhs were few and far between, even in the Middle East, and usually had buxom lassies with see through veils lounging about them.

How the world has changed.

Now every second man jack is either a reverend, mullah, pastor or sheikh.

Is there a TAFE course that one could go to whereby one could get, after a suitable few years of studying godbothering, a title such as sheikh or pastor.

I rather fancy Sheikh Garpal Gumnut, or The Rev. Garpal Gumnut, or Mullah Garpal, or Pastor Gumnut .

If there is no such academy, would anyone like to go into partnership with me to start a College of Advanced Godbothering Titles.

I feel $1000 a term, 3 terms a year , payable in advance for 2 years with $500 for an embossed certificate at the end to be reasonable.

gg
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

I'm not sure why you would want to restrict your potential congregation to a single faith as would be the case if you became Sheik whoever, gg.

Why not just become an "all things to all people" guru, have your own cult?

With your charm and persuasion, it would seem a piece of cake to get the disciples clamouring at your feet, ready to pay homage in megabucks.

We live in a world of confusion and too many laws and regulations.
If you were to offer the, um, golden path of enlightenment, dress in some flowing robes and mutter a few esoteric phrases, I'm sure the disenfranchised would be converts in no time.
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

Yes GG, I agree with Julia.

Starting your own cult would be a piece of p!ss for a skilled moral tradesman such as yourself.

Brad
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh


I agree Julia, but saffron ain't my colour.

And I've always wanted to be a sheikh or a pastor like that ole yankee nutter with the false teeth and the dressing gown, in front of the big windows on TV of a Sunday, with all the Gullibles a singing and a throwing money at him and his overweight choir.

Then there are the damsels with the see through veils. So maybe I'll go for a sheikh.

Or maybe both.

I'd still enlighten those with the cash upfront.

Would you like to be a Sister, Julia, then we'd have a broad appeal.

I could set up a $10 company tomorrow.

gg
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

BradK said:
Yes GG, I agree with Julia.

Starting your own cult would be a piece of p!ss for a skilled moral tradesman such as yourself.

Brad
Click to expand...

Townsville's all out of cults. Storm financial gave cults a bad name. There are still some cults left though.

gg
 

My only advice is you should considering moving to Afghanistan Garp.

Harvest export opium and get some drilling rights for natural gas on the plot you purchase there.

You'll be a sheikh in no time.

But you'll have to allow only sharia law to be taught within the education system of your own little fiefdom.

That way at least us plebs out in the burbs have a place to send hate mail with photos of the Aussie school kids who overdosed on the smack exported from your interests there.

Just make sure you post an Afghanistan mailing address on this thread.
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

Garpal Gumnut said:
I agree Julia, but saffron ain't my colour.
Click to expand...
Actually I had in mind a rich purple.
I'd still enlighten those with the cash upfront.

Would you like to be a Sister, Julia, then we'd have a broad appeal.

I could set up a $10 company tomorrow.

gg
Click to expand...
What percentage of the takings would I get, gg? Presumably it would be tax free?
 
To become a sheikh, you need to be well respected in the business forum and have a billion dollars worth of business.
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

Garpal Gumnut said:
Townsville's all out of cults. Storm financial gave cults a bad name. There are still some cults left though.

gg
Click to expand...

Was this third cults a typo gg? The l & the n aren't that close together

Acoording to an Eminem song there are 2 steps;
1) Grow a beard
2) Get weird
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

springhill said:
Was this third cults a typo gg? The l & the n aren't that close together

Acoording to an Eminem song there are 2 steps;
1) Grow a beard
2) Get weird
Click to expand...

Or according to Eminem's D12

Check out Bizarre's lyrics

Shaddy done got me on this song
Eatin a hot dog readin the Holy Qu'ran, while I'm on the john
Tired of wearin this yellow thong
Take it back Sisqo, you know where it belongs (thong th-thong thong)
Now here's a gun, I'll put it in your palm
Now go over there and blow up Dru Hill's arms
**** your love songs


Avoid this kind of music IMHO it's certainly not going to help in creating any credibility to establish a sheikhdom
 

hey GG, it is clear to me a Bagwhan is the most appropriate style of religious/cult leader to suit your style.

Benefits include: multiple Roll Royces, hot free loving chicks, tithing of income and assets to you.

Surely you are old enough to remember them?

How does the color Orange suit you?
 
I think you should take a good look at scientology and how they set up shop. The ultimate in creating religion. Your mentor and how to guide is L Ron Hubbard. You could call yourself the church of Gumnut and I am sure a few ASF members could help get you set up and ready to rake in the doe with your own brand of self help courses and relationship guidance.

Story in the paper today that a guy commited suicide after doing one of their courses. Probably after he seen the $25,000 bill they had dished out.
 
overit said:
I think you should take a good look at scientology and how they set up shop. The ultimate in creating religion.
Click to expand...

Not the first case to be involved with them. Here is a hand written version of the "beginning" in which we all became infected with body thetans and hence the source of all mankinds ailments. To be "cleared" one has to be audited with an e-meter and have the blocks lifted by recalling the past event. The e-meter needle moves a certain way when the patient runs an incident. Scientology also dead-agent people. Which means anyone comes too close with intent to undermine the cult they have a policy to follow that will cover up an incident or discredit the investigator. They have their own lawyers for the legal stuff too.
Let me know if you want to know more. I got tonnes on them.
 

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They are some crazy dudes! I am more fascinated at it from the organizational side of it. How you can con so many people and to set up your own church from a business point of view. Then the inner workings of what happens and how you keep it all held together. Amazing stuff. I also wonder about the celebs they have enlisted. Surely they must be in on the con. A pure master stroke by Mr Hubbard, all pulled off from right infront of our eyes in modern times. And then not lets forget making bucket loads of money from it.
 
GG....you can marry Mrs Sheikh and inherit her camels.

Some people are born Sheikhs
Others inherit their Sheikhs
Few achieve Sheikhdom
What about Gumnut?
 

Easy

Just start calling yourself a sheikh.

Who would know any different in Australia, let alone Far Nth QLD?

Storm got away with calling themselves Financial Advisers!!!
 
They have a series of levels to pass through. The operating thetan levals or o.t. levels. Each stage takes you deeper into the cult and your own psyche by design. The recruitment begins in a non-scene personality test in which invariably everyone has faults. Guess who has the key to unlock those repressed incidents. Uncle Ron. Yes then you are encouraged to read the book Dianetics and follow through with some auditing. The goal is to become "clear" at first and then the other levels are introduced the further down the rabbit hole one gets.

Want to know more?
 
Re: How does one become a Sheikh

Garpal Gumnut said:
I'd still enlighten those with the cash upfront.

Would you like to be a Sister, Julia, then we'd have a broad appeal.

I could set up a $10 company tomorrow.

gg
Click to expand...

What would the devotees be called? a Gumnitite? or perhaps a Gumnutter?

and a congregation? A bunch of Gummys?
 
Wysiwyg said:
Want to know more?
Click to expand...

Yes please.

Once your "inside" is it easy to break away from the church or do they make this difficult?

How much control do they put on your life? How expensive is it to progress through the levels? Who actually controls the church? Where does the excess money go?

Did the south park episode get it all right?
 
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