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Family Stress and Teenage Self Harm and Suicide

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Garpal Gumnut

Garpal Gumnut

Ross Island Hotel
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2 January 2006
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The condition of psychological problems and self harming of teenagers and the stress of families in Australian society seems not to be discussed openly online.

As caring parents and grandparents in the ASF community this is an opportunity to discuss it.

Perhaps even a teenager with a grasp of the market might wish to contribute.

gg
 
Lets have a look at some possible reasons why teenagers may commit suicide or otherwise prematurely end their lives

* gender confusion and perceived rejection by family and friends
* inability to live up to parental expectations in schoolwork
* poor body image -> anorexia, bolemia, obesity
* bullying at school for any reason, physical or mental disability, un healthy physique, stammering, autism, adhd...
* worry about the future, climate change, technology...
* drug abuse overdose (not necessarily suicide)
* alcohol abuse -> traffic accidents
* skylarking with guns or otherwise showing off to friends with dangerous equipment

All of these things should be able to be picked up at home or at school by people who are interested in the kids welfare.

I don't believe that children should be allowed unsupervised access to the internet, parents should have the right to know what their kids are reading or communicating.

Parental responsibility comes pretty high up in prevention of premature deaths in children imo.
 
SirRumpole said:
* perceived rejection by family and friends

All of these things should be able to be picked up at home or at school by people who are interested in the kids welfare.
Click to expand...

It all hinges on this one (bolded). If a sense of acceptance and worthiness is established, you just don't get problems.

It should be possible for a trained person to pick up such issues, but sufferers go to great lengths to hide the fact. Part of the hiding process is in the conversion of such emotional pain into symptoms such as poor academic performance, acting out, adhd, drug taking, physical aches and pains, fighting, bullying, etc etc. These symptoms then get diagnosed as discrete illnesses rather than symptoms of something deeper. Most health care practitioners have no idea how the mind works unfortunately. It's easier to say "diagnosis xyz" than "lacking parental love and attention".

"He/she just seemed like a normal happy person"... says the doofus.
 
SirRumpole said:
I don't believe that children should be allowed unsupervised access to the internet, parents should have the right to know what their kids are reading or communicating.
Click to expand...

Impossible and unrealistic. Educating your child about the internet and keeping constant dialogue and communication is the key, not 100% restriction.

SirRumpole said:
Parental responsibility comes pretty high up in prevention of premature deaths in children imo.
Click to expand...

While I agree, it doesn't always work out that way.
 
So where does one start on this challenging topic ? How one has coped/dealt with particular problems ? Strategies that have worked ? Resources that have proven useful ?

I think the Internet has a lot to answer for in terms of mental health issues. The range of problems that arise from exposure to the full range of dross and dribble on the net is enough to do anyones head in - let alone teenagers trying to learn who they are and what they would like to be. Some practical effort at keeping an eye on what children are exposed to and keeping constant dialogue and communication seem essential.

I agree that perceived rejection family or friends is going to be one of the big factors in mental health issues.

Has anyone seeen accessible resouces that are useful in this discussion ?
 
basilio said:
Has anyone seeen accessible resouces that are useful in this discussion ?
Click to expand...

I am of no assistance here as the information available is vast to digest on the internet.

The only valuable thing I can provide is this :

  1. Hug your children at least once a day, the power of touch/love is incredible.
  2. Tell your children that you love them regardless of what they have done or how they are thinking.
  3. Probe, investigate when you happy child is not happy, sometimes it is just the blues from normal day life, other times it is something more serious.
Example, my son was acting out of character the other day, he wouldn't tell me what was going on, fair.
Over the next few days I keep trying to understand his sudden change in character, he then told me of the situation he was facing with some friends, some dialogue insured, a hug or two then was given, we discussed more, I felt re leaved he could discuss these matters with his old man, he felt good that I could provide him with my insight (being more experienced but not necessarily wiser) and accepted the situation and moved forward, he learnt from the experience without it becoming baggage.
Back to happy child.

The issue was a social interaction problem, one that was not black or white, nor was their a clear solution.
 
It starts continues and ends with parents.
OR Gardian.

Leading by example
Nurturing family. Being INVOLVED
Showing respect. LISTENING
Being their most trusted friend.
Shining a light where there seems only to be
Darkness.

Life can be daunting
No matter how hard it gets it is AMAZING.

If all else fails go to a park and chat wirh a DUCK.
 
Whilst it's true that poor parenting is the cause of almost all childhood mental health and other coping problems, there's two things about this that need balancing:

- If a parent is unfit for the task, it's because his own parents messed him up. How could such a person be capable of love and attention when his own parents never gave that much to him? It's simply not going to happen. The cycle continues generation after generation until someone learns to take responsibility, and that relates to the next point...

- If your parents caused your issues, there's absolutely nothing to gain by blaming them. That's a completely powerless position. Now it's up to you to develop your sense of worth out of your own efforts. If your parents were truly useless, you could even try to develop a sense of compassion for them. Not pity, compassion. What painful stuff must have happened to them to make them like that?

I've said many times before in the philosophy threads that we don't understand how the deeper aspects of life work, and this is a prime example. How/why did you get the parents you got? What intelligence/energy/algorithm decided that? One thing's absolutely for sure - you didn't make the decision yourself, because you weren't in existence at your own conception.
 
Last edited:
True GB
Over the years and now we deal with lot of broken people
We looked after many street kids 15 yrs ago
A few have adopted us as MUM and DAD.
While pretty well all remain broken in some way
Their kids our grand kids have mostly gone on to
Be capable of facing and enjoying life.

Be there when they reach out
Above all show respect and DONT get involved
In the self defeating blame game.
Simply leave it behind---live in the NOW

Seek out a quack!
 
There should be more resources available to parents to enable them to better understand and converse with their children rather than leaving it to chance and expecting the taxpayer to clean up the mess later.
 
From what I know there was a small group who
Had an on going history with her.
Over a few years.The kids don't talk about it much
Her dad worked for me for a period, he is a good
Community type person the whole family is.
 
tech/a said:
True GB
Over the years and now we deal with lot of broken people
We looked after many street kids 15 yrs ago
A few have adopted us as MUM and DAD.
While pretty well all remain broken in some way
Their kids our grand kids have mostly gone on to
Be capable of facing and enjoying life.

Be there when they reach out
Above all show respect and DONT get involved
In the self defeating blame game.
Simply leave it behind---live in the NOW

Seek out a quack!
Click to expand...
Good on you Duck.
 
SirRumpole said:
Perhaps you can shed some light on the reason she was bullied so much she took her life ?
Click to expand...

Low self worth in the victim triggers the same feelings suppressed in the bully. The bully expends an enormous amount of energy suppressing the feelings of worthlessness and shame. She had to because her own parents wouldn't allow such feelings to be expressed (because it's a poor reflection on them). When the bully sees someone else with obvious low self-worth (the victim), she projects and externalizes, doing to the victim what her parents did to her, but usually in a more horrible way. The bully and the victim have the very same signature, but one suppresses and projects whilst the other succumbs to self-blame and self-hatred.
 
Gringotts Bank said:
Low self worth in the victim triggers the same feelings suppressed in the bully. The bully expends an enormous amount of energy suppressing the feelings of worthlessness and shame. She had to because her own parents wouldn't allow such feelings to be expressed (because it's a poor reflection on them). When the bully sees someone else with obvious low self-worth (the victim), she projects and externalizes, doing to the victim what her parents did to her, but usually in a more horrible way. The bully and the victim have the very same signature, but one suppresses and projects whilst the other succumbs to self-blame and self-hatred.
Click to expand...

This is a generic ideology not specifically related To Libby's tragedy ?
 
tech/a said:
This is a generic ideology not specifically related To Libby's tragedy ?
Click to expand...
yeh of course. None of us should be commenting on individual cases. Imagine if the family read it.

I mention it only so that anyone in that situation can understand one of the common underlying dynamics at play and maybe do something about it before it ends badly.
 
Should bullying leading to death be a crime do we think ?

There should be some laws regarding harassment, or do they already exist ?
 

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